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Lot of interesting things going on in this thread. I get lonely a lot and want to talk about things but can't seem to find anyone to talk to. I keep quiet a lot in my day-to-day life, but popping up here in the forums from time to time helps to alleviate these problems just a little bit.

 

I don't know any trans or non-binary individuals personally, and this was one of the reasons I sought out and found this site. I hoped talking to others similar to myself would help me figure out things and broaden my horizons.

 

Honestly, @DonkeySocks and @Vidanjali, you two gave some pretty good advice and words to live by. As I read and caught up to this thread, there were moments I smiled and found things I hadn't considered before. And you're right, Donkey Socks, button-ups really make a difference. Whenever I leave the house, if it's not for exercise, I like wearing button-ups with a shirt underneath. It fills me with confidence and allows me to exert a more masculine appearance, if not non-binary if I can't pass too well. It's hard to say, but I can pass as male sometimes. When I do, I do feel some anxiety and guilt, thinking I've tricked someone, but I always try to remember that I'm presenting as "me" and I'm being true to myself. I still feel anxiety from time to time but I'm working to lessen it.

 

Truthfully, I hate mirrors; I've always hated them. If not for using the restroom, I do my absolute to not look in mirrors. But sometimes, I can't help but look. And honestly, I'm surprised by how I feel sometimes. After working out when I'm waiting for the shower water to heat up, sometimes I'll take glances in the mirror and see how well I've progressed. I can say that since starting working-out regularly six years ago, I have seen changes in my body. I have more muscle growth but it's more lean than anything. Much of my dysphoria surrounding having a female body has gone down but it's still a work in progress. I suffer mostly from chest dysphoria and I'm now taking an active interest in decreasing the size of my chest. I've taken up exercises to do this and over the past month or so, I see a little change. It's not much, but it's a small gain towards a more masculine chest.

 

All in all, I agree with you all: once you get short hair, it really does help you get that male persona if that's what you want. I'm still figuring out styles for myself but the one thing that makes me feel good is having short hair.

 

As an afterword: whoever mentioned Kurapika, it's characters like him that have helped me to build my ideas of masculinity and femininity. Not being particularly built or too tall myself, it's characters like him that make me feel good identifying as a guy without feeling too hard like I need to embrace all the masculine stereotypes.

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This is mostly out of curiosity but I have one question: what was it like dating as trans or non-binary? 

 

I'm currently single and have never been on a date with a real person before. My identity often gives me fear when interacting with other people because I don't know how they'll react to me and how I present. I know there's not one easy answer but I was just curious since I see some of you guys are married. I'm happy to hear things have worked out for each and everyone of you and I wanted to know what choices and paths you took to achieve such happy and heart-warming relationships.

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Hi Russ, I hope my response helps in some way. My biggest advice would be that after meeting someone who you are interested in and they may be interested in you, is to tell them that you're trans. I've been with my girlfriend for only 6 months now, and she had no idea that I was trans. The longer we dated and the longer she still didn't know, the more worried I became. Once I told her, of course I was super scared she wouldn't want to continue to date, but she was very accepting, and willing to give it a chance. 

 

Most people aren't attracted to people solely because they are or aren't trans, so thus many accepting, kind people wont be immediately uninterested just because you are trans. So if they are a kind hearted person and you have built an incredible, personal relationship with them, chances are they would be willing to give it a chance––but of course it can differ from person to person, this is just my experience. 


At the end of the day if they can't accept you for who your are, then they aren't the one and it wouldn't be healthy to hope that they one day would be. You'll find someone who accepts you for everything/every part of you, and that will ultimately be the more fulfilling relationship. 

 

Hope I helped in some way. 

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40 minutes ago, DylanB1452 said:

My biggest advice would be that after meeting someone who you are interested in and they may be interested in you, is to tell them that you're trans.

I agree with Dylan, and I would take it a step further and say, whenever it is safe and possible to do so, lead with being trans. Take some kind of class or attend events or go shopping locally and wear trans-flag pins or something. There's lots of nice trans jewelry available for sale online, some of it masculine. When you make friends, if they talk about you to others, you want them to naturally mention you being trans / nb, so that if they introduce you to a potential date, the potential date already knows. And when you go on a date, bring it up either the first time or at the very latest on the second date. Just get it out of the way right away.

