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Hello I'm Erin, here's my intro


Erin Elizabeth

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Hi, I'm currently still known publicly by my male name of Paul. I recently realized I can't keep outrunning my gender dysphoria, and have come to embrace the fact that I am actually a woman. I have known something was wrong with my body since I was a child, but was force to suppress my feelings by my mother for fear of what other people would think. It was the 90's back then and people weren't as understanding back then.

 

I got those feelings again that something was wrong with my body when I hit puberty around 1997, but again suppressed it even though I was outwardly more feminine, and felt more comfortable that way. I was brought up in a Baptist church and trans gender wasn't welcome in our church. 

 

I can't tell you how many times when seeing my female friends develop, that I wished I was going to get what they had. I would go to bed at night hoping I would wake up the next morning and the nightmare would be over. That I would really be a female like my friends. Of course the following mornings would always be the same, I would wake up still a male. Dreading to go to school on a daily basis till I graduated in 2004.

 

That's when I started suppressing my dysphoria and trying to outrun it, I joined the army and served a year. I met my beautiful wife in 2005 and continued to suppress my true gender. In 2013 and 2014 we welcomed two beautiful children into our lives.

 

The past 2 years my dysphoria has resurfaced, and is even stronger than before. About a week ago I shaved my chest and thighs, it made me feel so good. So I decided to Shave the rest of my body hair. I felt so much more feminine and myself. It made me realize I needed to come out to my wife and hope she will support me.

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  • Carolyn Marie changed the title to Hello I'm Erin, here's my intro

Welcome, @Erin Elizabeth !  You'll find a number of folks here with experiences very similar to yours.  For many of us, each cycle of dysphoria was stronger. Coming out to your spouse is indeed an important step, as is finding a therapist (and including your spouse, if she's willing to attend with you, can be very helpful).

 

Please do look under the Forums tab for topics that may be of interest to you, and feel free to join in to the conversation or ask questions.  Looking forward to hearing from you,

 

Astrid

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Thanks for the welcome @Astrid it's good to know there is support here. As for my wife I'm not sure if our relationship will survive, I have covered that in another topic in coming out that is waiting approval. I am hoping she will be willing to go to therapy with me when I find a therapist. I think her biggest concern is being seen as a lesbian once I start transition with HRT eventually. 

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