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17 Signs I was Transgender and didn't know it.


Vini

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Hi Vini,

 

You know what I've found gives me decent 'form' without prejudice to comfort is Dungarees. ?

 

I'm personally allergic to Denim so I get light cloth/cotton types that have a slight flare around the hips accentuating them.

 

I don't need to be as careful with my tuck which is another benefit.?

 

But today I went out with a new B&B Gaff (from the UK...bloody expensive as they say)....and the whole purpose was to test the water with a pair of tight just above the knee (Leave not much to imagination) yoga shorts.?

 

It seemed a better flat look than my previous "gaff" so I went out with a bit more abandon. (what you don't know sometimes emboldens you and makes you fearless)?

 

OTOH when back at the house following replenishment mission (99cents, supermarket, Trader Joes) to restock fridge and larder raided by Teenagers... I was sitting with my legs bunched up and looked down to notice there was still a bulge which was annoying, another sign of dysphoria.

 

I still can't seem to be completely satisfied with the flatness (without having to resort to masochistic taping which I avoid)?

 

...but of course somewhat expected I suppose, since I was 'testing the boundaries'.

 

Still when I was out, I had the checkout lady at the market call me "Hun" (and not the German kind) so I reckon it was a pass till I of course opened my big mouth.?

 

Cest La Vie.

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...the funny thing is I've always dressed somewhat neutral/femme so people around me tend to think its just me being eccentric.

 

Today my sister warned me to tone down maybe fall back on dungarees if I was going to visit my cousin (She's a great cook had 12 kids or something ridiculous) in Northern Cali.?

 

But I reminded her that cousin was on my facebook and I have been posting pics of me in yoga pants...galore. Surely she must have put two and two together...?

 

I have half a mind now to show up in a dress.?

 

 

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10 hours ago, Vini said:

Thats awesome @Billie75B  that we could identify with our experiences, a warm fuzzy.  I hope you enjoy your transition too.  And @RhondaSand @Jandi one of the reasons I decided to start hrt was other Girls who were so glad that they finally "felt" the way they always wanted after transition.  And Coach Jamie on youtube has one video where she is past the excitement of dressing and make up and is happily satisfied with just being her trans self in tshirts and tights.  

 

I have heard that getting those 'feelings' is not a universal experience, but for me it happened and I hadn't read much about that aspect of it so thinking it was real and not just a placebo effect.

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I've started noticing that there were signs for me growing up that I just didn't latch onto (or just considered that everyone thought that way)

 

The main one was this wish I had for as long as I can remember that I'd be reincarnated female. 

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@swallow I just watched Coach Jamie on Youtube tucking video yesterday. And she showed how she makes gaffs out of inexpensive leggings, even peach color. Just a couple clips, slip them together and voila. 

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@MaddieK  Wouldnt it have been nice if part of 6th grade health class would have been : "If you find yourself feeling such and such or feeling this way its ok. You may be transgender and its perfectly natural. There are all kinds of people in this world and they all deserve respect. "  " Maybe when you're staring at the 8th grade girls legs in their uniforms, you are wishing you could wear a skirt and thinking how great it would feel, And if you would like to talk to someone about your phantasies just let us know" Maybe some enlightened teachers or parents do that now.  If the Republican Legislatures haven't made it against the law

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Thanks @RhondaSthat makes me look forward transition and reinforces my decision.  Like deciding to go out in public, I was worried about telling the hairdresser how I wanted my tips clipped so it would grow longer.  But she knew exactly what I wanted and explained "dusting" to me and even asked if I wanted my sideburns taken away with me asking.  Maybe more signs : )

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1 hour ago, Vini said:

sideburns taken away with me asking.

sb sideburns taken away without me asking...

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16 hours ago, MaddieK said:

I've started noticing that there were signs for me growing up that I just didn't latch onto…

There were things I was afraid somebody else would find out about me.  So I did my best to hide them, and trained myself to act more like "the other guys".  

An example: going to jr high and realizing I was instinctively carrying my books like the girls!  I made myself switch in a hurry.  Can't let anyone know how I am inside.

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Hmm, 17 huh. I think I can do that.  I just had my epiphany when I was 54 (a year ago now). Once I did, and accepted who I was, over the following year when talking about life I kept having these- "well that was a sign" revelations. lol

 

1: recurring dream around 8-10 that I was abducted by aliens and they transformed me into a girl

2: A bunch of boys were passing around an advertisement for "breast growing cream" in 3rd grade because it showed a boob and all I could think was where can I get that- you mean I could grow one with that cream? The other boys had different reactions to it.

