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What is your most difficult struggle with being trans, parent/spouse/sign. other of someone trans?


Heather Shay

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1 hour ago, Nora said:

Mom remarked a couple months ago in the middle of the store that she thinks I'm going to make a pretty girl...I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but I decided to take it as a compliment, trying not to blush too furiously, or look around the store too obviously, scanning to see if anybody just heard that shizzit my mom just said lmao. ...I finally understood the age-old euphemistic expression, "I wish the Earth would just open up and swallow me whole."

 

It's the darndest thing, but EVERY time somebody clocks me, I ask them, "What gave it away?" They ALWAYS start with, "You're very pretty." I had no idea what's up with that.

 

For the record the last two time it happened were, "You're very pretty but the surgery you're going for is something that a lot of trans women get." The other one was due to me being DECKED OUT in gay regalia and headed for the office of my GCS surgeon.

 

On topic though, the only people who haven't accepted me for who I am are my birth parents and one old guy at the gym. I think I can deal. I'm getting the picture on my gym ID changed though. I was still presenting male when it was taken and looking at it now makes me go, "Ugh." Old pictures in general are aversive for me. They all make me go, "Ugh."

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

...I was still presenting male when it was taken and looking at it now makes me go, "Ugh." Old pictures in general are aversive for me. They all make me go, "Ugh."

 

Hugs!


Totally starting to get that lol. I haven't come out on my main Facebook profile yet with all my friends and distant relatives, so whenever I go on there I end up seeing my old pics and it's a weird mixture of shock, disgust, and fear lmao. Chatting with my friends on there is SUPER awkward; I literally end up having to sincerely try to pretend I'm a boy lol. They all live like literally thousands of miles away back in the arctic; I'm out to all my friends and family in Montana lol, (my mother, my aunt and uncle, and a couple of cousins and that's it; that's ALL I got for a social circle at the moment lol. XD

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Nora said:


Totally starting to get that lol. I haven't come out on my main Facebook profile yet with all my friends and distant relatives, so whenever I go on there I end up seeing my old pics and it's a weird mixture of shock, disgust, and fear lmao. Chatting with my friends on there is SUPER awkward; I literally end up having to sincerely try to pretend I'm a boy lol. They all live like literally thousands of miles away back in the arctic; I'm out to all my friends and family in Montana lol, (my mother, my aunt and uncle, and a couple of cousins and that's it; that's ALL I got for a social circle at the moment lol. XD

Hugs!

 

OH, anything people are going to see? Completely upgraded. I had an old friend contact another old friend and ask, "Does <deadname> have a sister?" when he found my updated info on social media. I... actually found that pretty funny.

 

But yeah, part of my coming out process was, "This is not a secret. Feel free to tell people. I'm DONE pretending." Not much fallout to be honest. I'm probably lucky that way, but people who don't want to know  the authentic me don't deserve my time.

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

OH, anything people are going to see?


You are far braver than I lol. XD

And oh yeah...if I posted an updated pic, they'd definitely be able to tell something was different lol. XD

These are the main changes so far at about 8 months post-HRT, and over a year of growing my hair out:

Old me had short, slicked back hair; (think "70's greaser".)
New me has wavy/curly hair that reaches halfway down my back.

 

Old me was wirey/muscular, (think "teenage Spider-Man".)
New me has a bit less mass and strength, narrower shoulders, rounder features, some curves, a tad shorter, and A-cup breasts.

Old me had a goatee and body hair, (think "recently-released-prisoner" lmao.)
New me is fully shaved, with softer/smoother skin that bruises easy, and the big bulgy veins in my arms disappeared, so now my HRT provider has to draw blood from a vein in my hand instead lol.

And then of course there's all the emotional changes which seem to have also had an affect on the way I think and speak. Pretending to be Old Me on facebook is genuinely exhausting lmao; I try to just avoid facebook altogether now lol.

I hate Old Me lmao. XD

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4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I'm getting the picture on my gym ID changed though. I was still presenting male when it was taken and looking at it now makes me go, "Ugh."

 

My driver's license photo has started doing that for me. It was taken juuust before I started growing my hair out. It was borderline almost short enough to be a buzz cut. Now it's past shoulder length. It's kinda funny some of the occasional times I get carded, when they notice the difference :D

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Oh, I got the BEST driver's license photo the day (and it was ABSOLUTELY the day, the ink was still wet on my court order) I got my name changed on my driver's license. Tragically the one I got to change my sex marker isn't quite as good. I got one perfect DL picture. Tragically it lasted less than a year.

