My Process: Coming Out at Work

[Kelly2509]

OK I've mentioned this in other's threads a couple times that I am about to take the leap at work.  I thought I would share the process I went through and this will give me my own thread to document the fallout afterward   I consider myself extremely fortunate that things have fallen as they have so I hope this doesn't poke any raw wounds for anyone who might have experienced more trying times.

 

So I have been terrified of coming out at work since coming out to my partner back in 2020.  I work in surveying and engineering and we have a lot of rural, straight, white conservatives in the company and particularly in our department.  This is an environment where when I shaved my beard off for the first time I had to endure a few months of "when are you growing that back?"  When it became obvious I was wearing some kind of hat or scarf every single day that became the joke.  Most of it was just good natured ribbing, but it still made me uncomfortable enough (on top of covid, of course) that I avoided any company gatherings, going into the office or even turning my camera on when we'd meet over Teams.

 

In January this year I decided it was time.  Continuing to avoid everyone was starting to wear thin and I came up with something resembling a plan:  First there were 2 people I trusted to respect what I had to say that were in lower to mid management.  Second was the director of human resources who I also trust but am not as close with.  I would approach those 2 guys and if that went well I would approach HR for help crafting some messaging for when I was ready to rip the band-aid off.

 

I met with my supervisor and my regional department director in early February.  They knew something was up and didn't appear surprised when I told them what was up.  Their response was basically "OK, how can we support you?" which was far better than I'd hoped.  In the almost 2 months since then they have been as nice as ever but have been piss-poor in using my name or pronouns.  I can understand it in situations where they could have accidentally outed me, but they even do it in private so I think it's just not something they are trying super hard to do.  Again they are not being nasty about it, just a bit thoughtless.  I have decided to approach them like i approached my parents, where I will simply use the proper information even when they don't.

 

Anyway, after the more or less successful meeting I reached out to HR and she almost immediately set a meeting to chat and find out how she could help.  I said my main concern was messaging, but there were other things I was worried about with regards to acceptance and logistical things like bathroom access.  She asked to loop in the president of the company, saying she needed him to basically get behind her and empower her to start developing policies and to-do lists.  I am the first known trans employee in our 75 year history and we didn't have anything in place for that specific eventuality.  Anyway, the president reached out to me almost immediately to talk, listened to my story and again the message was "What can i do to help?"  He said he really felt that the messaging needed to not just come from me but also from him so he could make sure he was clear on expectations from a company perspective.  It boiled down to "Let me clear the road a little bit before you send out your letter."  When we broke from those meetings we each had tasks to accomplish.  For me it was crafting the letter I wanted to send out.  For the president and HR it was to update our policies and craft the company letter.  For HR, in addition to policies and the letter, it was researching common DEI accommodations, how we can implement them and who would need to be involved.

 

Fast forward 3 weeks and we meet again.  In the meantime i had crafted a letter, had it reviewed by my therapist and addressed any comments she had.  This was very useful as I had probably overshared quite a bit and her note of "looks great but are you sure you want to share all this with people at work?" convinced me that no, I didn't want to share all that and I cut the length by about 50%.  I brought it to the late February meeting with HR and gave them the updated version to review since they were going to help me stay on message.  We went over a few more logistical questions that came up such as all my various usernames, logins, accounts and who needed to handle what updates (IT is handling most of it but there are a few that I can update myself).  I also expressed the idea I wanted to send the messaging out on Transgender Day of Visibility, March 31, and asked if she and the president could have enough ducks in a row to meet that deadline.  She said it seemed doable so we adjourned and set a follow up for March24 (yesterday).

