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What are some moments of gender euphoria you had?


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This happened to me yesterday and I'm still reeling. 

I was with my friend and my sister talking to one of my friend's neighbors, when she asked if my sister and I were "brother and sister, or I should say siblings." 

I said yes so fast it was an automatic response, and holy crap. I'm not on hormones yet or anything, but I'm thankful for my slightly deeper voice and I can't get over this: I passed! 

When we we left, my friend said she could hear the internal screech of euphoria and my sister said she saw my whole face light up. It was just such a good moment, I feel really happy.

What are your moments of euphoria?

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Thanks for your story and question.  I had a couple of major euphoria hits recently.  A few months ago I got my first guy haircut.  Much of my clothes had come from the men's section for a while, but with long hair I still looked girl.  A bit later after getting my haircut I saw a reflection of myself in a window as I walked by and thought -- oh, he looks sharp, realising a split second later that "he" was me.  It's the first time in my life, I think, that I liked the way I looked. 

 

Another thing is that I never thought about changing my name, as the one my parents gave me is androgenous.  I was reading a memoir about a gay orthodox rabbi, and he was talking-to about an essay he wrote while still in the closet, under the name Yaakov Levado, which means Jacob alone (because he went back alone to the encampment as the story goes).  And suddenly I was like -- yeah, Jacob is my name!  I didn't tell anyone except my therapist, and I'm not even asking him to call me that now.... But wow such a happy moment when it clicked!

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3 hours ago, JacobLevado said:

A bit later after getting my haircut I saw a reflection of myself in a window as I walked by and thought -- oh, he looks sharp, realising a split second later that "he" was me.

 

Yeah, nothing QUITE like not recognizing who that is in the mirror but thinking they they look good. I've done that to myself a couple of times in the gym and made a total ass of myself trying to figure out who that woman checking me out is.

 

I get so many little hits of euphoria, but my favorites are always just being treated like one of the girls. When I'm included by friends and get to go do girl stuff with them. Putting together a nice outfit. Just having girl-talk over dinner. Every time I'm correctly gendered it just a little puff of confidence.

 

Hugs!

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I had a similar experience with my hair, @JacobLevado

My hair is super curly and the curls are all different lengths so my mom had to cut it, but I looked in the mirror and I almost started crying. I've never been happy with how I looked since puberty and probably even before that, but I liked how I looked! I don't avoid pictures of myself or mirrors anymore!

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I was recently reminiscing with a colleague about a committee we unofficially co-chaired. He recollected: oh yeah, that was the one I chaired, and you were my right hand man. I readily agreed! It's not that I ID as a man, but I looooove being one of the guys. 

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I swear it makes me remember the most mundane moments. I was trying to find a vacuum cleaner and I asked some random person down the hall if I could borrow theirs. He walked up to someone and said something along the lines of "Can this guy borrow the vacuum cleaner?"

 

BRUH. That 12 second interaction made my entire week.

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I went to a gym yesterday, run by a trans guy who specialises in working with transgender/gender diverse people. He asked for my pronouns and saying ‘he/him’ out loud for the first time was outlandishly satisfying. 

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I know, right! I put he/him in my Twitter bio and got called "my boy" there and while the convo wasn't entirely pleasant, it still made my day. 

Glad to know it's great, @Samuel William!

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I came out to a few of my online friends about a week ago. When I joined them in a discord call, they all said "Hey, he's here!" And they all called me by my new name. I'm still smiling about it. 

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I don't have any examples. I just had to share what a smile-inducement it is reading all these stories. ❤️ 

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A tutor in college (one in the department I'm in but not one that teaches me) walked by me the other day and just said "Good morning, Mr Cooper" and it was the most surprising and delightfully affirming interaction I'd had, possibly ever. 

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I started sweeping my short haircut back to grow it into what I've learned is called an e-boy style. My friend who does not know I'm trans said I looked like "the actress who was in Million Dollar Baby". My mind went: same actress who was in Boys Don't Cry, okay, I'll take it! Note, I do not think I look like Hilary Swank...maybe a similar jaw and high forehead. 

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  • 2 months later...

@SolThat's a great story. Moments when you can pass are some of the greatest. It doesn't happen often to me, but the times when I'm called "sir" or "son" are some of the greatest. I feel slight guilt, as if I tricked the person, but it feels great knowing the possibility I can pass.

 

@JacobLevadoI've had moments like that from time to time. I'll look in the mirror and see I look pretty masculine on that date or pretty androgynous. Even for a little bit, I feel I'm steadily changing to reflect how I feel on the inside.

 

@Samuel WilliamThat's pretty cool. It's great that person is around to help others at the gym. I can't speak for everyone but going to the gym must be tough for some trans people. I work out at home mostly, but it must be very validating to not only have a coach but to have a coach that also understands the issues we go through at the gym.

 

Hmm, I guess the times I feel gender euphoria is by dressing up in formal masculine attire with a tie and the days I do weight-lifting as part of my exercise routine. Lifting weights alone makes me feel powerful and great, one step closer to the kind of person I want to be.

