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Coming out to a slightly transphobic parent


Yourposhness

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Hi, I have fairly recently realised I’m a trans masc. I really want to come out to my parents as it would make it a lot easier for me for obvious reasons reasons. My parents are overall supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. However my dad made a comment a while ago along the lines of “trans people don’t make sense, you can’t change scientific fact to suit your identity”. Essentially anything he doesn’t personally understand, he discards. I’ve tried to drop hints that I’m trans, such as expressing preferences for male clothes and wanted to use a barbers, he has not responded well to any of them. Usually I’d come out anyway and if they weren’t accepting, they’re not worth having around. However my dad is the most important person in the world to me and I don’t think I cope without our relationship- he really does mean the world to me. If anyone has ever been in a situation like mine or has knowledge of it and has any advice or even just wants to share experiences, I would be so grateful 

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Hi @Yourposhness . I'm sorry you're feeling so conflicted under these circumstances. It's unfortunate when people disregard things they don't understand instead enjoying curiosity and discovery. It comes from fear. And although it feels like the most personal thing in the world when someone so important to you says stuff like that, it's truly about them and their fears and insecurities, and NOT about you. You and your dad can still love each other. He has to decide for himself whether he's willing to expand his mind. Try to meet him where he is, and don't tie your self-worth to his capacity for acceptance.

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@Yourposhness, I haven't dealt specifically with your set of circumstances.  From a familial standpoint my father has passed and my mother is ready to die on the hill of denying being trans is even a "thing."  However, if your father genuinely loves you, it may be easier to express your identity than you're worried about.  It doesn't sound like he's necessarily anti-trans as much as not processing the reality of it because it's an issue he may consider outside his atmosphere.  Something he doesn't really consider or understand because he's not in a situation he feels he has to directly relate to it in.  It's just a thought though.

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