Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Recently came out as NB, now I feel anxious if people will accept me.


LindaTheSociologist

Recommended Posts

 

I recently came out as NB to a few people, in addition to posting it on my Instagram (because I felt like it). Now I'm quite sorry that I posted it there because now I wonder if people have read the post and just decided to ignore it/not acknowledge it or just don't know. To clarify, this is with people that I didn't feel comfortable coming out to in person yet.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I feel quite afraid of rejection and it makes me overthink many interactions which I now experience.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I've been told satistically 80% won't pay attention, 10% won't care either way, 5% will care but not say anything, 5% or less will be nasty.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Shay said:

I've been told satistically 80% won't pay attention, 10% won't care either way, 5% will care but not say anything, 5% or less will be nasty.

Oh, that's awesome and reasuring! Didn't know that there were statistics for this! 

Link to comment

Ahoj @LindaTheSociologist. I am also enby and only out to a few people. I have not made any grand gesture to announce my identity. The closest I came was to change my gender on Facebook, but I hid it. But, I then had the option to choose the pronoun "them". The next day was my birthday, so all my FB friends got the notification to "wish them a happy birthday". If anyone noticed, no one said anything. Of the people I came out to in person, only one person was surprised, but I think that's because he didn't know what it meant. We continue to talk about it and he understands me better now. What @Shay indicated I also found reassuring. It's funny how something that's so important to you as part of your identity and which can seem so cataclysmic to share is such a tiny thing in the lives of most others. Nonetheless, it makes one vulnerable to share such information on that level, so it's natural to feel nervous about it. 

Link to comment

Ahoj @Vidanjali, impressive Czech knowledge! Thank you for sharing your experience with me! I recently saw a 'wish them a happy birthday' of an aquaintance whom I didn't know was gender noncomforming and all I was thinking was 'oh, good for them! I didn't know'. So I guess many people react the same way to my (to be fair very subtle) coming out post and your change of pronouns on facebook. 

 

I also had a friend today inviting me to go to a Prague Pride party with him saying 'you are one of us after all', which I found really reassuring (I was planning to come out to him in person but didn't get the chance to do it yet so he's only read it in the instagram post).

Link to comment

Lol @LindaTheSociologist děkuju! I traveled to your beautiful country in 2016 on a Central European tour with my choir. I like to learn at least a few phrases (depending on how long I'll be there) in a language before visiting a foreign land. We performed in Prague at St. Nicholas Church in Old Town Square. I love Prague and would like to visit again some day. I was very lucky that I was able to view Alphonse Mucha's Slav Epic which was on display at the National Gallery. Seeing that powerful and magnificent work I believe changed my brain forever. 

 

I suspect that only people who are keen on the significance of they/them pronouns would be the ones to give any thought to it if they noticed at all - almost like a secret password. Come to think of it, one friend who I know does know what that means sent me a birthday greeting with a rainbow ??. But in general, I think people don't always read so much for context, especially when reading something like a FB notification, but rather tend to hastily assimilate the main point of the message which was "V's birthday". I'm a college professor, so I have loads of evidence to support this in the form of students not following directions, lol. For me, changing pronouns on FB was like dipping my toes in the coming out pool. 

 

Have an awesome time at the Prague Pride party! That sounds like a blast - wish I could come. How wonderful to get such validation and to have the chance to celebrate with others. 

 

Link to comment

@Vidanjali I also try to do that with a few simple phrases whenever I travel somewhere and I feel like people usually really appreciate it. Well, at least I always do, haha. 

 

That sounds like absolutely awesome Prague trip, I am so happy for you and I hope that you will one day get to come here again, it's truly an amazing city and has so much to offer. 

 

I love love love that one of your friends wished you happy birthday with a rainbow emoji. That is such a cute way to acknowledge your identity and let you know that they noticed your change of pronouns. ❤️ 

 

Coming out as university professor must be quite intimidating. How have you approached this, if you don't mind me asking? Because I have been considering how to approach this at my own university (I'm a PhD student) and for now I haven't figure out anything. (Czech language is also very much not gender neutral, so I am only asking for gender neutral pronouns in english, because Czech is absolutely not able to accomodate neutral gender identity. I have to learn how other czech enby people are dealing with this.)

