Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

What is your most difficult struggle with being trans, parent/spouse/sign. other of someone trans?


Heather Shay

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

For me it is allowing room and time for my spouse to go through grieving process and hopefully full acceptance.

Link to comment
  • Replies 116
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Jackie C.

    15

  • Mia Marie

    9

  • Jamie68

    16

  • Nora

    15

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

For me it was the extreme fear and anxiety of the questioning process and the first stages of coming out, when I didn't know if I would ever be accepted and loved for who I really am.

Link to comment

ooph- day to day it changes.  It seems the farther along I go in the transition the harder it gets sometimes.  My dysphoria can get overwhelming some days. I'm just kinda out of patience with it. There are others where I just cry on the floor in the shower because I'm simply SO EXHAUSTED from it all: The weekly electrolysis, the every other week counseling, the daily dysphoria, fighting for my medical care........not to mention the dealing with the change in my S/O's relationship.  And then there are days in a row where I'm just so excited about my life and nothing about being trans bothers me like today.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, RhondaS said:

Spouse. In mourning for 13 months and counting. 

***hugs***.  I feel you sister :(

 

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

Mine is my stopping becoming the woman I need to be. I read my wife wrong she never understood. Never will. My oldest son being a bigot.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

Mine is just going out of the house. Super self-conscious with severe social anxiety. Currently getting worse because it's starting to get too hard to hide the changes in public. Starting to experience people pointing, staring, snickering; keep telling myself things will be better in a few years, then I'm just going to move far away where no one knows me.

Link to comment

Knowing ill probably never find a partner again. That will accept me for me, and thats ok. I've gone most of my adult life single. What is another 50 years? 

 

When I know I have had a super easy transition. Compared to many. I feel bad, and for the most part. I know I shouldn't, and it's getting easier every day, but when compared to many. The only thing that changed for me was my pronouns, and name. 

Link to comment

hey Red and Bri

I feel the same.

I look in t mirror and just cry. Then i finally feel ok

and i being thinking about what Red said Who the helll will every want to go with me.

 

it a vicious cycle.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Update.... My patience is so hard.... Wanting to fully transition including surgery and having to wait for spouse and loved ones catching up to accepting and supporting my needs. It is soooooooo hard.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Shay said:

Update.... My patience is so hard.... Wanting to fully transition including surgery and having to wait for spouse and loved ones catching up to accepting and supporting my needs. It is soooooooo hard.

 

Hi Heather, just know that you are taking into account the larger picture with those you care about, realizing it's not just about you. You do have to take the lead with certain things as nothing happens on it's own. Your patience and understanding are quite admirable. 

 

Hugs, you'll get there....

 

Cyndi

Link to comment

KimmieL I'm sorry to here that your wife and son don't accept you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you don't want your marrage to end. I lived for 46 years hiding because my wife was not supporting and I didn't want to lose her. I expected to go to my grave without ever coming out. She passed away in 2016 and shortly after I began transitioning. I completely understand how hard it is to have to hide for the sake of others. I wish you the best hun and hope that you can work things out with your wife and son.

Red and Lexi, I want to let you know that I have been there, done that. I never thought that I would be alone the rest of my life since noe one could ever love me. But I met a wonderful transgender woman who fell in love with me shortly after we met. As we got to know each other better I fell for her. I want you to know that it can happen, there are people that will love you for who you are regardless of you being transgender. Like the title of a James Bond movie, "never say never".

Wishing you both the best.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Link to comment

Right now I would say it is my mom. Lately she has been saying that my therapist put all this in my head. I feel she is growing more transphobic every day. I keep hoping she will one day start accepting me for who I am and not what she wants me to be. My dad is a little, very little, accepting.

Link to comment
23 hours ago, Lexi C said:

hey Red and Bri

I feel the same.

I look in t mirror and just cry. Then i finally feel ok

and i being thinking about what Red said Who the helll will every want to go with me.

 

it a vicious cycle.

I have been told by the females in my social circle. That I make a better looking woman then a man. Some of these ladies knew the old male me, so being told that. Has really helped the ego most days. Also the days where my make-up is on point, my outfit is cute, and the days my butt looks awesome. I can see it my self. 

15 hours ago, BrandiBri said:

KimmieL I'm sorry to here that your wife and son don't accept you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you don't want your marrage to end. I lived for 46 years hiding because my wife was not supporting and I didn't want to lose her. I expected to go to my grave without ever coming out. She passed away in 2016 and shortly after I began transitioning. I completely understand how hard it is to have to hide for the sake of others. I wish you the best hun and hope that you can work things out with your wife and son.

Red and Lexi, I want to let you know that I have been there, done that. I never thought that I would be alone the rest of my life since noe one could ever love me. But I met a wonderful transgender woman who fell in love with me shortly after we met. As we got to know each other better I fell for her. I want you to know that it can happen, there are people that will love you for who you are regardless of you being transgender. Like the title of a James Bond movie, "never say never".

