Happy to be here

[Sarina]

Hi ladies, 

 

My name is Sarina. I’m a 60 year mtf. I have spent the last 2.5 years working towards becoming who I am. 
I am married with 2 kids. My wife and I have been married for over 22 years. My wife discovered my transition letter, lingerie, electrolysis and hormones. 
She filed for divorce in January. I had mixed emotions. I was finally free to get my surgeries but I would be alone. I got back with her but by doing so, my transition came to a grinding halt.

I am so torn right now. I know I will never be happy living as a male. 
My wife has become a fundamental Christian and is totally against my transition. 
Transitioning to be a woman has overtaken all my thoughts. I want to be a post op trans woman to be happy. 
I started cross dressing since I was 13 years old. 
It’s been off and on over the years. I need to look

in the mirror and see a female face and body to feel like myself. I don’t like to see my male body. 
I have developed small breasts that gives me some comfort. 
I’m so glad to be involved with the group to get and give advice. I look forward to getting to know you all and be part of our family  
 

[Jani]

Welcome @Sarina.  I'm glad you found us!  Obviously you are far along on your journey.  Unfortunately you've gone quite far without talking to your spouse first.  This is going to make it very difficult for her to trust you.  If you are so unhappy there seems like one path forward but at a cost of your family.  This is a decision only you can make.  Please join in the conversation here.  I hope you can find peace.

 

Jani

[Susan R]

21 hours ago, Sarina said:

Transitioning to be a woman has overtaken all my thoughts.

Hi Sarina, I can understand this very hard place you’re in right now. Like you, when I embraced the truth, I could not stop my transition from moving forward and coming out was the last thing I wanted to do. I have to agree with Jani that you have a big choice to make and it all comes down to what you want for your life.

 

Right now, it might be a good time to talk to a specialized therapist…one that works with ‘gender identity’ issues. What would be even better would be to have your wife join you in these sessions after a time so that she can be included in these issues a bit more but slowly. You have a much better chance at saving both the marriage and the chance to live as your authentic self if she can see your life through your eyes and understand why doing this is critical for your emotional well being. Empathy and knowledge can go a long way in establishing a new relationship despite her fundamental Christian upbringing. It can happen but it is a difficult road. My best to you and your wife. I hope you can make it work..together.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Delcina B]

Welcome Sarina! Our journeys exploring our gender have many parallels. My wife as yours is not willing to accept life married to an openly transgender spouse. I empathize with her feelings, but when I "played the tape all the way through" on putting Delcina in the box, I saw me angry & resentful at her. A bad place for all concerned. A divorce is looming overhead & today when I'm around her I present androgynous.

 

I totally relate to your feelings of being torn about what to do. As said already, it is a decision only you can make. I hope & pray the best for you & your family. 

 

I have found loving support, advice & acceptance from the people in this forum, a great comfort, I think you will too. 

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Ivy]

Welcome Sarina.