 

Be prepared to answer polite, curious questions about your gender, especially preferred pronouns and name, which many caring people seem to ask about early on. Imagine asking yourself some questions and answering them for practice, but don't think you have to keep the conversation on it too long at one time, and if they don't ask, you don't have to give any details. Just share that you are trans/nb or that you aren't sure how you identify or whatever is true for you now. Also, since being trans is different for everyone, and since there are a lot of stereotypes concerning it, you might run into some assumptions, and as long as the person is respectful and kind in asking questions, you should feel free to be very clear and open, as long as you feel safe.

 

I have to be honest and say I met my husband before I knew I was trans. We have been through a lot together. He's a gem and if I wanted surgery he would worry about my safety but he would support me, and we would still be together.

 

Also, in agreement with something else Dylan also alluded to, and expanding on that, there is much more to a relationship than your gender. Make a list for yourself of the kind of things you want in a friend and dating partner, and another list of what you can offer as a friend and dating partner. Have that in the back of your mind. And try to make friends without dating, through a part-time job or a class or whatever you enjoy. It might lead to some dates but that doesn't have to be the goal initially.

 

Have fun!

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I didn't come to terms with being trans until about four years into my marriage. We just had our 7th anniversary this week, and I'm proud to say that our relationship is stronger than ever. It was rough when I came out. Especially because I came out as asexual at the same time. That aspect was much more difficult on our relationship. Thinking back, our last major episode of roughness was during autumn of last year. I give my husband a lot of credit. While he does sometimes go to a very dark place in his mind, and has said some hurtful things, he likewise seems to process stuff with relative rapidity - he ultimately desires peace and surrender to what is. And he loves me & is committed to our partnership. All along, he's said that I've always been me. He's known me since I was 17, although we didn't get married till age 40. When we first met, I was presenting trans although I didn't have the language or understanding at the time - in fact, I felt like an alien freak and was terribly conflicted. We dated briefly in our 30s, and I preferred to wear his clothes. Between that and when we finally got together, I had embarked on a mission to present as super femme because I thought that would make my life better. So, he married a super femme me, who later came out trans and ace. But, he was not surprised by either. Somewhat ironically, I don't think I'd have had the courage to explore and discover these aspects of myself without the security of my relationship with my husband. My dating life prior to our relationship was fraught with strife because I was so insecure and self-loathing, and acted out with sexually to overcompensate. (I also grew up in a profoundly dysfunctional environment and did not understand love until rather later in life.) 

 

So, all that said, I also sometimes wonder what dating as a trans/ace person would be like, especially considering that I also realized that although I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, I am romantically attracted to others regardless of gender. For me, it's just curiosity because I have no intention or desire to terminate or open my relationship with my husband. But, I imagine that if somehow I had realized all this about myself as a single person, that I would be forthcoming about my ID because the last thing I want in my life is more tension. They say that you can't truly love someone else unless you love yourself. It's cliché, but I've found that to be true. Before I finally got together with my husband, I committed to being alone for some time. I felt I needed to learn how to be okay with myself. Although I obviously didn't really understand my gender and sexuality until later, I did manage to cultivate trust in my own intentions. For me, this was a major part of my foundation for loving myself, whatever that means, because it gave me confidence that I could be a source of love regardless of how I may be perceived by others. If I think about what I admire most in a person, one thing that comes to mind is genuineness. Therefore, I try to honor that in myself too. 

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@DylanB1452, @DonkeySocks, and @Vidanjali, thanks for the helpful advice. I'll keep it all to heart as I process through things.

 

As a bit of wisdom says, loneliness is a tough road, but it is one we must go through eventually; we have to be able to care for ourselves even when others are not around. Loneliness can actually be quite rewarding: you learn things about yourself as you pursue independent study.

 

I'm a relatively shy person and choose not to interact with people because I always have the thought I might be bothering someone. So, in order to learn about what I like and don't like, I've taken the unconventional route of experimenting with my tastes via the things I watch and read. It might not translate into real life, but I'm steadily getting a grasp of what I'm looking for.

 

For now, until I get better, I've made the decision to put love on the back-burner. It's just not as important to me right now as trying to better my mental health.

