Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

The Significance of your real name


helena

Recommended Posts

A day before yesterday for the first time I visited a therapist about me being a transgender woman. At some point during the conversation I told her my real name so to speak and for the first time ever I heard my name being said out loud by another person.

I've always thought and still think it is not my business to force people to use my real name. People will perceive my gender as they do and no tantrums are going to change that. I can always ask them, but in the end, its their business. So I try my best not to offend if they prefer to use my official name. In Finnish language pronouns really are no issue, because 3rd person is neutral.

 

Still, I never would have guessed, how big of a deal hearing your real name for the first time would be. I was literally stunned for a moment. It felt like... I exist! It's not just inside my head. I really do exist! I mean... of course I exist, but if the therapist was honest and didn't just try to make me feel better, finally, after all these years, someone else saw a glimpse of me as I experience myself. Just thinking about it makes me lose words...

 

-Helena

Link to comment
  • Admin

Helena, I am delighted for you that you had that experience.  I agree it is wonderful to hear someone else use your chosen name, especially for the first time.

 

I remember so well the day, 14 years ago, that I walked into my therapist's office.  The first question she asked me was, "what would you like me to call you?"  I think the smile on my face must have been a mile wide.

 

Thank you for sharing that, and bringing a lovely memory back so vividly.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
On 12/10/2021 at 9:13 PM, helena said:

Still, I never would have guessed, how big of a deal hearing your real name for the first time would be. I was literally stunned for a moment. It felt like... I exist! It's not just inside my head. I really do exist! I mean... of course I exist, but if the therapist was honest and didn't just try to make me feel better, finally, after all these years, someone else saw a glimpse of me as I experience myself. Just thinking about it makes me lose words...

I know just what you mean ❤. I didn't even admit to myself I was trans until I kept hearing myself referred to by female pronouns: and I realized THIS is who I am!! ❤❤❤

Link to comment
On 12/11/2021 at 12:13 AM, helena said:

I never would have guessed, how big of a deal hearing your real name for the first time would be.

Yes, it is! 😀 What will blow your mind even more though, is how quickly and effortlessly you will start answering to your name in normal day-to-day routines once people pick up on it (if you let them know, of course!). I had an instance not to long ago where someone was trying to get my attention from across a room, and I immediately turned when she called my name. When I realized what happened, I had to smile. That's the moment I knew my original name had turned into my "dead name" once and for all. 😊 

Link to comment

that's fantastic!  I've been using my real name for about a year and while there are still people who don't use it (not maliciously, for the record) I smile every time I hear it.

 

Speaking of the significance of names, I was amazed how easily I let go of my deadname!  Once I started using my real name my deadname almost immediately became associated with everything else I decided to jettison (the cynicism, anger, etc.) and now I cringe every time I hear it.  I had no idea that would be such a big deal to me but it turned out to be fairly significant.

Link to comment

At one point I was in short-term relationship with a much younger woman who used female pronouns with me - despite presenting as male at the time - and I loved how it felt. She was probably the first person I'd opened up to about having a female side who understood what I really meant and rolled with it. It probably helped that she was 21-years-old, genderqueer and taking testosterone.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

When I initially made the decision to begin transitioning, I chose a female variation of my given name. It never felt quite right - so I decided on "Katie" and now I know why...I'd never heard anyone describe their given name as a "dead name" until I read the post from you ladies! And now I realize why the feminized version of my given name wasn't right...it was too much of a reminder of the person that I am no longer...truly a dead name!

Hugs,

Katie

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

I need to reflect on this some more. Strangely, I find that people at work have an easier time using my real name than my immediate family. Partly habit, but also, I suspect, an unwillingness to let go of the man I was pretending to be.

