Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Confused about my gender - Advice Appreciated


solly

Recommended Posts

Just gonna say - this might be a bit long.

 

Alr. Im 15 right now. I cut my hair short at at 13. I'd always wanted short hair. Not to specifically 'look like a boy' the only way I could describe it when I was younger was 'I didnt want to be able to tie it up'.

I genuinly thought I was trans ftm for a solid year but then I tried to convince myself that I wasnt. I think I scared myself out of it. I almost got hold of a binder from a friend but then I was like - no. Like i felt like i was moving too fast.

 

About dysphoria :

When i thought I was trans I really hated myself. Idk wether i was using the label of trans to explain or but a reason behind my self hatred but I did really hate myself and my body. For example now I'm growing my hair out because I want to try long hair again - ik i'll probably hate it or prefer my short hair better but I just want to give myself a chance at being classically female.

 

Idk man. Am i trans or do i just hate myself. Am i trans or am I a masc lesbian. I dont -censored- know. I need help. Identifying as a lesbian doesnt really seem to fit. I dont feel like a girl. I feel like a guy. Im so confused idk what to do anymore. 

 

Im also scared that because of my home life/childhood that it has -toasted- me up.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

OK, so good news: You're 15. You've got time to work this out.

 

A lot of young women don't enjoy being young women in Western culture because being a young woman (or an older woman, not going to lie) in Western culture kind of sucks. A good therapist considers it part of their job to separate the girls who just don't want to be girls anymore (because, again, being a girl in Western culture kind of sucks) from the guys who got shorted a penis during construction.

 

So, my suggestion is see about finding yourself a gender therapist when you can. I have no earthly idea how that works in the UK. In the meantime, you should check out: You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman-Fox. Get the print version, it's a workbook and it should help you straighten some things out.

I know, being trans not only comes with dysphoria, but there's homework.

 

In the meantime, if there's anything you want to ask about, we're here. Most of us are old, but there are some members your age and younger too. I look forward to getting to know you better!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Jackie made the suggestion I had. An excellent resource for you to help you sort you out is the book by Dara huffman-Fox "You and Your Gender Identity". You can get it at Amazon. I suggest you also check her YouTube channel as she is very good.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

One last thing @Jackie C. 's suggestions could not be stated any better, therapist, book and here on TP.

Link to comment

Solly, I'm glad you found the forum. I've found it to be a wonderful place full of caring people who share their experience, give advice & support, & accept me just as I am. I think you will find it so as well. This gender journey isn't a race, so you can take all the time you need, relax & breathe. Where we fit on the gender spectrum is where we find we feel comfortable, some are fluid & don't fix themselves with a specific label. It's all up to you.

 

Welcome!

Delcina

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

   Perhaps simply knowing i'm not alone has been as important in finding self acceptance as anything else.  My feelings about gender and how i express it have certainly changed over time.  Some of that was societal pressure while some was simply due to life's pressing needs.  For much too long i felt shame and guilt for being myself.  Acceptance, whether of a distinct straight path or a winding trail, can take away self condemnation.  

   My life seems to wind and vary in many ways including my gender.  I've been hyper male, quite female and perhaps today i'm a "tomboy".  Truck and tractor driving farmer who puts on a skirt to go grocery shopping.  I just enjoy being me even if that is in flux.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Hi @solly. Welcome to Transpulse. I'm 3x your age, but I've experienced some of the things you shared. Short hair, long hair, short hair, long hair, etc. I never felt like a girl, and was often pegged as a masc lesbian by my appearance. It took me til my mid 40s to begin to understand my sexuality and gender mostly because of lack of language, information and community. I'm glad you found us. I am currently working with the Hoffman-Fox workbook mentioned by the others. It's excellent - challenging and rewarding. Keep in touch and keep sharing here. You'll find validation and support here. 

Link to comment
  • VickySGV changed the title to Confused about my gender - Advice Appreciated
  • 3 months later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 92 Guests (See full list)

    • Mmindy
    • AllieJ
    • TopTS4ME
    • Susie
    • DeniseKell
    • Ashley0616
    • VickySGV
    • Adrianna Danielle
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      766.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,910
    • Most Online
      8,356

    DeniseKell
    Newest Member
    DeniseKell
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Beth Susan
      Beth Susan
      (53 years old)
    2. Bree138
      Bree138
      (44 years old)
    3. Catamondium
      Catamondium
    4. cody
      cody
      (17 years old)
    5. kass
      kass
  • Posts

