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A Long Time in Becoming Katie


Katie M

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After reading many posts in the 24 hours that I’ve been on this forum – and realizing that this is truly a welcoming, caring, and inclusive place to be - it occurred to me that it was okay to actually share some things about me that’s led me to understand and accept who I am. As I (for the first time other than a brief bio for my gender therapist) write about my experiences of a “woman within” I can see that I need time to reflect on things so that I can talk about them in a way that makes sense. So, if you wonderful ladies don’t mind hearing my ramblings in “serial” format, I’ll share some of my life with you.

 

Like so many, my feminine nature made itself known at a really young age. Of course, at four years old, my thoughts were of “turning into” a girl; not realizing at the time that I was ALREADY a girl on the inside.  I remember more than one conversation with my mom, telling her that I wished I had pretty clothes like my sister. She would laugh and ask me if I wanted her to get me a dress with ruffles. I would always say “yes”, but either she thought I was too young to be serious – or maybe my dad put a stop to it – but she never bought me a dress.

 

The fact that I had a feminine side wasn’t lost on her though. Every afternoon as she was getting ready for work (she worked evenings as a restaurant manager) I would watch as she put on her makeup and wait for her to put a touch of her red lipstick on my mouth. Once in a while, my brother would ask for some, but would quickly wipe it off. I, on the other hand, tried to keep mine for as long as possible, often spending long minutes at a time admiring my reflection in the mirror.

 

One day around this time, someone gave my mom a large bag of clothes to donate to our church. As she was sorting though them, I saw a beautiful white petticoat, that I just KNEW would fit me! I stole it out of the bag when she wasn’t looking and hid it under my bed pillow. That night, I slipped it on, and the feeling was WONDERFUL! I loved it and would put it on every night before going to sleep – always being careful to take it off BEFORE going to sleep – until one night I didn’t. I woke up the next morning with mom looking at me with a strange look on her face. She wasn’t upset, and the only thing she said was “you probably shouldn’t be wearing that”. I don’t think she said anything to my dad, because I’m sure his solution would have been to use his leather cowboy belt on me. I never saw my petticoat again.

 

Over the next few years, I don’t remember a lot of opportunities to wear girl’s clothes. My sister was three years younger than I, so as much as I loved her frilly dresses, they weren’t an option for me. Every once in a while, my brother Allen and I would play “dad and mom”, though. Allen would get one of dad’s sweatshirts and I would get one of mom’s dresses out of the closet, and we’d run around the house hoping not to get caught…lol! Around this same time, I would slip on a pair of mom’s high heels whenever the opportunity presented itself, but other than that, I was pretty much stuck being a boy.

 

However, the year I turned 13 was a turning point in my life - both wonderful and traumatic – if that makes sense. I’ll tell you more about this next time…

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  • Admin

Thanks for sharing those stories, Katie.  We've almost all been where you've been and had similar experiences.  Telling these stories helps other members know that they aren't alone in what they feel and what they've been through.  Shared experiences, good and bad, are part of what makes us a community.  Thanks for playing this important role.

 

Carolyn Marie

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  • Forum Moderator

Thank you for sharing this piece of your like @Katie M.  If you would like to, you can create a Blog that only members can see (i.e. not public).  You might feel more comfortable posting about your life.  

 

Carolyn Marie is right, all these things good or bad made us who we are (plus a little genetics!)

 

Hugs, Jani

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Thank you, Jani - maybe the blog would be a better way to share. I'll look into doing that!

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Thank you for sharing your story Katie M. 
 

Like you I also felt I should have been a girl. I’m the oldest of 5 siblings and the two youngest are very much younger than me. I remember being very involved in their care as a preteen. When my mother was pregnant with my youngest sibling, I remember being so amazed by her pregnancy. I would carry my toy dog under my shirt. It was so important for me to be involved in caring for my baby sibling. Empathy and Nurturing the youngest in my family has always been a thing. My daughter-in-law calls me a baby whisperer, because I can always calm an upset baby. 
 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Thank you, Mmindy...I'm happy to meet you!

 

I totally get your excitement with pregnancy...I've always seemed to have a "mothering instinct" too...

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Good morning Katie,

 

I hope today starts off the week in a positive way.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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33 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

Good morning Katie,

 

I hope today starts off the week in a positive way.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

I hope you have a beautiful week too, Mindy!

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Thanks for sharing, Katie. It's very cool to know folks can share here and so much will resonate. 😊

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1 hour ago, Katie M said:

I hope you have a beautiful week too, Mindy!

💖🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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