Mylestones - Life update, HRT questions, top surgery, Etc!

[Myles97]

Howdy folks! 
It has been quite a while since I have posted on this site, but a lot has happened and I want to share and get feedback from you all. I hope sharing my story so far helps someone! My name is Myles and I am a trans man. I have always felt disconnected from my body, but it wasn’t until about 2016 that I realized that being trans was even an option for me! I had seen trans celebrities, but had never met an openly out trans person until I met my friend Rowan in college. Meeting him really showed me that average folks like us could pursue this life and we could do it successfully. He was a brilliant, fun, and successful guy. I owe much of my ability to pursue this journey to him. Still I was too scared to come out for years. I worried about regret, about my family, my job, all the things I’m sure many of you have wrestled with for years. But I’m November of 2020 I finally came out to my partner. We have been together for over 6 years now, but I was still terrified to tell her. She has been nothing but supportive ever since I told her. It has been amazing and I couldn’t ask for a better partner. I came out to my mom and sister March 6, and then publicly on April 24 2021. It has been so freeing. All of my family and friends have been extremely supportive. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. I was shocked.... I almost felt bad - like I cheated the system. Everyone has some kinda sad story about coming out, but my was generally really positive. I had certainly caused myself more strife worrying about coming out, but it ended up being unnecessary! Insane. Work has also been great. I am certainly lucky. 

in terms of my own transition: I got my script for T on 1/29/2021 and had planned to start on my birthday 3/26. But on 3/24 I had my top surgery consult and got my date set for surgery!!! Since it was so soon I put off starting T because I didn’t want to do anything to my body that would jeopardize my surgery date. I had double incision top surgery on May 3 with Dr. Sidhbh Gallagher in Miami. I am currently 4.5 weeks post op (as of today). I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE FREE. Oh goodness I cannot even explain in words how amazing I feel in my body right now. Recovery has had its ups and downs, but having a flat masculine chest has been a life saver. I am so happy. 
 

now I am so ready to start T but honestly a little scared. I’m scared of needles. I’m worried I’ll do the shot wrong. I’m worried I’ll have some bad side effect. I’m not worried by the normal things like acne and the such. Just worried I’ll have some random off the wall problem that’ll kill me or something. Dramatic, I know lol. I lost my dad to “natural causes” which they said best guess was “ventricular arrhythmia” when he was only 31 years old. So I’m scared whatever happened to him might happen to me. I don’t know his family history very well. His dad died when my Grandmom was 8 months pregnant with him. I think he (grandad) had cancer but I’m not sure. Anyways, I know it’s irrational fears but if you haven’t picked up by now I’m a bit of a worrier sometimes lol. I am trying to tell myself that this is a natural hormone that bodies produce, and that I have regular doctors appointments that make sure I am healthy. I know I’ll be so much happier once I start, I’m just nervous. I appreciate any reassurance and kind words anyone has to offer. I’m getting my 2nd covid shot Monday, then maybe I’ll start T Wednesday! 
 

anyways, there’s my update in my transition! I’d love to hear your stories, and I’m happy to answer any questions about top surgery and the like if anyone has any! 

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Myles97 said:

But on 3/24 I had my top surgery consult and got my date set for surgery!!!

 

Nice! That's my birthday. I'm glad somebody got some good news. ?

 

1 hour ago, Myles97 said:

I was shocked.... I almost felt bad - like I cheated the system.

 

Eh, my transition has been super-positive too. Some of us just get lucky. We can support our friends who don't have it so good.

 

I'm glad everything is going well for you though! Congratulations!

 

Hugs!

[Gabriel]

Great update @Myles97, thank you!
My coming out began on November 2020 and it was also really good. Close family and work have been really accepting and supportive (with some hiccups with my sister, but we're on the right track). I'm way older than you and to say I was scared of how my family and at work would react is an understatement, more like terrified and so anxious. And yet it went great. 

 

Congrats on top surgery!! So glad you are so happy about it. I don't plan mine until next year but I'll love to hear about your experience and tips.

About T and injections. I began with gel, but it seriously screwed with my skin, so I ended up on injections - but instead of intramuscular I insisted on subcutaneous. I was really not looking forward to stabbing my muscles for years with a long, thick needle. There is not a lot of studies about subcutaneous T, but the ones that are out there say that outcomes are good. I self-inject subcutaneously and it is totally painless, easy, and uses a "baby needle". Maybe that could be something to talk about with your doctor.

