Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I finally came out to my wife ?


Vanessa Michelle

Recommended Posts

Hey y'all!

I know it's been a hot minute since I've been on here, but I wanted to jump on and post an update. After finding this site while seriously searching my gender identity and orientation about a year ago, and my wife and I really struggling with our marriage anyway, she asked me pointblank last week how I identify and what my orientation is. I felt she deserved an answer and was comfortable at this point telling her so I did. I feel much better having done so, though doing so has certainly guaranteed our marriage cannot be saved as she is solidly cis-het and not interested in being with someone who is not. I get it and am ok with that. I identify as transgender female and pansexual. It sucks though because it's hard and we do still love one another. It's going good though and we have talked about it and how we would like to proceed and remain friends regardless of our personal beliefs. As far as whether I will ever transition or not, I do not know. As of now, I do not plan too. I have long battled how valid I am if I don't transition, and have basically worked through all of that. I still need to find a gender therapist, but with our insurance changing at the end of the year it doesn't seem like the time. Our kids are very supportive of me and have become allies through all of this. I recently started a new job at a very inclusive company in a neighboring city and decided to be "out" on day one and even help them start a LGBTQIA+ group there (the company has an official one that we just needed to start at our particular site). I have several fellow queer friends at work now which makes things so much nicer. I want to thank you all for your support over the last year and helping me process all of my feelings and finding who I truly am after 46 years. While there are too many to tag, @Susan Ryou have been especially helpful. ❤️

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Vanessa Michelle first - I am extremely proud of you. What you've been able to process and move forward with in all respects you've mentioned is incredibly brave. I think if you can find a gender therapist and maybe invite your wife if she's willing, that might help as well. As far as @Susan R you are absolutely right, she is an amazing woman I'm also fortunate enough to call friend.

Hugs (super Hugs),

Heather

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
12 hours ago, Vanessa Michelle said:

Our kids are very supportive of me and have become allies through all of this. I recently started a new job at a very inclusive company in a neighboring city and decided to be "out"

Vanessa Michelle…I can understand how difficult this is with uncertainty in your marriage. I congratulate you on your decision to come out to your wife. IMHO, Honesty and openness is best for relationships with a spouse. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. But I’m sure regardless of the final outcome, a heavy weight has been lifted for you. I wish you the best on this continuing journey and hope you continue being the vital part of our community here. Also, thank you (and @Heather Shay) for the very nice compliment.

 

Always My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment

I hope that we can live in a world where folks don't need to have the courage of a daredevil simply to be themselves. America is a very ignorant and bigoted nation. Given it's collective IQ and crazy societal belief systems I suspect enlightenment is a long ways off.

 

My bi-gender is not a problem for me and currently I'm in male mode but beyond that, I don't care what most people think of me, including and especially my blood family. I give them due respect but I rarely get it in return. 

 

When dealing with certain people there is a term know as JADE. It stands for Justify Argue Defend and Explain. When dealing with closed minded people you will lose if you try to Justify Argue Defend or Explain yourself to them. You may get through to them and you may not. 

 

Cis males and females don't have to justify, defend, argue about or explain who they are and neither do LGBTQ folks.  Loving family will accept and respect their loved ones. 

 

 

Link to comment

Vanessa Michelle, I am glad your children are supportive. Coming out to your wife can be hard, but is the right thing to do. I wish you the best and will add both of you to my prayers. Having a cis-het spouse can make it difficult but not impossible. I agree with Heather Shay about therapy for your wife if it becomes possible and she is willing.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Congrats ion telling your wife. I see you've made several friends already. I love your avatar.

Hugs

Heather

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 91 Guests (See full list)

    • Marcie Jensen
    • MaryEllen
    • Jackie C.
    • Gianna_P
    • Colleen Henderson
    • Cyndee
    • Mmindy
    • Charlize
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      77.7k
    • Total Posts
      731.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      10,438
    • Most Online
      8,356

    MiraF
    Newest Member
    MiraF
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Benji C
      Benji C
      (16 years old)
    2. Christastrophic Kaos
      Christastrophic Kaos
      (33 years old)
    3. ChristianCorridon
      ChristianCorridon
      (26 years old)
    4. Elizabeth-pen
      Elizabeth-pen
      (15 years old)
    5. Paige Turner
      Paige Turner
      (73 years old)
  • Posts