 

I always try to use my discernment and I believe, when I meet the right person, I'll know when I'll know. I imagine I might have a gut reaction and know then.

 

Again, thanks for the advice. When that day comes, I feel more confident about approaching people who could be potential friends and life-partners.

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3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

They say that you can't truly love someone else unless you love yourself.

It's true that you have a harder time freeing people to their own journey alongside you, when you're trying to use them for validation at the same time. I think having the strength to make positive changes without expecting your partner to always make those changes first, can help smooth out tough times. If you expect someone else to love you in place of you loving yourself, it doubly burdens them and makes you feel powerless, which makes you more likely to be unkind to them. So yeah, I agree.

42 minutes ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

For now, until I get better, I've made the decision to put love on the back-burner. It's just not as important to me right now as trying to better my mental health.

Being single is a valid choice!

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9 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

So, he married a super femme me, who later came out trans and ace. But, he was not surprised by either. Somewhat ironically, I don't think I'd have had the courage to explore and discover these aspects of myself without the security of my relationship with my husband. My dating life prior to our relationship was fraught with strife because I was so insecure and self-loathing, and acted out with sexually to overcompensate. (I also grew up in a profoundly dysfunctional environment and did not understand love until rather later in life.) 

 

So, all that said, I also sometimes wonder what dating as a trans/ace person would be like, especially considering that I also realized that although I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, I am romantically attracted to others regardless of gender.

 

Sounds like you've been through one heck-uv-a process.  Your husband too.  Awesome that you're working through the changes together.  Going from super femme to more masculine in appearance probably looks dramatic too!  My style hasn't really changed much, since I never wore girly stuff and I have very few things that didn't come from a thrift store. 😆

 

Like you, I don't think I could process my changing self without my husband. 🥰 My relationship with my GF is a bit strained, but my other female partners are adapting pretty well.  I can't imagine attempting to date at this point, so I guess if things go well, it is better to adjust to a new self after being in a relationship.  Especially the way I am, as my desire for sex has increased dramatically.  Some days I think my husband would be better off if I was ace...

 

 

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@DonkeySocks Yeah, @Vidanjaliis right about that. If you seek others to love you, their love probably won't make sense to you, especially if you don't like yourself. You'll wonder what they like about you in the first place. In this situation, Whitney Houston's song "The Greatest Love of All" really makes sense. It's important to like and understand yourself, because well, you only have yourself. It's like a partner that never leaves. You have to learn to live with yourself and not be so hard about your short-comings and eccentricities. Those traits are yourself and what make you "you".

 

And thanks again, Donkey Socks. 👍In  an age where people look at singlehood in a negative light, it isn't all that bad. It gives you plenty of time to learn the things they never taught in school.

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@awkward-yet-sweet I can't say for sure, but is your increased desire for activity due to stress or perhaps something you might be taking? Depending on the situation, this might be one of the factors. I can't speak for your situation, but perhaps putting such energy towards a different outlet could help alleviate your increased feelings. Maybe a hobby you enjoy or taking up exercise. It's not a cure-all but it could help distract your mind and alleviate any stress you may feel.

 

If nothing at all, don't be ashamed with the way you feel. However little or much you need it, it's completely normal. We all have needs that need to be fulfilled in different ways. I'm sure your partners and husband still love you regardless.

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18 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

 

Sounds like you've been through one heck-uv-a process.  Your husband too.  Awesome that you're working through the changes together.  Going from super femme to more masculine in appearance probably looks dramatic too!  My style hasn't really changed much, since I never wore girly stuff and I have very few things that didn't come from a thrift store. 😆

 

Like you, I don't think I could process my changing self without my husband. 🥰 My relationship with my GF is a bit strained, but my other female partners are adapting pretty well.  I can't imagine attempting to date at this point, so I guess if things go well, it is better to adjust to a new self after being in a relationship.  Especially the way I am, as my desire for sex has increased dramatically.  Some days I think my husband would be better off if I was ace...

 

 

 

Lol, yeah - quite a lot of processing for both me and my husband. 

