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How's everyone doing? Any plans for the weekend? I don't see a lot of guys active on here, but maybe I'm not looking hard enough.

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hello,

it's true that the ladies are way more active on this website. i log in from times to time, but my timezone ain't helping.

my week-end was fun, i got a haircut prior to that, went to the gym and drank a couple of pints with some friends. manly stuff i guess (lol) 

what about you?

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@neo3000Sounds like a pretty chill time. I also got my hair cut this weekend coincidentally.

 

One of my buddies and I decided to visit a local landmark, but we were woefully underprepared... It ended up taking 2 hours longer than intended and we had to tread through a snow field that went up to my waist lmao... Fun fact, barrel-rolling IS a feasible way to stay on top of the snow!

 

It's always nice hanging out with friends. Take care out there and keep being yourself!

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Yes, it's as neo300 said, the ladies are way chattier. :) I logged out for a while because I tend to drift from the conversational threads to the depressing news discussion (whether it be general or trans persecution discussion), and that should be off-limits for me. I logged back in just now because I'm feeling lonely. It can be really hard to find a good balance of discussion online where it's social but doesn't devolve into hopelessness.

 

It's been really rainy here (Wisconsin) but I try to get outside every day.

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@DonkeySocksFor sure man, sometimes I catch myself just scrolling through depressing stories and realizing I don't HAVE to be reading this. As

 long as you're taking care of yourself, you mentioned logging out sometimes, which is a good call. 

 

I'm near that area too, make sure to stay warm! I keep thinking spring has arrived and then we get another few inches of snow... Lol

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59 minutes ago, Roach said:

I keep thinking spring has arrived and then we get another few inches of snow... Lol

Yes, it keeps faking us out! But the cardinals are singing enthusiastically even though it's snowing right now.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 3/23/2022 at 3:29 PM, DonkeySocks said:

I logged out for a while because I tend to drift from the conversational threads to the depressing news discussion

 

On 3/24/2022 at 3:32 PM, Roach said:

I catch myself just scrolling through depressing stories and realizing I don't HAVE to be reading this

 

Same here. As real as everything is, it can be draining to read bad news upon bad news. I have to admit I'm out of luck these days too. 

Let's keep this thread as a convo thread then! Or make a new one, I'd surely chat whenever I log in :)

 

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@neo3000 Sounds like a plan 👍

 

You'll never believe this, it was snowing, AGAIN! My buddy and I decided to wander around town which was very fun after a pretty stressful week. Gonna be pretty busy in a few days but it's nice to take a day to breathe.

 

Also, I was talking with my Dad about the James Webb telescope that launched recently. It's kinda crazy to think about, I wonder what it will find. Space/nature stuff has always amazed me, and I want to catch the northern lights one of these days.

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@neo3000 I could chat here now and then. :) It'd be nice to have a thread to check that's just random stuff. Which is all I can really contribute right now, mentally I'm slammed by social anxiety and it'll be worse tomorrow, that's the usual pattern for me. It always takes awhile for my brain to sift out the easiest thing to self-loathe about. The reason for it this time is that I was just at my sister's wedding. It was a super nice party, but there was tons of socializing, naturally, so. That's where I'm at right now. Home from that, starting to experience the emotional backlash that always happens. Everybody really seemed to be enjoying themselves, though. It meant a lot to my sister that I was willing to go.

 

1 hour ago, Roach said:

It's kinda crazy to think about, I wonder what it will find. Space/nature stuff has always amazed me

Same, less so space per se but science and nature, just all this stuff people have spent so much time learning about, and sometimes they put info about it for free on the Internet or write amazing books and I learn so much from what they provide for us all to read or watch. Things like 3D printing for practicing surgery. I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about.

