Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Straight cis woman dating m-f partner


Heather0585

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone! I'm new here seeking advice, insights, resources, etc, for navigating the world of dating someone who is trans. I'm 36 and have always identified myself as an open minded straight cis woman. I've also been an LGBTQIA? ally pretty much my whole life. My dating and relationship history up until this point has entirely been heteronormative. Recently I met the most amazing m-f woman and my world got flipped upside down in all the best ways possible. ? I'm looking to connect with anyone who has had a similar experience, whether it be a cis person who has been in a relationship with someone trans or vice versa. Thanks in advance and I'm looking forward to chatting with you all!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well, a lot of us have (or had) partners from before we came out who identify as straight. My own spouse is an excellent example. Full disclaimer: This is my situation and my observations. They don't apply to everyone.

 

Romantically you'll need to be more on your game than you would be with a cis-man. She likes attention and being romanced just as much as you do. She might also want you to be the "aggressive" partner from time to time. There's also a certain amount of "best friend with benefits" going on.

 

On the plus side, communication. Both of you are fully able to communicate your wants and needs. Use that. Your partner might need a minute to realize that she CAN communicate her wants and needs (if she was socialized male... well, actually TALKING out your problems isn't allowed).

 

In the bedroom. Here's where that whole ability to communicate comes in. Tell your partner what she wants and encourage her to do the same. Hopefully she'll be as into it as you are and... well, lesbian sessions tend to last way longer than what you get with cis/het men. My spouse had no idea she was living the good life. I always thought sex was SUPPOSED to last a couple of hours because I never compared notes with anyone else. I mean, why would you? That's private.

 

So yeah, that's us. My spouse currently identifies as straight plus me and I'm fine with that. 

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
On 11/15/2021 at 6:06 PM, Heather0585 said:

? I'm looking to connect with anyone who has had a similar experience, whether it be a cis person who has been in a relationship with someone trans or vice versa.

Hello Heather, It’s a pleasure to read your post here. It’s not as common to have significant others at any point as active here, looking for answers. Jackie, as always, has given you some good advice. There are some additional specifics that I can recall in my own journey that would have helped my fully supportive spouse when I came out to her 3 years ago.

 

Transition is very fluid. Your partner may know where they want they want early on….but not everyone knows right out of the gate. So if you ask your partner, are you going to transition medically, surgically or just live and present as a woman part time or full time, their answer today might change a year from now. Mine did. Also, in these difficult times with a pandemic, many like myself, can be frustrated when things don’t go as planned with one’s transition. Timelines change. Relationships can change and struggles can ensure between family, friends and coworkers. Appointments, surgeries, expectations, etc…can be delayed or even canceled and that can make a transitioning partner struggle and sometimes become more emotional. Giving a partner a little extra grace and having a little more patience is a big plus for you both. Transition will be, at times, difficult for them just as it is for the significant other.

 

I don’t want to sound like the world comes to an end because that is not my intention. I am a realist and I like to tell it like it is. It is a difficult road and many can’t handle it but with love and a great deal of open communication relationships can blossom into something wonderful. I can tell you that my relationship with my wife is strongest it’s been during our entire 23 years of marriage. Many things have changed for my wife, she made adjustments along the way and now we are in a much better place. She had support of family and a few close friends which helped. So if you love this person now, transition can make this person even better and most importantly…happier.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Thank you both for replying! I want to preface by saying I'm still not sure what some terminology is yet, so if I say something wrong or off putting, please correct me. ? Your insight has been helpful! In my specific situation I would say I'm lucky, I met her while she is already transitioning. (At this point she has been on hormones for 2 years and has had top surgery. No plans on bottom surgery, but that could change farther down the road.) This is who she is now. Her transition wasn't "sprung" on me or anything. I guess for me, I am looking for ideas and insight as to help make sure she feels supported as a woman, even though her masculine qualities attracted me as well. I like the whole package! I've only sexually been with cis men. I'm just trying to navigate how to make sure her feminity is respected and appreciated, especially in intimate moments. Kinda like, I don't want to be seen for just my boobs or my butt, even though I know that that's what some find attractive. I don't want her to think that her penis is what I care about, even though at this point in dating I kinda really like it. ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Oh well, that one's easy. Treat her like any other women you might find yourself dating. One of the best things I've experienced since transitioning is just being one of the girls.