 

I used to shop exclusively from thrift stores - mostly for the thrift, but also because I honestly did not understand how to shop for myself in other public spaces. Why was I so attracted to mens clothing and shoes? "What was 'wrong' with me me?", I wondered for so long - "normal" "women" did not dress like this. At the thrift store, I could get all sorts of men's gear and didn't feel as conspicuous as I might have shopping at a men's clothing store or men's section of a department store. PLUS you can find lots of dope stuff at thrift stores! I try not to entertain regretful thoughts like "if only I knew myself better back then, I would not have suffered so much shame, etc." I believe it's been necessary for me to experience the things I have to develop and evolve as I have. To date, just yesterday, my husband took me on a shopping trip to the outlet mall, and bought me several men's short sleeve button ups, tee shirts, and shorts. I got one pair of women's pants which are fairly androgynous. A great shopping excursion, especially because my husband was there with me. 

 

@awkward-yet-sweet I recall you mentioned elsewhere that you were concerned about the effect of your increased libido on your husband. Has he actually commented or behaved differently towards you, or is it something you fear may come about? I don't know all the dynamics of your family as far as who engages sexually with whom, but I know that because your husband loves you, and you have a sexual relationship with him, that he would not be better off if you were ace. My husband is monogamous. When I came out as ace, I asked him a few times if he'd like to pursue a sexual partner outside our relationship. For him, it came down to: it's not sex for sex sake that he wants; he wants me, but my experience of intimacy is different from his and is not sexual. From what I understand, your husband has sexual relationships with other partners. Is that correct? I cannot imagine that he would be happier if you had no sexual interest in him because desires that intimacy with you to feel fulfilled. On the other hand, I do understand what a burden high libido is. Although I'm ace, I feel I suffered with high libido for many years. For me, it really felt like suffering. What I understand retrospectively is that I learned to erroneously equate my validity with sexual attention from others. It's as if I became addicted to people and what I perceived as love. @DonkeySocks described this succinctly in a previous post emphasizing the need to truly learn about real love. For me, once I began to address the pathological and addictive patterns I had been stuck in, I eventually realized that I don't have any so-called "healthy" interest in sex in the way other people seem to, and frankly not much of a libido. For me, this was an enormous relief - it took a monumental amount of self effort & grace to get there. I'm in no way implying that anyone else's libido is pathological, please don't get me wrong. I think my experience as an asexual former sex addict may be rare (I have not met anyone who has had a similar experience). But, I do think it's worthwhile for anyone to contemplate the extent to which we rely on others for any kind of validation, and to cultivate a practice of validating ourselves - whatever that looks like. If such a practice eases any physical or sexual tension, all the better. In fact, for a person of high libido, it may foster new insight into a sexual relationship with oneself which may be fulfilling. Who knows? 

 

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5 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

 

@awkward-yet-sweet I recall you mentioned elsewhere that you were concerned about the effect of your increased libido on your husband. Has he actually commented or behaved differently towards you, or is it something you fear may come about? I don't know all the dynamics of your family as far as who engages sexually with whom, but I know that because your husband loves you, and you have a sexual relationship with him, that he would not be better off if you were ace. My husband is monogamous. When I came out as ace, I asked him a few times if he'd like to pursue a sexual partner outside our relationship. For him, it came down to: it's not sex for sex sake that he wants; he wants me, but my experience of intimacy is different from his and is not sexual. From what I understand, your husband has sexual relationships with other partners. Is that correct? I cannot imagine that he would be happier if you had no sexual interest in him because desires that intimacy with you to feel fulfilled. On the other hand, I do understand what a burden high libido is.

 

 

My husband hasn't commented or complained.  But others have, especially my GF.  My husband has five partners. I used to say five wives, but I'm not exactly a "wife" since I'm not exactly female anymore.  But there's five of us, anyways, and I've been taking up a large portion of his time and energy, sexual and otherwise.  He and GF have been a thing for 20+ years, and I think she's feeling a bit jealous even though she doesn't say so.  I have great relationships with my female partners, but I need my husband more right now. 

 

I think I also irritate my female partners because I'm clingy and needy.  I don't have an independent bone in my body, and I dislike being alone.  My husband has actually taken me to work with him when I've felt clingy, and I know that has raised some eyebrows.  I just get the feeling like I shouldn't be asking so much of him in terms of time, affection, and intimacy. 