 

Our last pre-announcement meeting went very well.  The president had one request, to loop in the board of directors, in case when the message went out people came to them with questions or concerns.  He wanted them to know ahead of time so they could all be on the same page with their messaging as The Board.  This was OK by me, they were all going to know in a week anyway.  We reviewed what would turn out to be my final draft of my letter (I had gotten notes back and revised it one more time) and we reviewed the company letter as well.  That one was interesting because it was a mixture of general and specific information.  They decided to play up the idea that I was being recognized as part of TDoV, announced my name and pronouns and reiterated that any questions should go to me and not my partner (we work at the same company).  They also addressed policy issues like company culture, restroom usage, personal beliefs in relation to company policy/culture and so on.  A lot of it came down to "you don't have to like it but you do have to respect it", which is fine by me.

 

So now I play the waiting game.  IT should be updating my stuff at some point next week I think, some members of the Board may be reaching out in the next few days, and the president and I want to coordinate timing so his goes out and then mine goes out a few minutes later.  I spoke with my partner yesterday afternoon and she was of the opinion that we are really doing it right, I'm having he right conversations with the right people and those people are making the right moves.  It might get bumpy in the near future, but this is a new thing for us as a company so I expect a few growing pains.

 

Interesting side note, the president told me that when HR came to him and said we have a trans employee he wasn't surprised but I was not the person his mind immediately went to.  He said he was pretty sure I wasn't the only one.

[Carolyn Marie]

That's a great strategy and plan, @Kelly2509.  You should be proud of how you and your managers and colleagues have handled this so far.  Getting the manager behind you is the step I always recommend, because if that support isn't there, and strongly, you would have faced serious obstacles.

 

I look forward to hearing how this goes.  One thing I suggest, if you can, is to enlist the support of at least one or two female employees that you know well and who might be willing to help.  Ask if they would be willing to accompany you to your first couple of restroom visits to make sure things go right.  When I transitioned, there were two women who said they would be uncomfortable with me in the restroom when they were there.  A female friend offered to go with me, and no problems were encountered.

 

I wish you luck, Kelly!

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[JennaLSinclair]

That's amazing @Kelly2509! I am pinning this message, I will be coming out to my office next year. I was wondering how to proceed. It's great that you have a partner throughout this. Does your partner have a support group?

[stveee]

I would actually like a "template" example of a letter for HR. I dug through the site here, and IIRC @Red_Lauren.posted hers when she did it, but it's buried here somewhere. I'm actually good at words, but more for subjective stuff. 

I have only just arranged to use a coed bathroom and came out to our contractor's HR cause using the men's room was starting to feel weird.

I expect it's usual to have employers go by the script in the beginning and doing their best with the transition, but actually continuing deadnaming and misgendering, which actually is becoming more difficult to continue as time passes. So by the time my name change is legal, I'm sure I will be far out of the trepidation phase and ready to get it over with. I am also wary of employers in Red states like mine who claim inclusion and progressive policies at Corporate, but the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing sort of thing. 

Bottom line is so far, everyone I have come out to from friends to husbands of friends have either shown support or basically yawned, as most people and the world in general have bigger fish to fry.

[Vidanjali]

This is amazing, @Kelly2509 . Looking forward to your updates! 🙏🤞❤️

[Kelly2509]

19 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

One thing I suggest, if you can, is to enlist the support of at least one or two female employees that you know well and who might be willing to help.  Ask if they would be willing to accompany you to your first couple of restroom visits to make sure things go right.

Thanks @Carolyn Marie!  I'll have to remember this in the future.  Right now I'm 100% remote so it's not a looming issue or anything, but I do know that ideally they would like me to do more of a hybrid thing which is why they are addressing it in thier letter on TDoV.   We also have 2 single person bathrooms in our office that used to be labeled as mens and womens, but they are taking those signs down since it seems kind of dumb (why would a single person bathroom need a designation?) after we started talking about my needs  

 