3. I loved womens clothes as a kid and would look through the women's sections of catalogs

4. Started trying on panty hose and underwear of my moms when no one was home (10 years old?)

5. Around 7-8 years old I discovered I could, with a little work, shove my penis into itself and wished it would stay there.  My first truly dysphoric memory. 

6 As puberty hit and my sex drive kicked in I wanted girls to "ask me to prom", not me asking them. I was attracted to girls, just didn't like pursuing, I wanted to be the one who someone tries to woo.

7. As a teenager/Dead Head, discovered out of body experience of LSD and my trips often involved dancing and imagining myself/hallucinating I was the hippie chick in long flowing skirts and flowers in my hair. Any songs about women,girls etc, I identified with the girl, not the guy trying to get her.

8. Tried to excel at sports or do anything "daring" to prove I was masculine. Lots of scars later.....

9. Joined Army- see #8

10. Bought a Kamono while in the army because it felt more feminine and I could say it was a "cultural" purchase

11. Discovered I hated BJs, I never achieve orgasim that way because it just felt wrong.

12. Discovered I loved going down on a woman and realized I achieved better results for them that way than using my male parts. It brought me closer to organism so "finishing" with my male parts was quicker

13.  Dropped out of being Pre-med because all the doctors I met while volunteering were as#*$&# and I wanted to be part of the nursing world instead so got that degree.

14. When I burnt out from being a nurse, I went into another female dominated field of massage therapy.

15. Periodically as an adult I felt the need to cross dress when my life go too stressful, it calmed my soul but then the guilt/shame kicked in and I buried that deep for years at a time and would instead try to do "manly stuff" for awhile

16. Got into cycling because I could wear lycra and shave my legs and legitimize it.

17. Most of life tried to stay "slim" even in the Army, avoiding developing a "muscular body"

18. Developed a love of womens fashion but buried the "interest" and realization it was jealousy of what "they" got to wear

19. Secretly loved "90s girl mall pop" like Brittany Spears, Belinda Carlisle, Tiffany etc lol

and the list goes on...............

 

Of course, once you "see something" you start looking for it more which can become a self fulfilling endeavour so not 100% sure everything was because of my buried feminine identity.

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@RhondaS yes you can google  "dusting" and get a definition description of cutting just the tips of hair.  Nothing to do with drugs or His Dark Materials, which is pretty good on hbo btw : )  Why did identify with Lyra for two seasons lol

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@Bri2020  I think you deserve an award for the most signs a lot of us could identify with.  Thank you.  You may be right, like when you buy a new car and you start to see so many of the same car on the road you never noticed before.  Kind of like you I thought working my way through school as a Nursing Assistant would be good experience, but after 5 years on a Hospital Medical ward, I had had enough of Medicine.  

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Dusting? The Hair is definitely a sign!

 

Wanted to have long hair at school but wasn't allowed to.☹️

 

I've had my hair short in the military and still looked somewhat feminine/boyish.?

 

But the moment I left, I started to grow it. Then I had to cut it short again because of the government job. Then with my partner, I kept if short for a decade or so later with the birth of my first child, started to grow it out again (with a short lived excursion trying a mohawk)?

 

Since then, I've kept it long but its been a real struggle.

 

(Slight exaggeration) but not one day it seem went by without someone making a 'negative' comment on my hair length.

 

I don't know why it was everyone-else's problem??

 

Frequent nagging from my mom, at work, people would allude to it by calling me a 'hippy', even my partner commented on it (particularly when I tried braiding to one side for convenience at work). She called it a "Rat tail" bc it was thin.

 

Deep down, it bothered me.?

 

I brushed it off of course and stubbornly persisted with it but they kept at it too.

 

I just could not the life of me understand why it was such an issue for everyone (Granted I did not manage my hair terribly well at times)

 

But the one thing that really touched me was one day, during our fight with her Cancer (My partner) casually told me she was going to help me with her hair. She gave it  trim. It may have been somewhat of a give in for her but it was the most tender thing for me secretly.☺️

 

She never asked me to shave my head in sympathy with her even if secretly I was prepared to do so if she had asked (of course I hoped she didn't)...but my family were constantly putting pressure on me to do it to show solidarity.

