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@awkward-yet-sweetI like looking at the moon before I go to sleep. Oddly, it feels comforting knowing that it's there every night peering through my window. It gets harder to see sometimes due to cloud coverage and it showing up someplace where my window can't cover, but its glow is sometimes enough. I guess maybe the fall and winter moons are easier to see? I don't keep up with it well enough to say.

 

I respect that. I don't like going out at night either. Just makes my skin crawl thinking of what lies beyond my doorstep unseen.

 

Yeah, Halloween. I don't do anything too major- just play scary games, watch monster movies, and make a simple costume. I was going to be cheeky this year and make a vampire deer costume, but alas, I don't know how to make capes yet. I have another plan in mind though.

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On 9/4/2022 at 2:25 PM, Russ Fenrisson said:

@VidanjaliIt was interesting nonetheless. I don't think anyone in the room commented aloud on the tiger, but for some reason, I felt their name started with a B, like Bernie or Bernard. They were a friendly tiger.

 

What kind of pricing is the barber offering? For the longest time, I thought salons were unfair at how they charged women more for hair-cuts than men, even though they may have the same length of hair (I might be wrong, so please correct me on this; I'm genuinely curious about this subject). It's great your salon is making a concious effort to cater to others. I know for me, I'm sometimes uncomfortable with them because I don't think they can provide me with the services I desire, especially since I desire male hair-cuts now. Nothing beats styling at home, though.

 

Hey @Russ Fenrisson . You know, what struck me about your cognition that the dream tiger's name started with a B? In 1997, I found my first puppy on the street. I didn't name him right away - I had a feeling that his name would be revealed, but I knew it also started with a B. Next day, I was going about my morning and suddenly it flashed that his name was Byron. He was the best and most handsome boy. 

 

The salon now charges based on length of hair, and level of expertise of the stylist. So, I paid for a "short advanced" cut. It was $20 less than the women's cut I'd previously paid for there!! My beloved new barber is the first stylist who I feel really gets me. I tell him I like a cool masc style, and he delivers. 

 

In other news, I came out to another long-time friend yesterday. He was lovely and super supportive. It felt great. He was happy, proud of me and my husband, and excited to learn more about my experience. 

 

I hope y'all are doing well today. 

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@Russ Fenrisson What's unseen outside at night?  Foxes!  😏  Actually, we had a couple of red foxes screaming in the field just after sunset tonight.  We're late on cutting hay this month, so they have a lot of tall grass to hide in.  I don't mind sitting outside at night for a bit and listening to nature.  My own den is completely underground.  I've never had an underground bedroom until GF and I moved in with husband and other partners.  Cool in summer, warm in winter, and after recent events I'm quite attached to the safe feeling of it. 

 

A cape or a cloak starts out mostly as a fabric semi-circle, I think.  I'd have to ask GF, as she's the resident cloak girl.  I'm sure there's patterns online, right?

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@VidanjaliFunny how that happened, how the letter B has such connections. A cut $20 less than the women's cuts? What a steal! That probably explains why haircuts for women are a little more pricier than the men's- it's all about the length. Sometimes how long it'll take for the stylist to achieve the style you want, what with the cutting, dyeing, shampooing, etc. Sounds like an awesome experience.

 

@awkward-yet-sweetThat's what so great about underground homes: it's naturally cooler or warmer without the thermostat. Foxes screaming? What in the world... 😆 It doesn't happen often but I might hear coyotes howling in the night. It's freaky at first because it reminds me of those old black and white horror flms but once I get used to it, I find it interesting. I find the owl hoots more welcoming though.

  

Yeah, there's probably patterns. Problem is deciding what kind of cloak to make. I was thinking Bela Lugosi's Dracula as I wanted a stylish vampire look, at least Victorian in appearance. Other problem is getting the energy and drive to do it. These days it's been hard for me to get started on creative endeavors. I keep thinking of other things to do over doing such things.

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@Russ Fenrisson We have a lot of wild animals here.  I literally live out in the woods.  That part is really helping me dealing with my gender issues.  Out here...who cares? I can walk out to the garden totally unclothed without a care in the world, and just pick tomatoes and pull weeds.  When I first lived with my GF, she had a house in the nearby city and we always had to behave because of the neighbors.  🙄 

 

Hmm....I guess it would be hard to decide on your cloak.  GF's main cloak is fur....I doubt that "ice queen" is the look you're after. 😆

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Sounds like interesting living. You get a lot of different experiences out there, especially for the beauty of nature.

 

By fur, do you mean like a cape made completely of fur? That must have been expensive, if so. I think the look I'm going for is Victorian vampire. I have a basic sketch I've thought of but I think I need to ponder on it more.

 

The basic design of the character is based off the Chinese water deer which, interestingly enough, grew long canine teeth instead of antlers like what is associated most with deer. For the costume, I was also thinking of experimenting with resin. I wanted to make a nice jewel to place on the forehead and another to serve as a brooch or pendant for the cloak/cape. If I think it's too much, I might just see if there's any costume jewelry that suits what I'm looking for.