Wishing you both the best.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

For me it will be hard. I live in a very right thinking town. I don't feel unsafe or any thing here. It probably helps that I blend in well. Its just hard to find any woman trans or not that is in to me. I only know like two or three trans people from the area, and like me. They are very stealth. We all have normal jobs, and have normal lives. We just don't advertise we are trans. 

Link to comment

wow...congrats on your out-looking. Maybe the comp is more in yr face in L.A

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 


They probably waited years to go to a group meet because they were shy about the possibility of not passing. Just means you're 300 times braver than they are. XD
 

That's my plan anyway: Hide in my bedroom until I feel I can walk through a department store without experience stifled giggles in the background or peoples stare of confusion and/or disapproval. I'm a total coward lol.

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Nora said:

That's my plan anyway: Hide in my bedroom until I feel I can walk through a department store without experience stifled giggles in the background or peoples stare of confusion and/or disapproval. I'm a total coward lol.

That's no way to live. I have been this way and I am just getting to the point it doesn't really bother me to walk around the women's dept and look to see what treasure I can find to wear. I am in the building stage with my wardrobe and I know it will take me a long time to find just the right garment to buy and wear. I have been working on my transition actually for the last couple of years, but medically transitioning for the last year. I can say I am not as nervous today with wanting to step out as my authentic self. I want to do it more and sometimes it seems exciting and all I can do is smile. I don't care if I am presenting correctly. It is my differences that make me better see what to do next. I have a plan to go to the mall and sit, watch and learn what will make me better. Fear shouldn't become the factor for not presenting in public. You shouldn't care what others think and say.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Mia Marie said:

That's no way to live. I have been this way and I am just getting to the point it doesn't really bother me to walk around the women's dept and look to see what treasure I can find to wear. I am in the building stage with my wardrobe and I know it will take me a long time to find just the right garment to buy and wear. I have been working on my transition actually for the last couple of years, but medically transitioning for the last year. I can say I am not as nervous today with wanting to step out as my authentic self. I want to do it more and sometimes it seems exciting and all I can do is smile. I don't care if I am presenting correctly. It is my differences that make me better see what to do next. I have a plan to go to the mall and sit, watch and learn what will make me better. Fear shouldn't become the factor for not presenting in public. You shouldn't care what others think and say.


Indeed, I should not care what others think or say, but alas, I just can't help myself lol. I'm terrified of causing a scene. I live in a town fulla cowboys, mountain men and rednecks. ...What if one of them's a psychotic bigot? ...What if they go after my mother? ...What if I can't do anything to protect her?

...I'd probably end up becoming a serial killer who targets transphobes, collecting locks of their hair in a scrapbook as trophies; THAT'S WHAT! Rotflol. ?  

...And I just CAN'T let that happen lmao. XD

...I'll get out of the house more in a few years or so LOL. XD

Link to comment
On 9/18/2021 at 12:12 AM, Lexi C said:

wow...congrats on your out-looking. Maybe the comp is more in yr face in L.A

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 

You have to remember you live in the land of plastic surgery, so its not uncommon for either males or females to have some work done. While I live in a small town of 40k people in Wisconsin. 

 

I honestly stopped comparing my self to other trans woman, and woman. It wasn't healthy for me. I have had a few trans woman, and cis woman get jealous of my Looks, and apparently my chest. While I'm the biggest in the chest department among my social, and inner circle. I wouldn't say I'm the best looking by a lot. The females in my inner circle. Are for sure 10/10, so I consider my self avg at best. 

Link to comment

You all are glorious goddesses no mater where u are in ur transition or how you look. Embrace your inner goddess and let it shine. You will have more positive experiences than negative ones.  I get it.. living in big sky country as trans must be hard but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 
i don’t care what most men think of me, and most women are inspired by my “authenticity “ and think that’s beautiful. Which it is. Most people will see your bravery and react positively to u   

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 


Meh, I'm fairly confident. Even before HRT I was scrawny and short for a boy; (5'9" / 150 lbs.) Mom remarked a couple months ago in the middle of the store that she thinks I'm going to make a pretty girl...I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but I decided to take it as a compliment, trying not to blush too furiously, or look around the store too obviously, scanning to see if anybody just heard that shizzit my mom just said lmao. ...I finally understood the age-old euphemistic expression, "I wish the Earth would just open up and swallow me whole." ...Yep; that describes it lol. ?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   11 Members, 0 Anonymous, 38 Guests (See full list)

    • Benisar
    • Jandi
    • MaryEllen
    • UFO
    • Hannah Renee
    • Juliernance
    • Artpetal
    • Red_Lauren.
    • Tara37
    • DeeDee
    • claire1000
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      76.6k
    • Total Posts
      719.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      9,591
    • Most Online
      8,356

    UFO
    Newest Member
    UFO
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Clara
      Clara
      (19 years old)
    2. Lauren5158
      Lauren5158
    3. TexasLibraryLady
      TexasLibraryLady
      (46 years old)
  • Posts

