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@awkward-yet-sweetI like looking at the moon before I go to sleep. Oddly, it feels comforting knowing that it's there every night peering through my window. It gets harder to see sometimes due to cloud coverage and it showing up someplace where my window can't cover, but its glow is sometimes enough. I guess maybe the fall and winter moons are easier to see? I don't keep up with it well enough to say.

 

I respect that. I don't like going out at night either. Just makes my skin crawl thinking of what lies beyond my doorstep unseen.

 

Yeah, Halloween. I don't do anything too major- just play scary games, watch monster movies, and make a simple costume. I was going to be cheeky this year and make a vampire deer costume, but alas, I don't know how to make capes yet. I have another plan in mind though.

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On 9/4/2022 at 2:25 PM, Russ Fenrisson said:

@VidanjaliIt was interesting nonetheless. I don't think anyone in the room commented aloud on the tiger, but for some reason, I felt their name started with a B, like Bernie or Bernard. They were a friendly tiger.

 

What kind of pricing is the barber offering? For the longest time, I thought salons were unfair at how they charged women more for hair-cuts than men, even though they may have the same length of hair (I might be wrong, so please correct me on this; I'm genuinely curious about this subject). It's great your salon is making a concious effort to cater to others. I know for me, I'm sometimes uncomfortable with them because I don't think they can provide me with the services I desire, especially since I desire male hair-cuts now. Nothing beats styling at home, though.

 

Hey @Russ Fenrisson . You know, what struck me about your cognition that the dream tiger's name started with a B? In 1997, I found my first puppy on the street. I didn't name him right away - I had a feeling that his name would be revealed, but I knew it also started with a B. Next day, I was going about my morning and suddenly it flashed that his name was Byron. He was the best and most handsome boy. 

 

The salon now charges based on length of hair, and level of expertise of the stylist. So, I paid for a "short advanced" cut. It was $20 less than the women's cut I'd previously paid for there!! My beloved new barber is the first stylist who I feel really gets me. I tell him I like a cool masc style, and he delivers. 

 

In other news, I came out to another long-time friend yesterday. He was lovely and super supportive. It felt great. He was happy, proud of me and my husband, and excited to learn more about my experience. 

 

I hope y'all are doing well today. 

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@Russ Fenrisson What's unseen outside at night?  Foxes!  😏  Actually, we had a couple of red foxes screaming in the field just after sunset tonight.  We're late on cutting hay this month, so they have a lot of tall grass to hide in.  I don't mind sitting outside at night for a bit and listening to nature.  My own den is completely underground.  I've never had an underground bedroom until GF and I moved in with husband and other partners.  Cool in summer, warm in winter, and after recent events I'm quite attached to the safe feeling of it. 

 

A cape or a cloak starts out mostly as a fabric semi-circle, I think.  I'd have to ask GF, as she's the resident cloak girl.  I'm sure there's patterns online, right?

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@VidanjaliFunny how that happened, how the letter B has such connections. A cut $20 less than the women's cuts? What a steal! That probably explains why haircuts for women are a little more pricier than the men's- it's all about the length. Sometimes how long it'll take for the stylist to achieve the style you want, what with the cutting, dyeing, shampooing, etc. Sounds like an awesome experience.

 

@awkward-yet-sweetThat's what so great about underground homes: it's naturally cooler or warmer without the thermostat. Foxes screaming? What in the world... 😆 It doesn't happen often but I might hear coyotes howling in the night. It's freaky at first because it reminds me of those old black and white horror flms but once I get used to it, I find it interesting. I find the owl hoots more welcoming though.

  

Yeah, there's probably patterns. Problem is deciding what kind of cloak to make. I was thinking Bela Lugosi's Dracula as I wanted a stylish vampire look, at least Victorian in appearance. Other problem is getting the energy and drive to do it. These days it's been hard for me to get started on creative endeavors. I keep thinking of other things to do over doing such things.

