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What is your most difficult struggle with being trans, parent/spouse/sign. other of someone trans?


Heather Shay

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For me it is allowing room and time for my spouse to go through grieving process and hopefully full acceptance.

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For me it was the extreme fear and anxiety of the questioning process and the first stages of coming out, when I didn't know if I would ever be accepted and loved for who I really am.

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ooph- day to day it changes.  It seems the farther along I go in the transition the harder it gets sometimes.  My dysphoria can get overwhelming some days. I'm just kinda out of patience with it. There are others where I just cry on the floor in the shower because I'm simply SO EXHAUSTED from it all: The weekly electrolysis, the every other week counseling, the daily dysphoria, fighting for my medical care........not to mention the dealing with the change in my S/O's relationship.  And then there are days in a row where I'm just so excited about my life and nothing about being trans bothers me like today.

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3 hours ago, RhondaS said:

Spouse. In mourning for 13 months and counting. 

***hugs***.  I feel you sister :(

 

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Mine is my stopping becoming the woman I need to be. I read my wife wrong she never understood. Never will. My oldest son being a bigot.

 

Kymmie

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Mine is just going out of the house. Super self-conscious with severe social anxiety. Currently getting worse because it's starting to get too hard to hide the changes in public. Starting to experience people pointing, staring, snickering; keep telling myself things will be better in a few years, then I'm just going to move far away where no one knows me.

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Knowing ill probably never find a partner again. That will accept me for me, and thats ok. I've gone most of my adult life single. What is another 50 years? 

 

When I know I have had a super easy transition. Compared to many. I feel bad, and for the most part. I know I shouldn't, and it's getting easier every day, but when compared to many. The only thing that changed for me was my pronouns, and name. 

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hey Red and Bri

I feel the same.

I look in t mirror and just cry. Then i finally feel ok

and i being thinking about what Red said Who the helll will every want to go with me.

 

it a vicious cycle.

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Update.... My patience is so hard.... Wanting to fully transition including surgery and having to wait for spouse and loved ones catching up to accepting and supporting my needs. It is soooooooo hard.

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2 hours ago, Shay said:

Update.... My patience is so hard.... Wanting to fully transition including surgery and having to wait for spouse and loved ones catching up to accepting and supporting my needs. It is soooooooo hard.

 

Hi Heather, just know that you are taking into account the larger picture with those you care about, realizing it's not just about you. You do have to take the lead with certain things as nothing happens on it's own. Your patience and understanding are quite admirable. 

 

Hugs, you'll get there....

 

Cyndi

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KimmieL I'm sorry to here that your wife and son don't accept you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you don't want your marrage to end. I lived for 46 years hiding because my wife was not supporting and I didn't want to lose her. I expected to go to my grave without ever coming out. She passed away in 2016 and shortly after I began transitioning. I completely understand how hard it is to have to hide for the sake of others. I wish you the best hun and hope that you can work things out with your wife and son.

Red and Lexi, I want to let you know that I have been there, done that. I never thought that I would be alone the rest of my life since noe one could ever love me. But I met a wonderful transgender woman who fell in love with me shortly after we met. As we got to know each other better I fell for her. I want you to know that it can happen, there are people that will love you for who you are regardless of you being transgender. Like the title of a James Bond movie, "never say never".

Wishing you both the best.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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Right now I would say it is my mom. Lately she has been saying that my therapist put all this in my head. I feel she is growing more transphobic every day. I keep hoping she will one day start accepting me for who I am and not what she wants me to be. My dad is a little, very little, accepting.

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23 hours ago, Lexi C said:

hey Red and Bri

I feel the same.

I look in t mirror and just cry. Then i finally feel ok

and i being thinking about what Red said Who the helll will every want to go with me.

 

it a vicious cycle.

I have been told by the females in my social circle. That I make a better looking woman then a man. Some of these ladies knew the old male me, so being told that. Has really helped the ego most days. Also the days where my make-up is on point, my outfit is cute, and the days my butt looks awesome. I can see it my self. 

15 hours ago, BrandiBri said:

KimmieL I'm sorry to here that your wife and son don't accept you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you don't want your marrage to end. I lived for 46 years hiding because my wife was not supporting and I didn't want to lose her. I expected to go to my grave without ever coming out. She passed away in 2016 and shortly after I began transitioning. I completely understand how hard it is to have to hide for the sake of others. I wish you the best hun and hope that you can work things out with your wife and son.