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Yep...she made it completely of fur.  Mostly hides she tanned herself.  If you're doing a cloak, the most prominent piece of metal/jewelry would be the clasps/chain that holds it together in the front.  Neat thing about that is they aren't gender-specific.  😉

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@VidanjaliI read about such fanged deer while perusing the encyclopedia. When I first read about it, I got curious, thinking this was some crazy thing of nature. They really are beautiful creatures but look quite threatening with those fangs of theirs. The chevrotain is a smaller variety- cute, but equally threatening.

 

@awkward-yet-sweetWow. She sounds really talented. She must come from a background that specialized in hunting. It's a good talent to have if wanting to be independent away from the city. Yeah, that seems to be the most important part: the object holding the cloak together. If it doesn't look good, the whole costume loses its splendor. 😅

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10 minutes ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

@Vidanjali

@awkward-yet-sweetWow. She sounds really talented. She must come from a background that specialized in hunting. It's a good talent to have if wanting to be independent away from the city. Yeah, that seems to be the most important part: the object holding the cloak together. If it doesn't look good, the whole costume loses its splendor. 😅

 

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She specialized in a background of poverty... I am always amazed at the random skills she has acquired.  She has done high tech stuff like developing a computer operating system, to basic old-school skills like blacksmithing.  And she's a mother of 5 kids.  🥰 

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Geez, sounds almost like a jack-of-all-trades. I've always been interested in blacksmithing, what with the combination of art and chemistry that goes into the skill to create an interesting piece of work. She's definitely an amazing person.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Now that October's here, anyone watching anything interesting in the spooky department? I have some movies lined up and have yet to watch them. I have taken up Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus, by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley again as I also want to peruse the old horror novels. I can say though, the novel and its movie starring Colin Clive are like night and day. Kind of shocking.

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I'm really not familiar with horror, but my roommate made an entire google slides presentation listing and ranking movies based on how messed up they are, and I got the feeling we're gonna get REAL familiar with horror movies by the end. Sounds like you know quite a few books/shows in the genre!

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Yeah. I've known people who were really into horror so, by incidence, I've learned a thing or two about the horror genre. I normally don't like watching horror movies as I can't stand certain genres (specifically body horror, excessive violence, and religious horror), but there are still movies out there that can be enjoyed. I find reading horror easier though.

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8 hours ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

 I normally don't like watching horror movies as I can't stand certain genres (specifically body horror, excessive violence, and religious horror)

I think that I have gotten more sensitive to it as I get older.  I guess life itself has enough real horrors that I don't want more.   I kinda like the dressing up around Halloween, but I really dislike the dead things, demonic stuff, and zombies.  

 

We don't have TV at home...but in the adult area of our house we can watch stuff from the internet.  My GF will happily watch the most bloody, violent things available.  I can't even be in earshot, as it makes me tense.  My husband is the same way...he won't watch graphic violence and is rather selective about war films.  I think trauma affects people very differently.

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've recently been trying to get a gender therapist, and this is a somewhat frustrating situation when I'm working with a family member that is not particularly accepting (and of course, insurance issues). I have found someone I believe I can work with and am currently on a waitlist.

 

I never thought I needed therapy due to my issues never being particularly severe, but they are definitely weighing on my mind a lot... Every single day... For YEARS. I wish I could think about other things sometimes, so maybe this will help.

 

Well, if it doesn't go well, I can always find someone else.

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@Roach good on you for getting the help you need. Personally, I found just the practice of talking openly and affirmatively about my gender in a safe therapeutic environment to be helpful in that it normalizes my experience of being me. Along the way with my gender therapist, things have come up which I didn't expect, and I've been glad to be able to uncover, expose, and work on more issues so I can feel freer. I hope you have a positive experience with your therapist once you get in there. May I ask, why must you work with the nonaffirming family member you mentioned? 

 

I've been thinking about you guys lately. I wish to share the joy of sewing with y'all. I learned how to use my mother's sewing machine as a child. I'd make things for myself and my dolls. In my 20s I got my own machine as an unexpected gift. I still have that machine over 20 years later. Over the last year, I've amassed about a dozen men's short sleeve button up shirts from shopping excursions. In order to fit comfortably across the chest with no pulling, I have to buy a size which winds up being quite long on me - I'm 5'3". I've finally gotten the time and energy to break out the ol' sewing machine to alter the shirts, reducing the sleeves and overall length. I'm about halfway through, and the shirts look great! I'm so pleased - I feel cool and handsome wearing them, whereas before I altered them, they were so long I looked like a kid playing dress up. Learning to use a sewing machine is not terribly difficult, and reducing length is a basic alteration. If you're motivated to learn, I encourage you - you'll be able to expand your wardrobe in a more affirming manner when you have the power to make simple alterations yourself. 

