Jump to content
🏳️‍🌈 June is Pride Month ×
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

No sex with wife since I told her I was trans

renee m

Recommended Posts

renee m

we are married 27 years and i have crossed dressed a few times with her.  we had sex all those times.  i told her last year that i was trans.  it made apprehensive at first. she was afraid that i might change and become a woman.  i did want to discuss HRT and transitioning but did not want to overwhelm her with too much information.  i have slowly brought up some issues-i am bisexual; and other things.  since last year we have not had sex.  anyone else have this problem?

Link to post

i told my wife 12 years ago for the first time, as i have posted before, and she rejected the idea. now i am fully out to her, it was a long process. now from the time i told her, we decided that sex really wasnt important to our relationship. in the last 12 years, we have had sex maybe 4 or 5 times. we have been together 27 years, and our relationship has transended to the point that we really dont need that one little thing. we are totally faithful to each other, even though i have told her she could find another partner, as long as she doesnt fall in love and abbandon me, she simply says she no longer desires sex. love is the real important thing, it should be unconditional. companionship, sharing, and joy much outway the physical need for sex in our marrage. 

Link to post

We confronted the no-sex issue long before I came out as trans.  She is several years older than me, and hit menopause quite a few years ago.  Her libido just vanished.  It was disappointing at the time, but it greatly simplified things when I came out to her. 


She was initially worried that I would suddenly go out chasing men.  I reassured her that not only was I interested only in women, I was only interested in one woman: her.  At that point, we hadn't had sex in years, and nothing changed about that.  So, when it came time to plan my GCS, I opted for the zero-depth option.


We are still the best of friends.  We enjoy a good cuddle.

Link to post
Elizabeth Star

Due to health issues my wife libido dropped to zero about 5 years ago, not that we had an amazing sex life to begin with. After I told her I was trans she decided to really turn the knife and made it clear that she will never even think about touching me again. Doesn’t really matter to me, I just like having her in my life. 

Link to post

I'm kind of in that same situation. we have been married 41 years, I have dressed up in her clothes on Halloween a couple of times. She looked disgusted. I told her about a two years ago that i wished i have be born a girl. She didn't like that either. Her health is slowly declining due to Type 2 diabetes, so the love life is near zero.

Then on top of that, i finally got to the  point where i cannot stand all this hair on my body. So i shaved my under Arms, chest, belly and abdomen, and i love the feeling of no hair. 

She tells me that she loves my chest hair. I tell her i can't stand it. Then she tells me that if she cannot have my chest hair to keep away from her, do not touch her until i grow my hair back. 

So... I guess what little love making we did have every month or so is now out the window also.

But, it don't matter to me, i love the no hair feel and look. 



Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
1 hour ago, josie0314 said:

She tells me that she loves my chest hair.


Well that's the problem right there. Should have kept it in a baggie for her. 😉


Seriously though, I'm sorry she feels that way. Both partners are allowed to be comfortable in a relationship. Neither one should have to do anything that makes them feel icky to make the other one happy. I don't have a solution, but you have my deepest sympathy. Everybody deserves human contact with someone they love.



Link to post
16 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Due to health issues my wife libido dropped to zero about 5 years ago, not that we had an amazing sex life to begin with. After I told her I was trans she decided to really turn the knife and made it clear that she will never even think about touching me again. Doesn’t really matter to me, I just like having her in my life. 

This is another area of commonality. My Suzie and I are going down the same road as you Liz. I don’t want to be her poor health enabler, but I will always be there to love and care for her. 



Link to post

Hi @renee m!  For me the lack of a vibrant sex-llife with my wife is not really connected to me coming out to her as Transfeminine (like others offered, my wife also has virtually no libido for over 30 years) .
While she is struggling mightily with accepting me as transfeminine, it has not increased or decreased our frequency (about once a month).


I have to assume some spouses might withhold sex as a "punishment" to express their displeasure.  This is a form of manipulation or even "bullying" in some sense and not good for a relationship, regardless of the reason. 

You did not mention whether you are in gender therapy, but this would be good to discuss with your therapist if you are, or even couples therapy if that is possible. 

I know physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship (for me at least it is) so I hope you can find a way through this that meets both your needs and desires. 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   11 Members, 0 Anonymous, 122 Guests (See full list)

    • Jandi
    • Jackie C.
    • DeeDee
    • Shay
    • Riannon
    • AmberM
    • Kathy2020
    • VickySGV
    • Carolyn Marie
    • MelanieTamara
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Brady Valentine
    Newest Member
    Brady Valentine
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Naia
      (27 years old)
    2. SugarMagnolia
      (54 years old)
    3. Yaznaliza
      (37 years old)
  • Posts

    • Jandi
      Yeah, this is true.  I saw one at the store not long ago that was about as bad as me.   She just went about her business.  It actually made me feel a little better.  It is true that as we age, cis men and women start looking more and more alike - just old.  That's an advantage us older trans folks don't appreciate nearly enough.
    • Jackie C.
    • Shay
      Who is making the cake?  My baking skills are very sub-par.
    • Shay
    • Jandi
    • Kathy2020
      This is the best thing I have heard all day! I'm in!!! 🤣
    • Charlize
      All together now .........Happy rebirth day to you,  Happy rebirth day to you,  Happy rebirth day dear Shay Heather Michelle,  Happy rebirth day to youuuuuu.🎂🌈🌈💐🌻 now blow out the candles🌬.   Cake please!   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Shay
      @Kathy2020 same here. I love your suggestion about birthday, affirmation, confirmation. 
    • Shay
      The day before my court hearing to change my name I was a bit nervous and near 5 o'clock as my family came ashore from a trip to Put-In-Bay, Ohio , this sign appeared in the sky and especially being a rainbow I knew the folks above were giving me the thumbs up.    Did anything unusual occur just before you changed your name or if you haven't changed names - have there been any other special signs given to you that you are on the right path?  
    • Marcie Jensen
      Welcome Nikki. I graduated back in the '70s as well, and while my circumstances were a bit different, there are a lot of similarities we share. My heart weeps for what you had to go through and are experiencing now. As everyone has said, there is still hope you can be your true self. Have faith, be strong and keep in mind that everyone on this website is welcoming, accepting and supportive. You are loved. You are special. You will be in my prayers.   Hugs,   Marcie
    • Kathy2020
      Hello Heather Michelle Shay, its so nice to meet you! 😊
    • Shay
      Good conversation - I like the birthday, affirmation and confirmation day concept - no reason we can't mark those days to be extra kind and special to yourself even if no one else is forced to give presents.
    • Kathy2020
      Never underestimate the power of a LBD to make you feel happy, secure, and sexy!!! Your shoes are a good match for it too! 😊
    • MelanieTamara
      Not me. Having adult children flips the table a bit. Not only do I get presents, I require them...kinda like tribute. In fact, I am so ruthless, I even implemented a 100 dollar buy in threshold.
    • Kathy2020
      I'm so glad we are working through the positive side of having multiple birthdays in this thread because I am a big supporter of it too!!! 😆 Presents don't have to come in a box either (except from my sister who thinks its a federal law); a nice dinner out, a spa or massage day, a mani-pedi with my bff, or just getting some positive support from my family & friends are all great gifts! 😊   Getting back to the original topic though... I've been thinking a bit lately about this very topic because I am less than two days away from beginning HRT and starting to get the paperwork sorted out for my name change. I think its all up to the individual, but I'm leaning toward my name change day being my "new" birthday, HRT being my affirmation day, and SRS being my confirmation day. If I can plan things right and have my court hearing for name change on my current birthday though, that would be ideal! I definitely see name change day being super important because that's when you become you legally to everyone no matter what, just like the moment someone put a name to paper when we were fresh out of the box! 😊

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...