Also, I totally get your fears concerning health. My dad died at 45 from a sudden heart attack and his father from a heart condition also. So that was there for me too. The only thing that I can say is that, so far, I feel so good on T, that the tachycardia I had before (due to anxiety probably) has gone and I have had no side effects. Again, it is something to talk about with your doctor, of course. I just mean that I get your fears, but if  your doctor clears you out for T and you pay attention to your body, you can be ok. 

 

Great to hear from you. Keep us posted!

[Guest]

16 hours ago, Myles97 said:

Howdy folks! 
It has been quite a while since I have posted on this site, but a lot has happened and I want to share and get feedback from you all. I hope sharing my story so far helps someone! My name is Myles and I am a trans man. I have always felt disconnected from my body, but it wasn’t until about 2016 that I realized that being trans was even an option for me! I had seen trans celebrities, but had never met an openly out trans person until I met my friend Rowan in college. Meeting him really showed me that average folks like us could pursue this life and we could do it successfully. He was a brilliant, fun, and successful guy. I owe much of my ability to pursue this journey to him. Still I was too scared to come out for years. I worried about regret, about my family, my job, all the things I’m sure many of you have wrestled with for years. But I’m November of 2020 I finally came out to my partner. We have been together for over 6 years now, but I was still terrified to tell her. She has been nothing but supportive ever since I told her. It has been amazing and I couldn’t ask for a better partner. I came out to my mom and sister March 6, and then publicly on April 24 2021. It has been so freeing. All of my family and friends have been extremely supportive. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. I was shocked.... I almost felt bad - like I cheated the system. Everyone has some kinda sad story about coming out, but my was generally really positive. I had certainly caused myself more strife worrying about coming out, but it ended up being unnecessary! Insane. Work has also been great. I am certainly lucky. 

in terms of my own transition: I got my script for T on 1/29/2021 and had planned to start on my birthday 3/26. But on 3/24 I had my top surgery consult and got my date set for surgery!!! Since it was so soon I put off starting T because I didn’t want to do anything to my body that would jeopardize my surgery date. I had double incision top surgery on May 3 with Dr. Sidhbh Gallagher in Miami. I am currently 4.5 weeks post op (as of today). I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE FREE. Oh goodness I cannot even explain in words how amazing I feel in my body right now. Recovery has had its ups and downs, but having a flat masculine chest has been a life saver. I am so happy. 
 

now I am so ready to start T but honestly a little scared. I’m scared of needles. I’m worried I’ll do the shot wrong. I’m worried I’ll have some bad side effect. I’m not worried by the normal things like acne and the such. Just worried I’ll have some random off the wall problem that’ll kill me or something. Dramatic, I know lol. I lost my dad to “natural causes” which they said best guess was “ventricular arrhythmia” when he was only 31 years old. So I’m scared whatever happened to him might happen to me. I don’t know his family history very well. His dad died when my Grandmom was 8 months pregnant with him. I think he (grandad) had cancer but I’m not sure. Anyways, I know it’s irrational fears but if you haven’t picked up by now I’m a bit of a worrier sometimes lol. I am trying to tell myself that this is a natural hormone that bodies produce, and that I have regular doctors appointments that make sure I am healthy. I know I’ll be so much happier once I start, I’m just nervous. I appreciate any reassurance and kind words anyone has to offer. I’m getting my 2nd covid shot Monday, then maybe I’ll start T Wednesday! 
 

anyways, there’s my update in my transition! I’d love to hear your stories, and I’m happy to answer any questions about top surgery and the like if anyone has any! 

I’m happy your surgery went well. I’ve similar concerns about taking hormones and I totally get hating needles. Assuming you have an endocrinologist, can you address your concerns to them? Thank you for sharing your story.

[Bri2020]

Congrats!  I had a similar coming out story in the opposite gender direction. My transition has been mostly painless emotionally- electrolysis sucks though. lol. I feel that guilt a lot, especially when I celebrate good milestones in my journey that others struggle to achieve. I've decided to channel that guilt into being an inspiration to show others that it can be done- like your friend did for you. 

