Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

New Changes


Sol

Recommended Posts

Been a while since I've been here! 

I'll cut to the chase: I thought I had things mostly figured out, and that agender was the one for me. With more recent experiences, I'm back at square one.

I know gender envy is a thing, but it happens pretty much exclusively with trans guys, not cis guys, and I have no idea why. I see pictures of top surgery and one basically sent me into a spiral because "I want that, why can't I have that?" I almost cried when I found the hairstyle I wanted, because that's how my hair is supposed to look and it doesn't look like that now. 

I also had my very supportive friend run a pronoun experiment. And the big difference was that being called "he" was fine. It used to make me anxious, but I'm starting to think that it's because I was trying to say it around my family. Being misgendered and called "she" had been going from frustrating to painful, and I keep going toward more masculine things. Trying to deepen my voice, I keep wearing crew necks to hide my cleavage and breasts like I always do, I bought a dress that I look at and know I'll never wear. All of it is just getting so much and it's been building for so long. And a lot of the things I want are things like a breast reduction or just top surgery, bottom growth, a deeper voice, all of these things I've wanted and I keep looking in the mirror and thinking "This isn't me. This isn't what I'm supposed to look like." I'm not out to my family yet, and it's been stressful and frustrating because I don't know how to say it. Everytime I've tried in the past has come out wrong and just caused an argument because my mom doesn't understand and I can't magically make her. She wants to hear the reasons for everything and I don't have any other reasons than "This is how I feel. I think I've figured out why I always think I'm ugly and why it's so hard to fit in with girls snd why I always tried to move away from it." I still move away from more feminine stuff at a rapid rate. I still like pink, I still like my stuffed animals, but I don't wear dresses, rarely wear skirts, I wear makeup literally once in a blood moon (if that), and I've stopped shaving. 

And my mom has a problem with some of this, especially the shaving. She said it was gross and that it made my dad look masculine, and made me look "confusing." Maybe confusing is the first step. 

I'm not out, so I've been figuring this stuff out on my own, and it's really hard and stressful. And I don't know what else to do.

Link to comment
  • 7 months later...
On 3/19/2022 at 11:59 PM, Sol said:

And a lot of the things I want are things like a breast reduction or just top surgery, bottom growth, a deeper voice, all of these things I've wanted and I keep looking in the mirror and thinking "This isn't me. This isn't what I'm supposed to look like."

not a transboy but that is what a lot of transboys struggle with their gender identity. they dont feel like theyre in the right body and they strive to be more physically masculine too

from what you said youre definitely within the transmasc umbrella. i cant pinpoint where exactly you are but since youre feeling hypermasculine atm then consider identifying as a transboy for now

 

it may be irrelevant but i also feel hypermasc and identified as a transboy before; but that was just a sudden strong urge to stray away from my agab due to gender dysphoria and the feelings slowly damped when people started accepting my identity more and now im feeling content in my current body [its androgynous enough and i want to bind soon] so i now identify as a masc nonbinary since i dont feel like a boy entirely

i will share my experience here in case you start feeling the same so you wont be as confused when that happens

Link to comment
On 3/19/2022 at 10:59 AM, Sol said:

Everytime I've tried in the past has come out wrong and just caused an argument because my mom doesn't understand and I can't magically make her. She wants to hear the reasons for everything and I don't have any other reasons than "This is how I feel. I think I've figured out why I always think I'm ugly and why it's so hard to fit in with girls snd why I always tried to move away from it."

I guess one big question would be, if you had the "right" reasons would she respect your coming-out? Obviously your feelings are valid and your response as you've shared it here is valid. Your mom's anxiety is not your problem to solve, and giving reasons, even if you had them, isn't your responsibility.

Link to comment

Hey @sevan and @DonkeySocks

Thank you two for replying, and I thought it's time to officially share the new changes. I can't believe I made this 7 months ago! Time flies! 

I have figured out what I want better, and I definitely know I'm a trans man. Granted, one who is more gender nonconforming but definitely masculine. I've been exploring it more and I've been cultivating a space where I feel accepted, so it's been a big slew of overall positive changes! Even made a new friend! 

As for how my family takes it: My younger sibling (who I will be calling Monkey) is genuinely one of my biggest supporters and that hasn't changed. It's honestly done wonders for our relationship, we feel a lot closer than we did a couple years ago. Dad is more chill and had a bit of a... non-reaction almost. As long as I'm happy and safe, that's good enough for him. 

Mom and I did have another argument, again, it's hard for her to understand, but I'd honestly say that instead of breaking or straining our relationship, we've been able to bounce back and are working on just trying to understand each other better. It's gonna take time and patience, but I think we'll get there. 