 

3 hours ago, Nora said:

I hate Old Me lmao. XD

 

After several years of therapy, I don't really hate my façade anymore. He did his best to keep me safe. He wasn't perfect. Sometimes he was an outright ass, but he was doing his best. I can't resent him for that. He's not me and I don't always remember him fondly, but I can't hate him. He tried.

 

Hugs!

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15 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

You all are glorious goddesses no mater where u are in ur transition or how you look. Embrace your inner goddess and let it shine. You will have more positive experiences than negative ones.  I get it.. living in big sky country as trans must be hard but let’s be real..even after all your surgery and hrt, most of us won’t ever fully “ pass” so u have to figure out a way to not give a fuc$ about what others may think. 
i don’t care what most men think of me, and most women are inspired by my “authenticity “ and think that’s beautiful. Which it is. Most people will see your bravery and react positively to u   

Heck I'm 6ft tall. I get called a Amazon a lot by my female friends, and I still rock it. I would also say I'm probably more confident now vs as a man. 

14 hours ago, Nora said:


Meh, I'm fairly confident. Even before HRT I was scrawny and short for a boy; (5'9" / 150 lbs.) Mom remarked a couple months ago in the middle of the store that she thinks I'm going to make a pretty girl...I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but I decided to take it as a compliment, trying not to blush too furiously, or look around the store too obviously, scanning to see if anybody just heard that shizzit my mom just said lmao. ...I finally understood the age-old euphemistic expression, "I wish the Earth would just open up and swallow me whole." ...Yep; that describes it lol. ?

I truly think my grandma hates that im trans, but when she says I look good, or mentions how pretty my nails, or jewelry is. It kinda werids me out a bit, but I think deep down. She she's happy that im happy, and im finally taking care of my self, and not dressing like a bum.  

 

I also got a little happy. When the females in my life. That knew the old me. Finally got to see the real for the first time. The smiles on there faces told me I made the right decision. One even said last time I saw her. She was so excited how I looked, and was happy with my progressed in the 10 month's. 

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9 hours ago, Red_Lauren. said:

Heck I'm 6ft tall. I get called a Amazon a lot by my female friends, and I still rock it. I would also say I'm probably more confident now vs as a man. 

 

I feel this in my soul. You've got an inch on me, but I spend a ton of time in the gym. I'm buff. My spouse calls me her Amazon. It's cute!

 

9 hours ago, Red_Lauren. said:

I truly think my grandma hates that im trans, but when she says I look good, or mentions how pretty my nails, or jewelry is. It kinda werids me out a bit, but I think deep down. She she's happy that im happy, and im finally taking care of my self, and not dressing like a bum. 

 

My spouse went through a bout of this. Mostly she was upset that I look better than she does (in her eyes anyway). Or, "You make a better girl than *I* do." She eventually got over it, but there was some conflict. It's mostly because of her poor self-image though.

 

Hugs!

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23 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

On topic though, the only people who haven't accepted me for who I am are my birth parents and one old guy at the gym. I think I can deal. I'm getting the picture on my gym ID changed though. I was still presenting male when it was taken and looking at it now makes me go, "Ugh." Old pictures in general are aversive for me. They all make me go, "Ugh."

So far the only family that doesn't truly accept me as a woman is my spouse, son, and future grandson in law.

I feel the same about most of my old pictures. I was a cute little boy though with bananna curly red hair. 

I do get creeped out when I get mail with my dead name on it.

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

I do get creeped out when I get mail with my dead name on it.

 

That just means I don't have to look at it. Into the trash you go!

 

Hugs!

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The last couple of days showed me that we are the hardest part about being trans. Depression and anxiety both play a part in who we are. I have been a little depressed the last couple of days and I am not sure if it is getting used to my "E" injections being 2 weeks apart now instead of pills twice a day. I do know that a lot comes from the people we love in our lives. Like my father saying he doesn't want anything to do with any part of my trans needs and my mom telling people that my therapist put all this in my head. It makes me feel so alone in this. I am hoping sometime soon I can get on the surgery list for bottom surgery. My issue and fear is my family won't be there and I would have no help. I read you have to put someone on the form as someone to help with post surgery. I feel I have no one and that means I am alone in this. How can anyone not feel alone when they have no support from family? How can one stop feeling invisible around those who don't want you to see you as your true self? This past Fri was my birthday and even though I brought it up in conversation I was treated as if I wasn't there. It has been something that has become more prevalent each year. I went out with a group of trans and I told them but no one seemed to care. A quick happy birthday and then a change in conversation. I can only remember 2 birthday parties in my life. Neither one just for me. So to me the hardest part about being trans is being alone.

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Well first off, happy belated birthday. That's usually Timberwolf's thing but I don't think they'll mind if I step in just this once.