 

I could not see how that would support her any more than I was doing daily and I don't think she disagreed with me either, in that we were quite like minded.

 

So when she took it to give my hair the care, it was a real special moment for me.?

 

And I regret never telling her.?

 

But the long hair (seemingly trivial) has been such an issue.

 

I'm probably better off with shorter hair at this age, but I can't bring myself to do it yet. I want to enjoy it while I still have it.?

 

 

 

 

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Vini,

 

I should try to manufacture my own Gaff.....I've purchased so many weird ones...?

 

There was the one with a large metal ring that came with zero instructions. I did not think it was for your genitals so eventually I think I figured out it was meant to sit just above on the pelvis to hold everything in place below. Great...but good luck going thru TSA or any form of security. Alarm bells (Plus awkward explanation)?

 

There was one that was advertised to have a slit so (X rated) you can leave a bit of skin in between for visual replication of female form...but it did not come connected at the back (Presumably bc it was for easy access?)...which meant it kept slipping down. No go.?

 

There was the one which seems to work the best but had two small pouches (sacks?) to give more comfort to tucked testicles. In actual fact they showed too much bc... ?

 

This definitely is an obsession now but oddly not so before where I was content wearing boxers for comfort.

 

But I've ALWAYS wished I could cast the magic spell and make the two sacks lift up neatly into place, have the Mister shrink away. ?

 

Its an oddball relation, I don't hate him but I don't want him either. I feel sorry for him but I'm really bothered by him.

 

 

 

 

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@swallow yes I just learned about "dusting" yesterday at supercuts.  "Hair dusting is a technique  in which you don't get rid of any hair length, but only the damaged hair tips, this can be done by snipping the very bottom of each hair."

I had gone through all about how I just got long enough for it all in a ponytail.  So she only took a half inch from the real long back and dusted the rest.  And I have to thank her because it feels really good now a day later.  Maybe cause I have less little sharp tips stabbing me,  And like you, long hair has always been an issue for me and I'm kicking myself for giving in all these years.  But If you remember, we could get kicked out of school and sports and jobs in the 50-60s and assaulted in jail if caught with a roach.  And youre right, if still have hair we should take advantage of and maybe donate it in the future if we can.

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Bri...

 

I met Tiffany once. She's a little older now. Super friendly. Came as a bit of a shock since I associated her with the teen.

 

 

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@swallow I think Coach Jamie on youtube said she got some inexpensive leggings at Target and shows you how to cut them up to make a gaff.  I'm just glad the little guy is flexible and his pals will slip up there out of sight.  But a lingerie gaff is an essential for me now : )

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Vini,

 

Yah I've been watching some music Videos from the 70s recently...people (males) were sporting incredible hair length and were slim enough to fit those unisuits (not sure if this is the right word for one piece outfits) tot to mention some incredibly feminine pieces of attire...gender seem quite 'unisex' then.?

 

So wasn't sure why in the new century, it was still such a big deal for some people....particularly those at work (on a film set of all things...there are so many other people, muscular grips with long hair, they never got any comments)?

 

...with my mom, I think its bc she's religious. Deep down I think she may suspect something.

 

She had a rough decade with my philandering father and some shrink told her that one issue could be her oldest son (me) could turn Transgender (!)...?

 

Some years back when my Partner was around (just before the cancer in fact), my mom actually thanked her for 'keeping me male' bc (as reported to me by my partner) she said I could be a little 'that way' (which my partner interpreted as maybe 'gay'?). The irony!?

 

So maybe that's the consternation for hair length.

 

My partner also used to complain that if I lost too much weight, I look like a girl so added to that with the hair length...OTOH I think the other side of the coin was she was truly concern I wasn't managing my hair and looked messy...

 

Well at least I like to think I'm better these days with it.

 

I've also been snipping off the ends...I didn't realise there was a term for it either. ?

 

 

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@swallow  A friend of my first wife worked for Act Theatre in Seattle and she would tell us, so and so was up here from Hollywood in between films, He/She is pretty nice.  And we would go "really, wow!"

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@swallow I really like Jackie Rabbit's advice on youtube: " You dont owe anyone an explanation, you dont have to tell anyone you are transgender, you can just enjoy being your self"  It has helped going out in public, like in and out of supercuts with shoulder length hair.  just let the other customers stare.  they probably wish they could too but would fight to deny it. Like the 60s commercial said, Only your hairdresser knows for sure ? LOL

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Haircuts have actually been complicated for me.?