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@Russ Fenrisson We have a lot of wild animals here.  I literally live out in the woods.  That part is really helping me dealing with my gender issues.  Out here...who cares? I can walk out to the garden totally unclothed without a care in the world, and just pick tomatoes and pull weeds.  When I first lived with my GF, she had a house in the nearby city and we always had to behave because of the neighbors.  🙄 

 

Hmm....I guess it would be hard to decide on your cloak.  GF's main cloak is fur....I doubt that "ice queen" is the look you're after. 😆

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Sounds like interesting living. You get a lot of different experiences out there, especially for the beauty of nature.

 

By fur, do you mean like a cape made completely of fur? That must have been expensive, if so. I think the look I'm going for is Victorian vampire. I have a basic sketch I've thought of but I think I need to ponder on it more.

 

The basic design of the character is based off the Chinese water deer which, interestingly enough, grew long canine teeth instead of antlers like what is associated most with deer. For the costume, I was also thinking of experimenting with resin. I wanted to make a nice jewel to place on the forehead and another to serve as a brooch or pendant for the cloak/cape. If I think it's too much, I might just see if there's any costume jewelry that suits what I'm looking for.

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Yep...she made it completely of fur.  Mostly hides she tanned herself.  If you're doing a cloak, the most prominent piece of metal/jewelry would be the clasps/chain that holds it together in the front.  Neat thing about that is they aren't gender-specific.  😉

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@VidanjaliI read about such fanged deer while perusing the encyclopedia. When I first read about it, I got curious, thinking this was some crazy thing of nature. They really are beautiful creatures but look quite threatening with those fangs of theirs. The chevrotain is a smaller variety- cute, but equally threatening.

 

@awkward-yet-sweetWow. She sounds really talented. She must come from a background that specialized in hunting. It's a good talent to have if wanting to be independent away from the city. Yeah, that seems to be the most important part: the object holding the cloak together. If it doesn't look good, the whole costume loses its splendor. 😅

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10 minutes ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

@Vidanjali

@awkward-yet-sweetWow. She sounds really talented. She must come from a background that specialized in hunting. It's a good talent to have if wanting to be independent away from the city. Yeah, that seems to be the most important part: the object holding the cloak together. If it doesn't look good, the whole costume loses its splendor. 😅

 

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She specialized in a background of poverty... I am always amazed at the random skills she has acquired.  She has done high tech stuff like developing a computer operating system, to basic old-school skills like blacksmithing.  And she's a mother of 5 kids.  🥰 

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Geez, sounds almost like a jack-of-all-trades. I've always been interested in blacksmithing, what with the combination of art and chemistry that goes into the skill to create an interesting piece of work. She's definitely an amazing person.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Now that October's here, anyone watching anything interesting in the spooky department? I have some movies lined up and have yet to watch them. I have taken up Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus, by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley again as I also want to peruse the old horror novels. I can say though, the novel and its movie starring Colin Clive are like night and day. Kind of shocking.

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I'm really not familiar with horror, but my roommate made an entire google slides presentation listing and ranking movies based on how messed up they are, and I got the feeling we're gonna get REAL familiar with horror movies by the end. Sounds like you know quite a few books/shows in the genre!

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Yeah. I've known people who were really into horror so, by incidence, I've learned a thing or two about the horror genre. I normally don't like watching horror movies as I can't stand certain genres (specifically body horror, excessive violence, and religious horror), but there are still movies out there that can be enjoyed. I find reading horror easier though.

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8 hours ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

 I normally don't like watching horror movies as I can't stand certain genres (specifically body horror, excessive violence, and religious horror)

I think that I have gotten more sensitive to it as I get older.  I guess life itself has enough real horrors that I don't want more.   I kinda like the dressing up around Halloween, but I really dislike the dead things, demonic stuff, and zombies.  

 

We don't have TV at home...but in the adult area of our house we can watch stuff from the internet.  My GF will happily watch the most bloody, violent things available.  I can't even be in earshot, as it makes me tense.  My husband is the same way...he won't watch graphic violence and is rather selective about war films.  I think trauma affects people very differently.

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've recently been trying to get a gender therapist, and this is a somewhat frustrating situation when I'm working with a family member that is not particularly accepting (and of course, insurance issues). I have found someone I believe I can work with and am currently on a waitlist.

