Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dealing with fear


Recommended Posts

I’m a trained, board certified psychiatrist with 45 years of experience and years of treating transgender patients, both medically and psychiatrically. Yet, here I am trying to start my own transition and feeling totally overwhelmed. At night all I do is run the lyrics of the song “Alone again, naturally “ in head over and over again. Fear is a bitch. 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I only have one main fear and that is the use of restrooms. I have been on HRT for a little over a year and yes I have some noticeable breast growth and according to one of the ramp supervisors ( I work for a gse dept for an airlines ) told me I shouldn't have a problem using the ladies room although I still get a little scared that someone will feel they have to say something. I have been given permission to use the ladies room by HR. How do I overcome that fear?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Sofie as a board certified psychiatrist I would think your use of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT as developed by Dr. Steven Hayes and the wonderful book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris) would help you deal with fear.  It has helped me.  Either way - it's good to know I'm not alone in my journey.  Fear not young lady.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...



I can empathize. I have been an RN for a long time and now I am a nurse practitioner. I have put off transition for a number of decades. Something just broke inside of me and I have to do this. I figured if I do not do it, I will keep wasting time loathing myself. No more. Over the past 6 weeks I have committed myself to an intermittent fasting diet, lost 35 pounds, bought a new wardrobe, stopped wearing all men's clothing except my scrubs for work. I have Naired my body, shaved what I could, bought an IPL device, had my first mani/pedi ever, took a picture of the toes and sent them to one of my oldest and dearest friends. She is supportive. Sometimes you just have to put one step in front of the other. Make no mistake about it, there will be haters, and there will be supporters.


I am not out at work, but I think someone saw the edge of my panties the other day. He came up to me the other day and unexpectedly starting massaging and scratching my back. He asked me if it felt good. It seemed strange that a guy would do that to another guy, but it melted the female in me. It felt divine, although, I wonder what he would have done if he had felt a cami or a bra strap. Sooner or later someone will figure out my coat has changed and my tops have the buttons on the female side. I figure they will also note my various vanilla and rose scents. It will be fascinating to see the lightbulb go off in a few months.


Sofie, just talk it out and take it one step at a time. Being transgender now is better than in the 1990s. I do not know if you have told a trusted friend, but it made it easier for me. She was enlightened. It made it easier when I went to my pedicure. I chickened out at the first shop I went to, and then as I was driving away, I told myself that I had to do this. I pulled into another salon and met a very kind Vietnamese woman who did not bat an eye or laugh when I told her I wanted polish on my nails. She pulled out the sample stick and I made my pick. She did a fantastic job as well. I never knew my toenails could be this great!


Good luck with everything.





Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

Well, a month later...


I have started my counseling. I had already talked to one of my oldest friends who was very supportive. Several nights ago I came out to my remaining relatives on my dad's side of the family. My dad is deceased. They were all very supportive. In the past 48 hours I also came out to some really good friends and several associates from some national organizations that I belong to. Again, very supportive. I sent an email to two cousins on my mom's side of the family. I am hearing crickets, but if they out me to the others, or make derogatory remarks, so be it. I am tired of hiding me. I finally love me as me. I do not have to pretend anymore. I go to bed as Katie and I wake up as Katie. If someone knocks on my door, I do not have to run and hide. I do not have to make up some stupid explanation that will be seen as a lie anyway. My dad once told me that there will be some people who just like you for no particular reason and there will be people who hate you for no particular reason. That resonates between my ears. I also emailed my boss. I have not heard a reply, but heck, tomorrow I am going to work. Someone is likely to notice my new mango colored sneakers, my rose scented deodorant, and clear nail polish. So what? Can they shoot me for that? Probably not. Some may not like it, but oh well. That is their problem. 


I am tired of hiding and I am tired of being less than genuine to everybody including me.



Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Katie I am proud of you. With your confidence growing by the day you finally get the rewards of being YOU.



Link to comment
On 10/13/2021 at 1:53 PM, Mia Marie said:

I only have one main fear and that is the use of restrooms. I have been on HRT for a little over a year and yes I have some noticeable breast growth and according to one of the ramp supervisors ( I work for a gse dept for an airlines ) told me I shouldn't have a problem using the ladies room although I still get a little scared that someone will feel they have to say something. I have been given permission to use the ladies room by HR. How do I overcome that fear?

It helps to have cis female allies that can go with you to the ladies room. It’s scary at first but it does get easier. I’m still a little nervous when I’m in new places but most people are too caught up in themselves to really pay attention to you. 

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Erica Gabriel said:

It helps to have cis female allies that can go with you to the ladies room.

When working on the ramp there isn't any cis allies around. It is something I need to overcome on my own. It wouldn't be so problematic if I presented closer to being female than I do. Presenting is not so easy working as a form of a mechanic. You tend to get really messy really quick. I can say I am more confident than I used to be but still have a bit of nervousness when it comes to the ladies room. I will eventually overcome and conquer that fear.

Link to comment

I am very fortunate to have selected my friends well. Most of my family has been terrific, except on my mother's side. They all think I am going to run down to the church and pray this away. Well, you can't win everybody over. I had even greater luck when the daughter of one of my cousins called me up today. She is graduating nursing school. She actually did a paper on the care of the transgender patient. I had the most amazing conversation with her. She is going into OR nursing. She offered to help me recover with the various surgeries. 