 

I wonder if I should just gently ask them to use my real name versus the feminized version of my given name? It may be easier for all of us in the long run.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 129 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • Betty K
    • tracy_j
    • Breanne_O
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,005
    • Most Online
      8,356

    violet r
    Newest Member
    violet r
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alik222
      Alik222
      (24 years old)
    2. AvaWill
      AvaWill
      (37 years old)
    3. Drewies
      Drewies
      (50 years old)
    4. JackJerryJohnTheTreeWorker
      JackJerryJohnTheTreeWorker
      (28 years old)
    5. jgram22
      jgram22
      (37 years old)
  • Posts

    • Breanne_O
      I picked a cancellation spot with Dr Lorimer yesterday and had my consultation a month early.  I had been worried about how it would go, but the process of exchanging information was nothing to worry about and I felt quite at ease throughout.  That’s not to say some parts weren’t challenging to articulate clearly, but Dr Lorimer’s manner helped enormously.   The GI/GD diagnosis was such a welcome conclusion to it all, and such an important milestone in my journey.   Now for the Endo consult waiting…
    • VickySGV
      This one is NOT over, and this is not a final final ruling on the matter since this was a procedural and not substantive ruling based on scientific evidence.
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/supreme-court-allows-enforcement-idaho-ban-gender-affirming-care-trans-rcna141209     6-3 decision, of course.  The conservative Justices really don't give a damn who gets hurt, as long as it's "just" trans kids.  This is what we can expect, going forward.    Carolyn Marie
    • MaeBe
      I am on a three month review cycle for dosage. Do you have a plan with your doctor? I didn't discuss overall strategy when I got my prescription, it was a very long appointment. I was able to ask via web message to get a better idea; we'll check blood every 3 months and titrate accordingly. I don't know if we'll change labs to 6mo after a year or not, but that's where I'm at now. I, too, was like "is this enough?" at the start. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but I've seen positive results during the months at a lower dose and continue to notice changes. For instance, my skin sensitivity is much higher. I always wondered why my wife was so ticklish, but I'm starting to understand why. I'll bet I am 20-40% more sensitive to touch than I was before; gently tickling my arm (I would wake up doing this sometimes, up and down my arms) now makes my fingers tingle...in a good way. :)
    • VickySGV
      @mattie22 Welcome to the Forums Mattie.  Our basic view here is that if you have any questions about your gender then you are not Cis Gender and belong here for that reason alone, because if you are not Cis, then you are someplace in the Trans and/or Non Binary part of the world, and on this site, that is simply who is here, Trans and NB folks!  Be comfortable and do not be afraid to ask questions here, or even give answers to others from your own experience.
    • Mx.Drago
      Making a garden greener than before.
    • mattie22
      I am new to this site and kinda scared  to even come to a site like this. 1 i donot know really if I am even trans or not  I know I amqusting my gender fore sure.  I  grew up thinking m one thing and if you  would have explained the baics of gender  when I was in my teens I would have probly said I was a cis male and ment it.  But I geuse thats  becuse  well I am  ok  with seeing myself as one even  thogh  I  I probly fitin the gendr nonconforing . but I also a part of me likes to be seen and treated Like a fmale somtimes.  When I was ynger I crosdress in secret and I started up again.  I also tuck .  tHE THING IS i CROSS DRESS FOR MANY RRSIONS   AT FIRST OUT OF CURISTY AND THEN JUST BECUSE i LIKE TO WEE TH CLOSES.  aLSO SOMTIMES  ITS PARTLY SEXAL AS WELL SOMTIMES BEUSE IT HELS ME TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE FEMALE AND i LIKE IT.  somtimes I wish I were female as well that comes and goes  uslly  it does not last long.   This has happened more recently.  But it s not like i knew as much about gender untell the last cople of yerses .also turns out I am bisexal it took me while did not know this I thogh i was strait for most of my life. I. ok  I better ened this post. for now.  
    • EasyE
      Thanks for the great advice and support @Astrid. I appreciate it!
    • Astrid
      When you are sure you want to continue your HRT journey and the best dosage for you, consider asking your doctor for a three month prescription cycle (90 days rather than 30). This can result for some in considerable savings. It definitely did for me...   I am at the 4 year 5 month mark for my estrogen patches and am so glad I made the decision to go forward.    Best wishes!   Astrid 
