Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

What is your most difficult struggle with being trans, parent/spouse/sign. other of someone trans?


Heather Shay

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

For me it is allowing room and time for my spouse to go through grieving process and hopefully full acceptance.

Link to comment
  • Replies 116
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Jamie68

    16

  • Jackie C.

    15

  • Nora

    15

  • Mia Marie

    9

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

For me it was the extreme fear and anxiety of the questioning process and the first stages of coming out, when I didn't know if I would ever be accepted and loved for who I really am.

Link to comment

ooph- day to day it changes.  It seems the farther along I go in the transition the harder it gets sometimes.  My dysphoria can get overwhelming some days. I'm just kinda out of patience with it. There are others where I just cry on the floor in the shower because I'm simply SO EXHAUSTED from it all: The weekly electrolysis, the every other week counseling, the daily dysphoria, fighting for my medical care........not to mention the dealing with the change in my S/O's relationship.  And then there are days in a row where I'm just so excited about my life and nothing about being trans bothers me like today.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, RhondaS said:

Spouse. In mourning for 13 months and counting. 

***hugs***.  I feel you sister :(

 

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

Mine is my stopping becoming the woman I need to be. I read my wife wrong she never understood. Never will. My oldest son being a bigot.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

Mine is just going out of the house. Super self-conscious with severe social anxiety. Currently getting worse because it's starting to get too hard to hide the changes in public. Starting to experience people pointing, staring, snickering; keep telling myself things will be better in a few years, then I'm just going to move far away where no one knows me.

Link to comment

Knowing ill probably never find a partner again. That will accept me for me, and thats ok. I've gone most of my adult life single. What is another 50 years? 

 

When I know I have had a super easy transition. Compared to many. I feel bad, and for the most part. I know I shouldn't, and it's getting easier every day, but when compared to many. The only thing that changed for me was my pronouns, and name. 

Link to comment

hey Red and Bri

I feel the same.

I look in t mirror and just cry. Then i finally feel ok

and i being thinking about what Red said Who the helll will every want to go with me.

 

it a vicious cycle.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Update.... My patience is so hard.... Wanting to fully transition including surgery and having to wait for spouse and loved ones catching up to accepting and supporting my needs. It is soooooooo hard.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Shay said:

Update.... My patience is so hard.... Wanting to fully transition including surgery and having to wait for spouse and loved ones catching up to accepting and supporting my needs. It is soooooooo hard.

 

Hi Heather, just know that you are taking into account the larger picture with those you care about, realizing it's not just about you. You do have to take the lead with certain things as nothing happens on it's own. Your patience and understanding are quite admirable. 

 

Hugs, you'll get there....

 

Cyndi

Link to comment

KimmieL I'm sorry to here that your wife and son don't accept you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you don't want your marrage to end. I lived for 46 years hiding because my wife was not supporting and I didn't want to lose her. I expected to go to my grave without ever coming out. She passed away in 2016 and shortly after I began transitioning. I completely understand how hard it is to have to hide for the sake of others. I wish you the best hun and hope that you can work things out with your wife and son.

Red and Lexi, I want to let you know that I have been there, done that. I never thought that I would be alone the rest of my life since noe one could ever love me. But I met a wonderful transgender woman who fell in love with me shortly after we met. As we got to know each other better I fell for her. I want you to know that it can happen, there are people that will love you for who you are regardless of you being transgender. Like the title of a James Bond movie, "never say never".

Wishing you both the best.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Link to comment

Right now I would say it is my mom. Lately she has been saying that my therapist put all this in my head. I feel she is growing more transphobic every day. I keep hoping she will one day start accepting me for who I am and not what she wants me to be. My dad is a little, very little, accepting.

Link to comment
23 hours ago, Lexi C said:

hey Red and Bri

I feel the same.

I look in t mirror and just cry. Then i finally feel ok

and i being thinking about what Red said Who the helll will every want to go with me.

 

it a vicious cycle.

I have been told by the females in my social circle. That I make a better looking woman then a man. Some of these ladies knew the old male me, so being told that. Has really helped the ego most days. Also the days where my make-up is on point, my outfit is cute, and the days my butt looks awesome. I can see it my self. 

15 hours ago, BrandiBri said:

KimmieL I'm sorry to here that your wife and son don't accept you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you don't want your marrage to end. I lived for 46 years hiding because my wife was not supporting and I didn't want to lose her. I expected to go to my grave without ever coming out. She passed away in 2016 and shortly after I began transitioning. I completely understand how hard it is to have to hide for the sake of others. I wish you the best hun and hope that you can work things out with your wife and son.

Red and Lexi, I want to let you know that I have been there, done that. I never thought that I would be alone the rest of my life since noe one could ever love me. But I met a wonderful transgender woman who fell in love with me shortly after we met. As we got to know each other better I fell for her. I want you to know that it can happen, there are people that will love you for who you are regardless of you being transgender. Like the title of a James Bond movie, "never say never".

