In just over a month

[Mia Marie]

In just over a month I will be celebrating a special event. Not only will it be my 52nd B-day but also my one year anniversary of my HRT part of transitioning. During this year I have come out to both my parents a few friends and work ( full coming out at work on Sept 13 ). I am wishing I could begin the real life experience  part to prepare me for what is to come but I am standing with my back to a wall. I stay with my dad and he basically forbids me to present anywhere around him yet today he stated that he is glad I am here because of him being in the not so good health. He told me he is glad I have a shoulder for him to lean on. I'm not sure if he is trying to make me feel bad and be guilty for being transgender. I can't allow this to deter me from my goal of womanhood. How do I get him to understand what he is doing to me and where he is potentially leading me to. I feel trapped because I don't know what to do about my father? I don't want him put in a home no more than he does. He is so oblivious to my needs and that hurts. I need my own place but I also don't want him to be alone and hate me. What can I do?

[Carolyn Marie]

Mia, I think it would be best to be as honest with your dad as you can, but at the same time, assure him that you would be there to help him and support him whether you transition or not.  Point out that help and support is a two way street, and it is also his job to support you; not financially of course, but by accepting your new reality.  How you communicate this is up to you; any method is fine as long as it results in an understanding.

 

It's hard to offer a lot of specifics because I don't know your circumstances beyond the little you've shared here.  But there are solutions to most problems if you work on them together.  If that doesn't seem feasible, see if you can get help via a social worker, therapist, or even a supportive clergy person.  I wish you both the best of luck.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Mia Marie]

Last weekend I finally came out to him by way of a letter. The next day he was distant and not responsive. The next day following I was getting ready for work and said he want us to have a talk about what I put on the letter. He proceeded to tell me any female presenting would not be allow in the house period that he would never see me as his daughter. I am guessing he thinks if I don't present maybe it will go away. I don't think he understands being transgender isn't a fad and doesn't just come and go. I wanted to know his boundaries and he gave me a wall. I don't think he realizes he is trying to push me down a road I can't and won't go. That road doesn't end well for me. I don't want to hate him to the point I want be around him at all. He has one daughter that considers him dead to her. I don't want to be the 2nd.

[Mia Marie]

I wonder if my dad will ever really see me for who I am? Ever since the talk with him about me being transgender he has been acting as though he has won and that things will go back to his normal. I told him changes are happening and will continue to happen. I can only hope the changes are seen with some form of acceptance. I know he sees my boobs and they are still growing. I feel growing pains in spurts so they aren't painful all the time. I am planning a little workout regimen on the total gym and if the gut gets smaller the girls will be seen even more. I guess only time will tell if he starts to become more acceptance of who I am?