Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Being seen by neighbors


Recommended Posts

It's so ironic.  For almost every house on my block, people are like hermits hiding in their house, except for all the houses immediately surrounding mine.  They are outside ALL THE TIME.


I like to go out dressed on weekends, and let me tell you, it's a nail biter every single time to get out and get back in without being seen.


Yesterday, I got out okay, but coming back home turning out not as I expected.  It was pouring rain and as a result, I was feeling confident that this would be one of those times where I would be able to slip back in without any problem.  That was not the case.  As I drove up to my place, I looked across the street and my neighbors garage door is open (it's always open) and he's standing there smoking a cigarette and looking directly at me as I pulled into my driveway.  No idea what he was thinking as he saw some blonde woman pulling my car into my garage!?


I know I shouldn't care what others think, but trust me, if I gave my long-winded explanation of my situation, it would make more sense.


Just wish I didn't have such outdoorsy neighbors.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Great! So you've been seen. So what?


I was like that early on. Afraid of what the neighbors would thing. Then I realized that this is me and what they think can't change that. I'm me and me is amazing. If they don't want to get to know me because I'm transgender, well, their loss.



Link to comment

For those of us not out full-time, this is a real concern.  I am quite fortunate to live in a neighborhood where my house isn't observable from any of my neighbor's houses.  Still, I am very observant when driving into or out of the neighborhood. 


I'm of two mindsets when I think about this.  The first is, I really don't care personally, if my neighbors discover I'm trans.  However, I know such a discovery would cause my wife some discomfort and deference to her, I do my best to remain discreet.


I'm not so naïve, however, to assume I'll never be discovered, which means I may have to actually come clean at some point.  Oh well, that's a bridge to be crossed later. 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I was like that early on. Afraid of what the neighbors would thing.

Yeah, me too.  I was scared to go out to my mailbox before dark LOL.

I finally got to the just F&%! it stage… but it wasn't easy.  

But I am fortunate (if you can call it that) that I only have myself to consider.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Being seen by others can actually be the straw that begins the full coming out process.  That being said i have known that fear.  I'm grateful to be me now without that fear.





Link to comment

@jkm I cannot leave the house properly dressed unless I am hiding it under a baggy hoody or a big jacket, but at least I have told enough people that I can take a case and change somewhere decent now..  I will not miss the time spent changing hurriedly in empty laybys or public loos and relying on no one being about, though that may be my life until I can move somewhere to be me ful time.. It is the benefit and disavantage of living in a very small rural village at least I have options if I am careful. My neighbours literally already knew who I was before I moved in but I suppose we all run that gauntlet to/from the front door eventually..

Link to comment

Hmmm, the thought of what neighbors might think did cross my mind over the last year but in more casual way. I have met some of them before transition and then suddenly there is this new person on the block ? I genuinely curious what they might think but going by my interactions with them since, they either accepting and don’t care or didn’t realize ?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 45 Guests (See full list)

    • Astrid
    • Colleen Henderson
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. AnddyWillBeOkay
    2. GrowinPains
      (46 years old)
    3. Joolz
    4. sheedikhan
      (41 years old)
    5. Stephaniew
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      Welcome Ay-la 
    • KathyLauren
      Welcome, @Ay-la!  It's a good group of people around here.   I lived in BC for a few years.  Now I am at the other side of the country.  Nice that your partner is supportive!   Regards, Kathy
    • Hannah Renee
      Anecdotally, things morning my daughter used her Snapchat app to see what I would look like with a couple of different hairstyles and makeup. I showed the screenshots to o couple of ladies at work, one of whom knows I'm transgender. Not sure if the other one does (typical at my work). They both said I look prettier the way I am. Other than that, out in public - in stores or other interactions - being addressed as ma'am, men going out of their way to hold a door open for me, any number of little things go a long way towards knowing that I'm passing. Nobody has ever overtly made a reference to whether or not I'm passing.   As has been said, self-confidence in the way you present yourself goes a long way. How you dress, walk, gesture - sure. But like in the movies, act like you belong. Own it.
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums.  We try to keep it a good friendly place, so feel at home and comment on others topics to give or get advice and some friendship.
    • Ay-la
      Hi all, 49 and based in BC, Canada, I’m finally pursuing my transition overcoming decades of barriers and minimizing my own needs. Trans feminine and genderqueer, I’m lucky to have a supportive partner and kids at home, but a small social circle otherwise, because, introvert… So, quiet and prone to lurking, but I’m trying to break out of my shell a bit as I am craving some community.    looking forward to meeting folks here.   -A.
    • Abigail Eleanor
      Bumping this old thread because this caught my eye. This is pretty much my strategy and I'm hoping it'll work.   @tesla1026 if you spot this did you try this idea? How did it go?   Would love to hear from anyone who's tried this gradual progression technique rather that make an announcement.
    • Ivy
      Better than nothing 
    • Kasumi63
      Living in Japan, I have a very different experience, so I'm curious how you guys know whether you are "passing" or not. In other words, do people overtly tell you? Or is it something more subtle? Over here, people never say anything, and to be honest, I sometimes find this frustrating because I would like a little bit of feedback about how I'm doing. Or even just tips on where I could improve. Part of the problem is language, I guess. In Japanese, pronouns are rarely used, so it's easy to avoid referring to someone's gender. People also are extremely reluctant to say anything unpleasant or mean to others. So are there any ways to get some objective feedback? (Disclaimer:  I agree that we tend to put too much emphasis on "passing," but I do want to keep improving.)
    • Kasumi63
      As a non-Christian living in a heathen land (the Japanese have a very long history of rejecting Christianity), I thoroughly enjoy smashing these Christmas lights. LOL. Of course, Christmas isn't nearly as depressing now that I'm living here, but even with all the distance, the holidays usually get me down. Now if only I had some lights to smash in person!
    • Kasumi63
      Thank you, guys, for all the positive comments. Japan has a long way to go, especially with updating its backward laws, but it's great to see people changing their attitudes. Over a dozen students and a handful of teachers have come up to me to tell my they saw me on TV and to voice their support. I'm as happy as I look in the video!
    • VickySGV
      I just read an announcement from the Los Angeles LGBT Center that describes the victim as one of their employees, and does mention fears of violence against people.  LALGBT Canter stuff is being circulated to all regional Centers it seems.  The woman was popular and loved.
    • KathyLauren
      Got the letter today.  Yes, they officially recognize that my hearing loss was caused by my military service, and I will be getting a small monthly payment as compensation.  Nice!  Well, not nice that I am losing my hearing, but nice to get compensated.
    • miz miranda
      Black Sabbath in a jazz motif    
    • Billie75B
      Hi @Heather Nicole I too was on patches and a month ago switched to weekly injections so far, no wild swings but I have noticed that by injection day I am a little grumpy. After my injection say 20 minutes or so I am back to being happy as a clam.
    • StephieGurl
      I agree things would be different if I did not carry the self-confidence that I do.  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...