 

On the general topic of gender and trans-ness, relevant to the social situations I've been in lately, I find that certain people who have shamed me in the past have somewhat inflated my sense of how terrifying it will be to involve myself with people who didn't know I was trans or whatever. It's just not that big a deal, and it shouldn't be. It's just sometimes when I've been in uncomfortable situations with people who held positions of importance in my life, it's been enlarged in my mind to something really offensive about me, and I think to some people it still is, but to most it's not a big deal, I just fear it being a big deal, because I've had a lot of discomfort in certain interactions. I'm always so afraid of offending anyone, that being trans is inconvenient emotionally to say the least. Not that it's easy for anyone.

 

I ask myself, if I were a cis male, would I be as afraid (in whatever situation), and I relax literally every time I ask myself that. But then I have a difficult time holding that thought and putting on my public persona and worrying I'm doing something wrong, all at the same time. But things in general just wouldn't worry me if I were cis, but then there are things I wouldn't pay as close attention to, so there's that--an awareness I wouldn't have if I weren't trans. And I actually am proud, on some level, of being trans.

 

And this is getting much longer than I intended, so I'll stop. :)

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1 hour ago, Roach said:

You'll never believe this, it was snowing, AGAIN!

Btw I would totally believe this, it snowed all day here. ;) Very slushy.

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No jokes, it snowed in France as well. I was super upset though: the week before, the sun was shining and i was wearing nothing but a button up and now my hands are numb from the cold, again. The sun peaked out this week-end, which compensates with the cold. I looked up why it snowed at such a time, and apparently, it's an anticyclone that has been chased away by the cold arctic air... don't ask me more, this is just a verbatim from the news report! 

 

Talking about science and space, I must admit that as much as I love both these subjects, I suck at them. However, I am really passionate about anthropology. I love history, I love culture and I love the human mind. I spend hours upon hours watching documentaries. I pity whoever would be stuck in an elevator with me, I'd never shut up. (Talking about elevators, it reminded me of this quote by Daniel Handler "Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator." I live by this.)

 

6 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

I find that certain people who have shamed me in the past have somewhat inflated my sense of how terrifying it will be to involve myself with people who didn't know I was trans or whatever.

 

THIS. I'm freaking out cause I have an internship interview this week, and, well, I really don't want to go. The only reason I don't want to be present there is because, my "formal" wear is a suit, and I can't play the unisex fashion card since my hair gives it away (also cause I'm being forced into a career but that's another discussion lmao). Mind you, these people are very close minded. I know damn well I'm gonna be read as queer, but there's a voice in my head that tells me to not give a -expletive-. If they want me, they'll take me. I've spent to much time wearing tight pants and long hair only to feel agonizing dysphoria and get brushed off lol. 

 

6 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

I'm always so afraid of offending anyone, that being trans is inconvenient emotionally to say the least. Not that it's easy for anyone.

 

And this too. I'm working on this. I started telling people my real name and gendering my self the correct way (french is a very gendered language, you can't speak about yourself without giving away your gender). Some people pick it up, some don't, but I'm tired of making people comfortable. It's me against the world, not me against myself ;)

 

A really cool thing that happened on that topic is when I had to go to get some paperwork done. They have all my info and my papers clearly state that I'm female. Despite it all, I was gendered in a masculine way by the social worker. He was extra mindful, cause the paperwork done still stated that I was female, but the interactions were all from man to man. Really refreshing :D 

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6 hours ago, neo3000 said:

Talking about science and space, I must admit that as much as I love both these subjects, I suck at them. However, I am really passionate about anthropology. I love history, I love culture and I love the human mind. I spend hours upon hours watching documentaries. I pity whoever would be stuck in an elevator with me, I'd never shut up. (Talking about elevators, it reminded me of this quote by Daniel Handler "Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator." I live by this.)

Basically same here except I don't know any card tricks. 😕 Also one of my neverending subjects is animal nutrition. :)

 

Good luck with your internship interview! The curse of the formalwear, I know it well. You become self-actualized not to go back into your socially acceptable disguise, you're all set with what you like to wear, and then you realize... people are going to notice. It's a trap! But like I said, I think it's less of a big deal than some of our experiences would have us trained to believe. Good luck! And remember, you would be nervous no matter what you were wearing, might as well present the true way you dress now.

