Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Curious about people's experiences with how it feels to be genderfluid


Recommended Posts

So...I'm trying to figure some stuff out.

 

It just feels like I've been going around in circles with my gender questioning process for upwards of four years now, and genderfluid is a label that's always been on my radar, but has never felt quite right. But I think I'm starting to realize it might be closer than I originally thought?

 

Since the very beginning of my journey with identity was being the Most Enthusiastic Ally Ever, I learned all the basic terms (and more) very early on, which meant I often discounted them if they didn't apply to me at that very moment. Just recently though (like a couple months probably), I've started to go back and see how I feel about some of those labels now, and I'm dipping my toes into genderfluid at the moment? I guess??

 

Part of why I so often would lead myself back to "no you're just cis don't overthink things, ~silly~" is because of how I could go long periods of time without thinking about gender at all. As in, I didn't feel pressed or worried, didn't feel (what I think is) gender dysphoria, was happy presenting and being referred to as my assigned gender. Then every so often I'd be like "oh god don't call me that," "don't put me in this box," "I just really hate my chest right now [but I'm gonna want it later!]" and re-enter the questioning thing all over again.

 

I originally discounted the genderfluid thing because it seemed like, from the few books and blog posts I read about it, it was a clear cut "I feel/want to present like x gender today," not this nebulous, "I feel iffy about this specific aspect of gender identity right now," thing I had going on. But maybe that is what, at least some, genderfluid people feel like?

 

I know that I don't *have* to find a label, now or ever, but I don't think that's what I need to hear right now? Basically, I've been thinking about this for ages, and I'm frustrated, and even if it changes at some point I'd just like to feel some sense of "that's it!" because having a label to work with would at least help me feel less alone and find people with similar experiences.

 

So, after that long preamble, I guess I'm asking genderfluid folks how it feels for y'all? How do you know what will bring euphoria one day, dysphoria the next, or apathy another time. How did you figure it out, and what type of social transitioning/presenting did you experiment with till figuring out what worked/didn't? Also, how much do you want to have shapeshifting as a superpower?

 

Interested to hear what y'all have to say!

 

PS. Representation matters - my okayness-with-exploring-this-label levels went from 2-25 now that MCU Loki is canonically(ish) genderfluid lmao

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Julia said:

"I feel iffy about this specific aspect of gender identity right now," thing I had going on. But maybe that is what, at least some, genderfluid people feel like?

I'm not genderfluid but I can confirm due to the experience of someone close to me that yes, that is exactly what it is like--also mixed up with the shame that can go along with enjoying activities and fashion that don't go with your societally prescribed gender. When figuring out what works for you, it's not always going to be that something makes you uncomfortable because you really, personally do not enjoy it. Sometimes, if you have ever been hounded by shame or placed in certain categories by rigid people, you're going to be led to believe that the real you doesn't feel happy or comfortable with something just because it would be embarrassing to admit it to someone else. It can be hard to predict what's going to make a trans person euphoric even if they have one gender, so I don't think you can always know ahead of time.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I am not genderfluid.  I sometimes wonder if people who are questioning settle on genderfluid as a more "official" term, when they are really still questioning.  Just throwing that out as a thought.

 

I do have a friend who is genderfluid.  They will decide from day to day what gender presentation they wish to present that day.  They are in the military, which means that they have both male and female uniforms, and wear the appropriate one for that day's presentation.  Their co-workers are apparently used to it by now.

 

My friend's mind is pretty much made up about their identity.  They call themselves bigender, because their presentation is never androgynous.  They are always either male or female.  They recognize that their sense of identity may be evolving, but they are not questioning their current sense of it.  It is quite definite and settled, for now.

 

I don't know if that is helpful.  As I said, I have no direct experience with genderfluidity myself.  But my sense is that my friend's identity and your description sound quite different.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Genderfluid is one of the labels I use. Like you, it took me awhile to settle my mind on whether I was trans or cis or something in between, because mostly I just felt apathetic. Most days gender was not a big deal to me, and I had neither dysphoria nor euphoria. However, there were days that I felt definitely felt distinctly comfortable or uncomfortable with my AGAB, which only confused me further.

 

Because of the dysphoria I sometimes felt, I started exploring what made me feel most comfortable or happy with myself each day, even on neutral days. Rather than trying to check a box of "trans or cis today?", I just tried to have fun imagining myself however I wanted, and I kept a journal about what that looked like from day to day. I kept this up for awhile, and it led me to experience euphoria in unexpected ways. I started seeing patterns of things I didn't find words for until much later- but I grew to be comfortable with knowing who I was even without the labels.

 

Sometimes feeling gender-neutral *is* what gives me euphoria- or at least what makes me feel most comfortable with myself. Sometimes I just don't care to put words to it because gender doesn't feel important that day. (You might also want to check out the term genderflux). The important thing is that you feel comfortable being yourself. Gender can be a roadblock to that sometimes if you're feeling dysphoria and nothing feels right, but getting an idea of your ideal version of yourself- even if that's different from day to day- can help you learn to counteract those feelings.

 

I wish the best for you in your discovery of yourself! It can be a wonderful ride. Feel free to respond here or contact me if you want to chat further.

Link to comment

Julia,

 

I think I fall under the genderfluid label, but at the same time I feel the term bigender describes me well.  I think this highlights the issue regarding labels: a single label can never adequately capture who we really are.  As complex as we humans are, this isn't so surprising.

 

You asked how does one know what will bring euphoria one day, dysphoria the next, or apathy another time; the answer for me is, it was impossible to know from one day to the next.  Any dysphoria I experienced usually came about because the circumstances wouldn't allow me to express my feminine persona.  Since I now get to be Sally any time I want, I rarely experience dysphoria.  

 

I identify as genderfluid simply because I have strong masculine and feminine personality traits and can be happy expressing my male persona or my female persona.  The key is, I need to be able to express both sides.  

 

My life situation has dictated that I exist mostly as male and I'm perfectly happy with this scenario but I am happy and content because I possess the freedom to express my feminine side whenever I want to.

 

Ultimately, I think it is perfectly okay not to choose one gender identity over another.  I know for some their internal personality is either mostly male or female, which drives a need for them to assume one persona over the other.  If you are like me however, mostly on the fence about which side suits you best, then I'd say you are genderfluid.  That doesn't mean your feelings won't change as life or life situations play out; that of course, is perfectly okay as well.  

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
On 8/11/2021 at 5:52 AM, Sally Stone said:

I identify as genderfluid simply because I have strong masculine and feminine personality traits and can be happy expressing my male persona or my female persona.  The key is, I need to be able to express both sides.  

Right, @Sally Stone

For me that's a long-term goal—to be happy expressing a male or female persona with ease. My female side is way too shy as yet. She's still afraid she'll get whacked for expressing herself though my "whacker" has long since passed away. Fear is a long-term disease to let go of, but I'm open to change one day at a time. It really helps to hear others' stories and points of view.

Thanks,

Davie

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 101 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • Maddee
    • Mmindy
    • Charlize
    • KymmieL
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...