 

GF resents that some of my needs have been transferred away from her, and I understand it somewhat.  She also started changing last year, becoming harder and more aggressive in general.  I don't quite understand what changed, although definitely happened after she had a couple of severe medical issues.  She won't talk about it, and has even pushed me away a bit.  She's spoken really harshly to me several times, which never happened in our relationship before.    

 

@Russ Fenrisson I've always had a high libido...but I started using testosterone cream to change my anatomy a bit, and it has unfortunately kicked the libido into high gear.  But you're right about stress being a factor.  Perhaps call it a bit of "frantic bonding."  My desire for non-sexual physical contact with my husband is also really increased.  I'd be happy enough to be in his lap all day, have his hands on me, etc.  A constant desire to cling and clutch and not let go.  I have work, hobbies, and exercise...and they don't get my mind off it.  I have one female partner who is just as clingy as I am, and we stick to each other like glue. 

 

This stuff gives me real doubts about how much of a boy I'm really supposed to be.  I've felt like I have the wrong body, but I don't have that independence, aggression, etc that people usually think of as "masculine."  It isn't there, and never will be. 

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I'm happy for you @Vidanjali👍. It usually takes baby-steps before you can truly achieve what you want. That must have been a great shopping trip. I have to agree: thrift stores have cool things. I've seen a lot of nice jackets, shoes, and button-ups that have caught my eye in the past.

 

@awkward-yet-sweetI've never been on T, but based on what I've read and testimony from those who have been on it for a while, whatever you had going on before tends to increase until your body becomes used to having it in your body. That also means libido. One's need for activity doesn't change much throughout one's life- if you needed a lot when you were young, you'll most likely feel the same when you're older. But, that doesn't mean there's a possibility it will change.

 

If you're clingy, then you're clingy- nothing wrong with that. Some people need more attention and affection than others and there's nothing wrong with that. However long you've struggled with your feelings, i.e. the desire to be more masculine, has probably cumulated itself into this increased need, but not necessarily. Whenever we feel stressed or are sad, it's no surprise we need more affection. Hugs are really all we want when we get like this. 

 

I can see your husband and partners are very supportive of this, helping you out when you need affection. It may seem forever, but these feelings may ease out and become less stressful for you. There's nothing shameful about needing attention.

 

When it comes to masculinity: be the guy you want to be, not the kind everyone expects. Not every person born as male fits the " ideal man" either. Be as macho as you want to be and be as sensitive as you want to be. Really, being true to oneself is a true show of one's masculinity or what they wish to show.

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@Russ Fenrisson I can't particularly recall a desire to feel or act more masculine.  I've always just been...me.  My negative experience is mostly related to my body.  Like a pervasive feeling that I was made wrong, my parts are wrong, and that nobody could want me or be attracted to me.  I didn't have a real relationship until I was 26 because of it...and only then because my GF pretty much cornered me and wouldn't let me go until I agreed to a date.  I still have no idea what she saw in me. 

 

I've been getting a bit of the physical changes with the testosterone cream.  Not sure if the side effects are worth it, but time will tell. 

 

You're definitely right that people don't fit the "ideal man" image.  My husband tries really hard to fit into that mold.  Crazy that he's actually more masculine than most, but I sense that he feels like he won't ever measure up.  I guess we're all a product of how we were raised....

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15 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

@Russ Fenrisson I can't particularly recall a desire to feel or act more masculine.  I've always just been...me.  My negative experience is mostly related to my body.  Like a pervasive feeling that I was made wrong, my parts are wrong, and that nobody could want me or be attracted to me.  I didn't have a real relationship until I was 26 because of it...and only then because my GF pretty much cornered me and wouldn't let me go until I agreed to a date.  I still have no idea what she saw in me. 

 

I've been getting a bit of the physical changes with the testosterone cream.  Not sure if the side effects are worth it, but time will tell. 

 

You're definitely right that people don't fit the "ideal man" image.  My husband tries really hard to fit into that mold.  Crazy that he's actually more masculine than most, but I sense that he feels like he won't ever measure up.  I guess we're all a product of how we were raised....

