Confused about my gender - Advice Appreciated

[solly]

Just gonna say - this might be a bit long.

 

Alr. Im 15 right now. I cut my hair short at at 13. I'd always wanted short hair. Not to specifically 'look like a boy' the only way I could describe it when I was younger was 'I didnt want to be able to tie it up'.

I genuinly thought I was trans ftm for a solid year but then I tried to convince myself that I wasnt. I think I scared myself out of it. I almost got hold of a binder from a friend but then I was like - no. Like i felt like i was moving too fast.

 

About dysphoria :

When i thought I was trans I really hated myself. Idk wether i was using the label of trans to explain or but a reason behind my self hatred but I did really hate myself and my body. For example now I'm growing my hair out because I want to try long hair again - ik i'll probably hate it or prefer my short hair better but I just want to give myself a chance at being classically female.

 

Idk man. Am i trans or do i just hate myself. Am i trans or am I a masc lesbian. I dont -censored- know. I need help. Identifying as a lesbian doesnt really seem to fit. I dont feel like a girl. I feel like a guy. Im so confused idk what to do anymore. 

 

Im also scared that because of my home life/childhood that it has -toasted- me up.

[Jackie C.]

OK, so good news: You're 15. You've got time to work this out.

 

A lot of young women don't enjoy being young women in Western culture because being a young woman (or an older woman, not going to lie) in Western culture kind of sucks. A good therapist considers it part of their job to separate the girls who just don't want to be girls anymore (because, again, being a girl in Western culture kind of sucks) from the guys who got shorted a penis during construction.

 

So, my suggestion is see about finding yourself a gender therapist when you can. I have no earthly idea how that works in the UK. In the meantime, you should check out: You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman-Fox. Get the print version, it's a workbook and it should help you straighten some things out.

I know, being trans not only comes with dysphoria, but there's homework.

 

In the meantime, if there's anything you want to ask about, we're here. Most of us are old, but there are some members your age and younger too. I look forward to getting to know you better!

 

Hugs!

[Heather Shay]

Jackie made the suggestion I had. An excellent resource for you to help you sort you out is the book by Dara huffman-Fox "You and Your Gender Identity". You can get it at Amazon. I suggest you also check her YouTube channel as she is very good.

[Heather Shay]

One last thing @Jackie C. 's suggestions could not be stated any better, therapist, book and here on TP.

[Ivy]

Welcome Solly. 

Not much I could add to what's been said.

[Delcina B]

Solly, I'm glad you found the forum. I've found it to be a wonderful place full of caring people who share their experience, give advice & support, & accept me just as I am. I think you will find it so as well. This gender journey isn't a race, so you can take all the time you need, relax & breathe. Where we fit on the gender spectrum is where we find we feel comfortable, some are fluid & don't fix themselves with a specific label. It's all up to you.

 

Welcome!

Delcina

[Charlize]

   Perhaps simply knowing i'm not alone has been as important in finding self acceptance as anything else.  My feelings about gender and how i express it have certainly changed over time.  Some of that was societal pressure while some was simply due to life's pressing needs.  For much too long i felt shame and guilt for being myself.  Acceptance, whether of a distinct straight path or a winding trail, can take away self condemnation.  

   My life seems to wind and vary in many ways including my gender.  I've been hyper male, quite female and perhaps today i'm a "tomboy".  Truck and tractor driving farmer who puts on a skirt to go grocery shopping.  I just enjoy being me even if that is in flux.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Vidanjali]

Hi @solly. Welcome to Transpulse. I'm 3x your age, but I've experienced some of the things you shared. Short hair, long hair, short hair, long hair, etc. I never felt like a girl, and was often pegged as a masc lesbian by my appearance. It took me til my mid 40s to begin to understand my sexuality and gender mostly because of lack of language, information and community. I'm glad you found us. I am currently working with the Hoffman-Fox workbook mentioned by the others. It's excellent - challenging and rewarding. Keep in touch and keep sharing here. You'll find validation and support here. 

[Amber76]

Thank you for sharing your struggle ???