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How do I come out?


Atomic

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I am questioning my gender and have come to a conclusion that i am somewhere on the trans-feminine side of the spectrum (there are so many genders). I have every reason to believe that my parents will not support me if I come out. He Totally unrelated example, here's what happened when I filled out the "teen depression" form at the doctor's office:

 

I filled it out honestly, unlike last year (my dad told me to fill it out like a normal person would or "they" would start asking questions). The doctor reviewed my form and said that I might have a little depression that might get worse if left untreated. I saw my dad taking a picture of my completed form. That week, my parents kept finding "causes" of my depression, like "oh, its because you watch too much anime" and "oh it's because you spend too much time on Scratch." I knew the real reason, I struggled socially and had little to no friends, but if I told him that, he would tell me ways to fix it that didn't work where and when I currently lived. He would also keep reminding me that I needed to make friends to know about good colleges, tuitions, etc. I didn't want friends for that! I wanted friends so somebody could be there for me, and I could be there for them. To this day, my dad hasn't taken me to see a therapist.

 

Back to the topic, I fear something similar is going to happen if I come out now. I need to come out NOW because I am almost done with male puberty. I have tried to educate my younger brother on LGBTQIA+ stuff, but he doesn't seem to care. It's sort of up to me to make sure he doesn't grow up to be homophobic or transphobic! During next summer, My family is going on vacation to our homeland to do an initiation ritual for the male gender for both my brother and I. We were supposed to go back in 2020, but COVID-19 struck. This is my chance to come out, but I don't know how, or even if my family is going to support me. I have to prepare for absolute rejection, with lots of yelling.

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  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums.  Here you can talk about things in your life.  I would hope you have a given a user name your folks cannot  trace for now, but since you say you are almost through with puberty as a male I am guessing you are near 18 years years old.  Puberty in assigned males takes from about 12 until 24/6 though.  I did not get to come out until after my children were older than you though and things can work out for you.  At 18 it may just be a matter of leaving your parents for a space of time and finding yourself.  Your brother is not LGBTQ it sounds like, so why should it concern him?  I know that sounds gloomy, but parents do not give children the credit they deserve on a wide variety of things about their own lives. 

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I'm in high school right now, so I can't do that yet. I also don't think my parents would even think to go to this website, but yea, its not a username they can trace.

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Atomic, I’m glad you’re reaching out for advice here. 
Since you are still in High School, living with your family, keep your grades up, graduate. Once you’ve graduated, turned 18, your options are more in your favor. Trust me time is on your side, and as difficult as it seems, at 18 you can begin to change the things you want to change. We all have dreams, lofty goals, and believe it or not, they can be realized. It’s the timeline, that trips us up. There’s no such thing as a “Lucky Bus”. Everyone has to start at the beginning once you make the decision to be the independent adult. Identify what you want to do, set a plan, list your objectives to reach your goals, and adjust as needed. You can do or be anything you want to be. You just have to understand it won’t happen overnight or in a few months. Most likely it will be years, just don’t give up. You are worth it, valued, and loved.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe 

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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I think it's wise that you are considering coming out to your family at this time, before or during the male initiation ritual you mentioned.  If you expect yelling, be ready for it.   If you feel strongly in your gut that you should do this now, by all means do it.  Try to be loving, and considerate towards your family as possible.  And true to yourself.  Including the questioning part.  Be strong.  Good luck

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