6 hours ago, neo3000 said:

It's me against the world, not me against myself ;)

That's a nice thought in a way. :) I hope I don't have to be against the whole world, but it's a good self-protective thought for going into those sticky situations!

 

That's very cool about the social worker.

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14 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

I ask myself, if I were a cis male, would I be as afraid (in whatever situation), and I relax literally every time I ask myself that.

 

I am a chronic over-thinker, but this sounds like some SOLID advice. 

 

14 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

all this stuff people have spent so much time learning about, and sometimes they put info about it for free on the Internet or write amazing books and I learn so much from what they provide for us all to read or watch. Things like 3D printing for practicing surgery. I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about.

 

Yo--humans, despite everything, are pretty smart creatures. I know some people that are really knowledgeable about specific things and it's shocking how many things I never even considered would be important. And it's really never too late to learn. A friend of mine is almost 60 and he recently told me he's learning how to code for fun. That guy is actually one of my biggest inspirations. If you guys ever find out about something cool, feel free to share!

8 hours ago, neo3000 said:

However, I am really passionate about anthropology. I love history, I love culture and I love the human mind.

(That includes you, Neo.) Also, good luck on that job interview, you're gonna smash that.

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Thanks Roach, and thanks Donkeysocks for the luck! 

 

3 hours ago, Roach said:

I know some people that are really knowledgeable about specific things and it's shocking how many things I never even considered would be important.

Oh man, this is me with trivia on different franchises. When I was a kid, I had to habit to research the origins of every cartoon I enjoyed. It stuck with me till this day. It's funny cause I just got back from the movies with some friends, we watched the new Sonic movie and I didn't shut up: I poured all the trivia I knew about the franchise while we were having coffee after the session.

 

Did you know that the early character design that was marketed in the U.S looked slightly different than the one in Japan?

Despite the character being designed with western audiences in mind, it was very common for American departments to tweak character designs to make them more edgier and less cute. So they gave Sonic a "meaner" look: heavier eyebrows, a slightly smaller head and a mohawk. 

 

I think this serves as a great example as to how the population is the center of marketing a character, a brand or even a persona overseas. It shows that visual appeal is not universal, but heavily based on the culture in question. Sure, from an adult point of view, the Japanese version looks very authentic, but if you put yourself in the shoes of a 9 year old kid in the late 90s, the Americanized version would've caught your attention. One must not forget that the mascot was originally created to compete with Pokémon, so all they had to do was convince these kids that it was cooler! Which in my opinion worked, cause till these day, I remember Sonic as being this cool-edgy-guy-with-one-hell-of-an-attitude. 

 

 

 

 

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I looked it up and you're right! I never paid attention to the design over the years. It's interesting that they were marketing the games (or cartoons) that way. I've never actually seen the Sonic movies, hope you and your friends had fun!

1 hour ago, neo3000 said:

the population is the center of marketing a character, a brand or even a persona overseas. It shows that visual appeal is not universal, but heavily based on the culture in question.

That's so true. You see this in a lot of videogames, where the American release is sometimes modified. The first example that comes to mind for me is in the Nier franchise. The game was released as 2 versions (Replicant and Gestalt). One of the major differences was the age of the main character. In the US version, he was a much older father figure. Square Enix thought western audiences would appreciate a tough, older, more masculine character. This wasn't that long ago, only 2010!

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Edit of my last reply, it was to compete with Mario and not Pokémon. Either ways it was Sega vs Nintendo. My bad! 

 

10 hours ago, Roach said:

The first example that comes to mind for me is in the Nier franchise.