    • Ivy
      I watched someone bury one out on Topsail Island one time.  Made me glad I was on foot.  They did get out before the tide got it though.
    • MaeBe
      If you insist. ;)   Bolder day by day!
    • Willow
      @KymmieL you know that picture was from right down the road from here.  A guy lent his New Red Jeep to his brother.  Brother decided it would be fun to drive on the beach, got stuck tried to self extract, got stuck worse.  Tide came in, a storm tide.  That was the end of the brothers jeep!   now, was that the same Jeep or just a look alike? 🤔. The Red Jeep of Myrtle Beach is infamous.   what about putting aluminum diamond plate on both sides so they match using high strength automotive sealant adhesive?edges could be worked so they aren’t blunt which would be bad.  Paying for body work here is VERY expensive!  And my body work is limited to Fiberglas sailboats.   Willow
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Work went good.Have a new co worker that will not last long.I was working and he was on his phone,chewed him out for it.Did tell my boss this and he had a word with him on it.Said it was costing my boss money and he better be working.My other coworkers and I bet he will be gone tommorrow.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob met her in the parking  lot.  "I tried to call, but no answer." "My phone is missing. I thought it was in my purse but it wasn't. I emptied my purse and my desk but no phone. I checked around.  I don't know where it is." "Well, I found you." "You did, and I am glad." "You are?  I was afraid you were off on a date with one of a dozen of your boyfriends." "Bob, let me be perfectly clear.  There is no one else.  There never has been anyone else. There never will be anyone else. " "Sounds serious." "Dead serious.  Now stop worrying. Don't even tease me about it." "Did I tell you that the only girls I dated reminded me of you, and they both broke it off. They said the same thing: either marry you or get over you." "I think you said that.  I am not ready for that yet." "Neither am I." "I need to change before we go." He had the Wrangler.  It would have been rude to make him wait outside, so he sat in her main room while she went down the hall. He heard her lock the door, no surprise.  Absolutely clean. The laptop on the corner desk had its cover closed, and there was a thick Excel workbook beside it.  Printer.  Wall calendar with cats.  A sunflower wall decoration.  Love seat. Coffee table that was clear.  A Bible underneath it and some books from high school days: John Powell's Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am topped one neat pile, and Success with Seasons: How To Look Your Best headed another, with geometric perfection. He could see into the kitchen.  There were a few clean dishes in the dish drainer but the sink was clean. Around the corner, behind the entrance door, was the laundry room and he could see the dress she wore last night hanging there. She had washed it after wearing it once? Wow.   Now she was out: figure-hugging jeans, knee-high boots, a pretty pink top, her hair pulled back with a band. She smiled at him, grabbed a cross-body bag and proclaimed herself ready. "I didn't leave my phone here, either. Let me try something." She went to the computer and logged in, entered a website, entered a number.  "This should GPS my phone but it is dead. Very strange. Like someone stole it." "Do you want to report it missing?" "No. I have a feeling it will turn up tomorrow  Probably in my desk, lower drawer, at the back, the batteries out. I have a co-worker who would think it is funny." "I'm not amused." "Likewise.  Oh. Church. Bible.  She grabbed a worn ESV from a shelf and flashed a smile at Bob that lit up his world from head to toe and said, "Ready." It was a fast food restaurant with a limited menu.  She had ordered quickly last night.  But now she stood and stared at the menu.  Several times she went up to the counter and asked questions, and finally was handed their Nutritional Fact Sheet. It was twenty minutes from the time they entered to when she ordered a side salad, a small cheeseburger (no pickle, no mustard, no ketchup, but BBQ sauce and no onion rings) and iced tea.  He paid for both meals. "Let's say grace." "Okay, now that we are going to be church people, we should."  He did, and they ate. "You are beautiful." "Focus, Bob, focus." He smiled.  "How was your day?" "I love the roses, but don't do it again, please.  The women in my office are terrible." "Okay. Saves me some money." "That's what I love about you." They laughed.  They pulled into the parking lot of Community Church.  