Red and Lexi, I want to let you know that I have been there, done that. I never thought that I would be alone the rest of my life since noe one could ever love me. But I met a wonderful transgender woman who fell in love with me shortly after we met. As we got to know each other better I fell for her. I want you to know that it can happen, there are people that will love you for who you are regardless of you being transgender. Like the title of a James Bond movie, "never say never".

Wishing you both the best.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

For me it will be hard. I live in a very right thinking town. I don't feel unsafe or any thing here. It probably helps that I blend in well. Its just hard to find any woman trans or not that is in to me. I only know like two or three trans people from the area, and like me. They are very stealth. We all have normal jobs, and have normal lives. We just don't advertise we are trans. 

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wow...congrats on your out-looking. Maybe the comp is more in yr face in L.A

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 

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15 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 


They probably waited years to go to a group meet because they were shy about the possibility of not passing. Just means you're 300 times braver than they are. XD
 

That's my plan anyway: Hide in my bedroom until I feel I can walk through a department store without experience stifled giggles in the background or peoples stare of confusion and/or disapproval. I'm a total coward lol.

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7 hours ago, Nora said:

That's my plan anyway: Hide in my bedroom until I feel I can walk through a department store without experience stifled giggles in the background or peoples stare of confusion and/or disapproval. I'm a total coward lol.

That's no way to live. I have been this way and I am just getting to the point it doesn't really bother me to walk around the women's dept and look to see what treasure I can find to wear. I am in the building stage with my wardrobe and I know it will take me a long time to find just the right garment to buy and wear. I have been working on my transition actually for the last couple of years, but medically transitioning for the last year. I can say I am not as nervous today with wanting to step out as my authentic self. I want to do it more and sometimes it seems exciting and all I can do is smile. I don't care if I am presenting correctly. It is my differences that make me better see what to do next. I have a plan to go to the mall and sit, watch and learn what will make me better. Fear shouldn't become the factor for not presenting in public. You shouldn't care what others think and say.

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3 hours ago, Mia Marie said:

That's no way to live. I have been this way and I am just getting to the point it doesn't really bother me to walk around the women's dept and look to see what treasure I can find to wear. I am in the building stage with my wardrobe and I know it will take me a long time to find just the right garment to buy and wear. I have been working on my transition actually for the last couple of years, but medically transitioning for the last year. I can say I am not as nervous today with wanting to step out as my authentic self. I want to do it more and sometimes it seems exciting and all I can do is smile. I don't care if I am presenting correctly. It is my differences that make me better see what to do next. I have a plan to go to the mall and sit, watch and learn what will make me better. Fear shouldn't become the factor for not presenting in public. You shouldn't care what others think and say.


Indeed, I should not care what others think or say, but alas, I just can't help myself lol. I'm terrified of causing a scene. I live in a town fulla cowboys, mountain men and rednecks. ...What if one of them's a psychotic bigot? ...What if they go after my mother? ...What if I can't do anything to protect her?

...I'd probably end up becoming a serial killer who targets transphobes, collecting locks of their hair in a scrapbook as trophies; THAT'S WHAT! Rotflol. ?  

...And I just CAN'T let that happen lmao. XD

...I'll get out of the house more in a few years or so LOL. XD

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On 9/18/2021 at 12:12 AM, Lexi C said:

wow...congrats on your out-looking. Maybe the comp is more in yr face in L.A

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 

You have to remember you live in the land of plastic surgery, so its not uncommon for either males or females to have some work done. While I live in a small town of 40k people in Wisconsin. 

 

I honestly stopped comparing my self to other trans woman, and woman. It wasn't healthy for me. I have had a few trans woman, and cis woman get jealous of my Looks, and apparently my chest. While I'm the biggest in the chest department among my social, and inner circle. I wouldn't say I'm the best looking by a lot. The females in my inner circle. Are for sure 10/10, so I consider my self avg at best. 

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You all are glorious goddesses no mater where u are in ur transition or how you look. Embrace your inner goddess and let it shine. You will have more positive experiences than negative ones.  I get it.. living in big sky country as trans must be hard but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 
i don’t care what most men think of me, and most women are inspired by my “authenticity “ and think that’s beautiful. Which it is. Most people will see your bravery and react positively to u   

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1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 


Meh, I'm fairly confident. Even before HRT I was scrawny and short for a boy; (5'9" / 150 lbs.) Mom remarked a couple months ago in the middle of the store that she thinks I'm going to make a pretty girl...I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but I decided to take it as a compliment, trying not to blush too furiously, or look around the store too obviously, scanning to see if anybody just heard that shizzit my mom just said lmao. ...I finally understood the age-old euphemistic expression, "I wish the Earth would just open up and swallow me whole." ...Yep; that describes it lol. ?

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