I'll cover some other things in my documenting thread later. There's lots of changes, and I'm happy to report they've been pretty good!

Link to comment

I'm glad the changes have been going well for you.  Parents are usually an issue, I think.  Hopefully you can continue to have a relationship with yours.  I live 30 minutes from my parents and haven't talked to them in a couple of years.  They couldn't accept me as lesbian or bisexual, so they definitely wouldn't accept my intersex/trans nature.  🙄

 

I noticed that shaving was an issue for the folks around you.  I definitely feel what that's like.  I've never wanted to shave any part of myself, even in my girl form.  I left my legs, armpits, and other areas alone.  My mother and brothers were always griping about it, even though my hair grows thin and fine.  But...being yourself attracts friends and romantic partners to you who will accept you for who you are.  My partners have never minded me in my natural state, which has also made it easier for them to accept me in my boy form.  Win-Win.  Hopefully it works like that for you!  😊

Link to comment
2 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

being yourself attracts friends and romantic partners to you who will accept you for who you are.

True!

 

@Sol It's heartwarming to hear the progress you are making. Having some supportive family members is huge. My dad didn't react much to my coming out, because he really is that non-judgmental. He always tries to understand where people are coming from. It's good to hear how excited your tone is about how it's all developing in your life. Also, hopefully, since you now know you identify as a guy, you can be secure in your masculinity so you can enjoy gender-nonconforming things. :)

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Sol said:

I have figured out what I want better, and I definitely know I'm a trans man. Granted, one who is more gender nonconforming but definitely masculine. I've been exploring it more and I've been cultivating a space where I feel accepted, so it's been a big slew of overall positive changes! Even made a new friend! 

im glad your journey has been smooth m8. ill look forward to more updates!

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Yesterday was a day for progress, it seems! 

My mom and I have actually managed to sit down and have a conversation about my gender, our views on pregnancy, and overall topics like my childhood and I would say it was pretty informative, even if it didn't start out that way. 

It did start with an article from a detransitioner, and while I wholeheartedly believe that detransitioners deserve support and care, I also know that their situation just... doesn't apply to me. 

I've known since early childhood that I never really felt like anything, but I always admired and honestly envied more masculine people. Obviously as I got older and as I learned more about how I felt and how that related to my gender, I still know that I'm a trans man. My own definition of man is looser, it's why I'm very gender nonconforming and it's probably why I had a hard time with figuring out how I felt and how I wanted to identify. 

I also learned about something called a uterine ablation, which is basically reducing or getting rid of the uterine lining, and it carries less risk than a hysterectomy so it's something I'll continue to look into in the future. And my mom told me about this, and honestly I felt it was very supportive because she wanted me to be safer in a way. 

Obviously things like HRT (I'm not 100% on if I want to microdose or do full doses yet) and any sort of surgery are a long ways off, but the possibilities are there. Honestly, just the fact that my mom and I were able to talk about this without it turning into an argument or one of us getting upset is *amazing*. I don't have the words to fully articulate it but it feels like a massive step in the right direction. 

Dad is being Dad, and my sibling is still one of my biggest supporters and I feel pretty hopeful. Fingers crossed, y'all, fingers crossed.

Link to comment
  • 5 weeks later...
On 11/13/2022 at 7:44 PM, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I'm glad the changes have been going well for you.  Parents are usually an issue, I think.  Hopefully you can continue to have a relationship with yours.  I live 30 minutes from my parents and haven't talked to them in a couple of years.  They couldn't accept me as lesbian or bisexual, so they definitely wouldn't accept my intersex/trans nature.  🙄

 

I noticed that shaving was an issue for the folks around you.  I definitely feel what that's like.  I've never wanted to shave any part of myself, even in my girl form.  I left my legs, armpits, and other areas alone.  My mother and brothers were always griping about it, even though my hair grows thin and fine.  But...being yourself attracts friends and romantic partners to you who will accept you for who you are.  My partners have never minded me in my natural state, which has also made it easier for them to accept me in my boy form.  Win-Win.  Hopefully it works like that for you!  😊