Link to comment

@LindaTheSociologist so far I am out to exactly one person at work, and he's not even in my department. I know him because he's the chairperson of the college's pro-LGBT+ committee which I'm a part of. I met him my first semester working there when I attended "safe zone" training which is training for college employees to be allies and to advertise their workspace/office/classroom as a sanctuary for diverse students. That was 12 years ago - we became fast friends. I came out to myself in 2019, and he was about the 3rd person I told. My college tends to be rather liberal. More college employees are appending their pronouns to their email signature and zoom names. BUT! most of the people doing this are cisgender - there's no risk for them. I'm trying to learn to be less afraid to tell people. Reading and writing on transpulse has empowered me a lot, and I learned about gender workbooks from a few folks here. I'm working with the gender workbook by Dana Hoffman-Fox (who is also enby) and it has been challenging and illuminating so far. 

 

So, I don't know enough about the Czech language to know about pronouns. Thanks for sharing that bit. I often wonder about gender and language. I listened to an excellent radio program a few weeks ago about the subject (I've been trying to find a recording to share). It shouldn't be surprising to learn that how gender is addressed in a native language is necessarily reflected in the culture. I learned that Finnish may be the least gendered living languages. The speaker on the radio show explained it a bit, and provided an example. She was speaking in Finnish with a Finnish person and describing a friend of hers. The Finnish person asked her several questions about this friend, and it wasn't until about question 23 that they asked if the friend was a man or woman! Can you imagine? I'm also very interested to learn how other Czech enbys address personal pronouns. Maybe we can learn from the Fins! 

Link to comment

 

@Vidanjali So sorry for getting back to you this late, it was a busy few days. It's true what you are saying, that a cis-gender person displaying their pronouns is no risk for them, even though I believe they are doing it in hope of creating an inclusive environment for genderqueer/non-binary/trans people. I kind of believe that anyone who has publically displayed his/her/their pronouns would be supportive of you displaying your prefered pronouns, but I also completely understand you don't feel entirely safe and comfortable doing so.


I didn't know there were gender workbooks like this, I will look it up.

 

And yes! If you manage to remember what the program was called or find a recording, I would be very much interested in listening to it. So far, I noticed a discussion in more progressive communities of Czech natives about how to address non-binary people and there doesn't seem to be much consensus. I also decided to go to several trans and non-binary centred events at Prague Pride next week, so I hope to perhaps learn a bit more there and maybe even make friends who are going through something similar.

 

Link to comment

Hi @LindaTheSociologist! No worries. I've actually been on vacation. I'm relaxing at the moment before going to dinner. I found the podcast! And I see I misremembered - the story about the conversation with the person who didn't ask whether the person being described was a man or woman took place in the Indonesian language. So, I've learned Indonesian and Finnish both use gender-neutral pronouns. Quite fascinating! In Finnish, everyone is referred to as "hän", and in Indonesian everyone is referred to as "dia". 

 

Here's the link to the podcast (now I'm interested in listening to other episodes of this show - a lot of intriguing content): https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/lost-in-translation/

 

An article about AI bias (a reflection of societal bias) in translating the Indonesian gender-neutral pronoun into English: https://www.vice.com/en/article/a3jg9e/why-google-is-adding-gender-pronouns-to-bahasa-indonesia-translations

 

And an article about the Finnish gender-neutral pronoun: https://finland.fi/han/article/

 

Link to comment

Aw, @Vidanjali you are awesome! Providing me with so many resources. Enjoy your holiday to the fullest! I will listen to the podcast and read the articles and get back to you :) 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 116 Guests (See full list)

    • Mmindy
    • Ashley0616
    • Mallory Mayson
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,941
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Miss Cormac
    Newest Member
    Miss Cormac
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...