Once you've jabbed yourself a few times you will get used to the idea of self injections and think nothing of it.  I used to be a nurse and had to teach people so I saw the apprehension you're feeling and also the ease to which people adjusted to the process.  As you've experienced, fear is what most often holds us back in life, more often than not, unfounded.  Think of your injection in that context and how you were so relieved and happy when you overcome your fears to come out. Hopefully that will help you over the first hurdle.  Good luck in your journey and keep us posted.

Hugs

Bri

[Myles97]

On 6/4/2021 at 3:43 AM, Gabriel said:

Great update @Myles97, thank you!
My coming out began on November 2020 and it was also really good. Close family and work have been really accepting and supportive (with some hiccups with my sister, but we're on the right track). I'm way older than you and to say I was scared of how my family and at work would react is an understatement, more like terrified and so anxious. And yet it went great. 

 

Congrats on top surgery!! So glad you are so happy about it. I don't plan mine until next year but I'll love to hear about your experience and tips.

About T and injections. I began with gel, but it seriously screwed with my skin, so I ended up on injections - but instead of intramuscular I insisted on subcutaneous. I was really not looking forward to stabbing my muscles for years with a long, thick needle. There is not a lot of studies about subcutaneous T, but the ones that are out there say that outcomes are good. I self-inject subcutaneously and it is totally painless, easy, and uses a "baby needle". Maybe that could be something to talk about with your doctor.

Also, I totally get your fears concerning health. My dad died at 45 from a sudden heart attack and his father from a heart condition also. So that was there for me too. The only thing that I can say is that, so far, I feel so good on T, that the tachycardia I had before (due to anxiety probably) has gone and I have had no side effects. Again, it is something to talk about with your doctor, of course. I just mean that I get your fears, but if  your doctor clears you out for T and you pay attention to your body, you can be ok. 

 

Great to hear from you. Keep us posted!

 

On 6/4/2021 at 3:43 AM, Gabriel said:

Great update @Myles97, thank you!
My coming out began on November 2020 and it was also really good. Close family and work have been really accepting and supportive (with some hiccups with my sister, but we're on the right track). I'm way older than you and to say I was scared of how my family and at work would react is an understatement, more like terrified and so anxious. And yet it went great. 

 

Congrats on top surgery!! So glad you are so happy about it. I don't plan mine until next year but I'll love to hear about your experience and tips.

About T and injections. I began with gel, but it seriously screwed with my skin, so I ended up on injections - but instead of intramuscular I insisted on subcutaneous. I was really not looking forward to stabbing my muscles for years with a long, thick needle. There is not a lot of studies about subcutaneous T, but the ones that are out there say that outcomes are good. I self-inject subcutaneously and it is totally painless, easy, and uses a "baby needle". Maybe that could be something to talk about with your doctor.

Also, I totally get your fears concerning health. My dad died at 45 from a sudden heart attack and his father from a heart condition also. So that was there for me too. The only thing that I can say is that, so far, I feel so good on T, that the tachycardia I had before (due to anxiety probably) has gone and I have had no side effects. Again, it is something to talk about with your doctor, of course. I just mean that I get your fears, but if  your doctor clears you out for T and you pay attention to your body, you can be ok. 

 

Great to hear from you. Keep us posted!

Thank you so much for sharing! Makes me feel better knowing you can sympathize with my HRT situation and I am glad it has been going well for you! I think I’m gonna ask my dr if I can switch to SubQ. That seems to be what all my friends find best too!! 
 

*content warning: discussion of surgery; cost of surgery; and recovery - NO graphic discussion though*

I am happy to answer any questions about top surgery! I went to Dr. Gallagher in Miami FL. She does drain free procedures which was immensely helpful for my anxiety and recovery. I paid out of pocket $9890. She is not currently accepting insurance, but if you have out of network coverage through your insurance she will help you through the process of filing the insurance request! I just went private though, because my insurance is garbage. Recovery wise, week 1 I slept a LOT and moved as little as possible. Pain at it’s absolute worst was only maybe a 5/10. Week 2 I started to feel a little more mentally myself again, but still spent a lot of time sleeping or just laying down so my body could recover. Since week 3 I’ve been a bit more active, but still get tired extremely easily. At about 4.5 weeks my range of motion improved immensely compared to how it had been going. I have a list of all my items I bought to help with recovery if you ever want me to share that! Good luck with your process and thank you again for the reassurance about T ? 

