Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

No sex with wife since I told her I was trans


renee m

Recommended Posts

renee m

we are married 27 years and i have crossed dressed a few times with her.  we had sex all those times.  i told her last year that i was trans.  it made apprehensive at first. she was afraid that i might change and become a woman.  i did want to discuss HRT and transitioning but did not want to overwhelm her with too much information.  i have slowly brought up some issues-i am bisexual; and other things.  since last year we have not had sex.  anyone else have this problem?

Link to post

i told my wife 12 years ago for the first time, as i have posted before, and she rejected the idea. now i am fully out to her, it was a long process. now from the time i told her, we decided that sex really wasnt important to our relationship. in the last 12 years, we have had sex maybe 4 or 5 times. we have been together 27 years, and our relationship has transended to the point that we really dont need that one little thing. we are totally faithful to each other, even though i have told her she could find another partner, as long as she doesnt fall in love and abbandon me, she simply says she no longer desires sex. love is the real important thing, it should be unconditional. companionship, sharing, and joy much outway the physical need for sex in our marrage. 

Link to post
KathyLauren

We confronted the no-sex issue long before I came out as trans.  She is several years older than me, and hit menopause quite a few years ago.  Her libido just vanished.  It was disappointing at the time, but it greatly simplified things when I came out to her. 

 

She was initially worried that I would suddenly go out chasing men.  I reassured her that not only was I interested only in women, I was only interested in one woman: her.  At that point, we hadn't had sex in years, and nothing changed about that.  So, when it came time to plan my GCS, I opted for the zero-depth option.

 

We are still the best of friends.  We enjoy a good cuddle.

Link to post
Elizabeth Star

Due to health issues my wife libido dropped to zero about 5 years ago, not that we had an amazing sex life to begin with. After I told her I was trans she decided to really turn the knife and made it clear that she will never even think about touching me again. Doesn’t really matter to me, I just like having her in my life. 

Link to post
josie0314

I'm kind of in that same situation. we have been married 41 years, I have dressed up in her clothes on Halloween a couple of times. She looked disgusted. I told her about a two years ago that i wished i have be born a girl. She didn't like that either. Her health is slowly declining due to Type 2 diabetes, so the love life is near zero.

Then on top of that, i finally got to the  point where i cannot stand all this hair on my body. So i shaved my under Arms, chest, belly and abdomen, and i love the feeling of no hair. 

She tells me that she loves my chest hair. I tell her i can't stand it. Then she tells me that if she cannot have my chest hair to keep away from her, do not touch her until i grow my hair back. 

So... I guess what little love making we did have every month or so is now out the window also.

But, it don't matter to me, i love the no hair feel and look. 

 

 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
1 hour ago, josie0314 said:

She tells me that she loves my chest hair.

 

Well that's the problem right there. Should have kept it in a baggie for her. 😉

 

Seriously though, I'm sorry she feels that way. Both partners are allowed to be comfortable in a relationship. Neither one should have to do anything that makes them feel icky to make the other one happy. I don't have a solution, but you have my deepest sympathy. Everybody deserves human contact with someone they love.

 

Hugs!

Link to post
16 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Due to health issues my wife libido dropped to zero about 5 years ago, not that we had an amazing sex life to begin with. After I told her I was trans she decided to really turn the knife and made it clear that she will never even think about touching me again. Doesn’t really matter to me, I just like having her in my life. 

This is another area of commonality. My Suzie and I are going down the same road as you Liz. I don’t want to be her poor health enabler, but I will always be there to love and care for her. 

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋💘

Link to post

Hi @renee m!  For me the lack of a vibrant sex-llife with my wife is not really connected to me coming out to her as Transfeminine (like others offered, my wife also has virtually no libido for over 30 years) .
While she is struggling mightily with accepting me as transfeminine, it has not increased or decreased our frequency (about once a month).

 

I have to assume some spouses might withhold sex as a "punishment" to express their displeasure.  This is a form of manipulation or even "bullying" in some sense and not good for a relationship, regardless of the reason. 

You did not mention whether you are in gender therapy, but this would be good to discuss with your therapist if you are, or even couples therapy if that is possible. 

I know physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship (for me at least it is) so I hope you can find a way through this that meets both your needs and desires. 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 76 Guests (See full list)

    • Shay
    • TiredAndScared
    • Cyndee
    • Mia Marie
    • Jandi
    • Rosie.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      74,551
    • Total Posts
      690,925
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,559
    • Most Online
      8,356

    geri
    Newest Member
    geri
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Luca
      Luca
      (25 years old)
  • Posts

