Androphylic or Gynophylic ?

[Vini]

Hi Everyone,  I am starting mtf transition and trying to figure figure myself out to describe it to others and hopefully find a good relationship after 3 failed marriages.  I'm 69yo and have always wanted to be a female.  But I was drafted was drafted in 1972 when I was 19yo and set off on the journey of surviving in the world as male.  I am not attracted to gay or straight males but wouldn't say never or have anything against them except bad past experiences with male friends.  I am wondering if I will change as my body changes through hrt feel more confident as a female.  I feel very comfortable with my long hair and girl jeans and being called Ma'am.  I have read some confusing things on line about what an Androphylic or Gynophylic  Trans female is.  Some studies have tried to label one or the other as homosexual transgender and others as only interested in the titillation of crossdressing.  Also I am wondering about gay or straight women who are attracted to transgender females which may be for another discussion group after I figure out what I am.  Which also leads to how do I find friends and a relationship as whatever I am.  Thank you for your help, Vini

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, Vini said:

Androphylic or Gynophylic  Trans female is.

 

The terms simply mean Male attracted or Female attracted, and Trans people can be either, neither, or both, or even something else such as attraction to other Trans people.  It is a wide spectrum and the best way to resolve it in your mind is to find a therapist who can work with you on it.  Sexual attraction does not determine if you are Trans and legitimize your decision that you are or are not Trans.

 

1 hour ago, Vini said:

Which also leads to how do I find friends and a relationship as whatever I am.  Thank you for your help, Vini

 

Check out a local LGBTQ Community Center in your area and attend its functions is my best recommendation.  For now, the functions are mostly on-line, but my Center is already discussing plans for re-opening and we have some fun ideas.

[Ivy]

I'm about your age myself and had been married to a woman for years, although no longer.  I was always attracted to females.  Eventually I realized that this was partly that I wanted to be them.  Sometimes I wonder if my marriage was somehow living vicariously through her.  (But that would be another thread)  I'm still not physically attracted to guys, however…  If I were to meet a guy who is actually attracted to me as a person, I believe I would be up for it, and probably enjoy it.  I suppose that's a different sort of attraction, maybe more feminine?  I guess I would like to be wanted for myself.

Personally, I suspect I'm probably kinda pansexual, if that makes any sense.

 

A lot of young people don't realize we older folks still think about these things. 

 

I do know (not from personal experience) that there are cis guys that are attracted to transwomen specifically.  But most wouldn't want to admit it.

 

But personally, I think I'm just doomed to a lonely life.

[KathyLauren]

It seems, from talking to other trans women, that most of us retain the same attractions as we had before transition.  If we wanted to be with women before, we still do after.  If we wanted to be with men before, we still do.  That is the majority.  Some trans folks do find that their orientation changes with transition.  I know one lady who was surprised to find that she was attracted to men after transition, when she had had no interest in them before.

 

Androphillic and gynophillic would be useful terms, except that they have been poisoned by a guy named Blanchard, who promoted the theory that you referred to in your post, @Vini.  The "some studies" you referred to was basically just one guy's opinion.  It has been largely discredited by mainstream trans researchers and therapists.  Unfortunately, because he user those terms, people will assume you are referring to his theory, and will often get angry.

 

By themselves, the terms ought to have meant men-attracted and women-attracted.  But you pretty much can't use them any more without getting a reaction.

[Ivy]

Didn't he have some stuff about autogynophillia in there too?  You're either gay, or into yourself as a woman.  As far as I know he never considered trans women much.

[VickySGV]

3 hours ago, Jandi said:

Didn't he have some stuff about autogynephilia in there too?  You're either gay, or into yourself as a woman.  As far as I know he never considered trans women much.

 

Blanchard and then Kenneth Zucker and Michael Baily all had things to say about Autogynephila which still rears its head depending on which H8 group or person you are up against.  They are the patrons of Trans into sex perversion.

[Ivy]

They pretty much ignored trans men, from what I hear.  

[Vini]

Thank you all for the great responses to my topic.  I'm feeling a little emotional about the support you all are giving me.  I will address your topics more in the near future.  And I will discuss this with my therapist at my next meeting.  I hope, like me, that you don't feel so alone with the support of Transgenderpulse, Jandi.  And not quite so alone as before you started living true to your real self, Vini

[Ivy]

Transgenderpulse has been a lifeline for me.   Before, I was really isolated from any other transgender people.  It is great to be able to share our thoughts and struggles with each other.  The older folks are a great inspiration for how to deal with the things that come up in our daily lives.

Cis folks can be supportive, but there are some things they can never really understand.

[Heather Shay]

@Jandi and @Vini you're answers say it all - I am so appreciative of the wonderful folks here who understand and support. It's like my friend who served in Vietnam said about Vietnam vets - "If you haven't been there, you can't understand what it was like." So to for us in the trans community. Although I am eternally grateful for those blessed souls who were born CIS but are there 100% for us, they still can't know what it's like and so it is comforting and re-assuring to know we are not all alone.

