Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

What is your most difficult struggle with being trans, parent/spouse/sign. other of someone trans?


Heather Shay

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

For me it is allowing room and time for my spouse to go through grieving process and hopefully full acceptance.

Link to comment
  • Replies 116
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Jamie68

    16

  • Jackie C.

    15

  • Nora

    15

  • Mia Marie

    9

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

For me it was the extreme fear and anxiety of the questioning process and the first stages of coming out, when I didn't know if I would ever be accepted and loved for who I really am.

Link to comment

ooph- day to day it changes.  It seems the farther along I go in the transition the harder it gets sometimes.  My dysphoria can get overwhelming some days. I'm just kinda out of patience with it. There are others where I just cry on the floor in the shower because I'm simply SO EXHAUSTED from it all: The weekly electrolysis, the every other week counseling, the daily dysphoria, fighting for my medical care........not to mention the dealing with the change in my S/O's relationship.  And then there are days in a row where I'm just so excited about my life and nothing about being trans bothers me like today.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, RhondaS said:

Spouse. In mourning for 13 months and counting. 

***hugs***.  I feel you sister :(

 

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

Mine is my stopping becoming the woman I need to be. I read my wife wrong she never understood. Never will. My oldest son being a bigot.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

Mine is just going out of the house. Super self-conscious with severe social anxiety. Currently getting worse because it's starting to get too hard to hide the changes in public. Starting to experience people pointing, staring, snickering; keep telling myself things will be better in a few years, then I'm just going to move far away where no one knows me.

Link to comment

Knowing ill probably never find a partner again. That will accept me for me, and thats ok. I've gone most of my adult life single. What is another 50 years? 

 

When I know I have had a super easy transition. Compared to many. I feel bad, and for the most part. I know I shouldn't, and it's getting easier every day, but when compared to many. The only thing that changed for me was my pronouns, and name. 

Link to comment

hey Red and Bri

I feel the same.

I look in t mirror and just cry. Then i finally feel ok

and i being thinking about what Red said Who the helll will every want to go with me.

 

it a vicious cycle.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Update.... My patience is so hard.... Wanting to fully transition including surgery and having to wait for spouse and loved ones catching up to accepting and supporting my needs. It is soooooooo hard.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Shay said:

Update.... My patience is so hard.... Wanting to fully transition including surgery and having to wait for spouse and loved ones catching up to accepting and supporting my needs. It is soooooooo hard.

 

Hi Heather, just know that you are taking into account the larger picture with those you care about, realizing it's not just about you. You do have to take the lead with certain things as nothing happens on it's own. Your patience and understanding are quite admirable. 

 

Hugs, you'll get there....

 

Cyndi

Link to comment

KimmieL I'm sorry to here that your wife and son don't accept you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you don't want your marrage to end. I lived for 46 years hiding because my wife was not supporting and I didn't want to lose her. I expected to go to my grave without ever coming out. She passed away in 2016 and shortly after I began transitioning. I completely understand how hard it is to have to hide for the sake of others. I wish you the best hun and hope that you can work things out with your wife and son.

Red and Lexi, I want to let you know that I have been there, done that. I never thought that I would be alone the rest of my life since noe one could ever love me. But I met a wonderful transgender woman who fell in love with me shortly after we met. As we got to know each other better I fell for her. I want you to know that it can happen, there are people that will love you for who you are regardless of you being transgender. Like the title of a James Bond movie, "never say never".

Wishing you both the best.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Link to comment

Right now I would say it is my mom. Lately she has been saying that my therapist put all this in my head. I feel she is growing more transphobic every day. I keep hoping she will one day start accepting me for who I am and not what she wants me to be. My dad is a little, very little, accepting.

Link to comment
23 hours ago, Lexi C said:

hey Red and Bri

I feel the same.

I look in t mirror and just cry. Then i finally feel ok

and i being thinking about what Red said Who the helll will every want to go with me.