@JennaLSinclairI had originally planned on this fall but it was getting to the point where the hassle of trying to keep hiding things wasn't worth the stress.  Stuff like deadnaming and misgendering (which they have no idea they are doing) just piled up and I was avoiding company functions because I didn't want people to wonder..  It all adds up.  So good to have a rough target in mind but be open to the idea that you will know when you're ready and it may be sooner.    I do have a partner but she is not exactly "supportive", so YMMV on that one.  She is accepting and gradually coming to terms with it but she isn't helping or enthusiastic for me or anything like that.  At this point she's in a "Let's rip the bandaid off, I'm sick of tip toeing around it" kind of mindset.  She does not have a support group and doesn't like talking about it so I'm not sure she would be interested if one existed.  I kind of wish there was one and she would go because I think it would help her make up her mind about how she feels, but ah well.  I think she is aiming to go back into counseling to help her work through everything this summer once she's done with school.

 

@stveee The letter the company is sending out is something our HR director put together with the president from resources they got elsewhere and it came across pretty well.  They said something about the HR profession/world/community having some resources to help give companies a place to begin and that they basically spent some time researching those available resources, grabbing everything relevant and then tweaking as needed to fit our specific culture and needs.  So I would suppose and HR professional worth their salt would be able to research that for you and put something together at least as far as company communications.  Now if you are talking about a letter from yourself, I looked up some templates and ideas on the internet.  I basically used those as inspiration to craft the 1st version of my letter and after the comments from my therapist basically started chopping out anything that wasn't relevant to what people at work needed to know.  HR basically left the content alone since it was my message but helped me edit it for conciseness.

 

Thanks @Vidanjali!  5 days to go and I should have some news I would assume.  Might be there is no actual "response" since I'm remote, but we'll see!

[Kelly2509]

little update 2 days ahead of re-introduction:  Spoke with the president yesterday.  My supervisor and I were asking him to loop in the next guy up the chain O command because of the clients I need to bring up to date.  Basically it's a structure thing, not super important, but above me is a project manager and above him is a market sector lead and above him is the department head and then the board.  ANYWAY, while having that conversation he gave me a little update on the conversations he's had with the other Board members to bring them in the loop.  He said reception has been good, about half of them responded with appreciation for handling it in a positive/constructive way from a company standpoint.  A few though responded with "Oh, I thought that might be what was going on" which is making me start to think this is the worst kept secret in the company.  

 

So it seems he was right during our first conversation in saying that the longer I drag it out the more speculation and rumor would circulate.  At this point it's been about 1.5 years of different clothes, hats, removal of facial hair, avoiding being on camera or being in-person for events and a schedule packed with various vague "appointments"...  and of course, you know, it is kind of obvious I have breasts these days when people DO see me in-person, so all that has apparently built up to some people having already clocked me as POSSIBLY trans and when told that is the case they are not exactly surprised.

 

So yeah, this whole re-introduction I have been bracing for may wind up landing with a collective "oh, yeah I kind of figured" when all is said and done. :P

[Kelly2509]

Now that the servers are back up I can share some news!

 

I met with my market sector lead on Wednesday to discuss how we wanted to share the news with the handful of client contacts I still have.  He was super supportive and told me to let him know if there was anything he could do to to support me moving forward.  He offered to be the one to contact my clients and kind of take point on that front, which I really appreciated.  We don't expect any issues from my clients but I was already dealing with the idea of announcing to 160 people internally so having that off my plate was a relief.  We put together a short and sweet "She will continue to bring her knowledge and experience for the success of your projects" type message along with my updated email address and he sent it out yesterday afternoon once all my IT stuff had been switched over.

 

Announcement went out at 8:15AM, with mine going out first with the company president's backing me up a minute or so later. This was a change in plan, but one we discussed just before sending them out.  Apparently he and another board member had talked and thought it may be more impactful to have my message take the lead and his a minute or so later to back me up.  The change of plan freaked out my wife who also works there (yeah don't change plans unexpectedly with her) and was expecting the president's message to pave the way for me, but I explained that it was his idea and why and she settled down.