 

Speaking of wardrobe, have any of you gone through purging experiences? I have purged my wardrobe many times, for many reasons, good, bad & ugly - shame, anger, overcompensation, perceived societal expectations,..., comfort, modesty, genuine gender affirmation. At times I've been rather obsessive about clothes because I just thought I looked weird and conspicuous all the time - I felt as if in drag dressing femme - I've had more than my share of meltdowns attempting to get dressed. But! these days, I am more and more happy with my appearance because I am working diligently to let go of expectations and just look however I wish. 

 

Hope you guys are having a fine week so far. Peace. 

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2 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

@Roach good on you for getting the help you need. Personally, I found just the practice of talking openly and affirmatively about my gender in a safe therapeutic environment to be helpful in that it normalizes my experience of being me. Along the way with my gender therapist, things have come up which I didn't expect, and I've been glad to be able to uncover, expose, and work on more issues so I can feel freer. I hope you have a positive experience with your therapist once you get in there. May I ask, why must you work with the nonaffirming family member you mentioned? 

 

I've been thinking about you guys lately. I wish to share the joy of sewing with y'all. I learned how to use my mother's sewing machine as a child. I'd make things for myself and my dolls. In my 20s I got my own machine as an unexpected gift. I still have that machine over 20 years later. Over the last year, I've amassed about a dozen men's short sleeve button up shirts from shopping excursions. In order to fit comfortably across the chest with no pulling, I have to buy a size which winds up being quite long on me - I'm 5'3". I've finally gotten the time and energy to break out the ol' sewing machine to alter the shirts, reducing the sleeves and overall length. I'm about halfway through, and the shirts look great! I'm so pleased - I feel cool and handsome wearing them, whereas before I altered them, they were so long I looked like a kid playing dress up. Learning to use a sewing machine is not terribly difficult, and reducing length is a basic alteration. If you're motivated to learn, I encourage you - you'll be able to expand your wardrobe in a more affirming manner when you have the power to make simple alterations yourself. 

 

Speaking of wardrobe, have any of you gone through purging experiences? I have purged my wardrobe many times, for many reasons, good, bad & ugly - shame, anger, overcompensation, perceived societal expectations,..., comfort, modesty, genuine gender affirmation. At times I've been rather obsessive about clothes because I just thought I looked weird and conspicuous all the time - I felt as if in drag dressing femme - I've had more than my share of meltdowns attempting to get dressed. But! these days, I am more and more happy with my appearance because I am working diligently to let go of expectations and just look however I wish. 

 

Hope you guys are having a fine week so far. Peace. 

Thanks, @Vidanjali Good points. I've done my own sewing since pegged pants were a thing (1960). Never considered it a female exclusive event. Good to take re-possession of it this way.  "I've finally gotten the time and energy to break out the ol' sewing machine to alter the shirts, reducing the sleeves and overall length." Got pics of one? Cheers, Davie

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4 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

I'm about halfway through, and the shirts look great! I'm so pleased - I feel cool and handsome wearing them

That's awesome!

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On 11/5/2022 at 11:00 PM, Roach said:

I have found someone I believe I can work with and am currently on a waitlist.

I'm sending good vibes for you to be bumped up the waitlist and get an appointment very soon.

 

You need whatever you need, don't downplay your needs based on how mild they are compared to someone else's. I've spent a lot of years thinking this or that problem I had wasn't "bad enough" because I could survive with it. If you think you need therapy, it's good you are trying it out, your requirements are valid!

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On 11/6/2022 at 12:00 AM, Roach said:

I've recently been trying to get a gender therapist, and this is a somewhat frustrating situation when I'm working with a family member that is not particularly accepting (and of course, insurance issues). I have found someone I believe I can work with and am currently on a waitlist.

Hi Roach,

Nice to meet you. I'm so happy that you were able to find someone you feel you can work with. I'll keep fingers crossed for you.

I can really relate to your situation, I too am seeking a gender therapist and insurance is a big obstacle for me. I'm on a waiting list as of yesterday but was told it was a year wait. I sure hope it doesn't take that long and in the meantime I'll keep looking.

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@Vidanjali Sewing is awesome!  I don't do a ton of it myself, since I prefer to avoid clothing when possible.  But taking in seams, hemming, etc.. are great techniques to adapt clothing to be just right.  My GF usually prefers men's clothing for better fabric quality, but she always has her sewing machine out to adapt things to her curvy figure.  The machine doesn't like me, so if I do something it ends up being done by hand. 

 

I think we are almost the same height... I'm barely 105 lbs, so it makes finding clothing (especially for winter) difficult.  Have you ever ended up trying on clothes from the kids' section of a store? 

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@awkward-yet-sweet that's great that you and your GF enjoy sewing. It's a very useful and versatile skill. I have about 20 lbs on you and am rather cuvy, myself. So, kids clothing is a no for me. I had a friend years ago, a dude, who was a few inches taller than me, but so slender that he did buy kids clothes which seemed to work for him. 

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