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Had a good moment on Friday.  My husband takes me to work with him sometimes, but the people he works with mostly know my GF as his wife.  One of the new guys on the crew asked who I was, and husband introduced me as his partner.  You could see the guy kind of do a double-take...a pretty clear sign that I'm passing well.  To me, its kind of cool that the people who work for my husband don't mind me at all. 

 

@Russ Fenrisson I've been wondering about going back to the gym.  I stopped when things closed for COVID.  I went to an all-female gym, so it probably wouldn't work for me anymore.  And I don't really want to work out around a bunch of guys, so I stay home.  Plus, I always went with my sister and wouldn't really want to go by myself.  How has the gym changed for you?

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Actually was getting gendered correctly at work yesterday, including by a customer whom I had never seen before. While I do have my pronouns on my name tag, most people don't even notice, and having a high-pitched customer service voice & "unisex"- name certainly doesn't help. Was only misgendered like twice, which was nice. 

 

Also, the other day I put on a binder, skirt, earrings, and a necklace, and I genuinely never felt more euphoric. It felt less like a feminine woman and more like a fem punk guy, which is awesome considering the fact that I'm pre-everything. Can't wait to have the confidence to dress more "fem" as a guy in public someday

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A euphoric event:

 

About a month ago I was taking care of an ER patient. I am openly out at work, but the organization insists that I use my legal name while working. I was finishing up with my patient and left the room. The nurse went back into the room with the discharge instructions and asked the nurse "why do you keep calling her Bill?" That floored me. 

 

A day or two later, I had a patient come into the ER with a laceration. I had taken care of the patient for several weeks with a respiratory illness last year before I was clearly transitioning. The funny part was that after I was done, the nurse went back in the room. The patient asked if the NP who took care of him last November was still at the hospital...Pretty neat!

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@awkward-yet-sweetHmm, I've also been iffy about going to a gym. Since I started exercising, I've been doing it at home. The only reason I would go to a gym is if I wanted to go to get heavier weights- which would be helpful- but the reason I don't go is I get self-conscious when I exercise sometimes. I don't feel like I'm doing the right thing when I get stared at. Also, unless it's a trainer, I don't want to be talked to unless the conversation involves exercise. I don't want to start an awkward conversation. I've been steadily leaving the house more to expose myself to more social situations so I can talk to people normally again. Maybe I can incorporate a gym in the future but as of right now, my home gym- my dojo- is the best. 😂 You don't necessarily need a gym to meet your requirement for activity, but if you do, go to one you feel comfortable at. Regardless, just know people probably don't care that you're there. They will be more concerned about exercising than you exercising. That should help to at least ease any worries about a public gym.

 

@Spencer PhoenixAwesome. It's always great when you can pass at work. It's also great how you were able to feel euphoric dressing the way you want. All that matters is if you feel happy doing what you do. I bet you have great style. 👍

 

@Katie23 That was a great story. I imagine it feels really good when a patient remembers you, even if it's been a while. I honestly want to applaud that patient. Just one person who sees you for you is enough to really make your day.

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@Russ Fenrisson Home gym stuff is pretty good.  We have some stuff at my house, especially weights.  But I prefer the atmosphere of the gym I used to go to.  Working out at home isn't as relaxed.  It is my GF's territory, and practically everything is combat-related.  Even if I'm doing my own things, there's this constant kicking, punching, lunging, thrusting, slashing stuff going on.  I'm not a pacifist, but it makes me tense.  I prefer to do bodyweight exercises and lift some.  And when I used to go to the women's gym, there was a big indoor pool.  I loved to swim and get a massage after.  Membership was expensive, but it was worth it. 

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@awkward-yet-sweetOh. I can see why the home is not the best for you at times. Bodyweight exercises are just as good as any exercise because your body is like an actual weight. You can build lean muscle and work the finer muscles sometimes missed during weight-lifting. I'm starting a new regiment where I employ one week of weight-lifting and free and bodyweight exercises the next. Somewhere in the middle, I try to incorporate aerobic exercise like jogging and martial arts training. It's fun and it's something I always look forward to.

 

Hmm, if you have a community center, you could check out the gym there if they have one. Places like the YMCA generally have gyms and other activities available for people who want to maintain an active lifestyle. I can't remember, but places like that might have available massage services; I know they always have a pool.

 

Just do what works for you. There's always a gym somewhere so everything isn't all lost.

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Had a pretty euphoric day today.  My county has a summer festival on a weekend in early August.  All sorts of food, fun, and live music.  My husband is the drummer in a band, and they played quite a bit.  I was able to dress like I wanted to, hang out with my partners, and have a great time. 

 

I met one of my husband's acquaintances while we were relaxing under a tree at the town park.  I was curled up in his lap gnawing on a corn dog, GF sitting next to me, and a couple of my partners chasing our kids out in the grass.  My husband introduced me as his partner and GF as his wife. The acquaintance didn't bat an eyelash...it was the most natural thing in the world.

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@awkward-yet-sweetSounds like a lot of fun! I don't think I've ever been to a festival before; I've just never been too fond of crowds. Glad you got to experience that good ol' euphoria.

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@Russ Fenrisson Our county festival isn't exactly crowded....small population overall.  I'm not really fond of crowds either, but if I'm not there by myself then I'm OK with it.  I also have the feeling that I'm safe...our county is a very secure place. 

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