Jump to content
🏳️‍🌈 June is Pride Month ×
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

No sex with wife since I told her I was trans

renee m

Recommended Posts

renee m

we are married 27 years and i have crossed dressed a few times with her.  we had sex all those times.  i told her last year that i was trans.  it made apprehensive at first. she was afraid that i might change and become a woman.  i did want to discuss HRT and transitioning but did not want to overwhelm her with too much information.  i have slowly brought up some issues-i am bisexual; and other things.  since last year we have not had sex.  anyone else have this problem?

Link to post

i told my wife 12 years ago for the first time, as i have posted before, and she rejected the idea. now i am fully out to her, it was a long process. now from the time i told her, we decided that sex really wasnt important to our relationship. in the last 12 years, we have had sex maybe 4 or 5 times. we have been together 27 years, and our relationship has transended to the point that we really dont need that one little thing. we are totally faithful to each other, even though i have told her she could find another partner, as long as she doesnt fall in love and abbandon me, she simply says she no longer desires sex. love is the real important thing, it should be unconditional. companionship, sharing, and joy much outway the physical need for sex in our marrage. 

Link to post

We confronted the no-sex issue long before I came out as trans.  She is several years older than me, and hit menopause quite a few years ago.  Her libido just vanished.  It was disappointing at the time, but it greatly simplified things when I came out to her. 


She was initially worried that I would suddenly go out chasing men.  I reassured her that not only was I interested only in women, I was only interested in one woman: her.  At that point, we hadn't had sex in years, and nothing changed about that.  So, when it came time to plan my GCS, I opted for the zero-depth option.


We are still the best of friends.  We enjoy a good cuddle.

Link to post

Due to health issues my wife libido dropped to zero about 5 years ago, not that we had an amazing sex life to begin with. After I told her I was trans she decided to really turn the knife and made it clear that she will never even think about touching me again. Doesn’t really matter to me, I just like having her in my life. 

Link to post

I'm kind of in that same situation. we have been married 41 years, I have dressed up in her clothes on Halloween a couple of times. She looked disgusted. I told her about a two years ago that i wished i have be born a girl. She didn't like that either. Her health is slowly declining due to Type 2 diabetes, so the love life is near zero.

Then on top of that, i finally got to the  point where i cannot stand all this hair on my body. So i shaved my under Arms, chest, belly and abdomen, and i love the feeling of no hair. 

She tells me that she loves my chest hair. I tell her i can't stand it. Then she tells me that if she cannot have my chest hair to keep away from her, do not touch her until i grow my hair back. 

So... I guess what little love making we did have every month or so is now out the window also.

But, it don't matter to me, i love the no hair feel and look. 



Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, josie0314 said:

She tells me that she loves my chest hair.


Well that's the problem right there. Should have kept it in a baggie for her. 😉


Seriously though, I'm sorry she feels that way. Both partners are allowed to be comfortable in a relationship. Neither one should have to do anything that makes them feel icky to make the other one happy. I don't have a solution, but you have my deepest sympathy. Everybody deserves human contact with someone they love.



Link to post
16 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Due to health issues my wife libido dropped to zero about 5 years ago, not that we had an amazing sex life to begin with. After I told her I was trans she decided to really turn the knife and made it clear that she will never even think about touching me again. Doesn’t really matter to me, I just like having her in my life. 

This is another area of commonality. My Suzie and I are going down the same road as you Liz. I don’t want to be her poor health enabler, but I will always be there to love and care for her. 



Link to post

Hi @renee m!  For me the lack of a vibrant sex-llife with my wife is not really connected to me coming out to her as Transfeminine (like others offered, my wife also has virtually no libido for over 30 years) .
While she is struggling mightily with accepting me as transfeminine, it has not increased or decreased our frequency (about once a month).


I have to assume some spouses might withhold sex as a "punishment" to express their displeasure.  This is a form of manipulation or even "bullying" in some sense and not good for a relationship, regardless of the reason. 

You did not mention whether you are in gender therapy, but this would be good to discuss with your therapist if you are, or even couples therapy if that is possible. 

I know physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship (for me at least it is) so I hope you can find a way through this that meets both your needs and desires. 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 68 Guests (See full list)