As for the safety part, for the last two months I have been wearing female attire pretty much everywhere. It is fairly androgynous. I have been traveling by plane for the past 2 months. Nobody said a word at the TSA. I guess I have been lucky. When I go to the airport, I use the Delta or American Airlines lounges. I also have noted that the bathrooms at some of the airports have doors on the stalls that have fewer gaps in the olden days. I also use the family rooms when I can.

I figure at some point, someone, somewhere is going to give me a hard time. I am not too worried right now as I am not that far along, but after I lose my muscle mass, things will be significantly scarier. All we can do is be vigilant. I believe most folks are good, but there are always exceptions.




Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   10 Members, 0 Anonymous, 86 Guests (See full list)

    • Cyndee
    • Ariea
    • Mmindy
    • Willow
    • Petra Jane
    • Ivy
    • Delcina B
    • Jackie C.
    • AcedTea87
    • Karen Carey
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Benji C
      Benji C
      (16 years old)
    2. Christastrophic Kaos
      Christastrophic Kaos
      (33 years old)
    3. ChristianCorridon
      (26 years old)
    4. Elizabeth-pen
      (15 years old)
    5. Paige Turner
      Paige Turner
      (73 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      Funny.  I always thought this referred to a macho-type guy.   But I can see how it could be understood this way.
    • Mmindy
      While drinking my first cup of coffee, and watching the bird feeders. There were two woodpeckers on the suet block, the smaller one is very regular here. It’s a female Red-Bellied Woodpecker, the larger one is a rare visitor called a Common Flicker also female. I find that funny because she’s not been that common at my feeders.    Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      You are worthy, valued, and loved.
    • Charlize
      I have had a history of thinking gay folks would understand issues only to find they didn't.  Perhaps that shows how different sexual preference is from gender.  I don't know if my gay friends can truly understand gender issues just as i don't fully understand differences in the attractions that exist between people.  Perhaps supporting others regardless of attraction or gender is the best we can do.     Maybe a non-binary member can explain.  I know that my life is filled with both male and female aspects.   I choose to express and follow the feminine as I'm comfortable and at home here but for some a middle place may suit.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Marcie Jensen
      @Mmindy I love the cartoon! It's the perfect meme foe a cold winter day.
    • Mmindy
      Coffee has brewed. Come get a cup. 
    • Gianna_P
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   It's 11°F clear, and the sun is just rising. The coffee is brewing, and I've started a fire in the shop wood stove. It's going to take a lot longer to be comfortable out there. My business partner is up from The Villages in Florida, he's under dressed for this weather. Fortunately for him he'll be spending the day with our CPA doing the business taxes. Yesterday he sat and watched me weld pipe hangers together, then assemble pipe sections for one of our training props. He was supersized when I passed him a hand held welding shield. He had never watched the welding process, and said it was like using a glue gun with sparks and molten metal. We discussed the future direction, and activity of the company as we're both getting older.   Hugs for you all,   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Marcie Jensen
      @Willow even if it doesn't work, how cool to have an antique clock that belonged to your grandfather!!!!!! And, the memories it must evoke. How awesome!
    • MomTGDaughter
      I don't hear many taking about messaging the scalp which is what I have been doing for my m2f daughter who is 15 now.  Along with her taking biotin, blockers and  now estrogen, her hair is among the fullest of any girl is her class adn she has been able to grow it to her lower back.  Best of luck to all of you, you can only try your best and make sure you can do all you can. 
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I identify with a lot of what you say.  My parents just weren't affectionate with me.  They were affectionate with my older brothers, and to some extent with my sister because she is the youngest, but I was mostly left out.  My sister and I are very close, and we were each other's sources of physical contact and warmth.     I didn't really have an idea of what normal parental affection looks like until joining my forever family and watching my husband and my female partners with their kids.     As an adult (sort of....as I dislike adulting), I'm probably needy and codependent.  When nervous, I immediately seek a partner to cling to and a lap to curl up on.  I can't imagine the pain of a breakup...that kind of loss would not be something I could survive.  
    • KymmieL
      That got me thinking. I don't believe I had my parents tell me I Love you. When my mom started about 3 years ago. It seemed strange but nice. It seems that the love was there, just not open.  My grandfather was the smartest man I have ever known. Showed me a lot. Being I was the only grandson. (I was back then, I guess.)   I guess that my life has been screwed up for a while now. I just want to know where the rewind button is?? Anyone?     Hugs to my friends,   Kymmie
    • Carolyn Marie
      First off, good on you to speak up and speak out, especially to folks who may or may not be allies or supportive of those under the trans umbrella.  Doing so takes courage.   I've spoken before audiences of primarily Gay & Lesbian folks, sometimes in a training setting, but sometimes in more casual situations.  It really has depended on the setting and the kinds of questions I and other trans speakers receive.  I try to explain about that "umbrella" business, and how that's much different than being either Gay or Lesbian; more amorphous, more controversial in some ways, and much less easier to define.  Even trans folk can't agree on definitions.   The important thing, for me, is stressing what we all have in common, and what our common goals are, and have always been; educating the general public, creating understanding, creating allies, reducing the hate.  That's common ground, and that we should all be able to agree on.   Carolyn Marie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...