 

If humanity doesn't manage to render itself extinct, perhaps 200 years from now, gender/sex/sexuality diversity will be normalized and also taught regularly in schools so that far fewer people will grow up believing they were made wrong. I learned that it's currently believed that about 11% of people are born intersex, and that's an underestimate because many people will go their whole lives without knowing unless they happen to find out by accident when having a test or scan for some medical reason. For comparison, about 11% of people are born natural redheads. It's rare, but not so rare as folks may think. Yet, we don't acknowledge or talk about it because it disrupts our concept of "normal". 

 

I believe that only in part are we a product of how we were raised. I believe we are also born with particular inclinations, impressions, and gifts. Moreover, I don't believe personality and behavior is immutable. But, it does take will and effort to change. 

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@Vidanjali Those are some interesting facts. I was never aware of the statistics regarding such things. 

 

It's always about what is "normal" that often affects the tastes of the masses. It's a shame. I've always been attracted to the unusual and rare. That's probably why I'm attracted to psychology, indigenous peoples, and mythlogy and folklore to a degree.

 

@awkward-yet-sweet When taking testosterone, most people feel comfortable using gels and creams over needles since... well, not a lot of people like needles. 😅 As you take it, always be mindful of yourself. If you detect something may be wrong, be sure to check with your doctor.

 

I've also felt the same way about myself. From time to time, I question my value as a person, wondering if I'm deserving of this and that. I don't think I deserve the attention of others for the most outrageous reasons like I'm not good enough or I don't do enough with my life. Then, I might have these mildly guilty feelings that because of how I am, I don't deserve the love of others. What "love" is I don't know, but I'm trying to work past this mentality of being a monster, being un-human.

 

And you're right about that: such thoughts are due to how we were raised, the situations we were exposed to. It takes a long time to move past these dark thoughts, and they don't entirely go away, but we can at least lock them away in a little box, just as the thoughts chained down our mentality, keeping us from achieving our true selves. We can at least understand why and try to move past the darkness.

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@Vidanjali  11% intersex?  I suspect that could be a question of degrees and presentation.  My nature was only revealed recently by medical scan, as you mention.  Not sure how many people have a complete organ related to the opposite sex, though.  🤔  I'm still not sure what to do with that. 

 

@Russ Fenrisson I'm not sure if I ever felt un-human...but I've pretty much always felt like a mistake.  I was thinking about it today in terms of my childhood, and of course I never lived up to what my parents wanted from me.  I was supposed to be a wife and mother, and/or go into police or legal work.  My body wasn't suited to the first thing, and my mind and personality not suited to the second. 

 

Luckily, in adulthood we can be more ourselves.  Has your path changed from what your family expected?

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On 8/4/2022 at 10:01 AM, Vidanjali said:

I learned that it's currently believed that about 11% of people are born intersex, and that's an underestimate because many people will go their whole lives without knowing unless they happen to find out by accident when having a test or scan for some medical reason. For comparison, about 11% of people are born natural redheads. It's rare, but not so rare as folks may think.

 

11% IS WRONG. PLEASE READ BELOW.

 

20 hours ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

@Vidanjali Those are some interesting facts. I was never aware of the statistics regarding such things. 

 

ACTUAL FACT (occurrence of intersex roughly as common as natural red hair), BUT WRONG STAT (not 11%). PLEASE READ BELOW.

 

15 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

@Vidanjali  11% intersex?

 

SORRY, THIS IS NOT CORRECT. I mixed up this stat with something else. My humble apologies. Between 1.7-2% of people are intersex, which is roughly the same percentage of people born redheads. (Same fact, but corrected percentage.) This includes all varieties of intersex: chromosomal, hormonal, internal and external sex organs & organ structure. But, the occurrence of ambiguous external genitalia is rarer. This Intersex Campaign for Equality page reports that occurrence may be 0.1-0.2% of live births. How Common is Intersex? An Explanation of the Stats. – Intersex Campaign for Equality (intersexequality.com)

 

Again, my sincere apologies for the previously incorrect information. I had relied on my memory, which is apparently not as sharp as it used to be. I will be more careful in the future when reporting stats because I endeavor to be an effective ally. Please forgive me if I caused anyone alarm or distress.

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57 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

Between 1.7-2% of people are intersex, which is roughly the same percentage of people born redheads.

