Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

The First Time You Questioned Your Gender


Heather Shay

Recommended Posts

This is one of the most liberating, horrifying, and wonderful threads I've ever read. Thank you all. You made me cry—in a good way.

Love,

Davie

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 59
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Ivy

    9

  • Zelaire

    5

  • Trans22

    4

  • Heather Shay

    3

4 hours ago, Yuuki said:

He told me if that's how I felt, I could climb up, jump inside, and stay there.

Even in my transphobic days, I never understood this kind of thinking.

 

Anyway, Welcome Yuuki.

Link to comment

Coming out or breaking an egg can be a convoluted and fraught tale. It was for me. I really came out most powerfully when a friend was abused in her relationship and told me about it. When that happened, I leapt to her defense by email and empathized by telling her my story of being abused when I was young. Only when I finished typing it did I realize it was a story of me being abused for being too feminine or being a girly boy. I also realized that's what had kept me quiet, in the closet, and that it was an essential part of who I really was inside—that there was a hurt little girl inside me that I kept hidden all these years. So it was my own subconscious that came out to me in that letter. My worldly, protected self had suppressed and still suppresses my inner self. But I am now  somewhat liberated from that and making strides to become the real me—however many genders it takes to express that.

Such a good question. Thanks for letting me share about it.

love to you all,

Davie 💜

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
On 3/2/2022 at 8:38 AM, Jackie C. said:

I probably should have really questioned it earlier, but EVERY boy cries themselves to sleep wishing they were a girl, right?

Absolutely! I knew there were others that saw the world the same way and shared my experiences. So happy to have found you!!!!

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

If realizing that you are different to all other boys counts, around 1974.
I started questioning my gender directly after a psychologist told me that I was born with a female mind on 31-Aug-2021, I think.  That said, the approach I took was more about trying to find at least one piece of evidence to suggest that my psychologist was wrong - I tend toward perfectionism.

Link to comment
On 3/2/2022 at 11:38 PM, Jackie C. said:

EVERY boy cries themselves to sleep wishing they were a girl, right?

I often cried myself to sleep then dreamed about being a woman.  I've cried myself to sleep then dreamed about my life ending far more often.   I cannot remember the last time either situation has happened, thankfully.

Link to comment
On 12/3/2022 at 1:07 AM, Trans22 said:

after a psychologist told me that I was born with a female mind

That’s the sort of clear-cut statement I suppose I’ve hoped to hear from my therapists. One way or another, therapist, just put the puzzle together from our conversations and tell me the answer. 😅 If you don’t mind me asking, @Trans22, how did this psychologist come to that conclusion? (I hear you about perfectionism, by the way. I’ve got a hearty case of that, too.)

Link to comment

She came to the conclusion near the end of our 6th "leadership coaching" session together, with 4 of those sessions being focused on my life/existence.  I tend toward over-sharing, so she got bombarded with my pain in between my emotional breakdowns.  She managed to extract memories that I'd locked deep inside myself for many years.  I'm not sure I could explain everything in less than 100 A4 pages.  I starting compiling my life story (up to 2021) in an attempt to disprove her - I think it current stands at around 900 pages (12pt font, single line spacing) broken up into multiple eras and themes based documents.  It'd be a lot longer if I didn't re-edit it almost every day.

Link to comment

That's fantastic, @Trans22, that you were able to share so openly with your therapist that she could gain this kind of understanding. And I suppose it's funny how our own resistance--like your 900 page "attempt to disprove her"--can become the neon light pointing out the truth. 😊 Thank you for sharing!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 125 Guests (See full list)

    • KathyLauren
    • Heather Shay
    • Mirrabooka
    • Ashley0616
    • Betty K
    • AllieJ
    • April Marie
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...