It was a friendly crowd dressed as they were and they fit right in. They buried themselves in the middle of a pew towards the back.  The Worship Team cranked up and they could feel the vibrations throughout their bodies.  They went through a number of high-paced songs.  "Uh-oh," Taylor whispered, and gestured.  The offering was being taken by the hostess who got fired the previous night. "Should we leave now?" "I should talk you into Thursday evenings.  We are talking about not backing down.  Not hiding." The ex-hostess prayed over the offering , eyes closed, and opened them.  Somehow she was looking right at Taylor. She stared for a moment, and then said "Brother Mike, time for the Word."   As he came on stage she whispered something to him.  He turned, scanned the crowd until he found Taylor, and stared at her for ten seconds or so. "You sure you don't want to leave?" "I want to crawl under my seat.  But I would not respect myself in the morning." Brother Mike began with a long prayer about sin in the camp.  Society was degenerating. Men were thinking they were women and women men. He had been meaning to address this issue since he had heard about sin coming even to their own city, and now was the Kairos, for the devil was among them tonight. "Now would be a good time to go." "Ssssh." "In the beginning God made them male and female. Amen?" He got a big amen.  Bob and Taylor amen-ed along with the rest of them.  Brother Mike was surprised.  He continued. This was off the cuff.  He went down the same list that Aggie liked to send her, which amused Taylor.  Taylor amen-ed all of them.  "Oooh, now, tonight there will be DELIVERANCE in the house of the Lord!" AMEN "Freedom from bondage in the Name of the LORD!" "Amen!" "You once were slaves, but Christ has set you free!" This continued for some twenty minutes.  Brother Mike wiped the sweat off his forehead with a towel someone gave him. "Any SINNERS tonight who need DELIVERANCE? Come on down!" Bob and Taylor watched as a few people made their way to the front.  Brother Mike looked directly at Bob and Taylor. "There are more tonight for the  harvest of the LORD!" He looked at them again.  People in this section!" That was the front right.  And here!" That was the section they were in.  About twenty people around them responded and went up front. "We have a mighty harvest here tonight! Altar workers, come Fooorwaaard and minister to God's children."  Several older people, clutching Bibles and wearing vests that said ALTAR WORKER on the back, came forward. "Pray for mercy! Oh, sinners do you feel the mercy of God in the House of the Lord tonight!" He looked at Bob and Taylor, now sitting in a large area of otherwise empty seats.  Ahead of them and behind them and on the other side of the main aisle there were a lot more people.  "There are more sinners here tonight. I can feel it. Isn't the grace of God tugging on your heart?" "I like the grace of God tugging on my heart part, but no way am I going down there." "Agreed." After a while no one else came forward.  Brother Mike took one more last look at them and signaled for the Worship Team to come up and do a closing number. "Ready to leave?" "No, I'm not." "What are you waiting for, Taylor?" "I'm not sure.  We might have an interesting conversation." "Here?" "Yes." "I want to hear your definition of an interesting conversation sometime." They sat and watched as those up front diminished in number.  Other people slipped out.  Brother Mike looked at them several times, but he was mainly praying for people. The last worship number ended.  People were still up front praying. "Well that was fun," Taylor said in the Wrangler. "Strike that one off the list of churches to go to."  Someone was running up to them. "Wait a minute!  Y'all are first time visitors?" "Yes, we are."   The guy smiled.  "Here is a complimentary coffee cup for each of you.  Sorry we missed you earlier.  God bless.."  With that he was gone. They looked at the cups. Community Church, Millvale.  Have a Blessed Day. "Something to remember it by." "I don't think I will forget. I wonder what second time visitors get?" "I am so not interested. "   The next day her phone was exactly where she thought it would be.  Something would have to be done, but she was not sure what.  In the meantime her phone and purse would be in the drawer, and the drawer would be locked whenever she was away from her desk.                  
    • KymmieL
      Oh, I can take you to some fun trails, mild to wild. Doing boulders the size of Volkswagen's.  Doing a trail were crossing a lake is part of it. ( my best witches cackle) It would be great for you to stop by for a visit. I'll get you stuck?   @Ashley0616 our Explorer is a 1994 Explorer XLT, 4 in lift, 33's basically build for the trail.   Just waiting on my brake hoses.   Kymmie      
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...