    • Marcie Jensen
      @Mmindy I love the cartoon! It's the perfect meme foe a cold winter day.
    • Mmindy
      Coffee has brewed. Come get a cup. 
    • Gianna_P
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   It's 11°F clear, and the sun is just rising. The coffee is brewing, and I've started a fire in the shop wood stove. It's going to take a lot longer to be comfortable out there. My business partner is up from The Villages in Florida, he's under dressed for this weather. Fortunately for him he'll be spending the day with our CPA doing the business taxes. Yesterday he sat and watched me weld pipe hangers together, then assemble pipe sections for one of our training props. He was supersized when I passed him a hand held welding shield. He had never watched the welding process, and said it was like using a glue gun with sparks and molten metal. We discussed the future direction, and activity of the company as we're both getting older.   Hugs for you all,   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Marcie Jensen
      @Willow even if it doesn't work, how cool to have an antique clock that belonged to your grandfather!!!!!! And, the memories it must evoke. How awesome!
    • MomTGDaughter
      I don't hear many taking about messaging the scalp which is what I have been doing for my m2f daughter who is 15 now.  Along with her taking biotin, blockers and  now estrogen, her hair is among the fullest of any girl is her class adn she has been able to grow it to her lower back.  Best of luck to all of you, you can only try your best and make sure you can do all you can. 
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I identify with a lot of what you say.  My parents just weren't affectionate with me.  They were affectionate with my older brothers, and to some extent with my sister because she is the youngest, but I was mostly left out.  My sister and I are very close, and we were each other's sources of physical contact and warmth.     I didn't really have an idea of what normal parental affection looks like until joining my forever family and watching my husband and my female partners with their kids.     As an adult (sort of....as I dislike adulting), I'm probably needy and codependent.  When nervous, I immediately seek a partner to cling to and a lap to curl up on.  I can't imagine the pain of a breakup...that kind of loss would not be something I could survive.  
    • KymmieL
      That got me thinking. I don't believe I had my parents tell me I Love you. When my mom started about 3 years ago. It seemed strange but nice. It seems that the love was there, just not open.  My grandfather was the smartest man I have ever known. Showed me a lot. Being I was the only grandson. (I was back then, I guess.)   I guess that my life has been screwed up for a while now. I just want to know where the rewind button is?? Anyone?     Hugs to my friends,   Kymmie
    • Carolyn Marie
      First off, good on you to speak up and speak out, especially to folks who may or may not be allies or supportive of those under the trans umbrella.  Doing so takes courage.   I've spoken before audiences of primarily Gay & Lesbian folks, sometimes in a training setting, but sometimes in more casual situations.  It really has depended on the setting and the kinds of questions I and other trans speakers receive.  I try to explain about that "umbrella" business, and how that's much different than being either Gay or Lesbian; more amorphous, more controversial in some ways, and much less easier to define.  Even trans folk can't agree on definitions.   The important thing, for me, is stressing what we all have in common, and what our common goals are, and have always been; educating the general public, creating understanding, creating allies, reducing the hate.  That's common ground, and that we should all be able to agree on.   Carolyn Marie
    • Chanelta L.
      There were always examples, but not like you see them today. Things were kept quiet and people lived their lives out of the public eye. That went for all alternative lifestyles. At the machine shop my dad worked for, and I later worked at, there was a Lesbian couple who ultimately retired from there. I knew of them since I was very young, and somewhat understood what was going on, but nothing was really ever made of it, or really talked about it. They quietly lived their lives.     I mean the term Gay was rarely spoken. I remember my mother referring to Gay Males as a "Man's Man". I wonder how many here has heard that term. I have not heard it myself in at least 40 years. Chanelta
    • Davie
      I was kind of called out to speak for non-binary people today. It was a mixed LGBT group, but few were trans or non-binary like me. My friend who would have had a great answer, couldn't be there. I kept it brief so I wouldn't misspeak too much, but it was hard to speak to folks with 50 years experience as gay, but none with non-binary people. What should I have said? What would you do?  Thanks, Davie
    • Davie
      Barrett Strong, Motown stalwart who sang ‘Money,' for Motown, dies at 81.
    • Andrea Nicole
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...