[Vini]

@VickySGV and @KathyLauren Thank you, I did discuss this with my Therapist and She agrees that people usually have the same attractions after transition as before and that there can be different combinations  of attractions and do not determine whether you a Transgender or not, and people can change over time.  So thanks for the warning me about using these terms.  I had my suspicions about their pigeonholing of people,

 

My Therapist also suggested getting involved in the local LGBTQ group Rainbow Center for finding friends.  But I tried to watch Transparent on Prime and had to get it out of my head and went back to finish my borrowed book She's Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan which turned out to be a great book about Transgender experience.  She touches on some of the discussion in this topic, but I don't want to spoil the book for you.  But I am still deeply moved and given courage by Her book.  Thank you all again. 

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, Vini said:

She touches on some of the discussion in this topic, but I don't want to spoil the book for you.  But I am still deeply moved and given courage by Her book. 

 

Jenny Boylan is a personal acquaintance of several occasions, and she did a reading from the revision to the book a few years back at a convention I had been at, so I know how it came out. I have given copies of it to new folks and their families  I was a background artist (extra) for Transparent a time or two as well.  Do get with a local support group at your LGBTQ Community Center as well.  I am on the Board Of Directors of my local center and know the senses of fellowship and community that help so very many people in their coming out and Transition.

[Vini]

@VickySGV Wow! Small World.  I hope Jennifer is doing ok.  I did send a short thank you for her book email at aol, but she probably gets millions.  I was an English major in college too.  But the one time I went to the English Department offices, a Professor was screaming at a student so I never went back.  I just went to my Advisor's office after that.  Later, my first wife made fun of me and my Professor for being effeminate after a poetry reading.  One of those pebbles on the pile of stones.  But I did do my freshman year in Pennsylvania,  Climbed a small mountain in New England, and got lost driving a truck in NYC, Boston and Maine : )  I'm really looking forward to reading her other books.

[Vini]

@VickySGV Knowing you were an extra on Transparent is motivating me to get back into it.  I was feeling like there was a lot of overacting.  Maybe it is too close to home and not close enough. There are so many possibilities for our transgender experiences.  I also read somewhere that Jennifer Boylan was a consultant or advisor for Transparent.  And thank you again for knowing Jennifer, I found some more of her on Youtube and I like her even more now.  You haven't met the actor who plays Jules on Euphoria have you ?

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, Vini said:

You haven't met the actor who plays Jules on Euphoria have you ?

Without the actors name I have to say not that I know of, but there are others in our community who I do know as good friends.  I am a founding member of the Trans Chorus Of Los Angeles and we have backed up some "star" level singers in the 5 yeas the Chorus has been together (October 2015 was our formation) and in fall 2019 did a commercial for Pantene products during a series they did on Trans people. The last time I said hello to Jenny Boylan was at one of the Chorus presentations while she had been working with a more problematic Trans individual, and I was busy doing sound engineering. (I have only sung with them since we have had Zoom rehearsals, but it is fun.)

 

[Vini]

@VickySGV Thanks again, you are an inspiration. I don't know if I can ask if you have a book or articles, that may intrude on you confidentiality on Tpulse, I don't know.  I could have a book in me, but I think my low self esteem from abuse is saying forget it. Whoa, that's a whole other topic : ) kind of like my own running joke lol.

[VickySGV]

5 hours ago, Vini said:

Thanks again, you are an inspiration. I don't know if I can ask if you have a book or articles,

 

I have a couple of books I am working on, but I get easily distracted which may be easy to see from my post number here and on other sites, but it is fun, and keeps 73 year old brain arteries from getting too hard.  I can only remember about 8 run ins with news reporters, including one where I am anonymous but my friends recognize who it was they meant, and another from my Church's national news outlet. I have been in the wrong place with a couple of documentary film makers including one who was making a film on the life of a young (and beautiful) Trans girl who is my honorary God Daughter as a result.  Throw in Trans 101 Training to a few community groups through my LGBTQ Community Center and I do not spend much time sitting in my backyard.  Now that I have listed this, I get an idea of why I feel exhausted some times, but I am having fun in retirement.

My suggestion is to get yourself involved with the LGBTQ Communities nearer to where you live and you will find service opportunities in a fairly safe environment of inclusion.  Open mics on National Coming Out Day, (2nd Friday in October), the participation that is invited on Transgender Day of Remembrance (Nov. 20th), Transgender Day of Visibility  (March 31) and various Pride events in June where there are community service organizations galore, all looking for members and almost all Trans inviting. No matter what your interests there is going to be something to do as a way of service that leads to friendship and fellowship and even more to leadership. .

[Davie]

I'm not sure what I could possibly add to this discussion, but it's a marvelously well-spoken one. Sometimes when I need to learn something, the world sends me the right messages.

Thanks for all that.

 

Yours,

Davie 

[Vini]

Thats great @Davie  between this topic and the other I started: "17 Signs I was Transgender and didn't know it"  I've been keeping busy and fulfilled thanks to VickySGV and the other members.  Jackie Rabbit on Youtube was right about finding great friends on Tpulse.

 

And thanks again @VickySGV for the advice and experiences.  I heard the secret to retirement  is keeping busy. You are doing a good job.