 

Secondly, yeah, non-supportive parents suck. I haven't seen mine in three years and... let's be honest... that's a huge amount of stress I no longer have.

 

So support. I remember you don't have an LGBTQ+ center near you? In times like this, I lean on friends and other family. Meetups (I suffer from social anxiety, if I can do this, so can you) or other social apps are a good way to meet people. A lot of LGBTQ+ folks rely on their found families more than the ones we're related to by blood. That's OK. I personally think that Western culture puts too much emphasis on blood relations to begin with. My blood relations are terrible. I WISH I'd known that it was possible to build your own family when I was in my 20s. The family I've constructed is much cooler and more supportive.

On a practical level, you do need someone with you at the hospital. However, a friend (they say you have to have known each other for at least a year) works just as well as a blood relation. Cultivate contacts, go out and thrive.

 

You aren't alone in this. It might feel like that sometimes, but there are people in the world who will help you if you give them half a chance.

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

Well first off, happy belated birthday. That's usually Timberwolf's thing but I don't think they'll mind if I step in just this once.

 

Secondly, yeah, non-supportive parents suck. I haven't seen mine in three years and... let's be honest... that's a huge amount of stress I no longer have.

 

So support. I remember you don't have an LGBTQ+ center near you? In times like this, I lean on friends and other family. Meetups (I suffer from social anxiety, if I can do this, so can you) or other social apps are a good way to meet people. A lot of LGBTQ+ folks rely on their found families more than the ones we're related to by blood. That's OK. I personally think that Western culture puts too much emphasis on blood relations to begin with. My blood relations are terrible. I WISH I'd known that it was possible to build your own family when I was in my 20s. The family I've constructed is much cooler and more supportive.

On a practical level, you do need someone with you at the hospital. However, a friend (they say you have to have known each other for at least a year) works just as well as a blood relation. Cultivate contacts, go out and thrive.

 

You aren't alone in this. It might feel like that sometimes, but there are people in the world who will help you if you give them half a chance.

 

Hugs!

@Jackie C. Thanks for this post like Marie I to am doing this alone I do have some close friends who have fully supported my transition but 2 are over 600 miles the other is 1100 miles. I haven't come out to family just yet as I am only 1 month on HRT. To top it off now my Dr wants me to get a colonoscopy because its been 15 years since my last one and I don't have any family close by to drive me home afterward. 

Billie

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1 hour ago, Mia Marie said:

The last couple of days showed me that we are the hardest part about being trans. Depression and anxiety both play a part in who we are. I have been a little depressed the last couple of days and I am not sure if it is getting used to my "E" injections being 2 weeks apart now instead of pills twice a day. I do know that a lot comes from the people we love in our lives. Like my father saying he doesn't want anything to do with any part of my trans needs and my mom telling people that my therapist put all this in my head. It makes me feel so alone in this. I am hoping sometime soon I can get on the surgery list for bottom surgery. My issue and fear is my family won't be there and I would have no help. I read you have to put someone on the form as someone to help with post surgery. I feel I have no one and that means I am alone in this. How can anyone not feel alone when they have no support from family? How can one stop feeling invisible around those who don't want you to see you as your true self? This past Fri was my birthday and even though I brought it up in conversation I was treated as if I wasn't there. It has been something that has become more prevalent each year. I went out with a group of trans and I told them but no one seemed to care. A quick happy birthday and then a change in conversation. I can only remember 2 birthday parties in my life. Neither one just for me. So to me the hardest part about being trans is being alone.

Happy belated birthday ? ? ? to you. Birthdays aren't what they used to be for me. My spouse and I usually go out to dinner for birthdays. 

I wish I had a friend to go talk to or shop with, but my spouse will never go for it. It gets dam lonely at times. 

My surgeon recommends me staying in a nursing facility after surgery since I really don't have anyone to care for me. My spouse wants to be there, but I doubt if she will be able to mentally or physically. She doesn't want me to have GCS and she is in poor health. We are worried about who will help her while I am recovering. 

I'm finding that the only good thing about transitioning is that you finally get to be your true self. There is nothing easy about being trans. 

Just getting on the surgery list takes a lot. Where I'm going you have to have your 3 letters submitted and your insurance company has to approve the surgery. And then there's a long waiting list. Get started asap and get started with electrolysis asap. Hugs ? ? 

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

I'm finding that the only good thing about transitioning is that you finally get to be your true self. There is nothing easy about being trans. 

 

Hey now, a LOT of good things stem from being yourself. My circle of friends has expanded, my health has improved, my confidence has soared, I'm finally starting to chase my dreams again and I got to meet all of you.

 

Don't discount being your true self as "only." That key opens a lot of locked doors.