    • Elizabeth Star
      @WillowI don't feel you're being to sensitive. There's a big difference between impersonators and trans. I don't ever take take off the woman. It is who I am. I do take it personally when I hear others making comments or jokes. I know they're not usually directed towards me but trans people are not a joke. I also don't know where to draw the line sometimes. I am a woman (I know it in my soul and it say's so on my ID), so should I be quiet and let the comments slide so I don't out myself around people who don't know I'm trans? Be defensive and take a chance? Or, join in and solidify my identity? I don't see joining in as a option I would ever use but I'm sure someone somewhere has.
    • Jandi
      This is possibly my favorite album still.
    • Jandi
      I don't think you're overly sensitive.   I find this kind of thing offensive myself.  But I do realize the people that post it have no concept of actually being transgender.  Of course this doesn't make it less offensive, esspecially when it's done vindictively.   I am not personally a fan of the drag scene.  But whatever.  That's probably because I don't like the idea of drawing attention to myself.     As for "crossdressing"…     It was when I finally got up the nerve to try fem clothes that I busted my egg.  But I don't consider it cross dressing.  To me it's just dressing. But I do realize there are plenty of people who are content with occasional crossdressing.  I'm not offended by that.  Sometimes it's just the situation they are in, or they may be NB.  
    • Cyndee
      For ladies only "Tenderness"   sooo sweet....    
    • Charlize
      Perhaps simply knowing i'm not alone has been as important in finding self acceptance as anything else.  My feelings about gender and how i express it have certainly changed over time.  Some of that was societal pressure while some was simply due to life's pressing needs.  For much too long i felt shame and guilt for being myself.  Acceptance, whether of a distinct straight path or a winding trail, can take away self condemnation.      My life seems to wind and vary in many ways including my gender.  I've been hyper male, quite female and perhaps today i'm a "tomboy".  Truck and tractor driving farmer who puts on a skirt to go grocery shopping.  I just enjoy being me even if that is in flux.     Hugs,   Charlize
    • MetaLicious
      @Willow, I definitely thik the dog thing is offensive.  Not only does it show blatant disrepct for transfolk, there's an unhealthy dose of fat-shaming there as well.   As for female impersonators, drag queens have a disproportionate share of gays and transwomen compared to society, and are more "like us" than you may realize.  Also, I think Ru Paul is a treasure who has shown me how beautiful a man can be feminine even without transitioning.  He gives me hope.  He also has some pretty inspirational music!
    • Teri Anne
      Everyone is looking wonderful in the recent pics.
    • Jandi
      Sounds like a wise man. I'm sorry for you and your family.   It's never easy, even when you are expecting it.
    • Delcina B
      Solly, I'm glad you found the forum. I've found it to be a wonderful place full of caring people who share their experience, give advice & support, & accept me just as I am. I think you will find it so as well. This gender journey isn't a race, so you can take all the time you need, relax & breathe. Where we fit on the gender spectrum is where we find we feel comfortable, some are fluid & don't fix themselves with a specific label. It's all up to you.   Welcome! Delcina
    • Shay
      @Willow those are legitimate gripes and I concur. Wish people would respect others differences and not try to find humor where it's not.
    • Willow
      Good morning everyone.  Rain predicted for here in the top of Virginia today and tomorrow.   I have a question for ya’ll.  I get offended by some things which I feel are taking a shot at us.  For example, a joke on Facebook showed a fat dog and the caption was “I identify as trans slim”.  Or I don’t like female impersonators.  They are nothing like us yet they were allowed to advertise their show on on a transgender only secret website.  Am I overly sensitive?  Is it wrong to feel these sorts of things are offensive to me?  Let me know what you think.   @Elizabeth Star I was a Jack! Now Jill of all trades.  Made furniture, repaired the house and car, replaced a roof, you name it ive probably done it.  But I’m getting older and muscle mass is lessened.  My last project was definitely not up to my standard so I’m done.  Giving my stationery power tools to my son.  Gave away or sold a lot of stuff during our move out.  And will likely have more to deal with after we move in to our new place.  And my eyesight, very frustrating and upsetting when I can’t see clearly.  Nothing is ever at the correct focal distance.     let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us.   Willow  
    • Shay
      @Elizabeth Star now that you have experience how about doing my and Cyndee's doors ?
    • Elizabeth Star
      I would be so mad if I broke a nail working on this stuff. I could hire someone to do the work but since I know what's involved I have trouble trusting other people's quality.
    • TiredAndScared
      Thank you all of course. I will get over it.  It's just that it's still a pain when it happens. That sounds kinda heartless but well....   to be brutally  honest.... that wasn't my dad anymore the last few years. It's his body of course.  But not him.. It was that, with every visit, he was a little bit more gone... So we already kinda said goodbye to him during the last 5 years or so. He could't recognize anyone anymore and couldn't do anything anymore..  For him it's sort of a good thing i guess....  He wouldn't want to be kept alive like this... Most things are already arranged by now... Cards have been picked and texts have been chosen. Dad is brought home in a coffin and ... what is the English term?...  laid out? (that sounds weird google translate) Just he's now presentable for anyone who wants to say goodbye. But it will be a week before he will get cremated. Mom still has her ankle operation going on tomorrow. So i have to get up early to bring her to the hospital.   Today i remembered something my dad thought me while i was a kid... Forgotten it for the longest time but .... He once told me:   "i don't care what you do with your life, be a president or a garbage collector. Just be happy with what you do" Not sure how old i was... somewhere between 10~12 years or something? I should keep that teaching in my life...  I know he mend it for my work career but i should apply it to my whole life...   Anyways,  for now i'm going to chill a bit. Woke up at 04am and with everything that happend i got a bit tired. 
    • Kris-Boston
      Just a link.  But being informed is best and real sources .  Its not an easy read ,for most . I was a  science major .   nejm.org   The New England Journal of Medicine: Research & Review Articles on Disease & Clinical Practice (nejm.org)
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...