    • StarryNight
      I'm making an attempt to keep this PG, but it's a difficult subject to scratch with out discussing a Few sexual education items.   I'm getting close to when I make my decision to go on HRT or not, but one of my main concerns is weather or not I'll be able to remain intimate with my wife, we started to experiment with "toys" and I've increased the frequency I perform oral on her to prepare for potential non functioning male parts.   For those who have went through it, are you still able to use your male parts? Achieve orgasm through the old ways? Or have you moved on to butt stuff and prostate Satisfaction to compensate? My wife isn't too into the butt stuff aspect, so it could potentially be an issue down the road if that becomes the main way I can get off. Getting her off is a non issue, but in terms of weather or not I'll still be able to enjoy intimacy with her I was hoping some of you could share your expirience.
    • Hannah Renee
      You didn't realize that there were only 10 facts . You didn't notice that commas were used in place of apostrophe's.
    • StarryNight
      As with most people here I also fell in love with panties at an early age, I remember looking at the old sears catalog, or a victoria secret catalog that would get sent to the house and adoring the beautiful lingerie on the models. Eventually I got curious and checked if my mom owned any of these items, found some satin panties, tried them on and unlocked an inner battle I could never shake off from there.   Long story short after many years of stealing and hiding the shame, getting caught a few times and being bullied by my siblings, I moved out and I started buying my own once I figured out the correct size, still sadly purging some of the cutest lingerie I've ever owned out of shame and embarassment. currently I'm about a Male 38embarrassment. Translated to a womens 16 for most brands, theres still some weird stuff going on with those though. and I wear XL panties, sadly I'm "endowed" which can be a blessing but in terms of what I can wear in women's clothes limits me a bit, lace is fantastic, can't wear it though because I push up against it for a cheese grater type effect. Some Satin lacks stretch so I usually have to size up for that, nylon is awesome. Cotton varies.   My favorite panties for stretch and coverage currently are victoria secrets seemless line, the thong and bikini cuts are amazing, the hipsters work sometimes and I love the way they hug my cheeks but when I fall asleep in them I tend to fall out the sides. I actually was able to go in and try on some pairs on a slower weekday, you have to try them on over your current panties. But it allows you to try all the different cuts and styles avaliable.   I love nylon and satin for fabrics, and although I don't have breasts I have started to incorporate bras into my wardrobe to get used to them for when my breast might develop. The website shein.com has been great for allowing me to explore different styles without breaking the bank. I'm still pretty masculine V shaped so they carry alot of extended sized tops that I've been trying out with much success.
    • Jani
      Only special people can become women
    • Jani
      Oh Yeah!!!   Rock on Sis!
    • Hannah Renee
      Meeting with the mediator went well. All should be done by the end of July🤞. And it's filed in the one county (where my wife lives) that has the option of not having to show up in court in person, or even Zoom. Now for the name change.
    • Hannah Renee
    • Michelle_Anne
      Sheena I’m right there with you.   You’re right it is comforting to have someone you feel completely safe with that affirms what you’re feeling inside.   I started buying a few articles of clothing this week and wearing them in private during the day when e regime is gone.  Now I’m researching how to do simple make up.  Yesterday I had a moment when I was in Target buying my first bra where I was so happy to find a cute one that fit me.  For a second this voice said inside of me…..don’t look now but you’re embracing being a woman.  
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      For @Jani   For @Cyndee   And just because....  
    • Astrid
      @Lucylux - This also might be a good time to see what different styles of bras work (or don't) for you, without forms.  The styles you favor will also likely change over time as your breasts grow.  There are an amazing variety to choose from.   Astrid
    • Annette
      Only special men can become women 😊
    • Jandi
      I think there is some kind of music thing going on uptown today.  Guess I'll go check it out and try to forget all this for a bit. Happy Saturday, y'all.
    • Jandi
      https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/06/roe-v-wade-dead-ending-marriage-equality-bringing-back-sodomy-laws-next/   "The lack of regard for precedent and for public opinion is a very bad sign for LGBTQ rights. Indeed, Justice Clarence Thomas all but issued an open invitation to right-wing legal activists to find cases to bring his way. In a footnote to his concurring opinion, Thomas said that in striking down the legal basis for abortion, every other decision using the same reasoning is now suspect. That includes Obergefell v. Hodges, which legalized marriage equality nationally, and Lawrence v. Texas, which struck down sodomy laws. In fact, he named those decisions by name. “We should reconsider all of this Court’s substantive due process precedents,” Thomas wrote. “We have a duty to ‘correct the error’ established in those precedents.” By “the error” Thomas is referring to your marriage and your right to have sex in your bedroom without being arrested. Don’t think that the right-wing lawyers who engineered today’s decision don’t recognize that invitation. They will be hunting for their next target. Thomas just supplied them."
    • SheenaT
      My first experience with therapy was with someone who had little to no knowledge about transgender issues or how to address them. Early on after many sessions she had me see a colleague who put me on anti depressants.  That did not go well for me. They turned me into a zombie. I discontinued them and soon after stopped seeing that therapist. I think because she didn't understand she figured it was just severe depression. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...