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Coming out to homophobic parents


Danielle7529

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I don't know if I'm posting it in the correct place if not I'm sorry.

 

I'm not going to be coming out to my dad yet. I still rely on him and outing myself to a homophobic person who you're still reliant on just seem like a pointless option for me. I want to become independent first, I'm already one step closer to that day and I can't wait for it be a reality. But I'm struggling with how to come out to not only my dad but also my mum when that time comes. My mum I know will be shocked but ultimately understanding. However things aren't as easy with my dad. I'm genuinely scared at how he will react. He's openly homophobic and transphobic and he's so angry all the time. I feel like I can't win with him. He gets annoyed when I don't react to the homophobic comments, slurs and "jokes', if I do anything other than half heartedly and awkwardly smile he'll just flip out and say I'm being miserable. If thats his reaction to to my "lack of enthusiasm" as he calls it I'd hate to see his reaction to this.

 

My question is is it worth coming out to them or should I just ride this thing out as a pipe dream. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my family over something so selfish. It makes me so upset to think ill never get to choose a name that relates to me and my identity. To think I'll always be stuck with this name that stings every time I hear it. I don't want to be called Danielle anymore but I don't want to give myself hope either, because I know I'll never truly be accepted for who I am.

 

And if I do end up coming out to them hiw would I even go about that, where would I even start, who should I tell first. Its just too much to think about right now...

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  • Forum Moderator

You're good sweetie. If it wasn't the right place, we'd move it. Also, welcome to Transpulse! Lovely to meet you!

 

Sounds like you have the right idea. Become independent of them first. Then tell them. Pursue your truth regardless of what they say. It's on them if they don't want to know their son. Suppressing yourself weighs on you. It's not selfish to try and be your real self. You can't really blossom... is there a manly way to say blossom? Cure? Curdle? Fester? What does beer do? Not important. Anyway, you can't really be the person you're supposed to be if you're keeping all the best parts bottled up inside.

 

As for who to tell first? Friends. The ones you'll find most accepting. Build support there. Family isn't necessarily the people you share blood with. They're the people who love you no matter what. Once you've got a nice foundation of love and support built up, THEN tell your family. Start with the ones that are most likely to be accepting and then move on from there.

 

Sometimes people are really, really attached to their homophobia. You can't reach them unless they want to be reached. You might lose some or all of your family. It's important for us to have support so make sure to build a network of people who really care about the actual you before you come out to people attached to the false idea of you that you've built up over the years. Be safe. Find support. Everything else can take care of itself.

 

Hugs!

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