New dysphorias over time?

[Heather Nicole]

 

This one feels weird to me, but I dunno, maybe it's more normal and there's more to it than I'm aware.

 

Ever have gender stuff that never seemed to bother you, but then you realize you're probably trans and, whoop! a little while after, now it starts bugging you even though it never did before? Makes it feel like you're just making it up it your head?

 

I know I've always been fascinated by what it would be like to have afab parts "down there" and wished I could experience what it's like, but it never bothered me having the amab parts. All the descriptions I'd heard of dysmorphia "down there" and such...never really seemed like I could relate to it. But sometimes it seemed like there was a part of me that wanted to feel that way.

 

And then since realizing "Oh, I may be trans after all" and really looking into trans-this and trans-that. Now I'm experiencing things like hyper-awareness of having all that...stuff...just dangling around down there all the time and getting in the way when I squat down to the lower shelves at work, and things like that which I've heard about but never felt I'd really experienced before.

 

It makes me feel like I've subconciously made myself feel them because I wanted to feel them in order to proove to myself that I'm validly trans because I want to be a girl.

 

Anything relatable here? Any insight or words of wisdom?

 

[MirandaB]

I had many reasons/rationalizations for why I wasn't trans (HA!) and that area was one of them. Didn't really fantasize about having the proper genitalia. But now that HRT has been working on that area I don't miss the old size or the random behavior pattern that doesn't happen any more.  Still not convinced I want ALL 'the surgery' down there but definitely want some of it to go away...like you say, they're just in the way now. 

 

I realized on a recent beach day that I often felt weird as a kid swimming topless, even though all the 'other' boys didn't seem to have that issue as far as I knew, so maybe that was old dysphoria saying hello, remember me?

 

[Ivy]

I can say that stuff that didn't used to bother me is starting to now.

[Charlize]

   I haven't ever had the need to be totally "right" below.  As you describe i saw a guy in the mirror for some time.  Years of training got me there.  Today i actually like the person i see.  Perceived by others as female i see me as myself without assigning gender.  It's just me, a trans female.  The need to get GCS isn't a requirement for being "validly trans".  Many folks i know have no  surgery.  I got an orci more to deal with T than for other needs.  While in today's world many trans folks are on HRT and or get different surgery i remind myself that not long ago those "treatments" didn't exist.  However there were still trans folks living as themselves despite not having surgery or HRT.  

  Maybe simply finding peace with myself and gender has been enough for me.  I'll always be a bit of a mixture and accepting that has brought me some peace with that aspect of myself.  "I yam what i yam" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Niamh]

In my early personal notes and conversations with my gender counsellor and others I was adamant that I had no dysphoria about my male body. 2 years on, and I'm still not on HRT (and may never do - I'm not sure) I still have very little dysphoria except for one thing - I absolutely hate body hair. But you know what - I'm not sure if that is a gender dysphoria or just dysphoria.

 

I would absolutely love to experience being in a afab body but I have never really felt that I was a woman in a man's body - I have just always felt that I should be able to experience being a woman and have the ability to choose at any point in time which body to present (which is why I consider myself genderfluid rather than being a trans woman)

[JennaLSinclair]

I completely relate. ❤️ You're definitely not alone on this.

[Kathy2020]

I completely relate too and I think this is fairly common for those of us who don't experience strong dysphoria early on, although everyone's story is a little different. For me, dysphoria wasn't really an issue at first because I didn't know how to identify it until later in life, and I didn't realize there was anything I could do to change my physical gender (at least at the level I wanted to) during my early adult years. Once I figured out what was going on in my head though, I did start feeling more dysphoric, especially about my body and appearance. I take it with a grain of salt though; often my dysphoria gives me little pushes to improve myself and helps me get through some of the more lengthy changes. It also lets me know I have reached a good point when it subsides or becomes euphoria for a spell, and I love those moments! So for me its a bellwether of sorts that I have learned to listen to and understand rather than letting it have its way with me. I think its only when it becomes overwhelming or leads to self-destructive behavior that people should be worried about emerging dysphoria; otherwise, listen to what it says and see where it leads! ?

[Monica Green]

Oh Dysphoria,,  where would we be without it. I know when I was diagnosed, I had no idea. It was just a nagging voice in my head. Normally about things I couldn't do anything about. So I spent years blocking it out. Now with education and knowledge I see it for what it is. Still,,,  its the driving force around my change. From little things like how you stand or sit. To major things like electrolysis and other procedures. I mean if I wasn't somehow driven,, I wouldn't lay for hours at a time getting tortured. But I do it. Then eagerly front up for another session. I think once you know you can use it to help things done. Yes the euphoria of making it happy is lovely. But it is a double edged sword.  I hope you have many happy years discovering how yours works. As I think ,,  though mostly the same,   it is different for all of us. 

Monica. 

[regina]

On 8/3/2021 at 3:52 AM, RhondaS said:

I had many reasons/rationalizations for why I wasn't trans (HA!) and that area was one of them. Didn't really fantasize about having the proper genitalia. But now that HRT has been working on that area I don't miss the old size or the random behavior pattern that doesn't happen any more.  Still not convinced I want ALL 'the surgery' down there but definitely want some of it to go away...like you say, they're just in the way now. 

 

I realized on a recent beach day that I often felt weird as a kid swimming topless, even though all the 'other' boys didn't seem to have that issue as far as I knew, so maybe that was old dysphoria saying hello, remember me?

 

I used go to the beach all the time like that never bothered me