 

What! I had no idea. I thought they stopped doing that, especially with JRPGs. That's crazy. It also shows how western audiences and eastern audiences perceive gender, what's "masculine" and what's "feminine". It reminds me of the bishonen trope in anime, and how common it was (and still is?) to have characters designed to be pretty and feminine, without stripping them of their masculinity. The exportation of these characters however... I'm sure you heard about Kurapika from the Hunter x Hunter series. He caught my attention in the subbed version with his feminine voice and looks. I decided to watch the french dubbed version and ..... they put this boy on T (lmao). He suddenly has a deep voice and it was kind of unsettling. But then again, if you had no idea what his original voice type was, you wouldn't care, cause he is a boy after all! 

 

[the english and the arabic dubbed version kept the feminine voice...! i don't know what the french thought while doing this :T 

 

All this being said, I don't know if fiction is a good example of a population's views on such subjects. At the end of the day, it's all fiction, but it's undeniable that there must be some kind of influence. People have to sell to get by. :)

 

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Just felt like writing something today. Pretty busy this week. However, a few days ago my older brother came out to the family. They've been kinda ignoring it, but they haven't reacted poorly. I know for certain they won't be hostile, I called them on the phone today and we just talked about random things.

 

This gives me a lot of relief. I think they're just confused and unsure what this means. (My family aren't very familiar with queer stuff. They're also not native English speakers, so they probably don't know the terms to use.) I've got some resources ready to send for information and support groups. MAN who knew someone else coming out could be so stressful?

 

If they give him any problems though, I'm gonna be loud and annoying lol. I'm much better at standing up for others than myself. I'll give them a few months to process before I mention anything about myself... But this is one small step forward.

 

13 hours ago, neo3000 said:

I don't know if fiction is a good example of a population's views on such subjects

Also, I want to agree with this. I sometimes realize I use sweeping generalizations, but I'm really trying to train myself to think of groups of people as individuals rather than a collective. Might be a BIT unrelated to what you were trying to say, but it reminds me of this.

 

Even some common identifying traits will never completely tell you what people's opinions, personalities, interests and likes/dislikes are. Lots of people out there, and I'd like to think most can be indifferent/friendly rather than judgmental. (Might be overly optimistic, but a guy can hope ya know.)

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1 hour ago, Roach said:

If they give him any problems though, I'm gonna be loud and annoying lol. I'm much better at standing up for others than myself. I'll give them a few months to process before I mention anything about myself... But this is one small step forward.

That all sounds pretty good. The situation sounds about as stable as you could hope for this early after the revelation. I totally understand being anxious on his behalf, and also being strong for him if it comes to that, but hopefully he will feel supported. 

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11 hours ago, Roach said:

(Might be overly optimistic, but a guy can hope ya know.)

That's a good mindset though. I'm your polar opposite on this, but I'm trying to be a bit more optimistic. I'm sure it'll come with time (hopefully). 

 

9 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

The situation sounds about as stable as you could hope for this early after the revelation.

I agree. Wishing the best outcome for you and your brother, Roach. 

 

 

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Thanks so much everyone, I appreciate it. 💪

 

Got through quite a few exams this week, and honestly I’m ready for the weekend. Too much -crap- to worry about lol. Hope everyone’s been holding up well!
 

By the way, do any of you guys play instruments?

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Hope your exams went well! 

 

I just got a haircut, I feel like I could straight up be a selectable character on Street Fighter II. 

 

I play electric guitar, bass and a bit of piano. I haven't played in a long time though. How about you?

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2 hours ago, neo3000 said:

I could straight up be a selectable character on Street Fighter II. 

(Not to interrupt the conversation, but I had to pop in and say that's the best analogy I've heard in ages. 😁 )

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3 hours ago, Zelaire said:

Not to interrupt the conversation, but I had to pop in and say that's the best analogy I've heard in ages.

I agree!

 

@Roach As to musical instruments, I learned to play clarinet, but I had Bell's palsy as a kid, and my embochure was so bad I had to give it up.

