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Coming out and passing at new school


Benji C

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Okay Its gonna be my first day of high school in the fall and I plan on coming out to my teachers beforehand and hopefully nobody who knew me before will be there... so I'm hoping to just be a boy in school and nobody will know otherwise since nobody knew me before... like a fresh start basically...

 

So I'm thinking... I have a second sports bra I could use as some kind of a binder but I don't know if it will do anything... it's not very comfortable though it doesn't hurt but If it doesn't do anything there's no point in wearing it... I have a beanie that I can kind of tuck my hair into and wear without cutting my hair... I'm gonna work on my voice which I've already made some progress on and I'm trying to work out and gain some muscle over the summer so I might have a more masculine shape... and I'll get some more clothes that aren't so feminine hopefully... my mom has been a little more open to letting me wear what I want so maybe she'll let me... and I've made kind of a packer out of a sock sock I doubt will stay all day but I could try...

 

The only problem is that my mom would never let me go out in public like that... so I'd have to change once I got to school and there's no real place to do that besides bathrooms... and i feel like it's gonna be awkward for me to use either bathroom and that's also a problem for the rest of school cause I don't know what bathroom to use... and also there's gonna be an orientation before school starts and it's not like I'm gonna bring everything there for an orientation and even if I did I don't know if I would have the time so some people might know I'm trans before school even begins... I might try to email a teacher or someone who works there about it before school if I can if not I'm just kinda -toasted- I guess and I'll have to figure it out myself...

 

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Benji, Good for you. Have you came out to your mom as trans? I wouldn't want her to find out from one of your new teachers. I don't know if a teacher has the obligation of privacy that a medical professional has. So you don't want your mom meeting with a teacher and saying, "OH, How long has______ been transgender." It could happen.

 

Kymmie

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  • Forum Moderator

I'd definitely e-mail the school counselor. They might already have a policy in place and it's kind of their job to help you navigate High School while remaining sane.

 

Best of luck!

 

Hugs!

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2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Benji, Good for you. Have you came out to your mom as trans? I wouldn't want her to find out from one of your new teachers. I don't know if a teacher has the obligation of privacy that a medical professional has. So you don't want your mom meeting with a teacher and saying, "OH, How long has______ been transgender." It could happen.

 

Kymmie

Yeah I've been pretty worried about that... I did try to tell my mother before but she wasn't supportive so I've been trying to keep it a secret... but I did look up the countys trans policies with students and apparently they aren't allowed to tell the parents without the students permission but I guess anything could happen...but I don't think theres anything I can really do about it so I don't want to worry about it too much cause u don't want to chicken out and not come out... cause I only have 1 shot if not everyone will know I'm trans for probably all of high school...

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I'd definitely e-mail the school counselor. They might already have a policy in place and it's kind of their job to help you navigate High School while remaining sane.

 

Best of luck!

 

Hugs!

Yeah once I know the counselors email I will probably try but I think it would be better if I did it a little closer to the school year but I'm not sure... I did look up the policies in my county and they are pretty good so I'm not too worried but I guess if the counselor isn't supportive or thinks telling my mother would be best for some reason then that would be bad..

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Update: I looked up the guidance counselors email since I think it might be best just to know even if a while before school starts... of course they make this stuff impossible to find so I just emailed who I think is the guidance counselor asking if it was the right email... she hasn't gotten back to me but I should probably give her some time... if/when she answers I'm gonna ask her if she knows anything more about the trans student policies and ask her some questions relating to that to see if she knows...

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Excellent plan! Midoria would be proud. 😉

 

Best of luck as well, I hope you receive overwhelmingly positive support from your new school.

 

Hugs!

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Update: she still hasn't answered me email and I know it hasn't been that long but I don't know if she will... and I know it's a while before school starts but I'm still pretty worried... I guess my main problem right now is I wasn't too worried about bathrooms before but now I am cause I've never actually used to mens room before... like not even like a single person bathroom and it's kind of because I don't really go out without my family but even then I'm way too scared to use public bathrooms cause I know I don't pass and I don't want anyone to say anything or think anything bad...and I kind of don't want my first time doing that to be at school but I don't know where else I would get a chance... and I don't even know if I will be allowed I mean I ready the county policies but I dont know what the school will do their rules might be different... I guess I'll have to ask someone at school when I get the chance...

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For your own safety I sincerely hope there is a unisex restroom, hopefully single occupancy, that you can use. High school boys are... well they're not great even if they're cis. I just want you to stay safe.

 

Hugs!

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Yeah I know I've been worried about that but I don't know what options my school has... I've been meaning to ask bit nobody at school answers anything...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Update: I keep reading reviews of my school online apparently a lot of other people have had problems with counselors not being available or not answering.... so I guess my best option is to see if the principal or something knows anything or to ask my teachers when I know who they will be... but I don't know if they're gonna know anything or how they will react....

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So counselors are still... well, my guidance counselor... I couldn't tell you what he actually did. He had an office...

 

Anyway, all you can really do is try and power through. You'll work it out. Just be safe and be yourself.

 

Hugs!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Update: Wow a month later she gets back to me... I'm gonna try and ask her what I was originally planning on asking her and I'll see if she knows anything... hopefu

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I submitted that too fast... hopefully it won't take another month for her to get back to me...

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Good luck!

 

I'd HOPE she knows the school's trans policies. I mean what the heck else are they for?

 

Hugs!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Update: she replied again a few hours ago and here's what she said... I'm gonna try to do what she said and get into contact with her a little more to see if she knows anything else and can help me more...

Screenshot_20210802-120332_Brave.jpg

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That's about the best response you could hope for. Support and a promise of help. Congratulations!

 

Hugs!

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7 hours ago, Benji C said:

Update: she replied again a few hours ago and here's what she said... I'm gonna try to do what she said and get into contact with her a little more to see if she knows anything else and can help me more...

Screenshot_20210802-120332_Brave.jpg

Smiling big😆for you!

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This is good news Benji C. 

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Update: I talked with the counselor in person today she said she could help me with coming out at school... since I can't have my mother know she couldn't change any official documents or anything but I can just tell my teachers my name and pronouns and right now I'm just deciding if that's going to be in person or in an email..

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Noice! Congratulations! Accolades! All the good stuff!

 

I'm glad your school is supportive. It means I don't have to come down there and straighten 'em out. 🦊

 

Hugs!

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3 hours ago, Benji C said:

since I can't have my mother know

seems you are saying that you are coming out to your school administration but not to your mom? why don't you want your mom to know? doing this alone at your age is really sad. thank you. :)

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2 hours ago, April-Showers said:

coming out to your school administration but not to your mom?

I'm a little concerned that this might get back to your mom somehow.

Just something to consider.

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4 hours ago, April-Showers said:

seems you are saying that you are coming out to your school administration but not to your mom? why don't you want your mom to know? doing this alone at your age is really sad. thank you. :)

My mother Isn't supportive so I can't tell her...

3 hours ago, Jandi said:

I'm a little concerned that this might get back to your mom somehow.

Just something to consider.

Yeah I have thought about that but I do want to be out at school and I don't want to pretend to be someone else anymore...

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