 

I started getting responses from people maybe 10 minutes later and ultimately heard from roughly 15 individuals (about 10% of the company) in addition to the half dozen or so who had known ahead of time. All positive and from folks ranging from the board of directors all the way down the chain to production drafters. Mostly I heard from others in my department (various office and field personnel in surveying), but I did hear from 2 architects, 2 engineers and our interior design lead as well as a few of our admin/support staff (accounting, HR, marketing, that kind of stuff). A couple people said they had already figured it out but it was good to hear it from me because they didn't want to be speculating. A couple also mentioned having trans and otherwise LGBTQ+ people in their families or that they were LGBTQ+ themselves, so I go to learn about some people I didn't know super well (or at least had no idea about that!).  Several of them commented on how brave I was or how impressed they were that I could share my vulnerability.

 

I had one religious lady message me in a way that I think could have been construed as being a little passive aggressive, but I have known her to be a very nice person and assumed positive intent and that turned out to be the case.  For those curious, she said "God knows who you are.  May He bless you, your life and your family.  It takes courage.  I hope your life is always blessed."  Could be taken either way, right?  I responded with "Thank you!  I have been saying this is how God made me and how I was always supposed to be.  It just took 34 years for my prayers to be answered, so I guess the lesson is sometimes it takes time to hear back." and she replied with "Yes, life is sure full of surprises.  We do the best we can to roll with the punches.  Here’s wishing you a good rest of your life."  So I'm confident she had good intentions, her first message just came off a little weird.  I think religious people sometimes want to sound like the bible when they talk and it just doesn't work conversationally all the time   Also, when I am feeling particularly religious I tend to identify God as a She or They, so I struggled with the He bit, but whatevs, she can do her right?  

 

A couple of the board members voiced pride that they have been able to create a culture where I felt I could share something like this (that is what they were hoping they were building) and offered their full support: "Let me know if there is anything I can ever do to support you or be a better ally".  I got a call from my market sector lead in the afternoon asking how things had gone and I got a call after "closing time" from the president to check in as well, so I felt very "taken care of" if that makes sense.

 

All in all I don't know how it could have gone smoother. A few more people could have reached out I suppose, and maybe some more will in the coming days as it kind of sinks in, but I'm pretty happy with the reception I got. Mainly the people I really cared about reacted well and expressed support. Despite being here a long time we do have a lot of people who were hired in the last few years I have never met because they are in departments I don't interact with much or due to covid quarantine (and being in hiding).  So it's all good and I feel so much better with this out in the open.  I even want to go back to the office more and kind of be part of the team again, after so much time wanting to just be able to do my work and be left alone.  I'm feeling like a million bucks today.

[Guest]

I too, took a cautious approach to coming out at different worksites. Last year when I started transition I kept it very quiet until I was about to go part-time at my primary practice location. I basically just sat down and wrote a letter to my boss explaining how I had been transgender since the age of 5, and just took her through the steps. A couple of days later, we had a nice talk and she was highly supportive. I believe it helps if you are "good" employee. Since then I have slowly opened up to several key associates and friends at the site. Now I am just one of the girls.

 

I wound up taking a new full-time job in Wyoming and I was a bit terrified at first because I had heard how conservative things were out there. I decided to sit down and tell two of my closest friends who recruited me into the group that I was a transgender woman and without batting an eye, they welcomed me with open eyes. From there I let the rest of the medical staff know, and I also notified the CEO. She too, was amazing. I followed up with HR, and the management staff. No issues. 

 

Over the last month I finally decided to let the "cat out of the bag" so to speak. So, the one day I sat down at the nurses' station and asked the folks working if they had any questions they wanted to ask me. I had my hair done recently, earrings placed, and a nice manicure. Some gave me this quizzical look, and finally said are you transitioning? It was like the lightbulb finally went off. Ever since I started there in November I had worn female clothing but they never really noticed. They did not notice the female deodorants. It was hoot. Then to see their eyes light up was neat. They were terrific. The patients have not made one comment about my increasingly feminine appearance. They just ask me how I keep losing weight. 