 

I never thought I needed therapy due to my issues never being particularly severe, but they are definitely weighing on my mind a lot... Every single day... For YEARS. I wish I could think about other things sometimes, so maybe this will help.

 

Well, if it doesn't go well, I can always find someone else.

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@Roach good on you for getting the help you need. Personally, I found just the practice of talking openly and affirmatively about my gender in a safe therapeutic environment to be helpful in that it normalizes my experience of being me. Along the way with my gender therapist, things have come up which I didn't expect, and I've been glad to be able to uncover, expose, and work on more issues so I can feel freer. I hope you have a positive experience with your therapist once you get in there. May I ask, why must you work with the nonaffirming family member you mentioned? 

 

I've been thinking about you guys lately. I wish to share the joy of sewing with y'all. I learned how to use my mother's sewing machine as a child. I'd make things for myself and my dolls. In my 20s I got my own machine as an unexpected gift. I still have that machine over 20 years later. Over the last year, I've amassed about a dozen men's short sleeve button up shirts from shopping excursions. In order to fit comfortably across the chest with no pulling, I have to buy a size which winds up being quite long on me - I'm 5'3". I've finally gotten the time and energy to break out the ol' sewing machine to alter the shirts, reducing the sleeves and overall length. I'm about halfway through, and the shirts look great! I'm so pleased - I feel cool and handsome wearing them, whereas before I altered them, they were so long I looked like a kid playing dress up. Learning to use a sewing machine is not terribly difficult, and reducing length is a basic alteration. If you're motivated to learn, I encourage you - you'll be able to expand your wardrobe in a more affirming manner when you have the power to make simple alterations yourself. 

 

Speaking of wardrobe, have any of you gone through purging experiences? I have purged my wardrobe many times, for many reasons, good, bad & ugly - shame, anger, overcompensation, perceived societal expectations,..., comfort, modesty, genuine gender affirmation. At times I've been rather obsessive about clothes because I just thought I looked weird and conspicuous all the time - I felt as if in drag dressing femme - I've had more than my share of meltdowns attempting to get dressed. But! these days, I am more and more happy with my appearance because I am working diligently to let go of expectations and just look however I wish. 

 

Hope you guys are having a fine week so far. Peace. 

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2 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

@Roach good on you for getting the help you need. Personally, I found just the practice of talking openly and affirmatively about my gender in a safe therapeutic environment to be helpful in that it normalizes my experience of being me. Along the way with my gender therapist, things have come up which I didn't expect, and I've been glad to be able to uncover, expose, and work on more issues so I can feel freer. I hope you have a positive experience with your therapist once you get in there. May I ask, why must you work with the nonaffirming family member you mentioned? 

 

I've been thinking about you guys lately. I wish to share the joy of sewing with y'all. I learned how to use my mother's sewing machine as a child. I'd make things for myself and my dolls. In my 20s I got my own machine as an unexpected gift. I still have that machine over 20 years later. Over the last year, I've amassed about a dozen men's short sleeve button up shirts from shopping excursions. In order to fit comfortably across the chest with no pulling, I have to buy a size which winds up being quite long on me - I'm 5'3". I've finally gotten the time and energy to break out the ol' sewing machine to alter the shirts, reducing the sleeves and overall length. I'm about halfway through, and the shirts look great! I'm so pleased - I feel cool and handsome wearing them, whereas before I altered them, they were so long I looked like a kid playing dress up. Learning to use a sewing machine is not terribly difficult, and reducing length is a basic alteration. If you're motivated to learn, I encourage you - you'll be able to expand your wardrobe in a more affirming manner when you have the power to make simple alterations yourself. 

 

Speaking of wardrobe, have any of you gone through purging experiences? I have purged my wardrobe many times, for many reasons, good, bad & ugly - shame, anger, overcompensation, perceived societal expectations,..., comfort, modesty, genuine gender affirmation. At times I've been rather obsessive about clothes because I just thought I looked weird and conspicuous all the time - I felt as if in drag dressing femme - I've had more than my share of meltdowns attempting to get dressed. But! these days, I am more and more happy with my appearance because I am working diligently to let go of expectations and just look however I wish. 