 

it a vicious cycle.

I have been told by the females in my social circle. That I make a better looking woman then a man. Some of these ladies knew the old male me, so being told that. Has really helped the ego most days. Also the days where my make-up is on point, my outfit is cute, and the days my butt looks awesome. I can see it my self. 

15 hours ago, BrandiBri said:

KimmieL I'm sorry to here that your wife and son don't accept you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you don't want your marrage to end. I lived for 46 years hiding because my wife was not supporting and I didn't want to lose her. I expected to go to my grave without ever coming out. She passed away in 2016 and shortly after I began transitioning. I completely understand how hard it is to have to hide for the sake of others. I wish you the best hun and hope that you can work things out with your wife and son.

Red and Lexi, I want to let you know that I have been there, done that. I never thought that I would be alone the rest of my life since noe one could ever love me. But I met a wonderful transgender woman who fell in love with me shortly after we met. As we got to know each other better I fell for her. I want you to know that it can happen, there are people that will love you for who you are regardless of you being transgender. Like the title of a James Bond movie, "never say never".

Wishing you both the best.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

For me it will be hard. I live in a very right thinking town. I don't feel unsafe or any thing here. It probably helps that I blend in well. Its just hard to find any woman trans or not that is in to me. I only know like two or three trans people from the area, and like me. They are very stealth. We all have normal jobs, and have normal lives. We just don't advertise we are trans. 

Link to comment

wow...congrats on your out-looking. Maybe the comp is more in yr face in L.A

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 


They probably waited years to go to a group meet because they were shy about the possibility of not passing. Just means you're 300 times braver than they are. XD
 

That's my plan anyway: Hide in my bedroom until I feel I can walk through a department store without experience stifled giggles in the background or peoples stare of confusion and/or disapproval. I'm a total coward lol.

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Nora said:

That's my plan anyway: Hide in my bedroom until I feel I can walk through a department store without experience stifled giggles in the background or peoples stare of confusion and/or disapproval. I'm a total coward lol.

That's no way to live. I have been this way and I am just getting to the point it doesn't really bother me to walk around the women's dept and look to see what treasure I can find to wear. I am in the building stage with my wardrobe and I know it will take me a long time to find just the right garment to buy and wear. I have been working on my transition actually for the last couple of years, but medically transitioning for the last year. I can say I am not as nervous today with wanting to step out as my authentic self. I want to do it more and sometimes it seems exciting and all I can do is smile. I don't care if I am presenting correctly. It is my differences that make me better see what to do next. I have a plan to go to the mall and sit, watch and learn what will make me better. Fear shouldn't become the factor for not presenting in public. You shouldn't care what others think and say.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Mia Marie said:

That's no way to live. I have been this way and I am just getting to the point it doesn't really bother me to walk around the women's dept and look to see what treasure I can find to wear. I am in the building stage with my wardrobe and I know it will take me a long time to find just the right garment to buy and wear. I have been working on my transition actually for the last couple of years, but medically transitioning for the last year. I can say I am not as nervous today with wanting to step out as my authentic self. I want to do it more and sometimes it seems exciting and all I can do is smile. I don't care if I am presenting correctly. It is my differences that make me better see what to do next. I have a plan to go to the mall and sit, watch and learn what will make me better. Fear shouldn't become the factor for not presenting in public. You shouldn't care what others think and say.


Indeed, I should not care what others think or say, but alas, I just can't help myself lol. I'm terrified of causing a scene. I live in a town fulla cowboys, mountain men and rednecks. ...What if one of them's a psychotic bigot? ...What if they go after my mother? ...What if I can't do anything to protect her?

...I'd probably end up becoming a serial killer who targets transphobes, collecting locks of their hair in a scrapbook as trophies; THAT'S WHAT! Rotflol. ?  

