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@JandiAgreed. Sometimes the conversations I overhear are quite funny and interesting. Just feeling everyone getting along in a warm, inviting environment is enough to fix my mood.

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  • Vidanjali

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There's a cafe at my uni and walking between tables is so funny. One group will be engaged in a thoughtful philosophical debate and then the next group is just arguing with extreme malice about whether toilet paper goes over or under.

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Good vibes. Just got off the phone with tech support for my laptop. Was a follow up, and I spoke with the same person as last time. In our first conversation, he kept calling me "Miss V", and I kept wanting to interject and say something, but chickened out. Today, first time he said "Miss V", I immediately and emphatically stated, "you can just call me V". He said "got it", apologized, and said it's just the Southern in him. We had a good chuckle over that. But it really felt great talking with him after that. He was really cool. 

 

Next, to correct the greeter at church who tells me, "good morning, young lady"!

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4 hours ago, Roach said:

arguing with extreme malice about whether toilet paper goes over or under.

 

😭 I won't even go there. Some things you just can't unknow about a person. 

 

2 hours ago, Roach said:

That's pretty cool @Vidanjali. I know correcting people is pretty nerve-wracking, so you did a great job. That guy sounded real chill! Hope you got your tech supported as well.

 

Thanks! And so great that the exit interview exceeded your expectations. Such a good feeling when people are cool about being flexible with gendered language. 

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I went to my favorite rock shop today and I was talking to a lady and she asked me and my sister "Are you sisters?" And my sister immediately jumped in "We're siblings," cause I got too nervous to correct her. The lady just nodded, said "Okay," and moved on with the conversation.

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@Sol your sister sound awesome. It's great to have someone who supports you, especially if you're close and hang out a lot. For me, this is my brother. Good stuff 👍

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I've been really fortunate to have an awesome sister.  We're less than a year apart in age, and we've always stuck to each other like glue.  Our parents always scolded us for continuing to sleep in the same bed and shower together long after the age where kids usually prefer privacy.  We just never really cared, and we still share everything like a couple of kids. 

 

I was kind of nervous that if my body and sense of self started changing, that my sister and I might not be as close or do the same stuff together.  We lived apart for over a year after high school when she found a girlfriend and moved in with her.  That was a decade ago, and I've never been so miserable as during that time. The thought of going through something like that was really unpleasant.  But this week she assured me that she's fine with having a "sibling" or even a brother, since to her I'm still exactly the same person.  💝 

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My sister is one of my biggest supporters, and I strive to be that way for her too. And I think I'm succeeding, cause we get along way better than we did when we were younger (we have a bigger age difference and I was going through a lot emotionally all the time).

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On 8/13/2022 at 10:51 PM, awkward-yet-sweet said:

But this week she assured me that she's fine with having a "sibling" or even a brother, since to her I'm still exactly the same person.

You are blessed with a true sister.

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Ah, I wish I could be at that point, but being in public can always be nerve-wracking. The worst fear is meeting someone in public another person knows and then being introduced as the wrong name and gender. I want to make a correction in the matter or interject as "And this is-" is being said, but I'm too wary to do such a thing. I'd rather deal with the short upset than making someone angry afterward. I wish I were braver.

 

At least when I'm alone or at a café, I can leave the order as the name I prefer. It's a small victory for me for now.

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I just watched "Stay on Board: The Leo Baker Story" on Netflix. So good. Here's the synopsis:

 

Celebrated skateboarder Leo Baker shares the details of his rise to fame and the clash between his career and self-discovery as a trans man.

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Sounds interesting. Good stuff like that is always hidden and buried away on Netflix. Maybe I'll plan to watch it this weekend for movie night and see what it's like.

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Had a conversation with my coworkers the other day and they had mentioned that another person had misgendered me, and I mentioned something abt how customers & other employees gender me incorrectly, despite my name & pronouns on my name tag, and they were baffled. I remember both of them mentioning how they thought I was a cis man before I mentioned it, which brought a certain amount of euphoria, but also confusion. Like, it was nice to meet new people and have them just treat me as another guy despite being pre-everything (and have them somehow have no clue despite the high-pitched customer service voice). On the other hand, it sorta felt confusing because 1) my feminine deadname is on the schedule, and 2) I'm very much not used to people seeing me as a man first. I've only been out since February, but always sorta had a feeling I was viewed as 'the trans coworker/friend/etc.' first rather than a guy.

 

I'm definitely in a point at my transition where I kinda have to be out so people will gender me correctly, but it's interesting to me bc I just kinda assumed my coworkers knew I was trans in the first place bc of my appearance and others using either he or she pronouns for me. Idk, I just kinda found that conversation really interesting

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@Spencer PhoenixIt is a strange thing. Sometimes what we think isn't the same as others. It's always a work in progress. Hopefully everything gets worked out. It sounds like a whirlwind of emotions at times.

