Non-binary

[Iris C]

It's been 5 weeks since I have been living as a woman pretty much full time and I have loved the beautiful woman that I have found inside. My thoughts up to now have been, well regardless the difficulty, I must transition. 

 

One of those first steps is to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, so I have been trying to self evaluate before starting. Red flags that pop up for me are I have seldom been depressed in my life, I am not a woman in my dreams, I don't mind being called male, I have never been confused as being a woman and I don't mind going to male bathrooms.

 

So based on this communities understanding would I fail that test, and am I instead gender fluid or non-binary?

 

I think I might be 60-70% woman. I have little interest in traditional male conversations and activities. At first living as a woman was erotic (shamefully admitted)  but now dressing feels more natural than wearing men's clothes, I enjoy taking time for shaving and makeup, I love the feel of long hair (wig), I find feminine gestures and movements are becoming second nature and I am far more at peace as femme.

 

Any insights would be like gold to me.

[Carolyn Marie]

Hon, i wouldn't worry to much about the list of items to check off to determine if you are trans.  What matters is what you feel, and who you feel you are or want to be.  Being trans isn't a test one must pass to "graduate" to the next level.  It does sound to me like you fall under the transgender "umbrella."

 

I don't know if they have gender therapists in South Africa, or if they do, how hard they are to find.  But if you can find one, i strongly suggest you make an appointment.  They can answer a lot of questions for you, and get to know you a lot better than we can here.  But in the meantime, we'll do whatever we can to be of service.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, James2Her said:

At first living as a woman was erotic (shamefully admitted)  but now dressing feels more natural than wearing men's clothes, I enjoy taking time for shaving and makeup, I love the feel of long hair (wig), I find feminine gestures and movements are becoming second nature and I am far more at peace as femme.

Welcome @James2Her! It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m glad you’re becoming more acclimated to how you feel inside with presentation, gestures, voice, or what have you. Living authentically is so freeing. I wouldn’t worry too much about percentages of female vs. male or labels for that matter.  It’s a neat concept to explain what’s going on inside us but it’s not an exact science. You’re most likely somewhere in between the two ends of the gender spectrum and where may not be as important down the road. Some of our members enjoy one end for awhile and then the opposite end of the other depending on the day, their mood or whatever. Others in our community are in one location on the spectrum and feel comfortable right where they are. What’s good is that you're becoming more comfortable expressing how you feel and accepting yourself no matter where you land on that spectrum. 

 

Well, I hope to read more about you and your journey as you familiarize yourself with the forum and the members here. I’m happy you joined us.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Delcina B]

Welcome @James2Her! You're describing many of the feelings I had embarking on this journey exploring my gender. The caring & accepting people on this forum have been wonderful in helping me by sharing their experiences & advice. An awesome gender therapist has been terrific as well. In waiting to meet with my therapist I worked/ am working some gender identity workbooks: My New Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein & You & Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman Fox. The latter is also on YouTube. You may find them helpful as well. I'm glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Confused1]

Hi @James2Her

 

Welcome to TransPulse. While I still live socially as male, I fit much of what you said about yourself. I was diagnosed and got the required 2 letters for gender dysphoria. I consider myself gender fluid, which is non binary. The label doesn't really matter, just as Carolyn mentioned. I also agree it would be good for you to talk to a gender therapist.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Vidanjali]

Hi @James2Her! It's nice to meet you & welcome! 

 

I don't believe it is the case that all trans people experience dysphoria. Moreover, I've read that that criterion may be construed as a type of gatekeeping by some medical professionals under certain conditions. Further, I read on this forum that there is a new paradigm emerging which indicates that gender euphoria on experiencing some aspect of your affirmed identity (whatever that may be...) may be a stronger indicator of transness. I think it's great that more credence is being paid to people's positive experiences. 

[Iris C]

On 7/13/2021 at 6:50 AM, Carolyn Marie said:

Hon, i wouldn't worry to much about the list of items to check off to determine if you are trans.  What matters is what you feel, and who you feel you are or want to be.  Being trans isn't a test one must pass to "graduate" to the next level.  It does sound to me like you fall under the transgender "umbrella."

 

I don't know if they have gender therapists in South Africa, or if they do, how hard they are to find.  But if you can find one, i strongly suggest you make an appointment.  They can answer a lot of questions for you, and get to know you a lot better than we can here.  But in the meantime, we'll do whatever we can to be of service.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

 

On 7/13/2021 at 7:00 AM, Susan R said:

Welcome @James2Her! It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m glad you’re becoming more acclimated to how you feel inside with presentation, gestures, voice, or what have you. Living authentically is so freeing. I wouldn’t worry too much about percentages of female vs. male or labels for that matter.  It’s a neat concept to explain what’s going on inside us but it’s not an exact science. You’re most likely somewhere in between the two ends of the gender spectrum and where may not be as important down the road. Some of our members enjoy one end for awhile and then the opposite end of the other depending on the day, their mood or whatever. Others in our community are in one location on the spectrum and feel comfortable right where they are. What’s good is that you're becoming more comfortable expressing how you feel and accepting yourself no matter where you land on that spectrum. 

 

Well, I hope to read more about you and your journey as you familiarize yourself with the forum and the members here. I’m happy you joined us.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Hi Susan. Thank you for the welcome and for the insight. No labels make sense so early on. On one hand I are breaking free from male and female, but then the temptation is to immediately classify myself as another!