 

If her genitals give her dysphoria, don't bring them up. Personally, I'd straight-up ask. I was pretty ambivalent about mine, but I'm much happier with them gone. However, I know girls who really dislike them and girls who are just fine with them. We're all different.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

You could too, Susan! I welcome all the insight and support I can get. She is very supportive of the fact that I am straight and have no experience with this. She deserves, and is totally worth, any work it takes on my part to make sure she feels supported and accepted as well. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Heather0585 said:

Would you mind PMing me, Jackie? (I haven't unlocked that feature yet.) 

 

You've got ONE more post before your PM feature is unlocked. Almost there...

 

Or, I'd love to, but it's not going to help until you post again. ?

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Okie dokie! Being honest, I've never been a part of a forum before either so I'm super out of my element here. Kinda love it though, I'm already learning a lot! I know so far I've only interacted with 3 people on here but it's the most welcome and accepted I've felt in a long time! ❤️

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, Heather.  I am in a similar position to Jackie: I am still married to my wife from before my transition.  I just want to thank you for being open and for reaching out to help you support your partner.

 

I don't have much advice for you about bedroom stuff, though.  We are both seniors - 'nuff said. ;)

Link to comment
1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

Hi, Heather.  I am in a similar position to Jackie: I am still married to my wife from before my transition.  I just want to thank you for being open and for reaching out to help you support your partner.

 

I don't have much advice for you about bedroom stuff, though.  We are both seniors - 'nuff said. ;)

Hi KathyLauren! Thank you for reaching out! I'm enjoying getting to know you all. Honestly just chatting and getting your perspectives is helping greatly. Hearing about your struggles through your transitions make me want hug you all. ❤️ That's mainly why I'm here. My partner and I haven't been dating very long and I want to do everything I can to help her transition be as easy as possible, starting now. Talking to others who have transitioned gives me insight into what the process is like from the other side so I can love her best through this.

 

I think I've got most of the bedroom stuff mostly covered. ? Your comment made me chuckle so I had to respond to it. I love a good sense of humor. ?

Link to comment

Just asking and knowing where your partner wants to go with her transition can go a long way in reliving a lot of stress in the relationship. Just be respectful of each others Ideas and feelings surrounding her transition. be as open and honest as you can. It will be difficult at times but there is a lot of good that can come out of a relationship like this one.  

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 95 Guests (See full list)

    • Maddee
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
    • Timi
      Hi @violet r!    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you found this place. I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have.    -Timi    
    • marysssia
      Hi lovely people,   I'm a 25 yo MtF woman, and I've been suffering from low estrogen issues since October 2023. I completely lost my feminine libido, my breast completely stopped growing, my estrogen levels dropped by a lot (despite NOT decreasing my E dosage) and thus my dysphoria drastically increased. I think it is worth mentioning that, for my health issues, I had been taking ----- Lamotrigine for months & had been on ketogenic diet, and these things seem to be a culprit of my current issue. I weaned off Lamotrigine some time ago and gave up on keto diet, but it still doesn't seem to help. My estrogen is still low (44 ng/ml) and my libido hasn't come back yet. In general, I struggle with my dysphoria so much because of that and, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many dietary supplements, yet I didn't get any effects from them. My endocrinologist didn't know how to help me. She only suggested to increase my daily estrogen dose (to 3x per day ------sublingual estrogen tablets and 3x per day ------ estrogen gel applied to armpits or thighs), which I did, without any effect.   Please, help me. Prior to keto diet & Lamotrigine treatment, I'd never had experience like that. I'm basically helpless and have no clue what to do. Having to deal with low estrogen is a horrible experience to me and it affects my life severely.   BTW, my T levels are always within female range.   Do you have any clue what exactly I should do?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...