Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Locked down.


Recommended Posts

Hi all,
This is my first submission here and basically the 3rd poem i wrote ever in my life.
And this is even in a foreign language for me so yea it's probably bad.
Please don't mind spelling mistakes or weird use of grammar and punctuations. 
I write as if i speak out loud to someone with lots of intonations.
That results in the way how i use written language to express myself in the way i do.

Alright enough of that banter. 


Locked down.


Locked down. A solid mind.
Isolated, lonely, blacks and grays... nothing solid to find.

Desperately protecting the walls, without any feelings.
No, i don't want anyone anymore here. No more other beings.


It feels safe here, with my own thoughts and peace.
The quietness, the darkness... it is a release.


Days and years go by slowly without anything interesting to do or see.
But... at one point.... a vague shimmering of light....is....is that for me?


A long forgotten feeling, unknown what to do.
Desperately clutching it, holding it. Simply thinking: "i want also some happiness too...".


The darkness protects... But it's a lonely safety, no one should be here.
I love and hate it. But i slowly pay attention to that shimmering of light that i seem to hold so dear.


Examining it, holding it, caressing it. It's a new and old sensation?
Something that just went on a long vacation?


It is scary to examine and rejecting your old ways.
Crying, laughing, hating, processing everything about those days.


Who am i? What am i? Am i allowed to be how i want to be?
What will the people say and think, will they let me....be me?


Still locked down i see...
When will i let me... be me?


As i look at that warm shimmering of light, the road i want to follow.
And i think to myself: "Do you still want to alive and dead at the same time?... something that hollow?"


Slowly i stand up and the shimmering light begins to shine a bit more.
Bit by bit letting the darkness Withdrawing deeper in my core.


Stretching my back looking up ahead and i see a long and windy road to walk.
Scared, lonely... Looking for others on the same road to just talk.


I get courage, firming my resolve.


Locked down.
On that path... determined... to evolve.


Link to comment

Kara, This is a beautiful poem, it captures the bottomless pits we become trapped in on life's path & a glimpse of hope at the end if only we dare. There have been two such points in my life: the first when alcohol was no longer my friend but my master, then later when I could no longer live & remain hating myself thinking my transgenderness was vile & wicked, because society told me so. Breaking the chains of both were scary & not easy, but today I accept me & love me for who I am.


Thank you!



Link to comment

Hi @Delcina B,
Thank you for your kind thoughts and insights.
I .. just wrote it as it came to me and it resonates rather deeply with my thoughts and feelings.
I know i'm not a writer or poet or anything. It's not even my own language... just wrote down what came up.
But your kindness made me smile and i thank you for that.


Link to comment

I love this, Kara. It describes very much how I have been feeling the last year (nothing to do with the pandemic - just how I've been living). Beautifully written.



Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...




I lost my inner sister.
Some kind of closet
of my father hid her
from the world and
I refused to let her
dress the part.


Well pressed, she
listens for a key in
the lock, smooths
every wrinkle.
Shoulders back,
she steps through
the mirror,





Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thank you Davie.  That is beautiful.





Link to comment

@Davie -- compelling and vivid imagery that is wrestling with the title, "Dispossessed", to transform it to "Repossessing" and, ultimately, "Repossessed".


(By the way, I wouldn't hesitate to share that with your gender therapist.  It speaks volumes, elegantly.)



Link to comment

@Davie Wonderful poem! It is so biopic, as others have said the images jumped out at me as I read it. I'm so happy she is free!


Thank you,


Link to comment


Burden Down

I am here to carry you,
Father, I’m here to hold
the shame of you.
Your pain won’t weigh
me down at all—I’m
almost five years old.

I feel your war
but its burdens
are ripe for burial,
and scapegoats
are not allowed
into graveyards
like yours.