 

Hope you guys are having a fine week so far. Peace. 

Thanks, @Vidanjali Good points. I've done my own sewing since pegged pants were a thing (1960). Never considered it a female exclusive event. Good to take re-possession of it this way.  "I've finally gotten the time and energy to break out the ol' sewing machine to alter the shirts, reducing the sleeves and overall length." Got pics of one? Cheers, Davie

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4 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

I'm about halfway through, and the shirts look great! I'm so pleased - I feel cool and handsome wearing them

That's awesome!

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On 11/5/2022 at 11:00 PM, Roach said:

I have found someone I believe I can work with and am currently on a waitlist.

I'm sending good vibes for you to be bumped up the waitlist and get an appointment very soon.

 

You need whatever you need, don't downplay your needs based on how mild they are compared to someone else's. I've spent a lot of years thinking this or that problem I had wasn't "bad enough" because I could survive with it. If you think you need therapy, it's good you are trying it out, your requirements are valid!

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On 11/6/2022 at 12:00 AM, Roach said:

I've recently been trying to get a gender therapist, and this is a somewhat frustrating situation when I'm working with a family member that is not particularly accepting (and of course, insurance issues). I have found someone I believe I can work with and am currently on a waitlist.

Hi Roach,

Nice to meet you. I'm so happy that you were able to find someone you feel you can work with. I'll keep fingers crossed for you.

I can really relate to your situation, I too am seeking a gender therapist and insurance is a big obstacle for me. I'm on a waiting list as of yesterday but was told it was a year wait. I sure hope it doesn't take that long and in the meantime I'll keep looking.

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@Vidanjali Sewing is awesome!  I don't do a ton of it myself, since I prefer to avoid clothing when possible.  But taking in seams, hemming, etc.. are great techniques to adapt clothing to be just right.  My GF usually prefers men's clothing for better fabric quality, but she always has her sewing machine out to adapt things to her curvy figure.  The machine doesn't like me, so if I do something it ends up being done by hand. 

 

I think we are almost the same height... I'm barely 105 lbs, so it makes finding clothing (especially for winter) difficult.  Have you ever ended up trying on clothes from the kids' section of a store? 

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@awkward-yet-sweet that's great that you and your GF enjoy sewing. It's a very useful and versatile skill. I have about 20 lbs on you and am rather cuvy, myself. So, kids clothing is a no for me. I had a friend years ago, a dude, who was a few inches taller than me, but so slender that he did buy kids clothes which seemed to work for him. 