 

I got a small bit of ear snipped off when I was in High school. Ironically I went to the 'best barber in town' as recommended by some friends who were appalled at where I had been patronising...?

 

...but (Bobby? the Greek) 'best in town barber' nipped it off (blood everywhere, apologetically applied some liquid skin which of course did not work)and I had to go to see urgent care/nurse who remarked to me " scars make a man"...?

 

Thankfully it was top of the ear and almost unnoticeable.

 

But since then, I have had a bit of a fear of the barber which has grown over time...?

 

and as you know, hairdressers (particularly for women) cost more. I usually find ones who have an introductory offer...?

 

I rarely go in for hair, mostly manage it on my own as much as I can.

 

Sometimes I would see our friend who is Gay but I've yet to come out with him (even if likely he suspects it)?

 

Most of the time, they assume I want a men's long hair cut like a 'rock star' so its hard to steer them in the 'right direction'

 

 

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Ah, Hair today, gone tomorrow.

 

Haven't been to an actual barber (or stylist) since escaping the military.

 

I have mine over my shoulders, but there's not a lot of it left on top.   That's why in my pix I always have a kerchief over my hair/scalp.  I should probably just face reality and get a wig though.

 

I was always soooo jealous of my sisters growing up.  By high school theirs was waist length.  My brother and I always had the buzzcut.

 

When I finally got a chance, I let it grow hippie style.   But then Uncle Sam took care of that.  When he finally cut me loose I grew it out again.  At its longest, I wore it in braids.  But then, I had to go to court, and snip snip again.  I was trying to stay out of jail.

 

By the time it was growing again, I started going to church and long hair wasn't kosher.  I used to cut it once a year to keep them off my case.  Eventually I just said screw it and let it grow again.  But now *cringe* my scalp is poking through.  Alas…  (I blame my mother's family)

 

Always did love how it felt on the shoulders and feels in a breeze.  Thankfully I still have a bit of that.  

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23 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Hmm, 17 huh. I think I can do that.  I just had my epiphany when I was 54 (a year ago now). Once I did, and accepted who I was, over the following year when talking about life I kept having these- "well that was a sign" revelations. lol

 

1: recurring dream around 8-10 that I was abducted by aliens and they transformed me into a girl

2: A bunch of boys were passing around an advertisement for "breast growing cream" in 3rd grade because it showed a boob and all I could think was where can I get that- you mean I could grow one with that cream? The other boys had different reactions to it.

3. I loved womens clothes as a kid and would look through the women's sections of catalogs

4. Started trying on panty hose and underwear of my moms when no one was home (10 years old?)

5. Around 7-8 years old I discovered I could, with a little work, shove my penis into itself and wished it would stay there.  My first truly dysphoric memory. 

6 As puberty hit and my sex drive kicked in I wanted girls to "ask me to prom", not me asking them. I was attracted to girls, just didn't like pursuing, I wanted to be the one who someone tries to woo.

7. As a teenager/Dead Head, discovered out of body experience of LSD and my trips often involved dancing and imagining myself/hallucinating I was the hippie chick in long flowing skirts and flowers in my hair. Any songs about women,girls etc, I identified with the girl, not the guy trying to get her.

8. Tried to excel at sports or do anything "daring" to prove I was masculine. Lots of scars later.....

9. Joined Army- see #8

10. Bought a Kamono while in the army because it felt more feminine and I could say it was a "cultural" purchase

11. Discovered I hated BJs, I never achieve orgasim that way because it just felt wrong.

12. Discovered I loved going down on a woman and realized I achieved better results for them that way than using my male parts. It brought me closer to organism so "finishing" with my male parts was quicker

13.  Dropped out of being Pre-med because all the doctors I met while volunteering were as#*$&# and I wanted to be part of the nursing world instead so got that degree.

14. When I burnt out from being a nurse, I went into another female dominated field of massage therapy.

15. Periodically as an adult I felt the need to cross dress when my life go too stressful, it calmed my soul but then the guilt/shame kicked in and I buried that deep for years at a time and would instead try to do "manly stuff" for awhile

16. Got into cycling because I could wear lycra and shave my legs and legitimize it.

17. Most of life tried to stay "slim" even in the Army, avoiding developing a "muscular body"

18. Developed a love of womens fashion but buried the "interest" and realization it was jealousy of what "they" got to wear

19. Secretly loved "90s girl mall pop" like Brittany Spears, Belinda Carlisle, Tiffany etc lol

and the list goes on...............

