Questioning and Some Doubts

[Sol]

Hello, I'm Sol. This is my first time on a forum and I've got a lot on my mind so I'm sorry if this is long.

I'm AFAB, but I don't feel like a girl at all. In fact, someone calling me a girl makes me really REALLY uncomfortable. A lot of this stuff is pretty recent, and I've only just started applying what I know about being transgender or nonbinary or gender in general to myself and how I feel. I don't feel like a girl, but I'm not sure if I want to be a boy. It's definitely closer to what I want, but I don't know if that's IT for me. Sometimes I want my chest to be flat and I hate my periods because they feel wrong but I don't know if it's dysphoria or just not liking those things. I don't have any bottom dysphoria and I don't think I've felt like I'm in the wrong skin. I feel too big for my body sometimes, but that's usually on bad period days. 

My mom called me "son" once and I got this happy jolt, and I don't know, something about it felt right, and I've recently gotten the impulse to correct people when they call me "she" or "her." There's this nagging feeling when it happens like "That's not right," and I don't know. I like wearing dresses and I like pink but does that mean that I'm not a girl? I don't know, I just really don't want to lead everyone on or feel like I'm overcompensating for something because I know that can really negatively affect the community. 

Any thoughts or something I should do? This is really new to me and I'm kinda overwhelmed.

[Heather Shay]

Hello Sol,

Questioning is absolutely fine. There is a workbook you might get to help you better understand you and how gender applies to you. It's called You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Huffman-Fox. It's about $15 on Amazon. Dara does an excellent job of asking the right questions in your life to help guide you. A trusted counselor, perhaps at school might also be very helpful.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Sol.  Yes, figuring out your gender can get complicated and confusing.  Many folks think we all know exactly who we are or who we want to be early on in life, but it doesn't always work that way.  Many of us didn't figure it out until much later, when it finally dawned on us why we've always been unhappy or ill at ease.  That seems to be your case right now.

 

I'd suggest reading a lot of posts in this and other forums and see what others have said or what questions the posts raise in your mind.  Like Heather mentioned, there is a lot of good stuff online about gender.  One thing to keep in mind is that there are many variations on gender.  If you're AFAB, you can be trans or bi-gender or questioning even if you aren't interested in surgical "fixes" or hormones.  Being something in-between is perfectly OK.  Many folks feel on way on certain days, and another way on other days.

 

You also may wish to consider seeing a gender therapist, who ought to be well versed on all aspects of gender and can guide your thinking.  They won't tell you what to do or what choices to make, but they can help you figure it out for yourself and give you options and strategies for reaching whatever your goals turn out to be.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie