Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Should I Come Out To My Siblings As Trans?


Mason26

Recommended Posts

Hey there. I decided to post here because I couldn't find anywhere else to get advice. I know that I'm the only one who can decide when it's time to come out, but I just wanted some input.

I'm a 20 year old trans guy who lives and home and definitely will not be able to move out any time soon. I have three younger siblings (the youngest is 14, so they're all old enough to understand) who I'm very close to. Like Sam and Dean Winchester close. They're my best friends. Unfortunately, they don't have the best outlook on trans people as far as I can tell. One of my sisters for example said that people should be supportive of their trans family members because they really need it, which is great. But she'll also make jokes about them, or say things like she wouldn't date someone who was into trans people. My mom didn't take it so great when I came out. It could've been worse, but the whole "Are you sure you're not doing it for attention?" or "I gave birth to a girl," thing was hard to hear. My mental health isn't in a great place, and I don't know if I can take the rejection. I don't know if I could live without my family. But I don't know how much longer I can live as a fake version of myself, either. I'm in a hard place, and one thing I could do to make my situation better could also make it worse. I just hate debating it in my head every day. Thanks for any responses.

Link to comment
  • Admin

Hi, Mason, and welcome to Trans Pulse.  Hey, look, I totally get why you're nervous about coming out.  My siblings were in their 50's and 60's and I was a nervous wreck.  I don't know you or your family, so I'm just guessing here, but I wouldn't worry too much that one of your sisters makes jokes about trans people; it's one thing to make jokes and be flippant about such things, but when it's your own flesh and blood, it becomes a completely serious issue.  I would go with the fact that she expressed support (hypothetically) in a general way.

 

It's been my experience that most young people "get it," but I know that there have been bad experiences for other trans people.  At some point they're going to figure it out (if they haven't already), and it's much better if you tell them and be honest than they hear it from someone else or just guess at it.  Honesty truly is (most of the time) the best policy.  I wish you all the best.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good evening Mason,

 

So you’re out to your mom? Are you out to your dad too? If you’re out to both of your parents, I think you’ve crossed the toughest bridge. Do your siblings have the ability to have you kicked out of the house? If not I would not worry about them. Do you confide in your siblings for other comforting conversation? If so tell them. 
 

I hope others chime in here and you get several other options offered up.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe 

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Link to comment
13 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Hi, Mason, and welcome to Trans Pulse.  Hey, look, I totally get why you're nervous about coming out.  My siblings were in their 50's and 60's and I was a nervous wreck.  I don't know you or your family, so I'm just guessing here, but I wouldn't worry too much that one of your sisters makes jokes about trans people; it's one thing to make jokes and be flippant about such things, but when it's your own flesh and blood, it becomes a completely serious issue.  I would go with the fact that she expressed support (hypothetically) in a general way.

 

It's been my experience that most young people "get it," but I know that there have been bad experiences for other trans people.  At some point they're going to figure it out (if they haven't already), and it's much better if you tell them and be honest than they hear it from someone else or just guess at it.  Honesty truly is (most of the time) the best policy.  I wish you all the best.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

That makes me feel a lot better. I have wondered if my siblings already know. I cut my hair short, wear almost exclusively men's clothes, and my siblings have even "mistaken" me as a man before. I tend to overthink everything, but deep in my heart I believe they'll be okay with it. Now it's just a matter of waiting for the right time. Thank you for your response.

Link to comment
13 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Good evening Mason,

 

So you’re out to your mom? Are you out to your dad too? If you’re out to both of your parents, I think you’ve crossed the toughest bridge. Do your siblings have the ability to have you kicked out of the house? If not I would not worry about them. Do you confide in your siblings for other comforting conversation? If so tell them. 
 

I hope others chime in here and you get several other options offered up.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe 

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Yeah, I came out to my mom almost three years ago. We haven't talked about it in a long time, but I think she's become more supportive (she's happy to give me short haircuts when they were out of the question in the past, for example). I'm not out to my dad though. That's a whole other can of worms and I know he won't be supportive. But seeing as I don't have much of a relationship with him anyways, it's not as important to me as coming out to my siblings. You're right, coming out to my mom was probably the hardest part. I don't think my siblings would ever want me kicked out, even if they didn't take it well. I don't talk with my siblings much about stuff like my mental health, but they can always make me laugh so they help in that regard. And we'll talk about things that affect the whole family, for example how we feel about the loss of a pet. I think for the most part this is just me worrying about the worst-case scenario. But as another commenter said, honesty is almost always the best choice. Thank you for your response.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

I don't have direct experience with this yet, Mason, because I'm also wondering about if and how to tell my sister... but I took note of when you wrote you "overthink everything," and I think that's really true of human nature. And on top of that, if you're working through some mental health issues (and I can sympathize; I'm increasingly suspecting I probably have some degree of anxiety issue, either induced by experience or genetic... or both) I think it's really easy then for the mind to catastrophize and jump to the worst case scenario. Which, odds are, is not likely what will actually happen. ❤️

Link to comment

Hi Mason, I've just seen this post so apologies if it is no longer relevant to you. I am in my 40's and have 4 sisters and we have always been fairly close, but I was very worried about how they would take me being trans. I'm the middle child and we were all born within 2 yrs of one another, my little sisters are twins, so they are naturally closer to each other, but due to shared family trauma we try to be there for each other if we can even though everyone has their own families now. Being, "the only son" was a weight that hung around my neck like a curse!

I came out to my eldest sister before I was ready, I was slap bang in the middle of questioning and she was staying at mine to attend a nearby funeral service, all she did was ask me how I was after half a bottle of wine. It was a total shock to her, but she has experience of knowing a couple of trans people and so she made a point of saying she was there for me. I had made a blog post which served as a letter expressing my thoughts about my gender which I gave to her to read in place of me trying to garble my way through an explanation I hadn't worked out yet. I told the other older sister a few weeks later and then my younger sisters about 6 months after that when I could actually verbalise it.  None of them saw it coming, but all of them have supported me to some extent, even if it was simply to tell me to do what I needed to do to be happy.

These days all but one have spent time with me one or more times as Dee, but I message them in our sibling whatsapp chat to keep them updated with my GIC appointments and bigger transition moments. My mum was the last family member that I told because I was most unsure of her reaction (too long & irrelevant for this post)  but in the end it was a positive thanks to the increased awareness of LGBTQ+ folks and issues over the last 5-10 years. Overall I am closer to my siblings now than I was before I came out.

 

No one can guarantee how your family will react for sure, but if your Winchester statement holds true they may give you less of a reaction than you're expecting. Most folks I care about have told me that I am still me even if I'm going to look different, and other than curiosity & concern, what has been a massive deal for me has been a total non issue for them.  Hopefully this helps a little.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I have three younger sisters.  They all took it well and have embraced me.  

Go for it. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 129 Guests (See full list)

    • KymmieL
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...