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Hello, and happy Friday to everyone. How was everyone's week? Got any plans for the weekend?

 

As August ends, I'm ready for September. I feel cool weather ahead.

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Hey Russ! Had a great first week back at uni. Looking forward to a relatively uneventful semester. You right, I'm so ready for autumn weather. That's when you can wear the real cozy stuff. 

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Hey guys, I have little or nothing to update about, I'm just dropping in, I do get updates on this thread to my inbox and I love seeing how people are doing. :) I agree about the weather, today is so muggy; I love fall weather, and I think we're due for some!

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Moving back to the dorms tomorrow, which I'm very excited and nervous for. Since it's my first semester fully out with the university, I don't know too much regarding how I'll be treated as a trans person in their system. I already notice a lot of issues with how my college handles the use of legal vs preferred names, despite all the advertising of how accepting the campus is towards minorities. I've had to contact the ID & IT offices this summer over preferred name usage, and am planning on contacting res life about it too since they constantly deadname me in emails despite me having a preferred name in my application. Unfortunately, I haven't heard a single good experience regarding res life or the ID office when it comes to actual issues being presented to them, so I don't know how much I'm going to have to fight to not see my deadname when I check into the dorms every day, or want to get dining hall food. Oh well, I guess I'll find out how this will go in the coming months.

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@Spencer PhoenixI wish you luck in your endeavors. College is a good way to find yourself but at the same time, you'll find things aren't that much different from what you left behind in high school. I hope everything goes well with you and, who knows, maybe the school will catch up with you. I also hate when services give the presumed guise of "preferred names," and end up using pronouns and names you aren't comfortable with. In time, things will get better.

 

I'm looking forward to cooler weather too Roach and DonkeySocks. The heat has been numbing and I'm ready to wear more comfortable clothes, bed under heavy blankets, and go outside more to feel the cool winds on my skin.

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Just wanted to bring up this interesting dream I had last night:

 

I was suffering from a bit of insomnia so it took time to get back to sleep. When I did, I was in a half-conscious state- a ripe condition to experience memorable, yet strange, dreams. In the dream, I walked into this small classroom where a group of people were gathered, just relaxing it seems. In the classroom were a lion cub and a tiger cub. I'd say they were both adolescents as they were far from being small newborns; they were roughly the size of a setter breed of dog. As I was walking across the classroom to find a seat (as they seemed to be placed in a round perimeter of the classroom rather than the typical rows), the tiger cub walked up to me and procceeded to stand up(!) and placed its paws on my shoulders. It was slightly shorter than me so it wasn't too much of a big deal. I'm assuming it was semi-sentient as when I asked "Do you want a hug?" it seemed to nod and allowed me to hug it back. It looked so happy and friendly with its honey-brown eyes. Not a common thing you see with big cats. While we hugged, it licked my face and kissed me as a dog would do.

 

It was a strange dream, but interesting nonetheless. It was a bright moment in my rough experience with insomnia.

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@Spencer Phoenix I hope you an find the right channels so that they'll consistently get your name right. That's so frustrating. I also hope that your raising attention to the issue will cause the institution to wake up and make it a seamless process for others. 

 

@Russ Fenrisson that is a cool dream. I hope it made you feel loved. 

 

Speaking of dreams, I've been focusing on queer community building with my church rainbow group and with Stonewall National Museum and Archives. Two nights ago, I had a vivid and drawn out dream, but the gist was that I was mountaineering with another person at a great elevation when freak bad weather moved in. We would not have survived on our own. But, we quickly encountered a large group of other mountaineers who had all banded together. They welcomed us in, and we all efficiently pooled our resources making sure each person was properly outfitted and had sufficient sustenance. We all weathered the calamity together, summited, and returned safely. Made me realize my subconscious is very much on board with this vision of victory via power in cooperative numbers. 

 

In other news, I just got my second haircut from my fabulous new barber. If that wasn't a good enough experience, at the end he told me that the salon, in an effort to be more progressive and inclusive, had a new price structure which now includes gender diverse pricing!!! I literally thought I might be dreaming when he told me that. EUPHORIA! 

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@VidanjaliIt was interesting nonetheless. I don't think anyone in the room commented aloud on the tiger, but for some reason, I felt their name started with a B, like Bernie or Bernard. They were a friendly tiger.

 

That dream you had sounded pretty epic. In a way, you could be right: as you build a community, you find everyone around you is gradually coming together in one mind, one goal. I wish the world were more like this. Problem-solving would be less stressful if everyone were of sound mind and properly talked everything out.

 

What kind of pricing is the barber offering? For the longest time, I thought salons were unfair at how they charged women more for hair-cuts than men, even though they may have the same length of hair (I might be wrong, so please correct me on this; I'm genuinely curious about this subject). It's great your salon is making a concious effort to cater to others. I know for me, I'm sometimes uncomfortable with them because I don't think they can provide me with the services I desire, especially since I desire male hair-cuts now. Nothing beats styling at home, though.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey, how's everyone doing as September gets into full-swing? Have any plans for the upcoming holiday next month?