...And I just CAN'T let that happen lmao. XD

...I'll get out of the house more in a few years or so LOL. XD

Link to comment
On 9/18/2021 at 12:12 AM, Lexi C said:

wow...congrats on your out-looking. Maybe the comp is more in yr face in L.A

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 

You have to remember you live in the land of plastic surgery, so its not uncommon for either males or females to have some work done. While I live in a small town of 40k people in Wisconsin. 

 

I honestly stopped comparing my self to other trans woman, and woman. It wasn't healthy for me. I have had a few trans woman, and cis woman get jealous of my Looks, and apparently my chest. While I'm the biggest in the chest department among my social, and inner circle. I wouldn't say I'm the best looking by a lot. The females in my inner circle. Are for sure 10/10, so I consider my self avg at best. 

Link to comment

You all are glorious goddesses no mater where u are in ur transition or how you look. Embrace your inner goddess and let it shine. You will have more positive experiences than negative ones.  I get it.. living in big sky country as trans must be hard but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 
i don’t care what most men think of me, and most women are inspired by my “authenticity “ and think that’s beautiful. Which it is. Most people will see your bravery and react positively to u   

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 


Meh, I'm fairly confident. Even before HRT I was scrawny and short for a boy; (5'9" / 150 lbs.) Mom remarked a couple months ago in the middle of the store that she thinks I'm going to make a pretty girl...I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but I decided to take it as a compliment, trying not to blush too furiously, or look around the store too obviously, scanning to see if anybody just heard that shizzit my mom just said lmao. ...I finally understood the age-old euphemistic expression, "I wish the Earth would just open up and swallow me whole." ...Yep; that describes it lol. ?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 195 Guests (See full list)

    • KathyLauren
    • Mirrabooka
    • April Marie
    • Willow
    • KymmieL
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,015
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mirrabooka
      This is a scarily accurate description of what I feel!   I hope I don't sound too schmaltzy by saying this, but I remember when I signed up to this forum last year, during the sign-up process the question is asked, "Why do you want to join TransPulse?" to which I wrote, "Looking for a home where I can freely write about my issues and interact with similar people."    I think I just found one. ❤️
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      When do you know you've had enough surgery?
    • Heather Shay
      Another week completed with more inregration.
    • Heather Shay
      Relief (emotion) Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Relief_(emotion)         Relief is a positive emotion experienced when something unpleasant, painful or distressing has not happened or has come to an end.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Loving this woman I am becoming.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!! I was up early again - already on my third cup of coffee having walked/fed the dog and read the local paper.   We have a birthday party for a friend to go to this afternoon but no real plans otherwise.   I hope to be able to attend tonight's TGP Zoom session. It's been weeks since I've been able to participate with the illness/loss of our dog, two horrible colds in succession and our trip to chase the solar eclipse.   Have a wonderful day and look for the goodness in it.
    • April Marie
      I think we tend to be overly critical of our looks, whether we're trying to express ourselves as masculine, feminine or anywhere along the gender spectrum. For me, I use photos as a way to track my progress, to help me find my style and look and to help me find ways to improve myself in posture, looks, make-up, style......   I didn't really think about our FB avatar being public but then realized that when people search they do see it.   Since I'm not out to anyone but my wife, therapist, priest and people here, my FB page remains "that guy." I have created a Bitmoji that is relatively androgynous moving slowly towards the feminine. Long gray hair, earrings, softer features...I'm transitioning it along with myself. :-)
    • April Marie
      I so very much enjoy your posts. This one, though, hit home with me for many reasons. I was commissioned in the Army in '77, as well. Like you, I was not overly masculine in the way that many of our contemporaries were. I (still do) cried at weddings, pictures of puppies and babies, when I talked about bring proud of what my units accomplished and was never the Type A leader. In the end, it worked for me and I had a successful career.   This is, of course, your story not mine so I won't detail my struggle. It just took me much longer to understand what the underlying cause of my feelings was and even more to admit it. To act on it.    Thank you for sharing your story, Sally.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...