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By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
Bob was on his way home from the dojo and he "just happened" to driver by her place. It was 10:30. Her light was still on. He knew exactly where she was sitting. He saw her in his mind. A fierce wave of desire that took his breath away suddenly showed up. All he had to do was stop, get out of the car, walk to the door and knock. She would answer, glad to see him. She would know why he was there and what he wanted. She would invite him in, maybe get him something to drink, disappear for a moment and return in "something more comfortable." She would lead him back. Oh, joy. And never, ever speak to him again afterwards. Or she would not let him in but be angry about it. In no way, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, was she ready for this, and he knew it, if he was honest with himself, and she knew he knew it. She would look upon it as another assault and their relationship would be irretrievably broken. He would have to leave town. It would devastate her. It would devastate him. He fought himself. He was frozen to his seat as his reason and his body fought. He was twenty four years old, a full-blooded male with normal desires; he had just worked out and he was ready. All he had to do now was open the car door. No one would know. He held his hands, one in the other, to keep one from moving, against his reason and will, to open that door. He did not want to be a slave of his desires. He looked across the street. Mrs. McCarthy, sister of his landlord, was peeking though her window. She knew his car. Everyone in town would know by noon the next day if he got out of the car. Taylor did not need that, either, and she would know, if he came to the door now, what a selfish thing it would be: in his own eyes, in the eyes of Taylor, in the eyes of the town, and worst of all, in the eyes of God. He sat there a moment longer. He was, as he reflected, entering into her sufferings in a small way that she would be made whole, healthy and happy: what he wanted more than anything. But this hurt. Why had all this come on her? He asked God again, but there was only silence. He drove home in that silence. He chided himself for even going on her street and for driving on it other nights. He would stop that, he told himself. ------------------------------------------ The next morning Taylor went out to her car to go to work. Mrs. McCarthy met her before she got to it. "I thought you were going to get lucky last night, dearie," she said. Taylor was puzzled. "Why, what do you mean?" "That young fellow - you know, Bob - he's been driving around here, going up and down the street some nights, not stopping. Well, last night he parked and sat in his car for a while. I think he was staring at your window. I think he was trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. I was rooting for him. But then he drove away. Faint heart never won fair lady, as they say. What a shame. You two are a lovely couple. Well, have a good day!" "Thank you, Mrs. McCarthy." Taylor knew Bob extremely well and knew what had been going through his mind. She was more than grateful he had not gotten out of the car. Better for him, better for her, better for everybody. Surgery "down there" sooner than later. This was driving the poor boy crazy. It was driving her crazy, too. But she had a lot to work through. Surgery "up here" she said, pointing to her head. She woke up her therapist on the way to work. They were still talking when she pulled into her designated parking spot. That was a perk that had happened yesterday. She took a deep breath and headed into work. It would be another wild day. -
By Ashley0616 · Posted
bittersweet: especially : pleasure accompanied by suffering or regret -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
I'm thinking about some interactions yesterday I did, while presenting as male but acting as female, that were far better than I did when I was presenting as male and acting as male. #girlunderhood. I do a crappy job at acting as male and I am giving it up. I am not talking about feminine gestures or presentation but just relating as a woman. People don't realize I am doing it but it is a whole lot easier to do. You don't just put on a dress and BOOM you are a girl. You are a girl and you put on a dress. Or not. Whether I am in jeans or a skirt (I wish, wife would have lots to say) I am a girl. I don't need $250 in makeup and heels and hose and all that. I don't need surgery. Honey, I have arrived. Now I have to work out how that best works in my life, causing the minimal damage and creating the maximum good, but I have more working room. Oh, and I am still pissed off at everyone and everything. #Contradictory. -
By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
@Willow it is certainly possible that my husband planned it. Placing me in the path of an opportunity....he certainly does things like that. GF has done some work for the company as an outside consultant, so I'm sure the company owner knows what potential resources are around. It could also have just happened randomly. He has taken me to work with him before, just because he likes to have me around. I remember one time that I fell asleep with my head in his lap, and he held a meeting with his subordinates without waking me and making me move. The company culture is family oriented and relaxed. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
The photo is great. Software is phenomenal but it also is sort of a promise of things to come. Years ago this sort of thing took a photographer and Photoshop and all sorts of things and you would say, "I can look like THIS??" Me, I am a duck. That's from my driver's license. Just kidding. -
By MaeBe · Posted
I lucked into that picture. I took like 10 before that, which appropriately make me look like a donkey. ;) Thank you so much for the compliment! -
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By Mmindy · Posted
This is a great analogy. The statement is true as it relates to the tree. The analogy fits because we as a LGBTQIA community are stronger when we stand together. It also work here on Transgender Pulse Forums. The support I feel from so many others has made me comfortable with my stance, because I'm in a beautiful forest of friends. So when I'm out alone and confronted. I can respond and act like the single tree in the field, surviving whatever comes my way. My roots reach back and communicate with others like me. Standing Strong, Mindy🌈🐛🏳️⚧️🦋 -
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By Sally Stone · Posted
Mindy, that would be so awesome of you. Please make the edit for me, and thank you so much! -
By Sally Stone · Posted
M. The term bigender works for me because after taking the time to explore my feelings, I kept coming to the same conclusion, that while I felt an overpowering need to express my inner woman, I also enjoyed being a man. I realized that my personality was equal parts man and woman and to be happy and fulfilled, I needed to express both sides. There are challenges living a life of two-gender expression, but I'll expand on some of those in future posts. Hugs, Sally -
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By Mmindy · Posted
Sally, a moderator can edit the post adding "Post 3" if you would like. Let me know and I'll be glad to take care of it. That way your numbering system is in tact. Hugs, Mindy🌈🐛🏳️⚧️🦋 -
By mattie22 · Posted
I thought Hey, I can't be experiencing Gender destroyer because it doesn't fit the narrative, but Hey I can. I am experiencing mild discomfort in relation to my gender. Because and that can be a form of mild form of it this forum because their elements of my gender that are out of alignment with my sign gender at birth. There are elements of my gender I have been holding back on some I did not even know for fear it did not fit was told was not very manly or in some other way not correct for someone who is an amab. I tried embracing and expressing some of these parts of me even for just a little bit every once in a while and it feels like a relief to me like a weight has been lifted.
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