Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

What gave you the courage to finally face YOU?


Heather Shay

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

For me it was that everything else I tried didn't work and that was an amazing amount of therapy with many different therapists that treated everything else BUT gender....

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Shay said:

For me it was that everything else I tried didn't work and that was an amazing amount of therapy with many different therapists that treated everything else BUT gender....

Yes . . . Thanks, Shay. But for me it was coming here and listening to good advice. I'm lucky to have a therapist who's fine with me talking gender all I want--it's the basis for a lot of other issues. And in the Fall sometime I'll get a fully-qualified gender therapist. Guess what I need most is to pay attention to the day, the next word, the next note. And learn from them. I have a poem up today:

cheers,

Davie

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I really like it and I love the multi-levelness of it.

Link to comment

I think it was a combination of things.  First there was 30+ years of therapy and hospitalizations for my various mental health and substance abuse issues.  The things that finally pushed me over the edge and forced me to face the facts of who I am were 1) When my roommate at the time intervened when she realized I was seriously considering suicide again, and helped get me back into recovery so I could work on myself and 2)  when I was diagnosed with cancer and was really face to face with how short and unpredictable life really is.  It made me realize that if I was ever to have any chance of being comfortable with myself, I had to start making strides to make it happen or I may never get the chance.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I had toyed with the idea of being transgender for a long, long time, but I had always squelched it down hard.  I coudn't face the idea of being one of those weird people!  So I convinced myself that I wasn't.

 

What changed was that I attended a science lecture by an astrophysicist who happened to be transgender.  It was an interesting talk, but I was more interested in the reactions of the audience members.  So afterwards, I hung around in the lobby, listening in on people's conversations.  Everyone was talking about the subject matter of the talk.  No one was talking about the presenter.  No nudge-nudge, wink-wink.  Nothing.

 

It was my first indication that a transgender person could live a normal life.  When I got home, I signed up on a transgender forum and started asking questions.  After a few months, I knew I was transgender.  I came out to my wife, and here I am.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@MiraM thank you for sharing. I have similar past and last year after 68 years of denial I dove into life.

 

@KathyLauren what a wonderful revelation and spark to lead you on your way. If you haven't I think it would be treasured to her if you contacted that lecturer and told her your story. I think she'd love to hear it.

Link to comment
On 6/9/2021 at 3:26 AM, MiraM said:

2)  when I was diagnosed with cancer and was really face to face with how short and unpredictable life really is.

 

This did it for me, too.  Also other health problems including a failing thyroid that caused my body to start making it's own changes toward transition which I could no longer hide or deny.  Both were shocking enough to wake me out of my apathy, fear and denial.  Fear of not fulfilling my destiny far outweighed my fear of social and emotional turmoil.  I think it's both unfortunate and fortunate that it can take a fear of death to overcome some of the obstructions that we encounter and construct in life.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

There were things I just never understood why I did certain things in my life. I had thought I was just a crossdresser. I never knew the reason I joined the military. My dad always asked me, my response was always I don't know. until I read somewhere that transgender people often join the military for the manly thing to do. To be manly. 

 

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Hey idiot. you are a woman.  With the help of the VA and those here on trans pulse. I am becoming the woman I need to be.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thank you ladies so much for sharing and being so open. We have many things in common in our journeys and many trials and tribulations that are ours alone that no one but us can understand or have empathy for. I applaud your courage and strength.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
On 6/8/2021 at 8:56 AM, Shay said:

For me it was that everything else I tried didn't work and that was an amazing amount of therapy with many different therapists that treated everything else BUT gender....

 

Wasn't a choice for me. It was face who I was on the inside or face the OTHER side if you know what I mean.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

I didnt want to accept the truth. My counsellor essentially had to provide me proof.

 

I just thought I was insane lol

Link to comment

For me, it was a dream.  A dream where I had a woman's face, but when I checked down south, I still had male parts.  In the dream, I shrugged it off as no bg deal, and went out to show the world m new face.  The dream sparked an internal revolution, where I realized I had spend two-thirds of my life expectancy playing at being male (even while vocally protesting that I just didn't get it!).  I knew I would live the rest of m life in regret if I didn't make an effort to be the woman in y dreams, who went out proud into the world despite not being completely female.

 

It has made all the difference.  I spent some time rejecting my masculinity wholesale, until I decided I was non-binary.  A strong feminine leaning, to be sure, but I am not wholly male or female.  If I could wave a magic wand, I would love to be a cis-girl, but there is no magic wand, and that dream made me feel like it would work for me to straddle  both worlds.  So far, it has.

Link to comment

 

I think it came down to there was thing one thing that kept popping up that I new needed attention, and was harming me. So that is when I decided to start talking to my therapist about gender and asked the question of myself and to her, am I transgender. From there it has been a journey of self-discovery into who the real me is. I have historically dealt with pretty bad depression, and still combat social anxiety. The depression has become better, and the social anxiety has kind of gotten worse. Just learning though how to manage the social anxiety is becoming key. I am hoping my depression cycle this year that hits October won’t be as bad.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Knowledge is power. Knowing your issues is the only way to face and conquer your issues. Congratulate yourself for all your progress.

Link to comment

For me it was at a race track, dirt oval racing is my passion and I have been helping a father son team for the past couple of years on their race car's so a few months ago we were in north Texas at a race and the son and I decided that we needed to change the rear end gear in his car. This race car has what is called a quick change rear-end  so you can change the ratio quickly. So I am under this race car changing the gears and this female voice said to me I can do this just as good as you can. I was shocked looking around but no one was there and with out thinking out loud I said oh hush, and the driver says to me did you say something and I said just talking to your race car(note: we do that all the time) that experience pushed me to get with a therapist to find out who this mouthy girl was. Now that I am getting to know her I really like her and now I want to be her. After keeping her pushed back for 50+ years I am finding a real piece at letting myself be her.

Link to comment

It was the possibility of having a male child. This didn't occur to me before our first was born (who I assumed would be a boy given family patterns) who turned out to be presumably a girl. I thought "what if he's like me?" and how to not discourage and shame, but support any "feminine interests." Then I thought what if this child, who unlike me would be raised in a loving, supportive, and progressive family was like me and certain they were trans. What if I had seen myself so clearly in this child who was from my perspective obviously a trans girl? Then I couldn't live with it any more.

 

then I thought, what if I saw myself in him and I felt more comfortable as a man than I thought possible? Too late! I had already just confirmed I was definitely not cis!

 

Then I went, "oh -crap-, I know NOTHING about boys!" I never was one, I have no idea what it's like to be one, how am I supposed to raise one?!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 111 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • Wasylyna
    • Jordyn1215225
    • MaeBe
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,941
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Miss Cormac
    Newest Member
    Miss Cormac
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...