Hi, Mei here.

[Meili1949]

Hi everyone, excited to be here.  Thank you Jackie Rabbit for introducing this forum.  It have been a while since I participated in such a forum.  Last participation was on AOL chats, a platform called The Palace.... that was long ago in the late 80’s into the 90’s.  Memories of being a girl goes back to the early 50’s when I was maybe 6 or 7, a newspaper article about Christine Jorgensen, my grandmother, told me about her, and my thoughts was - one day I will grow up to be a girl (I knew I was a boy).  Then in junior high, purposely didn’t participated in sports cause didn’t want to develop muscles, just in case one day I became a girl. Good I remained relatively small (5’5”). Envied the big hair and the back buttoning blouses of the days.  Sneaking into the bathroom with my mom’s bra, girdle and stocking in tow, admiring my girly pose in the mirror.  When old enough to stay home alone would excuse myself from all day family road trips, exploring my sister’s clothes, knowing I would have several hours to myself.  

 

Knowing becoming a girl will not be an achievable dream, relegated it to the back recess of my life.  College, became an engineer, career, married, 2 wonderful children.  In the 80’s-90’s discovered others on the web, and a group of men meeting on Tuesdays at a Haufbrau (Sunnyvale, CA) in boy form.  You would recognized the group by the sugar container atop of the napkin holder... then introduced to the RGA (Rainbow Gender Association) which met on Friday evening at a church in Cupertino.  Had participated by finding a friendly salon, after work would get a makeover, dress and attend RGA, afterward, change and go home.  It was not unusual for my job to have crisis and have to work late with no notice (typical semiconductor fabs).   Business trips to Toronto, CN, discovered “Walk on the Wildside” an opportunity to enjoy Toronto as a woman.  I believe that business continues today.

 

With the maybe one day I will be a girl, I started electrolysis in the late 80’s, 30 min sessions once a week at lunch.  Was not hairy but was able to support a small beard, not common for an Asian.  Before long no longer need to shave, clean legs, arms, chest and bikini area, don’t know how much I spent but was affordable at think, $30/session....  Great not having to shave everyday or at all...

 

Fast forward, to the 2000’s, currently separated from my wife and both kids are grown with families of their own.  No seeing that reconciliation was probable, started hrt at Planned Parenthood, with informed consent.  A year and half hrt, produced changes where I can no longer go swimming with swim trunks.  Currently not on estrogen or blockers, changed insurance and my primary is a family friend.  (Previously was with KaIser, my primary didn’t know me or my family)....  So guess I’m a menopausal woman.

 

Will I ever fully transition?  Not likely, know it will hurt too many people I love, have grown to be content, family and friends are far more important.  Will they ever know this part of me?  Maybe after I past and they go through my things. 

 

This is my story, I’m sure I am not alone.

[Carolyn Marie]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Meili.  I know it took some courage to join us here.  Your history is a familiar one, as many of us started late, and some who did transition never thought they would.  Not saying that would be you, just that things can change.  However far you choose to go on the path you're on, or if that path will take a left or right turn, none of us can say.  But as long as you're here, you have friends who understand what you've been through and are willing to help, even if that just means listening to a vent.  Please have a look around, read as much as you like, and participate as much as you feel you want to.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Susan R]

8 hours ago, Meili1949 said:

This is my story, I’m sure I am not alone

Hi @Meili1949 It’s a pleasure to meet you. Your story rings so many bells for me. Like you, I started understanding and accepting myself more when I joined a group of other trans women back in the 1980’s. That exploration was life changing for me in so many ways. So know that you are definitely not alone in this.

 

8 hours ago, Meili1949 said:

Will I ever fully transition?  Not likely, know it will hurt too many people I love, have grown to be content

I’m glad you’re at peace right where you’re at presently. The nice thing about our unique journeys, you can change course at any time if there’s a need. Not all of us require transition to be happy and yet others must for their own sanity. We accept everyone where they are and will support you any way we can. Thanks for joining us. Hope to see more of you here.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Meili1949]

Carolyn, Marcel.

 

Thank you for your words of encouragement.  Hope to develop some deep friendships here.  

 

Mei

[Charlize]

Welcome Meili you are certainly not alone.  Your story follows mine in so many ways with the exception that i'm a big girl who spent a good bit of her life being as manly as she could be.  Perhaps that is because my parents sent me to all male schools where i had to be tough to survive.  This site has helped me to accept feelings which i long felt to be unacceptable.

Glad you've found us.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Ivy]

Welcome Meili

[Heather Shay]

@Meili1949 so glad Jackie was the catalyst to bring you here. You are certainly not alone and your story is very familiar to me. I just turned 69 so I'm nearly the same age and our generation had so many things going against it in regard to being trans including ourselves. Please look around and whenever you need to chat or message I'm here.

Hugs.

 

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Meili1949 said:

This is my story, I’m sure I am not alone.

Hi Meili!  nice to meet you, and Welcome!  and Yes, you are not alone.
The idea and dilemma of what our final "destination" will be and the price we will have to pay is something I can connect with very deeply.  I am hoping I won't have to give up anybody dear to me in the process, and I know my happiness will ultimately need to include a balance of my relationships and my true self. 

Hope you stay with us because I think you have a unique perspective to offer others, and hopefully we can do the same for you.

 

Deep breaths ...

[Meili1949]

Kay,

 

Thank you so very much for your encouragement.  Hoping to help others as I receive help from others..

 

Mei