I'm sorry your parents aren't reaching out to you. Everybody deserves kindness, empathy and understanding. Hopefully time will offer some healing. 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 90 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Ashley0616
    • VickySGV
    • Avra
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was on his way home from the dojo and he "just happened" to driver by her place. It was 10:30.  Her light was still on.  He knew exactly where she was sitting.  He saw her in his mind.   A fierce wave of desire that took his breath away suddenly showed up. All he had to do was stop, get out of the car, walk to the door and knock.  She would answer, glad to see him.  She would know why he was there and what he wanted. She would invite him in, maybe get him something to drink, disappear for a moment and return in "something more comfortable."  She would lead him back. Oh, joy.   And never, ever speak to him again afterwards.  Or she would not let him in but be angry about it.  In no way, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, was she ready for this, and he knew it, if he was honest with himself, and she knew he knew it.  She would look upon it as another assault and their relationship would be irretrievably broken.  He would have to leave town. It would devastate her. It would devastate him.    He fought himself.  He was frozen to his seat as his reason and his body fought. He was twenty four years old, a full-blooded male with normal desires; he had just worked out and he was ready.  All he had to do now was open the car door. No one would know. He held his hands, one in the other, to keep one from moving, against his reason and will, to open that door.  He did not want to be a slave of his desires.   He looked across the street.  Mrs. McCarthy, sister of his landlord, was peeking though her window.  She knew his car.  Everyone in town would know by noon the next day if he got out of the car.  Taylor did not need that, either, and she would know, if he came to the door now, what a selfish thing it would be: in his own eyes, in the eyes of Taylor, in the eyes of the town, and worst of all, in the eyes of God.   He sat there a moment longer.  He was, as he reflected, entering into her sufferings in a small way that she would be made whole, healthy and happy: what he wanted more than anything.  But this hurt.  Why had all this come on her?  He asked God again, but there was only silence. He drove home in that silence. He chided himself for even going on her street and for driving on it other nights.  He would stop that, he told himself.   ------------------------------------------   The next morning Taylor went out to her car to go to work.  Mrs. McCarthy met her before she got to it. "I thought you were going to get lucky last night, dearie," she said. Taylor was puzzled. "Why, what do you mean?" "That young fellow - you know, Bob - he's been driving around here, going up and down the street some nights, not stopping.  Well, last night he parked and sat in his car for a while.   I think he was staring at your window.  I think he was trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. I was rooting for him.   But then he drove away.  Faint heart never won fair lady, as they say. What a shame. You two are a lovely couple.  Well, have a good day!" "Thank you, Mrs. McCarthy."  Taylor knew Bob extremely well and knew what had been going through his mind.  She was more than grateful he had not gotten out of the car. Better for him, better for her, better for everybody.  Surgery "down there" sooner than later.  This was driving the poor boy crazy. It was driving her crazy, too.  But she had a lot to work through. Surgery "up here" she said, pointing to her head.  She woke up her therapist on the way to work.  They were still talking when she pulled into her designated parking spot.  That was a perk that had happened yesterday.  She took a deep breath and headed into work. It would be another wild day.
    • Ashley0616
      bittersweet: especially : pleasure accompanied by suffering or regret
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I'm thinking about some interactions yesterday I did, while presenting as male but acting as female, that were far better than I did when I was presenting as male and acting as male.  #girlunderhood. I do a crappy job at acting as male and I am giving it up.  I am not talking about feminine gestures or presentation but just relating as a woman.  People don't realize I am doing it but it is a whole lot easier to do.   You don't just put on a dress and BOOM you are a girl.  You are a girl and you put on a dress.  Or not. Whether I am in jeans or a skirt (I wish, wife would have lots to say) I am a girl.  I don't need $250 in makeup and heels and hose and all that.  I don't need surgery. Honey, I have arrived.  Now I have to work out how that best works in my life, causing the minimal damage and creating the maximum good, but I have more working room.   Oh, and I am still pissed off at everyone and everything. #Contradictory.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Willow it is certainly possible that my husband planned it. Placing me in the path of an opportunity....he certainly does things like that. GF has done some work for the company as an outside consultant, so I'm sure the company owner knows what potential resources are around.    It could also have just happened randomly. He has taken me to work with him before, just because he likes to have me around. I remember one time that I fell asleep with my head in his lap, and he held a meeting with his subordinates without waking me and making me move.  The company culture is family oriented and relaxed.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The photo is great.  Software is phenomenal but it also is sort of a promise of things to come. Years ago this sort of thing took a photographer and Photoshop and all sorts of things and you would say, "I can look like THIS??"   Me, I am a duck.  That's from my driver's license.  Just kidding.
    • MaeBe
      I lucked into that picture. I took like 10 before that, which appropriately make me look like a donkey. ;)   Thank you so much for the compliment!
    • Mmindy
      You're welcome Sally,   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      This is a great analogy. The statement is true as it relates to the tree. The analogy fits because we as a LGBTQIA community are stronger when we stand together. It also work here on Transgender Pulse Forums. The support I feel from so many others has made me comfortable with my stance, because I'm in a beautiful forest of friends. So when I'm out alone and confronted. I can respond and act like the single tree in the field, surviving whatever comes my way. My roots reach back and communicate with others like me.    Standing Strong,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Sally Stone
      Mindy, that would be so awesome of you.  Please make the edit for me, and thank you so much!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...