 

I had a similar response at the two universities where I teach. I have been asked to address the nursing program classes about transgender health issues, and do a presentation on transgender emergencies. I am either really lucky, or maybe there is more acceptance than we know, despite the attempts to denigrate us in the media. 

 

Be cautious, but hopeful. I am very encouraged by the innate ability of most people to open up their hearts. My theory is stay professional, do not go too wild in your deportment and appearance, and be prepared to open and honestly answer questions. Some of the conversations I have had with people really evoked some real empathy when I explained that this was a lifelong struggle. Some conflated being transgender with being a cross-dresser or drag queen. Once I explained the difference and explained what I was going through to emancipate myself from my male body, they were satisfied and supportive.

 

-

Katie

[Kelly2509]

great story @Katie23!  Like you, I really don't think (most) people are as awful as you would think by reading the headlines.

 

I am optimistic moving forward.  Everyone in the company now knows, management has my back in case something happens, and I've been encouraged by multiple people to pop back into the office a little more often so people can re-meet me in person (I've been fully remote for 2 years).  I expected things to be more or less OK, but I was surprised by the amount of support I have received so far.

[Vidanjali]

@Kelly2509 this is WONDERFUL. I'm so happy for you & proud of you! 

 

As for the religious person, the only ambiguous statement from my perspective was "God knows who you are" which definitely leaves room for interpretation. If she omitted that, and started with "May God bless you..." the intention would have been clearer (and more inclusive). I agree - religious folk sometimes say awkward things to sound extra religion-y, but her follow up was positive.

 

Yay yay yay!!! 

[JennaLSinclair]

 @Kelly2509! OMG girl! Thank You for being such an inspiration. You are a great model for Transgender Day of Visibility. You make me want to get out more.

[Kelly2509]

@Vidanjali yeah I had to read it a couple times because of that first bit.  I decided to take it as "why yes, God DOES know who I am ".  Nice lady, good intentions so it's all good.

 

@JennaLSinclair Glad I could do you proud, my self esteem problems make me raise an eyebrow about me being a model for anything though haha!  Last year I spent TDoV in a severe depression because there were so many people out being visible while I hid in my room, so I was super happy to be in a position to participate this year.  In addition to the work stuff I participated in a gallery put together by our local LGBTQ+ group to celebrate so I was all in this time around.  If anything good has come from the hot messes in other parts of the country it's that they've convinced people like me to not sit on the sidelines any more.

[Bri2020]

Way to go Kelly!  You are right, most people respond positively. Some just don't care either way and then there are always a few with disdain in their hearts.  I never had to go through what you did since I own my biz. I was worried whether people would want to work for me though.  But what I've found is, when interviewing people I will see their truer self. Interviews are stressful so if you are uncomfortable around a trans woman, it will show. Also, it has led to a much better crew of humans around me.  Developing "culture" in a biz starts at the top but can quickly slip away if the wrong people are brought into the company.  I've known companies that are serious about inclusivity have switched to having either having panel interviews or "meet and greets" to show the diversity of the workplace with prospective employees before the interview.  Letting prospective employees know that the business supports people no matter their gender ID, color, etc etc right from the start can eliminate -censored- from taking the job. lol. When I advertise for openings, the job description always includes something about a "supportive and inclusive community" to let people know it's a safe place to be themselves.  Most cis white people just blow over that line but those that are marginalized see it and know.

Thank you for sharing this journey. You are a model and an advocate. Accept that.  Any of us, who puts themselves out there publically, inspires others. We are the "examples". Eventually coming out will hopefully be a non event in our society but for now, people need to see others doing it so they feel safer about their own journey.  I've often wondered if I should become more of an advocate and then I realize, with my life and business, thousands of people will see a successful, well adjusted (ha ha) transperson just going about life just like they do and it will help to normalize and humanize us. Trans celebrities are nice and visible and all, but people can't relate to them. Working side by side with us in life however, has a much bigger impact.  So, You Go Gurl!

