Hiding from the Truth

[Heather Shay]

Have any of you, like me, found that hiding all your life and lying about things you are doing in the quiet is tremendously hard to overcome? I know they say that breaking a bad habit is one of the hardest things we as humans are faced with. If you were able to overcome - what did you do every time you slipped to help you get back up and soldier on in your goal of overcoming YOU?

[KathyLauren]

I found that the six or eight months when I was living as myself part-time cured me of that.  It was so hard being Kathy at home and one or two safe places, but having to be that other guy the rest of the time.  Holding out until my planned coming-out date was very hard. 

 

I was so relieved when I could finally be myself all the time!  No more hiding!

[KymmieL]

Kathy, I am living part time right now. I am Kym at work and when I go to the VA. For appointments. Or go anywhere without my wife. Then I have to be mostly male when I am at home or out with the wife. It is getting harder and harder to be both.

 

Kymmie 

[Heather Shay]

It's hard but be patient. A wise woman told me when I was being anxious for MT wife to move faster towards acceptance "Don't drive faster then your angel can fly" and thinking about that has helped me slow down and let her catch up.

[Alice_Sybilina]

I'm still in the process of telling everyone but I've had to fight myself on so much this last year. I came off most of my medicine, reached down deep and dealt with my problems. Abandonment issues, fear of rejection, general and social anxiety, attention issues, identity problems, frustration. I opened up to everyone around me about how my brain worked and my weaknesses so I could force myself to call my own bs. I made it impossible for me to hide by opening my mouth every time. 

[Heather Shay]

@Skillnachchaos that is incredibly brave of you. I've suffered from all those things for nearly 70 years and last year said enough's enough - but I still am fighting BUT making progress in many areas. So be proud of how far you've come.

[Alice_Sybilina]

Thank you. I felt scared as hell, and then not at all. I have to stop myself from telling everyone at work because I forget that just because I'm excited doesn't mean over share. 

[Alice_Sybilina]

But I was thinking of going into work with eye makeup on. Looking them in the eye when they can't look back or away. I keep feeling like I have to be aggressive but I haven't had to yet. 

[Heather Shay]

Suggest the slow selective route to telling people. A taste is reassuring no doubt but wanting to move too fast can cause issues so slow steady change is better to slowly get others to know and appreciate the true you.

[Alice_Sybilina]

Yeah. Thankfully I have people who care care about me. I wouldn't notice some of my traits without people I  trust looking out for me.  I've told about everyone in my family and some of my friends and one coworker. I am thinking about wearing light eye makeup to work, ease them into how I want to behave. They are already used to me singing and dancing. I'm already flamboyant, so I've been told. 

[Heather Shay]

The slow gradual the change is best. Good luck.

[Sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Shay, I have been trying break out of the lie for a long time now. I told my wife several years ago that I liked wearing woman’s clothes and that I wear them all the time. Our clothes are washed together except for my bras. I’ve told her that I have a very strong feminine side and that’s the way I was born.

 

My wife tolerates my feminine me but I still don’t feel comfortable talking about who I am and why. I try to think to myself that she knows what I wear so don’t hide it or lie. The woman in me has been hidden and pushed back for so long, it’s very hard for me to be open. At 77 I should be able to relax a little more. I’ll keep working on it.

 

Hugs

 

Sandra

[Beatriz]

I'm living as who I truly am at home, which is also work because I'm working remotely. Also, when I go out on my own or with my support group. I am not truly me with the family and with friends. And if Covid restrictions end, I'll have a terrible time having to go back to work.

 

I'm going to start being myself around some (few) friends and see how it goes. I start to resent the double life, spiritually and pragmatically (nail polish on, nail polish off, nail polish on...). Fear and shame hold me back but I'll keep working on them.

[Alice_Sybilina]

That I can speak to. I expect every single person I tell to freak out but I haven't found that to be the case. It's easier to admit being slightly gay (pan) than to admit gender discrepancies. Find the ones you can trust, then slowly start telling others. If they've known you long enough to know you, they might all respond as well as  it's gone for me. Good luck, be careful, be yourself, and most importantly, be happy.