    • Rania
    • MaryEllen
    • Niamh
    • PheonyxJayde
    • shyla
    • MiraM
    • Kasumi63
    • Maddee
    • Elizabeth Star
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Audrey
    2. Bunneh
      (26 years old)
    3. Jayme
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Maddee
      St Anthony St Anthony Come around Something is lost That must be found              
    • Denise savulski
      Yes and I'm usually ok with watching my intake but when the stress becomes so great get  to the point of bing eating and I don't realize until its over     
    • Petra Jane
      Don’t worry, keep posting and you’ll soon move up a level!   ranks: https://transgenderpulse.com/forum-ranks
    • RhondaS
      I have heard that getting those 'feelings' is not a universal experience, but for me it happened and I hadn't read much about that aspect of it so thinking it was real and not just a placebo effect.
    • RhondaS
      Today will be the first time since May 30th when I can have my morning tea (sorry, coffee fans) at home, have a second cuppa later, and it was very weird to go from barely going far from home since last March to never being there for half a month with no notice.    Anyway, I did have an occasional discussion of transgender issues and also gender roles while away with a mix of people who know about me and those that don't.    Couple highlights...having one of my mother's newer friends accidentally refer to me as my mother's daughter, that was nice to hear at least once if it was quickly apologized.    And then my son-in-law (who I 'came out to' by telling my daughter that she could tell him everything she wanted to, just that I was emotionally spent to do it right after her) dropping in a proper pronoun of me that I almost missed it and actually asked if he did so the next day. (yes).    
    • swallow
      Hi All,   Today I noticed I've become a 'senior member' on this site...😠   Not happy at all, makes me feel instantly old. 😄   I still feel so young in this journey...   Just today, I went out to 'test the waters' with a new (too expensive) Gaff I bought from the UK. Turned out...It wasn't the Holy Grail.😒   I put it on over a high waisted tummy control panty Over that the gaff...then don a (leave nothing to the imagination) pair of just above the knee Yoga pants.   And I was quite happy it look flat enough up front so I went out with more abandon.   I visited 3 markets without any discernible 'clocking'. Got a (non German reference) "hun" from one of the checkout ladies which I took it as I passed. Was wearing a crop tank top and a white translucent cotton shirt over so I suppose looked like a cover up over Athletic wear...   Later though when I returned, was comfortably seated with my legs bunched and tucked up for lunch on a chair when I looked down and noticed (Horror of horror) still a good size bulge.😳   I just can't seem to flatten it fully without resorting to tape which I hate and avoid.😞   I think I'm doing the right thing with the canals but maybe my testicle friends are too heavy or what bc they seem to never stay up....always falling for gravity.   Anyone think I might be not employing the Gaff to its full optimum? Maybe I'm doing something wrong?🤔   ...or is this common with everyone and does a more visually 'water tight' tuck mean having to tape when wearing skin hugging item of clothing anyway? Am I just being too slack reliant on gaff alone to do the work?   (Maybe this should be in the crossdresser section)   I'm contemplating the ills and benefits of an Orchiectomy (still yet to get on HRT) but till then, I'm obsessed with hiding the pair of them. They bother me but I don't want to hurt them either.🙄      
    • Teri Anne
      I am sorry you are having to deal with depression and I wish I had and answer for you. I deal with compulsive over eating disorder and at times I will binge eat for weeks until it subsides. The last few years  have been really hard and with covid quarantine on top of that I have put on so much weight even I can't believe it. I just can't control it and at times don't care if I get fatter. Working with a nutritionist but she is so backed up with patients and in the process of moving so its not working out. Are you being treated by professional that deals with depression?
    • swallow
      ...the funny thing is I've always dressed somewhat neutral/femme so people around me tend to think its just me being eccentric.   Today my sister warned me to tone down maybe fall back on dungarees if I was going to visit my cousin (She's a great cook had 12 kids or something ridiculous) in Northern Cali.🤭   But I reminded her that cousin was on my facebook and I have been posting pics of me in yoga pants...galore. Surely she must have put two and two together...🤔   I have half a mind now to show up in a dress.😁    
    • SharkGirl98
      Hey y’all. I’m planning on coming out as trans at my workplace soon. I only plan on coming out to my department for now, as the rest of the company is elderly cis straight religious men and I feel that they will react poorly.   Many of my coworkers have suspicions of me being queer, and have voiced them, so it won’t be coming out of nowhere.The company I work at has, as far as I’m aware, never had a trans employee and I’m sure it’ll be tough, but I’m sick and tired of the closet.   any advice? What issues or obstacles do y’all think I should expect?    Thank y’all so much for your help! - River     P.S. Do y’all think that bringing a cake when I tell them would be a bad idea? We bring food for our department regularly so I thought maybe it’d be a good idea. Let me know what you think please?
    • swallow
      Hi Vini,   You know what I've found gives me decent 'form' without prejudice to comfort is Dungarees. 🤗   I'm personally allergic to Denim so I get light cloth/cotton types that have a slight flare around the hips accentuating them.   I don't need to be as careful with my tuck which is another benefit.😄   But today I went out with a new B&B Gaff (from the UK...bloody expensive as they say)....and the whole purpose was to test the water with a pair of tight just above the knee (Leave not much to imagination) yoga shorts.😬   It seemed a better flat look than my previous "gaff" so I went out with a bit more abandon. (what you don't know sometimes emboldens you and makes you fearless)😌   OTOH when back at the house following replenishment mission (99cents, supermarket, Trader Joes) to restock fridge and larder raided by Teenagers... I was sitting with my legs bunched up and looked down to notice there was still a bulge which was annoying, another sign of dysphoria.   I still can't seem to be completely satisfied with the flatness (without having to resort to masochistic taping which I avoid)😓   ...but of course somewhat expected I suppose, since I was 'testing the boundaries'.   Still when I was out, I had the checkout lady at the market call me "Hun" (and not the German kind) so I reckon it was a pass till I of course opened my big mouth.🙄   Cest La Vie.
    • Maddee
      Need someone to help me live  
    • Maddee
      Lost all of my saved money
    • Elizabeth Star
      ❤️Thanks everyone. I'll definitely wear heels next time. My knees are a little achy from another weekend of yard work so I wore the other boots. I'm feeling better now. No compliments,their loss. They could've seen me smile. I think everyone was in a crappy mood today. Maybe it's the retrograde.
    • Robin.C
      So lovely.   Hugs Robin
    • michael.yumm
      How drastically my life changed for the better. Prior to this I was regularly miserable despite having gone through therapy and couldn't understand why I still felt the way that I did. Coming to terms with myself and coming out as a whole has dramatically improved my social and personal life overall. I would never take back embracing myself for who I am no matter what
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...