[Kelly2509]

Thank you @Bri2020!  Very well said!  I never really thought of myself as a model or advocate for anything (I goofed about it above, obviously) until Thursday.  I took part in our local LGBTQ+ group's TDoV gallery as well and wrote a short bit while thinking of a friend's kid, a 13 year old trans boy who walks into a room like a boss and who I try to take a page from every day.  From talking to his dad, it sounds like he looks up to me a bit, but really it's the other way round.   https://www.instagram.com/p/Cbr25CEgMby/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

 

Anyway, the point is you're right, just be being out there does inspire others, and even if it's a kid 4 hours away it's worth it.

[Dee2022]

Hi Kelly😊,

Having recently come out to the entire word - except work, this was a very interesting read.

I work in the meat processing business, which I imagine is as broadminded, tolerant and educated as your line of work.

I had planned to speak to my direct manager who has mostly made it into the 21st century, but was unsure how to ‘roll-out’ the information to the rest of my colleagues- 1 or 2 of which I suspect may be less tolerant than most.

I may well steal some of your game plan👍🙂

Alice

[SaraB]

Some point I will have to come out to work. A staunchly conservative boss(the rush limbaugh type), two old farts who poke at everybody. That said, we get along well enough at this point. Since going on HRT I am obviously going to be a bit increasingly visible in spite of work clothes as a mechanic, if they haven't noticed already quietly. Doubt it will risk the job, just risk some riddicule. However as an aircraft mechanic it is becoming clear that if it did risk the job I could find ample opportunity in corperate level work that likely would pay better and have HR departments.

 

Sometimes a modern HR department can in fact be a useful tool.

[Kelly2509]

@WillbeAlice absolutely!  That's kind of why I posted this!  Good luck with it!  I can post my letter if that will help give some inspiration.  I think my biggest takeaways were don't overshare, don't ask for it, and own it like a boss.  They are coworkers, not all of them need to know exactly why or how you came to that point, they just have to respect it and there is no choice in the matter.  Now, I did have the benefit of having leadership behind me when I did mine, so you know, you may need to make some adjustments

 

@SaraB That's a tough crowd, sometimes people will surprise you so I hope for the best!

[Red_Lauren.]

On 3/26/2022 at 8:26 AM, stveee said:

I would actually like a "template" example of a letter for HR. I dug through the site here, and IIRC @Red_Lauren.posted hers when she did it, but it's buried here somewhere. I'm actually good at words, but more for subjective stuff. 

I have only just arranged to use a coed bathroom and came out to our contractor's HR cause using the men's room was starting to feel weird.

I expect it's usual to have employers go by the script in the beginning and doing their best with the transition, but actually continuing deadnaming and misgendering, which actually is becoming more difficult to continue as time passes. So by the time my name change is legal, I'm sure I will be far out of the trepidation phase and ready to get it over with. I am also wary of employers in Red states like mine who claim inclusion and progressive policies at Corporate, but the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing sort of thing. 

Bottom line is so far, everyone I have come out to from friends to husbands of friends have either shown support or basically yawned, as most people and the world in general have bigger fish to fry.

Do you mean my version of coming out at work? If so I can give the cliff notes version. Since I've came out almost a year ago. I've only had three jobs since then. Two were part-time jobs, and one is a full-time job. I had to apply with my male name, but I was able to have a chosen name in the system. One was at a female clothing store, and the other was at retail store. I never had issues ever over what bathroom to use. I used the female bath rooms period. My current job. Im considered female to my boss, her husband, kids, and all of our clients. As I was at my part time jobs. 

[Susan R]

On 4/1/2022 at 2:53 AM, Kelly2509 said:

A couple also mentioned having trans and otherwise LGBTQ+ people in their families or that they were LGBTQ+ themselves, so I go to learn about some people I didn't know super well (or at least had no idea about that!).