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

Where I'm going you have to have your 3 letters submitted and your insurance company has to approve the surgery.

First, my insurance doesn't have transgender care so the bill will have to be totally out of pocket. With that said I had to set up a fundraiser to see if I can raise enough to be able to afford GCS. Secondly, I read you only need 2 letters for GCS.

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1 hour ago, Mia Marie said:

First, my insurance doesn't have transgender care so the bill will have to be totally out of pocket. With that said I had to set up a fundraiser to see if I can raise enough to be able to afford GCS. Secondly, I read you only need 2 letters for GCS.

 

That's how it works in Michigan and via WPATH standards. One letter to get your HRT. After you've been on HRT a year, two more letters from two different gender therapists who can't be in the same network. So I guess a total of three, but your insurance company can throw additional conditions on it if they like.

I didn't go through insurance either. Mine covers bottom surgery, but only if it's in state. We have ONE doctor in state. He's a general plastic surgeon, he's a guy and he's close to retirement age. No thank you. I went out of state even if it did cost us $25K.

 

Hugs!

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2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Hey now, a LOT of good things stem from being yourself. My circle of friends has expanded, my health has improved, my confidence has soared, I'm finally starting to chase my dreams again and I got to meet all of you.

 

Don't discount being your true self as "only." That key opens a lot of locked doors.

 

Hugs!

Yeah, you're right. I guess I was being a little narrow minded. ?

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1 hour ago, Mia Marie said:

First, my insurance doesn't have transgender care so the bill will have to be totally out of pocket. With that said I had to set up a fundraiser to see if I can raise enough to be able to afford GCS. Secondly, I read you only need 2 letters for GCS.

If they go by WPATH rev.7 standards you need 1 from doctor and 2 from therapists for Vaginoplasty. Only 2 letters for orchiectomy. 

I hope you can raise enough money. Just the surgery is fifty grand plus. The total cost can be a hundred grand. I have Humana Choice insurance that covers 50%, but I have a maximum out of pocket of $5,500. Can you change insurance? 

 

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

Just the surgery is fifty grand plus.

 

What procedure? My inversion (with hospital fees) only cost $25K.

 

Hugs!

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TX insurance doesn't allow for transgender care. I have looked into a secondary insurance that does but they call think I am looking for primary insurance as though I had none. Each one tells me that they don't have trans care and aren't looking to add. 

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1 hour ago, Mia Marie said:

TX insurance doesn't allow for transgender care. I have looked into a secondary insurance that does but they call think I am looking for primary insurance as though I had none. Each one tells me that they don't have trans care and aren't looking to add. 

That sucks. Hopefully soon.?

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

What procedure? My inversion (with hospital fees) only cost $25K.

 

Hugs!

I hope i'm wrong, but this is a Chicago hospital though. I plan to get a full depth inversion.

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

I hope i'm wrong, but this is a Chicago hospital though. I plan to get a full depth inversion.

 

Yup, that's what I got. For me it was $25K inclusive. Hospital fees, etc... That was (barely) pre-pandemic though.

 

Hugs!

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    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
    • Timi
      Hi @violet r!    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you found this place. I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have.    -Timi    
    • marysssia
      Hi lovely people,   I'm a 25 yo MtF woman, and I've been suffering from low estrogen issues since October 2023. I completely lost my feminine libido, my breast completely stopped growing, my estrogen levels dropped by a lot (despite NOT decreasing my E dosage) and thus my dysphoria drastically increased. I think it is worth mentioning that, for my health issues, I had been taking ----- Lamotrigine for months & had been on ketogenic diet, and these things seem to be a culprit of my current issue. I weaned off Lamotrigine some time ago and gave up on keto diet, but it still doesn't seem to help. My estrogen is still low (44 ng/ml) and my libido hasn't come back yet. In general, I struggle with my dysphoria so much because of that and, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many dietary supplements, yet I didn't get any effects from them. My endocrinologist didn't know how to help me. She only suggested to increase my daily estrogen dose (to 3x per day ------sublingual estrogen tablets and 3x per day ------ estrogen gel applied to armpits or thighs), which I did, without any effect.   Please, help me. Prior to keto diet & Lamotrigine treatment, I'd never had experience like that. I'm basically helpless and have no clue what to do. Having to deal with low estrogen is a horrible experience to me and it affects my life severely.   BTW, my T levels are always within female range.   Do you have any clue what exactly I should do?
    • April Marie
      I love wearing a jeans skirt!! That looks like airport carpet. Safe travels if you're flying!!
    • Maddee
      Flight faraway forthcoming Fabulous forum friends 😊😊🎸🦂
    • Maddee
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