 

Of course, once you "see something" you start looking for it more which can become a self fulfilling endeavour so not 100% sure everything was because of my buried feminine identity.

11 and 16 ?. I was a cyclist before but it definitely made it easier to pass off shaved legs. I’ve also trouble with “bj’s” ( sorry kids). Many have tried and failed. I feel detached from that part of my anatomy. 

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Oh Erica behave...?

 

-wind chills-?

 

I quite like -wind chills-...I like the warmth & texture in my mouth...but I'm quite oral don't half mind licking or sucking too ...could be because I also love food (must just remember not to bite down)?.

 

Actually maybe performance anxiety IS also a BIG sign for most?

 

I know my own failure rate is very high.?

 

As "the male" I felt the pressure of having to (literally of course) 'Stand and Deliver'?

 

...I could never truly feel relaxed and in wild abandonment. Everything seemed a thin line between eruptive success and complete mission failure, too much concentration going on to ensure the other gets their pleasure (which is ironically the main thing that turns me on and also keeps me going)

 

but it also felt so intrinsically/primodially wrong to me to be the one doing the gifting. I much prefer receiving the gifts.

 

Oops...Apologies if even more X rated than intended. Hope I'm not contravening any rules. Someone please remind me if I have.?

 

I expect its a little different for women although of course Cis-women have the danger/anxiety of the unwanted pregnancy to worry about but otherwise if non reproductive, at least I could concentrate on taking my own pleasure.?

