Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Body Talk and Changes

Recommended Posts

It's taken me a while and I've gotten a better idea of what I feel and how I want to be perceived, and being a guy is something I really always saw myself as, even when I wasn't aware of it. I definitely pictured myself as a more feminine man, and that fits really well for me.

I've started getting things I call "bad body image" days, which is summed up by me hating how I look and what features I have and that things about me (specifically my chest and face) just look wrong and "not me," if that makes sense.

I got a haircut recently (it's short and wonderful and I never have a bad hair day, why did I not do this sooner) and it's been really great because I look at myself in the mirror and it feels like I'm seeing me for the first time. And my mom (who I've come out to and she and the rest of my family has been really supportive) cut my hair, and remarked "You look happy." It doesn't seem like a big statement, but in retrospect it's huge.

I don't think I've ever been happy with how I looked, especially after I started puberty. Granted, my reaction to noticing I had boobs was "What is wrong with me, mom help!" The reaction to periods wasn't much better. 

But I look back on pictures of myself and I just know that I'm not happy. Especially when I wore dresses or when I had long hair, I had to fight to smile and I just never liked how I looked. I got my haircut and new clothes and I took pictures of myself and I can see that I'm happy. And it's crazy because it's new.

And I've started looking more into transitioning beyond socially, and I know that there are things I want now that I never thought about before because I didn't know they existed or didn't think they applied to me. 

Things like a breast reduction or bottom growth are goals that I want to pursue. It's a gut feeling and a personal thing for me because picturing myself with those things make me happy and they feel true to how I see myself. I'm still a long ways off from that, but it's comforting to know that it's an option and that it feels right. Just kind of wanted to rant a little, cause I have a lot of feelings about this.

Link to comment

I'm happy you got it figured out. It's a great thing you could come out to your family, i'm glad they're supportive. That's all good news :)

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I’m noticing some similar things lately. I’ve always hated having my photo taken and always looked uncomfortable - forced smile, stiff shoulders - but the more I work towards being myself, the more comfortable I’m becoming. It’s all surface level at the moment (clothes, posture, trying to get my haircut right - it’s always been short, but now I want it to be short AND more masculine), but I’m starting to notice some photos of myself that I actually like. Not many - yet - but it’s a definite difference. 

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

I've never been a fan of photos. When I was younger or at least watching things in regards to my younger self, I remember that little kid enjoyed taking pictures, being silly, being hugged, and being happy and smiling all the time. When puberty hit, it was like a switch: I hated smiling (unless it was genuine), taking pictures, and being touched. The third thing I don't understand. Maybe it's the temperature or the feel of human skin? Just being touched never felt good anymore. 


Because of this desire to not be photographed, the only pictures that exist of me are those consisting of school photos and those taken for Halloween. I've always loved dressing for Halloween, so that's probably why there's more of those... besides the fact most of my costumes involve hiding and obscuring my face. If I've ever had the chance to wear a mask or be able to hide my face in a picture, that's the only time I've been happy to take a picture.


I do have to say, getting a hair-cut makes a difference. When I was first allowed to get a short hair-cut, some people commented I looked happy and vibrant. And that I smiled. Smiling is unconscious to me, so perhaps I was genuinely smiling.


I do have to agree: knowing there is a way to better your condition, whether medically or socially, has led to a better hope, a brighter future. Just knowing it exists and it will happen one day gives me some hope.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 48 Guests (See full list)

    • Hannah Renee
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Leo S.
      Leo S.
      (26 years old)
    2. Madi
      (33 years old)
    3. Matty
      (32 years old)
    4. MelisssTN
    5. ToniTone
      (36 years old)
  • Posts