 

Can't say why but when the full moon comes out, I feel so much better, confident, powerful. Anyone else get like this? Sometimes I feel physically weaker so I have to go easier on myself. It's a good opportunity to go on more walks since I need to do that. I find I need to move more than I already do to keep my mood content.

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1 hour ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

Can't say why but when the full moon comes out, I feel so much better, confident, powerful. Anyone else get like this?

I guess I like the full moons in the fall.  I don't really feel more confident, but they are pretty to look at.  My GF likes them a bit too much.  She has to be out at night barking at the moon with a couple of her friends.  🙄  Some of us grow up, and some of us merely grow older I guess. 

 

IDK why, but I feel like being in my 30's is a lot different.  I still look young enough that when I buy a bottle of wine everybody swears I have a fake ID....but I just don't want to be involved in anything after 9pm anymore.  No late night runs for pizza, no parties, just curl up in my warm den between a couple of my partners and sleep for 9 hours solid. 

 

I had to try to remember what holiday next month has...I'm guessing Halloween?  That's a ways off yet, but I guess since 2/3 of the year is gone already, it'll be here before we know it.

 

 

 

 

 

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    • MaeBe
      Two words(?): Project 2025   Please provide links to the "political calculus" referred to, I'd be interested to know where this is coming from. It seems odd that anyone would be advocating to vote in a President that has stated that he will try to use the federal government to go after LGBTQ+ people because voting back Biden, that is not doing that, might cause some state legislatures to put forth more discriminatory laws.   LGBTQ+ people are not safe in a MAGA future.
    • Ashley0616
      It's awesome that you have had such a great friend in your life! I could only imagine what losing felt like to you. It's neat that you worked for the airlines. Did you take advantage of the space availability fights? My dad worked for Northwest and always flew every single summer except one where we drove from north Mississippi to Phoenix, AZ. My parents agreed to never do that again lol. 
    • Ashley0616
      The trans community won't be good under Trump at all. Biden is the one who has done more for the trans community than any other presidents. Last time Trump was in office he was at an LGBTQ rally and his support went quickly away from us because the majority of the voters are anti trans. He is going to get rid of our rights and also come after the rest of LGBTQ.  I don't know where you heard we would be better under Trump.    Trump unveils sweeping attack on trans rights ahead of 2024 (axios.com)   Trump Promises to Go After Trans People if Re-Elected (vice.com)   Trump promises to ban transgender women from sports if re-elected (nbcnews.com)
    • Sally Stone
      Post 7 “The Pittsburgh Years” When I retired from the Army, we moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania because I had been hired by US Airways to work in their flight training department.  The transition to civilian life was a bit of an adjustment, but I never really looked back.  At the same time, I was excited at the prospect of having more Sally time. But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge.    The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side.  My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them.  If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to.  But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally.  Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.  If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision.   Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time.  The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time.  Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend.    Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well.  With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city.  Together, she and I made the town our own.  We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city.  With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town.    Willa and I had a lot in common.  We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans.  In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature.  Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist.  I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery.    Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective.  My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify.  Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue.  I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man.   At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman.  It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary.  During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me.  I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel.    One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.”  When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman.  The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying.  That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona.  Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me.    Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day.  Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends.  We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts.  Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness.  Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly.  However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart.   Hugs,   Sally
    • missyjo
      thank you dear. I'm constantly working at adjusting n writing off other people's judgment or input.   thank you n good luck
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules.   Considering the one issue below in isolation:   There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden.  The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk.  Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse.  In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create.    Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse.   Thoughts?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Can you dress androgynously? 
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people.  People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed.  As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman.  I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he.  Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was.  Ooops.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't know much about CNAs.  They report to an RN, right?  Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This is the thing.  A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing.  Today I feel great.  I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman.  I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife."  Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's.  No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female.  Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace.
    • Birdie
      Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum.    Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I agree.  But sometimes unethical conduct must still be legal, because the cure would be worse than the disease.  One problem we have today with the internet is the trolls can gang up on someone and destroy them - we see the with school bullying as well.   He was in the Southern Baptist Convention, and maybe he should have moved his church over to say the American Baptists, who might have been able to help him. A Southern Baptist pastor is king in his church, peerless, which means he could not have gone for help in his church.  And he could not have gone for help from any other pastor in the SBC because they likely affirm the SBC statements on these matters.  I think he was stuck.    I read this when it came out in the news.  Very sad situation.  
    • Carolyn Marie
      One organization that I know of that is dedicated to assisting LGBT seniors is SAGE.  They advocate for, and have services for, all LGBT folks, not just trans folk.  You can find their website Here.  I am not sure what, if anything, they have in terms of financial assistance.  I'll let you know if I find anything else.   Carolyn Marie
    • Davie
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