I Remember Learning How to Dive

[Aoife]

In the last few weeks I finally cracked. I had thought the words to myself, but I have finally reached acceptance that, "I am a transgender woman."

 

It would be a VERY bad time for me to come out, so I will have to keep it quiet while growing like never before. I wanted so much to get some kind of token to commemorate this. Maybe something with a trans pride flag on it, maybe my first dress that I would have to hide away for who knows how long, probably purging before I mentioned anything to my wife again. 

Well, that didn't happen. Instead, after swinging by the used book store for Record Store Day leftovers, we finally heard back from Canada where we were on the verge of immigrating to until COVID struck. Just days after a lovely Florida vacation, it really became time to tighten up the wallet. Do I need that dress? Do I need the first cute pink thing that says "Aoife" on it? No. She can wait.

 

But one of those records may be it. Animal Collective's EP with Vashti Bunyan 'Prospect Hummer,' the RSD release I wanted most, ends with the gorgeous "I Remember Learning How to Dive." Always one of the most moving songs I've heard, it's one I will be hearing in my heard as I make this transition - which for now and maybe years ahead is only mental, to my true, long-buried self. "You just have to jump and touch the water with the end of your fingers." If you haven't heard that song, I highly recommend it. I hope you're all learning to dive yourselves.

[Jani]

Aoife that is a nice analogy when you think of it.  Being transgender and committing to change is like learning to dive, or any other activity that may invoke fear.  You didn't mention whether it was good news or hold on longer news from Canada.  I hope it works out for you, whatever the decision.  

 

Yes there are times when things can wait (the dress) and knowing this is important when coming out to others and moving forward in transition.

 

Jani

[Aoife]

Thank you! You're right about Canada. It's good news. We were at the edge of completion and then heard nothing for months and months (possibly half a year now). It's still not over, but it's looking good apart from the housing situation!