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I'm Xrystiana, or Xrys for short. I grew up in a very conservative family. I tried denying my thoughts and feelings, tried avoiding them. Even after accepting them, I kept trying to delay and procrastinate. I've had a hard time holding a job for more than a few months. I wasted a lot of money buying distraction after destraction.


Everything felt so fake, so artificial. I got tired of feeling like my whole life was just one big lie. Then I finally accepted how I really felt, and I knew what i had to do. I have held the same job for more than 10 years. My debts are paid off. I am out to my friends and immediate family. It is time to stop regretting the past and start moving forward. 


I don't have a significant other, or any kids. I am not sure if I am asexual, or if I have just never been comfortable enough with my body to want a relationship. I have a couple cats.


I enjoy nerdy stuff. Anime, tabletop RPGs, Yugioh and other TCGs, video games, & board games. I also like camping and hiking, but haven't gone in a while.


I'm working on making healthier habits. I cleaned a bunch of junk out of my diet. I'm getting more exercise at work and am getting some use out of the gym membership I have been paying for for more than a year. I'm getting more consistent with grooming and skin care. I have been working on my voice for a few weeks. I have an appointment to see a therapist next week, and am doing research on electrolysis in my area. For the first time, I feel like my life is finally going somewhere. For so long I have felt so stuck, so trapped. I am so relieved to finally feel like I am moving forward.


My apologies for how disorganized and rambling this post has been. I appreciate finding a place where I can just get some of this stuff out of my head and out into the world to other people who can relate. Thanks for listening, or reading as the case may be.

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  • Forum Moderator

Salutations @Xrystiana! Lovely to meet you!


It's funny, I was just having that line of thought this morning. Some people have shower thoughts, I have deep thoughts while I'm driving. Same energy, I'm just not as wet. Anyway, I was just thinking about how miserable I was when I was trying to live my life based on what people expected of me as opposed to now where I'm living my own life and making my own choices.


I look forward to chatting with you. We're glad you're here!



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Hi, Xrystiana.  Welcome!


Congratulations on moving forward.  Many of us have been in the same place you are now.  You are among friends here.




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  • Forum Moderator

@Xrystiana I see you've met of few of the fantastic people here already. I thought I'd mention that if you want to find a wonderful resource to explore who you are, You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Huffman-Fox is a wonderful workbook aimed at helping YOU understand YOU. You can get it for about $15 on Amazon and besides Jackie Rabbit - check out Dara and Dr. Z Phd Gender specialist YouTube channels - both can be invaluable.



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Thank you for such a warm welcome. I appreciate the chanel recommendations. I am quite familiar with both, and have been considering getting the workbook. Thanks again.



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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Xrys,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!


Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

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Welcome @Xrystiana ! Glad you're here. It sounds like you've got all the right moves. I hope you find the loving support, advice & acceptance here as helpful as I have 




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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Xrystina.  It sounds like you are making great progress in moving forward and caring for yourself.  I found that opening up and getting honest moved me to healthier habits as well.  As i found a path to being myself that only improved.  

Enjoy your time here!





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