Hi @Kelly2509, I did a little catch up on this thread and I enjoyed it very much. It’s so inspirational. Your statement above is one of the things I most enjoy about being out at work. Many of my coworkers are so open about their being allies, having family in our community, or being part of it themselves. It gives one a great opportunity to use the commonality to jumpstart a new friendship. I wish you the best and hope that you will always have continued acceptance at work.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

[Kelly2509]

@Susan R I'm so glad you liked it!  I'm trying real hard to leave some deep footprints so people can follow me through the woods so to speak.  You're right that this has been a bit of a nice ice-breaker with some people and it's deepened a couple friendships with people that I knew well professionally but didn't really know much about personally.

 

Today I have my first "camera on" department meeting so we'll see how that goes.  Probably be a little easier being remote so there is still the "in person meeting" bridge to cross. ;)

[Guest]

On 4/3/2022 at 8:18 AM, Bri2020 said:

Developing "culture" in a biz starts at the top but can quickly slip away if the wrong people are brought into the company.  I've known companies that are serious about inclusivity have switched to having either having panel interviews or "meet and greets" to show the diversity of the workplace with prospective employees before the interview.  Letting prospective employees know that the business supports people no matter their gender ID, color, etc etc right from the start can eliminate -censored- from taking the job. lol. When I advertise for openings, the job description always includes something about a "supportive and inclusive community" to let people know it's a safe place to be themselves.  Most cis white people just blow over that line but those that are marginalized see it and know.

 

Bri,

 

Your points about coming from the top are well taken. I was absolutely petrified about going to a new job and then announcing a transition. I was a basket case for a few months wondering if I was making the right call. I realized that I was making my transition regardless, I was better. None of my fears even came close to occurring. I came out to my CEO and she has been great. The director HR as well. They have outlined to everybody that we are an inclusive organization. The same thing occurred at the one university where I teach. I told my Dean at the college and she was great, but out of the blue, I received a letter from the President of the university assuring me that I was in a supportive environment. He made it clear that if I ran into any problem, to let him know. I was stunned.

 

I have a long way to go, but I look back and I have to wonder how this dichotomy in our society exists. I see these anti-trans and anti-LGBTQ movements, and then I see reality with acceptance from so many areas (with the exception of a few relatives), and I am encouraged. 

 

Sincerely

Katie

[Dee2022]

Hi Kelly,

Absolutely dying to know how your ‘camera on’ went!

I bet there were some butterflies waiting for that meeting to start.

 

You are brave, and strong, and going where I want to be 😍

Thanks for involving us. 
Ax

[Kelly2509]

@WillbeAlice It went pretty smooth actually.  Nobody made a big deal about it one way or the other, which was a little disappointing.  I think I was expecting just a little bit of fanfare with us all "in the room" and me finally on camera but they went on as if nothing happened.  Maybe that's a good thing?  It was really liberating to have my camera on for a change and not worry about my hair or clothes.  I used to keep the camera high and wear hats and scarves a lot, but over the last few months I rarely turned the camera on at all.  The few people who mentioned me during the meeting used my name (  ) so no complaints.

 

It's been about 6 hours since then and almost everyone I've spoken with used my name and only 1 person accidentally used my old name but quickly corrected himself (I thanked him for making the effort).  I spoke with 1 person who said it was really nice to see me on camera for a change and told me a story about coming out as gay at her last job and how awkward it was.  She also mentioned another job she'd had where there was a trans woman who was treated pretty poorly so she was very happy our company was handling it so much more positively.

[Dee2022]

Hiya.

I understand the sense of disappointment with the lack of ‘deal”, but take that as a result of the fact that you have managed this well - but more importantly that the people you were meeting with were comfortable and understanding of who you are.

All power to you - you should be truly proud of yourself. Ax