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    • awkward-yet-sweet
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    • Russ Fenrisson
      Just wanted to address a slight change in the situation.   Things are about the same but I was able to come up with a nickname that is pleasing to both me and those around me. The new nickname has been used on and off, but at least I can see an effort to try to make me feel accomodated.   I also wrote down my thoughts in a letter and after getting my feelings out, I felt a lot better. I probably won't need to use it now but if there is a time I feel not understood again, I always have it to use to get my thoughts out in a clearer manner.   I want to thank everyone again for responding and providing me with advice. I really appreciate it.
    • Russ Fenrisson
      I've also wondered about the same thing, especially since a lot of media I see, if they include a trans character at all, is usually transfeminine. I think it really boils down to what @Carolyn Mariesaid: how said individuals are perceived in society and the acceptibility of it. It's a shame transwomen and transfeminine people are made to feel bad for who they are or to be afraid of how they identify or choose to present themselves. This might be why you see more stories concerning them. To spread awareness and to show transwomen are not scary and are people just like everybody else.   In regards to transmen and transmasculine people, I've done much reading and thinking, and have come to the conclusion that perhaps such individuals are not explored or discussed is because of a private, safety factor. I've read more and more individuals have been coming out as FtM compared to recent years, such as in the 90s or early 2000's, and they may not be as transparent or as seen as MtF individuals just because of the fact they could face ridicule or repercussion for coming out or exploring their identity. It appears the expression of women is much more flexible nowadays than it was before, but that doesn't mean it is all inclusive. It probably just depends on where you are and the kind of atmosphere that is present.   What I always think is, whether I know it or not, I've at least run into someone like myself without knowing it. It provides a sense of mystery but it's at least a little bit comforting in these strange times.
    • MarkCT
      Hi All   This is my first, and in many was I hope my last, post on this forum but here goes and apologies in advance if it is a bit long winded but I think you’d need to know the full picture if you are going to give me any tips, which I do hope you will.    Back in 1963 my mum’s family (her mum, dad and numerous much younger siblings) emigrated to Sydney as “£10 Pommes”. I was two years old at the time and we were due to join them the following year but for various reasons we didn’t go. My dad had no family apart from his parents, who died many years ago. So, it has always been important to me, my wife and our (now grown up) children to visit the family regularly.     So now we get to the main point. I’ve always been saddened that, whilst everyone of my Aussie family have been so excited to see us when we visit there has always been one exception; a first cousin who was really nice but always seemed very standoffish and distant. You can imagine my surprise when she announced that she had transitioned! I’m not great at social media but my wife contacted her and they converse on and off, not a lot but as much as before she transitioned.    But now with Covid out of the way 🤞we are planning our next trip so (as my cousin is not on the main family WhatsApp group) I wrote to her. I said we (my wife and I) were going to be in Sydney and Brisbane, where most of the family live, but that Ballarat really was going to be just too much of a stretch- especially as she is the only one who lives there. I was amazed and so happy when she immediately wrote back and said she’d make sure she came to see us (if you look at the map and at the cost of flights you’ll realise that is no small commitment).    Now this may seem obvious to you but it is all totally new territory to me and my wife so we are worried about inadvertently saying something that might be hurtful.  so any tips would be most welcome. I have some particular questions:   In chatting do we always use feminine pronouns or do we use masculine when talking about the time before transition (ie our previous visits etc)?   Do we talk about his/her(? )wife, who has now gone her own way, although I suspect they are still friends?    Do we steer well clear of discussing anything at all personal I’m thinking of both emotional and practical issues)? Or perhaps my wife could whereas I shouldn’t?   What do we do about our normal big family gatherings? We’d love her to be there but don’t obviously want to put any undue pressure. We do see on Facebook that some of the family are very kind and accepting but in the cases of a good many others we just don’t know.  Thats just a few of the questions we have but any other comments or tips would be most welcome before we get on the plane from Heathrow at the end of the month.    Thanks 😊    Mark    
    • MiraF
      I think if anyone will take over the US as führer, it will be DeSantis. Trump is already being removed from his position as head of the republicans, with people like fox news and Breitbart saying DeSantis is the future of the party. Considering Trump's incompetence and Ron's actions so far, he may actually be worse.   Apart from that, I agree with you 100%.
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