[Myles97]

Update 1: so I got brave and started T!!! My first shot was 6/9/21. After chatting with my good buddy, I called my dr and asked if I could switch to Sub Q instead of IM. She approved and so I got the materials needed for that!! My partner did it for me, and I have been feeling GREAT ever since my shot. I know there may be some bumps in the road as I make my way through 2nd puberty, but I just feel so right and at home in my brain/body right now. I am so happy and so excited for the changes to come!!! 

[DeeDee]

6 hours ago, Myles97 said:

I just feel so right and at home in my brain/body right now.

Wow Myles! Good for you, I would say that this feeling is worth it's weight in gold. ?

[Gabriel]

Yay @Myles97! Congrats!! 

6 hours ago, Myles97 said:

I just feel so right and at home in my brain/body right now

 And that's what all this is about. So glad for you.

 

Thank you for explaining your experience with top surgery. That helps a lot!

[Myles97]

Update 2: 2/9/2022

 

Today is my 8 months on T! Life is still going great. I am also a little over 9 months post op and still just as obsessed with my chest as I was on day 1. My voice, hair, and some other things have changed so much!! In my original post I know I said I was not worried about acne - but WOW, testosterone second puberty is no joke lol! It's a bit rough on my face right now, but I am in with a dr about it and hope I get some relief soon. Other than the acne, the only other issue I have had is with adhd. It is crazy how different symptoms are in an estrogen-dominant person than a testosterone-dominant person. It has been a whirlwind trying to navigate adhd while writing my dissertation - but again, in with a great dr who is helping me! It is by no means the "end goal" nor a requirement for all folks, but for me I was really hoping to be able to pass as male to everyone. I am happy to report that it seems I do! I have not been misgendered by anyone in months, and I even pass to my doctors. I had a nurse come in to do my initial evaluation stuff at my last dr appt and he had no idea I was trans. He asked if I was still doing the "testo shots" and I said yes. He responded with "gotcha man, well we can check your levels again at your next appointment and if your levels are up enough we can pull you off those shots man." He thought I was cis and just had low levels of T, haha! Super reaffirming. The assistant that did my bloodwork was also in disbelief when I told her. I still don't always see it, but apparently others do, so I am ecstatic. Throughout the last 12 months I have gone from closeted and terrified to out and living my life as the man I always knew myself to be. I have had top surgery, started testosterone, legally changed my name and gender marker, and my life is so much better than it was before. I did not know this level of happy could exist in the world. I owe a lot of my happiness to the folks here - you all provided me with a very safe place when I was at my most vulnerable and I am so grateful for that. I don't talk on here much, but I read and think of you all often!! 

[Heather Shay]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kelly2509]

Sounds great @Myles97!  glad to see how happy you are!

[Jackie C.]

That's amazing @Myles97! I'm glad your transition is progressing so well!

 

Hugs!

[Charlize]

Thank you for sharing Myles.  You brought a smile to my lips!  There is nothing like that great feeling of being seen and accepted as ourselves.  It does seem hard to believe at first but with time i found that it's just life continuing......with a welcome difference!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

What a wonderful post @Myles97.  I'm so glad for you.  

 

Jani

[Gabriel]

Congrats @Myles97!! Your post put a big smile in my face. I'm so glad it is going so well for you  

It is so affirming when they really see us as what we feel, right? The sense of peace and finally being able to relax... 

For me it is just now beginning to happen, and when it does it is bliss. I have to say that I am not making it easy on people (or myself) because after the initial need to cut my hair to see how that would feel, I have let it grow again. I am myself with longish hair, it is just me, and I didn't want to sacrifice being myself even if it makes it harder for people to read me as male. I have found out that now it depends of whether I shave or not. It is clear that people need strong cues to overcome stereotypes. I mean that when they see someone with longish hair their mind goes to female and only stops to reflect and actually consider if there are other strong indications of maleness. 

So being gendered correctly now even with long hair is super affirming. It took a while though.

All that rambling just to say, I get how awesome that feels  . Congrats!

[Vidanjali]

Awesome to hear this @Myles97 thanks for sharing!