    • Adrianna Danielle
      Finally found out boss did fire a co worker I hated.A mechanic and I was one of 3 mechanics fixing his screw ups.Plus he would go into other other mechanic's toolboxes taking off with tools without asking.One was mine,one was a diesel compression tester kit of mine and broke the gauge part which I will have my Snap On dealer order me a new gauge tommorrow when he comes in
    • VickySGV
      Find and get in touch with the closest LGBTQ center near you and (1) they will know of programs that employ Trans people willingly and (2) will have ways to get you competent legal help to break you free of your family and their controlling and damaging behavior toward you.  I do not know Canadian Law on this, but here where I am you could get a court order to stop them from interfering in your life.  Gender Dysphoria is not a mental health issue that should keep you from managing your personal affairs.  The people at those centers know what we go through and are ready to help you.
    • Ashley0616
      You look great in all of them!
    • Mirrabooka
      I'll try!     I still have no desire at all to start wearing skirts and dresses, and I don't have the curves to justify wearing women's jeans or slacks. I think the furthest I will go is maybe some pretty and androgynous tops one day. That's what appealed to me with the hoodie - it just looked so much nicer than any of those on offer from the men's department.
    • shelli
      Hello.   My name is not Shelli but for my safety i have to use this name here.   Im looking for advice.   In canada conversion therapy is illegal. My family has employed a psiciatrist to comversion therapy me covertly. I am 45 and the administrator of a wealthy families estate.   I have been fleeing this for about 7 years. It began by me having mtf grs. I was supposed to have ffs and top and vocal aswell. They allowed the bottom surgery. Then began getting social workers, the psyc and an accountant to slander me from town to town as i tried to get work and stablity in my life. I eventually went back to male atire to try and hide and restart transition. Each time they wojld find out where i was and it would start again.   I spoke out about it and now they claim i destroyed there lives by seeking help and that im an adult child since i cant get a job while they do this so that i cant as i would take control of the families fortune. They have had this psyciatrist diagnose me falsly with scizophrenia, upsetting me then bipolat, borderline, psicotic, and so much more. They have even tried getting me framed for crimes i never commited.   Im terrified, living in the woods, off hormones and even when i turn to the lgbt community in my area they have convinced many of them that im a trans man etc etc etc.   It never ends.   I would like to hear any advice.
    • Hannah Renee
      This is a good point. For instance, way back when I was still in grade school, my older brother and I learned how to play golf with our dad. It's always been a favorite pastime. When I went to my high school reunion a year and a half ago, I met the 40-something year old daughter of a former classmate. Her job and my family structure (adoption) got us talking, and she loves to play golf. Instant new friend. If I hadn't been transitioning, I would not have chosen that group of ladies to sit with.    I've also enjoyed shooting for the past 50 years. I went to renew my concealed carry license last September, and there was one other woman, a couple years older, in attendance, and we connected. I've been to her home and met her husband, a retired pilot. I'm a retired air traffic controller, she works at a local airport museum. She's part of a small ladies shooting group, all aviation enthusiasts, and she and I have been to the range together. I've met some of the others, and we'll all go to the range as a group from time to time.   Sorry. Long-winded way of saying that transitioning doesn't have to mean throwing away every aspect of the old you in order to grow as the real you. 
    • Ashley0616
      Get ready for another damn RANT! I have helped my ex that I had kids with over and over again! I told her at the beginning of the month I had a meeting in Jackson, MS for trans people. She said ok. Today she asked if I would help her move to her new apartment because her current one is getting unlivable the same freaking day as the meeting! She of course played it off like oh I don't remember you telling me that. I'm so pissed off right now that I can't see straight. I'm trying to keep my cool because I do have the kids and I don't want to bad mouth her to them! She makes it so hard to even just respect her. Every time her text message or phone call on my phone it feels like my blood boils! I seriously don't know how much crap I can take before I snap on her. She uses them as an excuse all the damn time! I have to end it before I use more colorful language! 
    • Vidanjali
      My husband and I watched this show last night. It's a platform for genderqueer comics and a response to Netflix's shoddy record of non-allyship, we'll say.   “The last time Netflix brought this many trans people together, it was for a protest. So, progress!” Gadsby jabs in the trailer: https://variety.com/2024/tv/news/hannah-gadsby-netflix-special-gender-agenda-queer-comedy-1235907944/   Some of the comics were better than others. But overall I found it amusing, affirming, and joyful. Watch it and share what u think. 
    • Ashley0616
      Happy birthday @Jamey-Heather
    • Jamey-Heather
      Thank you so much 🥰🥰🥰!!
    • Mmindy
      Happy Birthday Jamey,    I do love the scarf, and think you look amazing in this picture.    Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🐛🦋
    • April Marie
      Very pretty!!
    • Jamey-Heather
      Love this scarf my wife got me for my birthday 🥰
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! I do feel better it took a while to feel better. 
    • Mmindy
      Hugs and positive vibes for you @Ashley0616   I wish I could be there and really hug away your anxieties. Have you tried a dark room, meditation, and maybe hyperventilating into a paper bag, to ease your breathing pace?   I'm also glad that you have a therapist who is available on short notice.   Digital Hugs are still from the heart. >HUGS<   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...