 

Living authentically is wonderful since my family have accepted that, but I realize it is not easy for them. My children not wanting to bring friends over and especially my wife who I have asked to be open to either me just being en femme at home or transitioning if I choose. It is a mental challenge where you feel something deep inside but you find yourself looking in the mirror, and saying "oh my word, look at how you look, what are you doing?"

[Iris C]

On 7/13/2021 at 6:50 AM, Carolyn Marie said:

Hon, i wouldn't worry to much about the list of items to check off to determine if you are trans.  What matters is what you feel, and who you feel you are or want to be.  Being trans isn't a test one must pass to "graduate" to the next level.  It does sound to me like you fall under the transgender "umbrella."

 

I don't know if they have gender therapists in South Africa, or if they do, how hard they are to find.  But if you can find one, i strongly suggest you make an appointment.  They can answer a lot of questions for you, and get to know you a lot better than we can here.  But in the meantime, we'll do whatever we can to be of service.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Thank you Carolyn. I guess there could well be compensating reasons for each of these, for example not going to female toilets, since I am self aware enough to realize thats not how I present myself and to do otherwise would cause people distress. 

 

Thank you for the advise on a therapist. It doesn't appear as if there are any in my province, but I will be approaching some general practitioners to see what they advise. Also, for insight, surgical procedures are heavily limited in South Africa with only one hospital doing them with apparently a 25 year waiting list!

[Jackie C.]

4 hours ago, James2Her said:

Also, for insight, surgical procedures are heavily limited in South Africa with only one hospital doing them with apparently a 25 year waiting list!

 

You wouldn't be the first girl to go to Taiwan to get her surgery taken care of. Medical tourism is absolutely a thing.

 

Hugs!

[Vidanjali]

5 hours ago, James2Her said:

 

Thank you for the advise on a therapist. It doesn't appear as if there are any in my province, but I will be approaching some general practitioners to see what they advise.

 

I was just searching for a gender therapist (in my state in the US) a couple days ago and noticed that many I came across offer remote sessions. One silver lining of the pandemic is that more health practitioners have embraced this modality not just as a contingency, but as a normal mode of access. If there are no specialized therapists in your province, maybe you can find one based elsewhere who offers remote sessions? Just a possible option. 

[Lee H]

First, thanks so much for starting this thread. Your descriptions and your states of mind describe my own quite accurately.

My GT gave me an identifying description from another of her clients -- "Gender Expansive." It's a little bit of wry humor, but it carries a lot of truth, at least for me.

Here's a few online resources:

You Tube > Dr. Z PhD. She's a GT from LA, with many helpful videos.

You Tube > "The Transition Channel" Another GT w. many You Tube discussions

This forum > Browse. Virtually no subject left untouched.

www.Susan's Place. An older forum like this one, with even more subjects. This forum evolved from Susan's Place, as I understand it.

And for the best transgender medical advice anywhere online, See https://transcare.ucsf.edu/welcome-0.

 

I am exactly in the same boat as you, my friend. Nearly identical evolution to present place -- "confused." I also prefer femme attire, my big dysphoria is triggered by the ugly reflection in the mirror, but unlike you, I'm old as dirt: > 2x your age. I really have no desire to be an "Little Old Lady." So I dress how I want, and try not to fulminate too much at the mirror.

Your post doesn't say, but if you have a desire to stop drinking, see tgAA, an online AA meeting which centers around all varieties of trans folk, like me. Go to your email server > [email protected]. Our group screens out homophobes and such other riff-raff.

 

Again, thanks so much for starting a thread with exactly the info I also need.

~~A great big hug, from Lee~~

 

 

 

[Iris C]

On 7/14/2021 at 7:12 PM, Lee H said:

First, thanks so much for starting this thread. Your descriptions and your states of mind describe my own quite accurately.

My GT gave me an identifying description from another of her clients -- "Gender Expansive." It's a little bit of wry humor, but it carries a lot of truth, at least for me.

Here's a few online resources:

You Tube > Dr. Z PhD. She's a GT from LA, with many helpful videos.

You Tube > "The Transition Channel" Another GT w. many You Tube discussions

This forum > Browse. Virtually no subject left untouched.

www.Susan's Place. An older forum like this one, with even more subjects. This forum evolved from Susan's Place, as I understand it.

And for the best transgender medical advice anywhere online, See https://transcare.ucsf.edu/welcome-0.

 

I am exactly in the same boat as you, my friend. Nearly identical evolution to present place -- "confused." I also prefer femme attire, my big dysphoria is triggered by the ugly reflection in the mirror, but unlike you, I'm old as dirt: > 2x your age. I really have no desire to be an "Little Old Lady." So I dress how I want, and try not to fulminate too much at the mirror.

Your post doesn't say, but if you have a desire to stop drinking, see tgAA, an online AA meeting which centers around all varieties of trans folk, like me. Go to your email server > [email protected]. Our group screens out homophobes and such other riff-raff.

 

Again, thanks so much for starting a thread with exactly the info I also need.

~~A great big hug, from Lee~~

 

 

 

Hi Lee, pleased to meet you and thanks for the links to the resources. I have watched a number of Dr Zs videos and she is really good!

 

You dont look over 102 in your photo, but makeup can do amazing things!

 

I find it interesting you say you dont want to be a little old lady but one of the things that has driven me now at this stage of my life, is I dont want to be an old man! They just look so boring. I guess it also ties into what you are saying of maybe trying to stay young at heart.  

 

Thanks again for your input.