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Something I hadn't considered


Kelly2509

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So I had an interesting experience today with a really good friend who has known me for about 40 years, but who I only see a couple times a year these days.  He was not the first person in my circle of friends that I came out to.  That distinction is held by another old friend of similar closeness who just happened to stumble upon me on facebook late last week.  Short backstory: I have been very slow to come out to my friends to help my wife ease into it better (it's a long story, maybe for another time).  Anyway, the one who found me last week added me as a friend and in doing so apparently I began showing up in others' "people you may know" lists (I kind of hate those lists since it takes a lot of control out of users hands).  So today my other, older friend messages me and opens with (and I'm paraphrasing) "with all the stuff we've been through together I find out about this because you showed up on the people you may know list?!"

 

Thankfully he was nice and supportive but obviously a bit hurt that I hadn't told him sooner.  I tried to explain that I was having a difficult time gathering the courage to contact him and a few others who I really wanted to know, and he said he understood, but he said he was disappointed I hadn't reached out last fall and that if I had it might have made those first few months a bit easier (it would have).  We're still cool and planning on getting together soon (we live in cities about 2 hours apart) but I worry I might have really hurt his feelings by not trusting him with this sooner.  This is something that NEVER occurred to me, that not only would someone whose reaction I was worried about not just accept me but be upset I waited to tell them anything.

 

weird days.

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Kelly, it might be a good opportunity to seize the opportunity to reconnect.  The ice is clearly broken, so it might be good to keep the lines of communication with your old friend flowing now.  He might fell a little slighted now, but I'm thinking the best way to heal the small wound is to engage and take him into your confidence.  Best wishes.

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8 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

Kelly, it might be a good opportunity to seize the opportunity to reconnect.  The ice is clearly broken, so it might be good to keep the lines of communication with your old friend flowing now.  He might fell a little slighted now, but I'm thinking the best way to heal the small wound is to engage and take him into your confidence.  Best wishes.

Absolutely!  When he suggested we get together I immediately started looking at my calendar and planning a trip.  We've been there for each other at our best and worst times and yesterday kind of opened my eyes that we've kind of let the distance drift us apart.  He was so right that I should have contacted him about this last year and you're right that this is a good time to rekindle our friendship!

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