Yeah.  That's what I have heard.   Thanks for the correction.

 

I sometimes wonder how many of us fall into this category but don't know it.

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Thanks for the correction @Vidanjali. I'm not very knowledgable about such things but I'm always open to learning about it. Really, the number could be higher but we'll never know. As most research is, not everyone comes forward or can be tested for any type of medical condition to make numbers more accurate. We can only make an educated guess and go from there.

 

And don't worry about it; I'm the same way! I often get names and dates mixed up. The more you learn, the more often you tend to mix your knowledge together like mixing an assortment of ingredients in a blender. They tend to run together.

 

@awkward-yet-sweet I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to come off the wrong way. Perhaps that wasn't the best thing to say. My apologies.

 

I think my family just expects me to be happy. I do have relatives that comment from time to time that I should be a nurse and join the medical field but I don't think I can deal with it mentally. I like to help other people, especially animals, but if it feels like there's nothing I can do to help, I know it might break me. I hate the feeling of "I could have done more" or "if I only knew sooner." Such thoughts haunt me. Just watching medically based or legal-based shows is enough for me to know I can't handle such fields emotionally.

 

I've even had the occasionally comment of being a teacher. That's something else in its own.

 

At this point in time, I just want to be me. Everything else will make itself known in time.

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@Vidanjali Statistic is still interesting even with the correction.  Even 1.7% is still a large number.  In the USA, that makes 5.5 million or more intersex folks.  I find it interesting how many ways a person can be intersex.  I guess most people think of the ambiguous external genitalia, which is probably why doctors looking at me when I was younger didn't mention anything.  Its my internal stuff that's so different. 

 

@Russ Fenrisson Don't worry, you didn't offend me.  🙃 I'm glad your family didn't put too many expectations on you.  My upbringing was pretty miserable with that. 

 

It drives me crazy sometimes when people insist on having their way with my life.  Picking on me, commenting, attempting to bully, telling me how I should act or dress or be.  Like, how hard is it to just leave me alone?  I don't need to buy stuff, I don't eat much, I'm outdoors more than I'm indoors, I'm quiet and I take care of myself.... but somehow I'm a problem.  🙄 

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@awkward-yet-sweetGreat. Sometimes, even hours after I post something I think about whether I might have said the wrong thing to someone or was a bit too strong. It's just a thing regarding self-monitoring.

 

I used to get that when I was little but I'm glad I'm nowhere near those people anymore. They used to make me question myself and wonder what I did to make them treat me the way they did. Most people are jealous anyway and just hate to see people being themselves when they themselves are in pain.

 

Always remember though, as long as you're you and you're fine with yourself, you're never a problem. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

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I'm here to write something wildly off topic! But as always, feel free to carry on whichever conversations you find yourselves in.

 

It was an interesting day. I was feeling pretty terrible during work, I took a few breaks to sit in the stairwell away from people. Just the classic self-consciousness about my appearance, you know the deal. I would elaborate, but for some reason I find this kind of stuff so difficult to write about.

 

In any case, I had an exit interview (It's a seasonal job) with the older dude who my coworkers warned me was very conservative and initially had some issues with the pronouns. He went the entire interview without a single slip-up, and he even wrote down my preferred name for the pretty legal-looking documentation and said "If they have an issue with it they can change it later." BASED? I never really try to judge people unless I know them, but in hindsight I feel bad for being hesitant around this guy. I've been extremely lucky to run into very accommodating and gracious people.

 

It's been a while so I want to ask again, how is everyone doing, and are there any cool weekend plans?

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@RoachSometimes those feelings can come out of nowhere, whether you want them or not. I also find being alone for a little while is a good cure. When I start to get all existential, I need to step back before my brain goes to the same place as David in Space Odyssey 2001. It's a strange feeling...

 

I'm doing great. Just living life day to day. I do have plans for the next couple of days so I hope all goes well. I was also going to treat myself with the occasional café visit. Even if I don't talk to anyone, I like to soak in the atmosphere and listen to the music over the radio.

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19 minutes ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

I was also going to treat myself with the occasional café visit. Even if I don't talk to anyone, I like to soak in the atmosphere and listen to the music over the radio.

I try to do something like this at least once a week.  Since I live alone, just being around other people helps.

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