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  • Posts

    • Betty K
      I’m glad to hear you mean no harm and have no beef with genderfluid folks. Thank you for clarifying that. This still seems a strange presumption to me though, when so much of anti-trans propaganda is clearly either (a) concocted in bad faith to justify an argument, or (b) based on ignorant assumptions. Yes it’s possible a few outliers in the trans community are making ridiculous claims about this topic, but even if so I seriously doubt they are the cause of the relevant anti-trans propaganda.    That may well be a fair call, and you’re right that “transphobe” is an over-generalisation. I used it as a shorthand and because, as Sally and MaeBe said, there is always a transphobic minority that spreads the anti-trans views which then unfortunately influence some who are less transphobic. But I still think we can fairly characterise such beliefs as being transphobic, at least partly. As to the absence of hatred in those church documents, you may be right about that, but I would be wary of taking people or institutions at face value when they urge love and compassion. Even the most virulent transphobes sometimes claim to support trans people. Actions speak louder than words.    I do better understand your anguish over lack of belief in trans identities now though. It must be very difficult being trans and involved with certain churches. I know there are some churches that accept and affirm trans folks though; maybe it’s time for a change in denomination?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I looked through the Focus on the Family material and also the Southern Baptist Convention stuff, both highly influential, both rejecting transgenderism.  I found no hatred but an urge to treat people with love and compassion. I found some logical fallacies in both and nothing convinced me to change my position.  SBC assumes someone who is transgender is not saved and so is not allowed to join their congregations.    I have a certain affection for both.  FotF helped us with some material that helped us raise our kids and on most issues they are fellow travelers.  SBC seeks to conscientiously fight the good fight but I would never join a SBC church for reasons that are irrelevant here.  Not that I could now in good conscience.  I look like a guy? SURPRISE!  Left boot of fellowship.   The Nashville Statement is worse.  CBMW.org wrote it and it has been criticized heavily by some trans folk. . https://cbmw.org/nashville-statement#articles  I am saddened at some of who signed the thing. Articles 10 and 13 are of particular interest.  Other things can be found here that trans folk would take exception to. But they do not treat TG as something flippant.    I would not refer to any of these as transphobes.  I am not sure the term is useful in conceptualizing or interacting with those who object to the idea of transgender being something besides sin.  When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail.    
    • Maddee
      Happy to see the rainbows again🌈🌈
    • Ashley0616
    • Vidanjali
      Nice to see you, dear and congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. Very well done!
    • Vidanjali
      It's estimated between 1-2% of the general population is transgender. This is based on a cursory web search of studies and stats. So apply that to all teachers and students in Florida. According to ballotpedia, in 2022 there was a total of about 3 million public school teachers and students combined. That does not include  higher ed institutions and private institutions. So let's tack on another million people which is a pretty conservative estimate. 1-2% of 4 million is 40,000-80,000 people.
    • Vidanjali
      Both. In the course of experience an individual will naturally go through periods of inquiry and seek to define their experiences for deeper personal insight. This potentially goes on and on, though some have greater curiosity than others.
    • Ashley0616
      Heck I would get rid of the left and right lower rib. I would love a narrower waist but I would still need to get rid of my gut. I guess I'll do liposuction and tummy tuck and while they are at they can remove those ribs. 
    • MaeBe
      What @Sally Stone wrote is what I think as well.   The flippancy they ascribe to trans people is to validate their position that trans people are given to whim and swayed by the "trans ideology" that is "poisoning" humanity. Projecting this narrative on trans people "wins them points" in the game of their own making and being loud about it gets others to listen. They get those, who likely don't have a personal stake in transgender rights, to nod their heads up and down to increase the volume of their rhetoric. The passive transphobe does this because they have never needed to comprehend gender as anything as what they've always assumed; the "easy" answer the loud ones project just seems "logical" when there is no comprehension or compassion.   Once a person looks past their own ignorance they can come to understand this isn't about what they fear (insert crass statement about what transphobes are actually afraid of). It's just too easy to be ignorant and state "all I've ever known are two genders, boys and girls, who have sex together to make babies" (conflating gender and sex, as usual...) instead of taking just a little bit of time to understand the world is more complex than a simple bible verse.   For those people, I have a rib or two they can have for making more women--that's just how they're made--I really want a narrower waist for dress season.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      St. Louis is a Cardinals town.  At least you have the right team!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The mindset seems to be: they are not crazy, we are.   Surveys indicate the majority of people are in favor of trans rights.  There is a minority that is influenced by the inner minority, the hard core "transphobes".  I think a lot of people simply need information.  But then they get two streams of information from opposite directions. 
    • Mmindy
      Good afternoon everyone,   We're heading back to the St. Louis, MO metro area for my sister-in-laws retirement party. It appears that everyone on that side of the family now knows about my coming out & transition. So they will be looking at my androgynous manner of dress, in a totally different way. I'm wearing workout leggings, and a St. Louis Cardinals jersey. My leggings doesn't have pockets, so I'm carrying a cross body sling bag. My hair is held back with a white Cardinals visor, and my tennis shoes have Cardinal red lases.      Let the side eyes begin,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Sally Stone
      Abigail, I think this line of thinking comes mostly from the cis community, specifically, those with an anti-trans agenda.  These are the self-proclaimed experts ( who have no idea what it's like to be trans) trying to tell us they have a better understanding of being trans than we do.    
    • Ashley0616
    • Maddee
      You are so welcome 😊🦋 🌈🌈
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