Coming Out at 50 to my Wife of 18 Years.

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Betty K said:

In my case, I only faced the truth about my gender after I broke up with my wife. Still, I consider myself lucky that she loves and supports me despite that I basically deceived her while we were together.

This is  how it was for me as well.  But I don't think I was deceiving her, since I was so deeply in denial myself.

 

If I say something that's untrue, it's not a "lie" if I actually believe it when I'm saying it.

There is no point in blaming yourself for something you were unaware of at the time.

[Betty K]

@Jandi Hmm, maybe it was different for me than for others, but I think in my case I definitely had enough clues to solve the puzzle if only I'd been brave enough. But I'm not saying I "lied" to her exactly, since that infers it was deliberate. Rather, by deceiving myself I inadvertently deceived her.

 

But don't worry, I don't blame myself, I'm just grateful that she bears me no grudge for my behaviour, since I could understand if she did.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, in my case, I wasn't entirely unaware at the time.