    • Hannah Renee
      Sometimes I can. As to whether or not it helps me to prepare, it's a sometimes thing. Not as tough as when it's a lightning strike when the skies look clear. Hard to take, and harder to pull myself out of.
    • Heather Shay
      Facing decisions tomorrow, outcome is uncertain.
    • RhondaS
      Yes, if you think you might be trans and take an online test that says you're not trans and your reaction is to be upset you 'failed' the test then you're trans. 
    • JJ Orange
      @Davie Thank you so much for the feed back!
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My shift toward my boy self has been mostly natural, although now I'm using T for some small changes.  I've been more or less androgynous for years.  I avoided girl clothes, slowly changed my hair from long-ish to an androgynous pixie cut.  A bit of muscle tone added to being naturally slim and curve-less works to my advantage.   I was passing as a boy long before a doctor took a look at me and gave me a prescription.  Since I'm starting with a female body, I'll probably look a bit young-ish for a long time.  Just see what you can do with what you have, and I think you'll be surprised at the progress.  And you have a supportive partner, which is awesome!
    • Davie
      Thanks, @JJ Orange Polish it, if you must, but it's a gem of a story already. And it's part of who you really are, so it's even more valuable than just a story. cheers, Davie
    • Emma De
      @Russ FenrissonThank you so much for your kind words. More treatment tomorrow and I will also be getting a machine to help me medically. If it works then I look forward to seeing the changes. Things have to get worse to get better sometimes, it feels that the worst is winning, but as I keep telling myself the hope and optimism will win in the end. I just need the webb space telescope to be able to see that far at the moment.   I wish you well with your transition as well and the changes the body can make are amazing. HRT is a dream, and I start with a therapist in a couple of weeks, at last. Even if they will focus on the medical challenges, I will do my best to subvert it to my gender challenges as well.   Love, hope and optimism to all. For those who saw the Commonwealth games I was so pleased to see the LGBTQ+ presence and flag so prominent.
    • Sally Stone
      Charlize, the beach is huge, so huge in fact, I can't see the water.😁
    • Davie
      I wish this on every state of the USA. And on every state in the universe (Neptune excepted).   Advocates Praise Massachusetts Protection for Abortion, Gender-Affirming Care.  Access to abortion and to gender-affirming care are now rights secured by the constitution and laws of the Commonwealth.   https://www.glad.org/post/advocates-praise-ma-protection-for-abortion-gender-affirming-care/  
    • Heather Shay
      this one is stuck in my head - always dreamed about this life.... and the version many might remember.... ah what could have been.....  
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I was never able to envision myself that way.  But I watched those kinds of shows and I always had the thought in the back of my mind that the "wife" in those situations could never be me.  As much as I wanted to fit in the role I was expected to take on, even from an early age I knew it wasn't going to turn out like that.  Other girls would envision their future wedding (even in elementary school), and I could never really participate in those conversations.  It just felt alien.  I explained it away in those early years by just saying I wasn't going to get married and my sister and I were going to live together as best friends forever.  Interestingly, that last part has happened 😄 We still live under the same roof, and probably will for the rest of our lives. 
    • Charlize
      I'm glad you got help Lauren.  10 days of sobriety is something i never thought i'd ever see over 15 years ago.  We in recovery are here to help.  I know i needed help and today am glad i've been given the chance to help others.  Just message ant now us.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Colleen Henderson
      For someone who's “out”, I'm really not out very much. I work at home and rarely have face-to-face interaction with people. But this week has been different.   As part of my vow to live my authentic life from now on, yesterday I told the person who has just started cutting my hair that I'm transgender and no longer want to have anything close to a male style. She was totally understanding and, though my hair needs to grow out some more, we're now on the way to a presentation that's clearly feminine.   Today, I had a routine appointment at the local VA medical clinic. I went in full female mode, quite anxious to see the Physician's Assistant I've met with before. She has a transgender child, so we get along very well. The nurse is cool to talk with as well. VA medical facilities are very LGBT-friendly, so I'm never hesitant to be myself there. The PA loves to chat, and because her next appointment had canceled, I was there with her for over an hour. She has a wealth of knowledge, and much of our conversation was a deep dive into the meaning of my test results, the pros and cons of various medications and treatments, etc.   Getting out of my comfort zone and spending so much time with others has done me a lot of good. I haven't experienced that since I worked volunteer office jobs in female mode a few years ago. It's much different from going to the grocery store and only having a few words with the cashier at checkout. If I attracted any unusual attention being so visible in those environments, I'm not aware of it.
    • JJ Orange
      I was young. I was a little kid. I had my hair in a braid and I sat in front of the tube tv, watching an action movie from the 90s. Drinking a Capri Sun, and setting my dolls next to me so they could watch the movie, too. The muscular hero stopped the bad guys and saved the woman and her son on the screen. My father told me, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be saved by the hero?” I answered with a yes, but in my mind, I said “No. I want to be that man. A strong man with muscles who is able to intimidate villains and save the world. I want to be the strongest man alive”.   (Sorry if it is a written weirdly. I wrote mostly off the top of my head.) 
    • Russ Fenrisson
      Greetings, Helen, and welcome to the forums. There's a lot of kind and awesome people around and I'm sure you'll find a few you can click with. Just know, as you're learning about yourself, it might take time and it won't happen over night. It generally takes time and when you figure out what works for you, it is generally very rewarding.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...