Wishing you both the best.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

For me it will be hard. I live in a very right thinking town. I don't feel unsafe or any thing here. It probably helps that I blend in well. Its just hard to find any woman trans or not that is in to me. I only know like two or three trans people from the area, and like me. They are very stealth. We all have normal jobs, and have normal lives. We just don't advertise we are trans. 

Link to comment

wow...congrats on your out-looking. Maybe the comp is more in yr face in L.A

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 


They probably waited years to go to a group meet because they were shy about the possibility of not passing. Just means you're 300 times braver than they are. XD
 

That's my plan anyway: Hide in my bedroom until I feel I can walk through a department store without experience stifled giggles in the background or peoples stare of confusion and/or disapproval. I'm a total coward lol.

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Nora said:

That's my plan anyway: Hide in my bedroom until I feel I can walk through a department store without experience stifled giggles in the background or peoples stare of confusion and/or disapproval. I'm a total coward lol.

That's no way to live. I have been this way and I am just getting to the point it doesn't really bother me to walk around the women's dept and look to see what treasure I can find to wear. I am in the building stage with my wardrobe and I know it will take me a long time to find just the right garment to buy and wear. I have been working on my transition actually for the last couple of years, but medically transitioning for the last year. I can say I am not as nervous today with wanting to step out as my authentic self. I want to do it more and sometimes it seems exciting and all I can do is smile. I don't care if I am presenting correctly. It is my differences that make me better see what to do next. I have a plan to go to the mall and sit, watch and learn what will make me better. Fear shouldn't become the factor for not presenting in public. You shouldn't care what others think and say.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Mia Marie said:

That's no way to live. I have been this way and I am just getting to the point it doesn't really bother me to walk around the women's dept and look to see what treasure I can find to wear. I am in the building stage with my wardrobe and I know it will take me a long time to find just the right garment to buy and wear. I have been working on my transition actually for the last couple of years, but medically transitioning for the last year. I can say I am not as nervous today with wanting to step out as my authentic self. I want to do it more and sometimes it seems exciting and all I can do is smile. I don't care if I am presenting correctly. It is my differences that make me better see what to do next. I have a plan to go to the mall and sit, watch and learn what will make me better. Fear shouldn't become the factor for not presenting in public. You shouldn't care what others think and say.


Indeed, I should not care what others think or say, but alas, I just can't help myself lol. I'm terrified of causing a scene. I live in a town fulla cowboys, mountain men and rednecks. ...What if one of them's a psychotic bigot? ...What if they go after my mother? ...What if I can't do anything to protect her?

...I'd probably end up becoming a serial killer who targets transphobes, collecting locks of their hair in a scrapbook as trophies; THAT'S WHAT! Rotflol. ?  

...And I just CAN'T let that happen lmao. XD

...I'll get out of the house more in a few years or so LOL. XD

Link to comment
On 9/18/2021 at 12:12 AM, Lexi C said:

wow...congrats on your out-looking. Maybe the comp is more in yr face in L.A

Every time i go to a TG meet or group meet. I feel so ugly and out of place, cause their all like beautiful. I never talk to them 

 

You have to remember you live in the land of plastic surgery, so its not uncommon for either males or females to have some work done. While I live in a small town of 40k people in Wisconsin. 

 

I honestly stopped comparing my self to other trans woman, and woman. It wasn't healthy for me. I have had a few trans woman, and cis woman get jealous of my Looks, and apparently my chest. While I'm the biggest in the chest department among my social, and inner circle. I wouldn't say I'm the best looking by a lot. The females in my inner circle. Are for sure 10/10, so I consider my self avg at best. 

Link to comment

You all are glorious goddesses no mater where u are in ur transition or how you look. Embrace your inner goddess and let it shine. You will have more positive experiences than negative ones.  I get it.. living in big sky country as trans must be hard but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 
i don’t care what most men think of me, and most women are inspired by my “authenticity “ and think that’s beautiful. Which it is. Most people will see your bravery and react positively to u   

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 


Meh, I'm fairly confident. Even before HRT I was scrawny and short for a boy; (5'9" / 150 lbs.) Mom remarked a couple months ago in the middle of the store that she thinks I'm going to make a pretty girl...I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but I decided to take it as a compliment, trying not to blush too furiously, or look around the store too obviously, scanning to see if anybody just heard that shizzit my mom just said lmao. ...I finally understood the age-old euphemistic expression, "I wish the Earth would just open up and swallow me whole." ...Yep; that describes it lol. ?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 110 Guests (See full list)

    • Melissa_J
    • LC
    • Maddee
    • phicauser1
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...