101 Ways to Out Yourself as MtF #42: Open Doors!

[Kathy2020]

I often find my transition to be a roller coaster of highs and lows, euphoria and dysphoria, and then there are moments like today where I just have to laugh at myself! Here is what happened...

 

As I was leaving my endocrinologist office - presenting female as I often do and feeling modestly confident I was pulling it off - I encountered another woman walking towards the door with an armful of books just as I was exiting. Being raised right and generally considerate overall, I stepped aside and held the door open for her. I smiled, she smiled back, and then suddenly looked completely confused. At that moment, I too must have looked confused, then like a deer in the headlights as my brain was screaming, "What are you doing being a GENTELMAN?!!" Trying to cover my tracks, I blurted out, "I saw you coming with your books..." and she said, "Thankyou" before dashing past me. Whether I outed myself or not, I felt I did and genuinely had to laugh at myself for being nice. Now I know women are nice to each other all the time, but the way this went down was definitely man-opening-door-for-woman, and I drove all the way home thinking about it. My solution: the next time I see another woman approaching a door, I am just going to knee it open and see if she can run fast enough to get it! ?

 

Any other suggestions?

[VickySGV]

I do not look my age (hee hee) and have funny ones on that account, but I too simply try to look at situations and do things that may not be expected of an older woman, but if the situation warrants it I will. I do not see that care or courtesy should be gendered.  I would have held the door open for the woman too. 

On the age thing, I had one experience that caused a bit of a ruckus.  A Tour Bus unloaded a bunch of people at a restaurant I was in.  I had been sitting in the waiting area and one snobbish young man told me to move so his "elderly father" (who was very fit looking) could sit down since he was "important".  I asked how old the dad was, and how old junior thought I was.  Turns out I was 10 years older than dad, and said so, but Dad was cute enough I might let him sit on my lap.  The manager who knew me came over at that point and told me my table was ready before Junior could get his mouth shut from the jaw drop, but instead of the single table I was expecting, he showed me to a table that would have seated the Tour Bus group all at once and told them it might be 20 minutes before he could seat them.  Junior started blowing about where I had been seated, the manager said he didn't care, and they could leave if they did not like it.  He seated them about 3 minutes later. I never did figure out what "Dad" thought about the thing

[Lexi C]

Haha Vicky

Your so Awesome.

Hey Kathy;

Yeah  I actually had the same situation occur.

I held the door open for this woman as we both enter a store.

As I held it open she look at me and I at her. She gave a weird look, walk in and didn't even say TY.

So I said for her. Your Welcome I said. She turning around with a weird look.

My friend who was with me think she thought I was a woman hitting on her. 

Haha Kinda felt good but like you said its a roller caster of emotions 

[Jackie C.]

I regularly hold the door open if there's someone behind me. I've done it for men and women. I've seen other women do the same. Nobody says boo here, so maybe it's a regional thing? In any case, nobody has ever misgendered me over it, so you're probably fine.

 

Hugs!

[Elizabeth Star]

So maybe I am doing this right. I used to hold doors open all the time. Now it's mostly if someone is right behind me,  or another woman with her hands full and always for a mother with a stroller. At times I do forget and hold a hold for whoever. Just now realized when I do it for a guy he might think I think he cute or something.

[KathyLauren]

Women hold doors for each other all the time, especially if someone has their hands full or is pregnant or something.  One rule my wife taught me was that women go through the door first and then hold it behind them for the other person.  Men stop and let the lady go first.

 

Similarly, when getting into our car, I used to unlock my wife's door first (we don't have one of those electronic clicky boxes) and then go around and open mine.  She told me that women will open their own door, get in, and then reach across and open the passenger's door.

[Kathy2020]

5 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

One rule my wife taught me was that women go through the door first and then hold it behind them for the other person.

This is what I normally do and just happened to forget while leaving my doctor's office. Truth be told, its the same for men too; its first come, first served when traveling in packs although they will prop a door open for each other when needed. I just found it particularly funny how my subconscious fell back into earlier life mode for a moment and then catching myself a nano-second too late. I absolutely love when men want to be helpful, open my door, let me go first, etc. and I gladly let them do so with a smile and a thank you. When I am with other women though, its everyone for themselves, especially if I have to go to the bathroom!!! ?

[MelanieTamara]

14 hours ago, Kathy2020 said:

"What are you doing being a GENTELMAN?!!"

I've progressed from believing that certain behaviors are reserved for specific genders. If I open a 60 pound door and hold it open, it's not because I'm a gentlemen, It's because i'm polite and think why make someone else do the work?

 

I'd also like to think that if i am on a date, and am the driver, and even though I'm trying to pull off a spanks assisted tight bodycon, that I would run over and open the door for my passenger; not because I am male, but because I am the pilot and that's what pilot's do for passengers.

 

A core tenet of progressivism for me is to eliminate the gender role stereotyping that has gone on for years. There are infinite cognitive genders that are carpenters, electricians, plumbers, roofers, etc. Why should we culturally mandate behaviors according to a specific gender. It only enforces the binary.