So be warned:
seventy years
is long enough
to carry what
I do not own.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   10 Members, 0 Anonymous, 39 Guests (See full list)

    • Jandi
    • Billie75B
    • Elizabeth Star
    • miz miranda
    • Davie
    • Beth
    • Mmindy
    • VickySGV
    • Dartti Dare
    • Little Natalie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Andi Shay
      Andi Shay
      (51 years old)
    2. ghost
      (58 years old)
    3. Julia Marie
      Julia Marie
      (30 years old)
    4. juliasvw
      (50 years old)
  • Posts

    • Elizabeth Star
    • Jandi
      I had a rooster once that makes me believe it.
    • miz miranda
      @Shay   @Vidanjali   Kind Wishes and Blessings, good beginnings
    • miz miranda
      In 1912, a law passed in Nebraska where drivers in the country at night were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, and wait eight minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all the while blowing their horn and shooting off flares.   Somali pirates have such a hatred for Western culture, that the British Navy uses music from Britney Spears to scare them off.   Cap’n Crunch’s full name is Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch.   The chicken and the ostrich are the closest living relatives of the Tyrannosaurus rex.
    • Red_Lauren.
      Yea she's nosy. She could probably tell you everything going on in the neighborhood.    Yea my grandma asked why I went through planned parent hood. I told her way to munch gatekeeping, and cost at a regular dr. I told her my labs are like 100 bucks, and she was like I pay around 300 after insurance. 
    • Vidanjali
      Geez, under different circumstances that could have been disastrous. Life is so strange. What a blessing it turned out to be an opportunity to glean that understanding and acceptance from your grandmother. 
    • Vidanjali
      There were two monarch butterfly chrysalises in the garden I'd been keeping an eye on because they were anchored on leafs that were liable to fall before the butterflies hatched. I looked out the window this morning literally just at the moment one of the leaves fell! I ran out to rescue the chrysalis and found the butterfly had hatched just before the leaf fell off and was crawling on the ground. Monarchs need to hang dry for a few hours before they can fly. This sweetie readily crawled onto my finger and let me take him to a bush to hang. The 2nd picture is the other monarch chrysalis I'm still keeping an eye on. It looks like a fancy piece of jewelry to me. The 3rd bonus picture is a cute atala butterfly enjoying some nectar breakfast. 
    • Shay
    • Shay
    • Shay
      Sea Lions have rhythm.  They are the only animal able to clap to a beat. Hippopotamus milk is pink.
    • Elizabeth Star
      Day one of road trip vacation has come to an end. We stayed at a place called the Weathervane Inn in Montague, Mi. I don’t know if they’re actually LGBT friendly but I was called miss by the desk clerk when we arrived. I got us a room with an oversized jacuzzi tub, fireplace and a king size bed. This place is pet friendly too so maybe next time we’ll bring our kids.    The drive here was uneventful. We did talk a lot but there was to real opening up about our obvious problems. We’re getting an early start today since I t’s another 3-4 hour drive to our next stop. 
    • KathyLauren
      Human brains do have sexual dimorphism, that is detectable in an MRI, and that correlates to gender identity.  Whether the correlation is enough to be diagnostic is still an open question.  But it is definitely a thing.  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7139786/
    • Erica Gabriel
      It’s been one year since I came out to my wife and finally began unwrapping the woman inside of me. My current tasks are to continue the ever-ending battle of changing my name on everything and enjoying the clarity and changes of HRT. I’d like to thank everyone here who helped and encouraged me this past year.
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone,😃   Happy birthday Andi Shay!🎂 Happy birthday ghost!🎂 Happy birthday Julia Marle!🎂 Happy birthday juliasvw!🎂 Hope you have a great day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾
    • stveee
      I learned some about Eastern vs. Western thought and "narrative", which includes the narrative of ourselves; typically, Western thought is linear, there is a beginning, middle and end whereas Hindu is cyclic. As Alan Watts explains, we often perceive our present as being a product or result of the past. Which also can place excessive value on memory itself, past events...because we are still perceiving them from the present anyway.  I think this can begin to shed some insight on the concept of "fate", that is typically preoccupied with past decisions and how they will translate into consequences, all the while overlooking the infinite and immediate reality of the present. Hinduism and Buddhist thinking shifts the focus to Now, the present, and the past flowing from it. The ship going through water produces a wake- the wake does not propel the ship forward.   

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...