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      The two o'clock Onshoring meeting was going well.  Taylor was leading, inviting other people up to speak on their specialties. Aerial photogrammetry and surveying, including the exact boundary, were out for contract signature  Gibson had handled that - Manufacturing was supposed to, but somehow hadn't happened.  Legal issues from Legal. Accounting reported on current costs, including all upkeep, guard salaries, etc.  Manufacturing was supposed to give those numbers, but they hadn't.   The downside was the VP of Manufacturing.  He had arrived at the meeting red-faced, his tie askew, clutching a bottle. It smelled strongly of vodka. He had never done anything in his twenty years of being VP of Manufacturing, and he did not like being asked now.   "Mr. ----, do you have the inventory we asked for?" Taylor asked politely.  VP Gibson had asked him to have his people go through the plant and not only inventory but assess the operational status of every piece of equipment.  They needed to know what they had. "I'm not going to take any f---- orders from a g-d- tra---," he snarled. "God knows what kind of perverts it has dragged into our fair city and bangs every night." "That is completely out of line." That was Gibson.  Taylor controlled herself.  That was a shot at Bob, not just at Taylor.  She was glad Bob was not there to do something stupid.  Had Mrs. McCarthy been talking? What had she said?  Was she given to embellishment?  Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry.  You f--- can take this stupid onshoring --- and shove it up your -" "That is quite enough."  This was the head of HR. "You can take your sissy ways and sashay -" "You are fired." "You can't fire me." "Oh, yes I can," said the office manager.  The VP took another swig from his bottle. "Try it."  He looked uncertain. "I will have you removed.  Are you going to leave on your own?  I am calling the police to help you leave." And he dialed the number. He stomped out cursing. They heard him noisily go down the hall.  This was the front conference room.  He actually went through security and out the door, throwing his badge on the ground on his way.  The guard picked it up. They could see this through the glass wall. "Can you fire a VP?" "The Board told me that if anyone gives me problems they should be shown the door. Even a VP.  I can fire everyone here. I won't, of course. Those were problems." "Are you alright, Taylor?" She nodded.  "I've heard worse.  Shall we continue?" And they did.   The last item was that certain business people in China had been arrested, and the corporation that had been supporting them all these years had been dissolved.  They were on their own, and the Board was dead serious on straightening things out.  After this meeting, Taylor believed it.  She did not attend the meeting to discuss how to distribute the few duties the VP of Manufacturing had done.  That was ultimately up to the Board.    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Lunch was at Cabaret, still free.  The place was quiet: it was the sort of place you took a business client to impress them, and the few other people were in business suits.  Most of the legal profession was there.   She told him of the morning's frustrations, breaking her own rule about confidentiality.  She asked Karen how the branding was going, and Karen had snapped back that she had not started on it yet - they had all these proposals.  Taylor had explained that it was important, for the two o'clock meeting, and Karen told her to do it herself.  Karen pointed out that Taylor could not touch her - her uncle was on the Board and her brother was VP of Manufacturing.  Nor would the two computer guys go out to the plant - they were playing some kind of MMORPG and simply not available. If she wanted the pictures, she should go.  Mary prayed an Ave Maria, but both she and Brenda were racing to get the proposal out. The client wanted it Friday for review.   She didn't bring up what Mrs. McCarthy had told her.  She wasn't sure how to approach it.  She thought of telling her of a 'something more comfortable' she had bought in case he ever DID show up at her door. It was in the bottom drawer of her dresser, ready to go.  Instead she talked about moving to a place with a garage.  Several of the abandoned houses had one, and they had been maintained well with China cash.   Bob had finally realized that when he was introduced as Bob, Taylor's boyfriend, that was just how things were done here. Other people had introduced each other in terms of family relationships, which were strong.  Long before you found out anything else about someone, you knew how they were related.  Family kept people from leaving Millville.    "What is the real name of this town, anyway?"   She laughed.  "I am trying to find that out.  It's 'Welcome to Millvale' when you come into town from the north, and 'Welcome to Millville' on the south.  I have counted two other variants."   "What a town. Roosevelt is like that, with the families, but there is only one spelling."  
    • Ashley0616
      Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that you found what makes you happy! Just curious what does your wife think? If it's too personal I understand.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was on his way home from the dojo and he "just happened" to driver by her place. It was 10:30.  Her light was still on.  He knew exactly where she was sitting.  He saw her in his mind.   A fierce wave of desire that took his breath away suddenly showed up. All he had to do was stop, get out of the car, walk to the door and knock.  She would answer, glad to see him.  She would know why he was there and what he wanted. She would invite him in, maybe get him something to drink, disappear for a moment and return in "something more comfortable."  She would lead him back. Oh, joy.   And never, ever speak to him again afterwards.  Or she would not let him in but be angry about it.  In no way, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, was she ready for this, and he knew it, if he was honest with himself, and she knew he knew it.  She would look upon it as another assault and their relationship would be irretrievably broken.  He would have to leave town. It would devastate her. It would devastate him.    He fought himself.  He was frozen to his seat as his reason and his body fought. He was twenty four years old, a full-blooded male with normal desires; he had just worked out and he was ready.  All he had to do now was open the car door. No one would know. He held his hands, one in the other, to keep one from moving, against his reason and will, to open that door.  He did not want to be a slave of his desires.   He looked across the street.  Mrs. McCarthy, sister of his landlord, was peeking though her window.  She knew his car.  Everyone in town would know by noon the next day if he got out of the car.  Taylor did not need that, either, and she would know, if he came to the door now, what a selfish thing it would be: in his own eyes, in the eyes of Taylor, in the eyes of the town, and worst of all, in the eyes of God.   He sat there a moment longer.  He was, as he reflected, entering into her sufferings in a small way that she would be made whole, healthy and happy: what he wanted more than anything.  But this hurt.  Why had all this come on her?  He asked God again, but there was only silence. He drove home in that silence. He chided himself for even going on her street and for driving on it other nights.  He would stop that, he told himself.   ------------------------------------------   The next morning Taylor went out to her car to go to work.  Mrs. McCarthy met her before she got to it. "I thought you were going to get lucky last night, dearie," she said. Taylor was puzzled. "Why, what do you mean?" "That young fellow - you know, Bob - he's been driving around here, going up and down the street some nights, not stopping.  Well, last night he parked and sat in his car for a while.   I think he was staring at your window.  I think he was trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. I was rooting for him.   But then he drove away.  Faint heart never won fair lady, as they say. What a shame. You two are a lovely couple.  Well, have a good day!" "Thank you, Mrs. McCarthy."  Taylor knew Bob extremely well and knew what had been going through his mind.  She was more than grateful he had not gotten out of the car. Better for him, better for her, better for everybody.  Surgery "down there" sooner than later.  This was driving the poor boy crazy. It was driving her crazy, too.  But she had a lot to work through. Surgery "up here" she said, pointing to her head.  She woke up her therapist on the way to work.  They were still talking when she pulled into her designated parking spot.  That was a perk that had happened yesterday.  She took a deep breath and headed into work. It would be another wild day.
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