mtf hrt in the closet

[Ticket For Epic]

I'd like to preface (that's how you spell that?!  Who knew?) this by saying that I know everyone responds differently, at different rates and with a staggering range of ultimate outcomes, so I would take any reply with a grain of salt.  That said, how long might someone have before they start to raise eyebrows amongst those aren't "in the know", but have known you for years.  And how long might someone have before... say... a lesbian leaning bisexual sister that married a trans man and has been close friends with several (trans men) but has (I'm relatively sure) had little interaction with trans women, (same for me, runs in the family I guess) start to ask questions, if at all?  Though I'm assuming that's unlikely.

 

Why is this one so hard to hit submit on!?  Huge wave of anxiety!

[KathyLauren]

After I started HRT, it was about two months before the girls had grown enough that they were at risk of being noticeable.  By that time, I needed to wear a bra.  (Not for support: five years later, I still struggle to fill an A cup.  More for motion control.)  I was able to hide it under thick winter shirts, but as the weather warmed in spring, that became less of a possibility. 

 

The final straw was playing in a concert band's spring concert.  The uniform was white top/black bottom.  There was no way to hide a bra under a white shirt, so I had to go out and buy a (man's) white tank top to go under it to hide the bra. 

 

Shortly thereafter, I ended the charade and came out, exactly three months after starting HRT.

[Carolyn Marie]

Given all the usual caveats, I'd say the 8-12 months is a good range for when "the girls" might become visible.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Astrid]

I think I was in @Carolyn Marie's range of about 12 months when I really could benefit from a bra and the motion control that @KathyLauren mentioned.

 

That said, I'm now at the 2 1/2-year HRT point, and I like that I can still choose to accentuate my boobs (by wearing a conventional bra), have gentle curves (by wearing a sports bra), or pretty much hide my boobs (by wearing a tight camisole under a shirt); this allows me freedom to dress as I want, depending on the occasion and place.  (I identify as non-binary, so I may have a bit different rationale than MtF folks.)

 

Astrid

[stveee]

If you mean anyone suspecting you are trans, really seems it's like the last thing people guess. Like they may notice the changes, but no connecting the dots. So you can be confident in continually being misgendered.

Another change is in the face when the skin starts to glow and look younger and feminize and people might ask you about your regimen or how in the heck you are growing younger? 

so you may have to invent a routine

 

 

[Ticket For Epic]

It might be relevant to mention that I am and have always been built like an elite athlete.  I don't workout but due to the muscle memory I developed as a professional ballet dancer in my youth I merely have to think about activity to build muscle.  I'm 5' 9 1/2",  roughly 170lbs, hover around 9-11 percent bodyfat (according to the navy method)  42 inch bust 30 inch waist 14 inch arms, a constant 6 pack and to top it all a off vacularity and muscular striations.  I look like I live in the gym. 

 

I'm not concerned about the world a large really, just those that know me...  family, employer and especially my sister who I mentioned is married to a trans man and so is at least in part in the know.  I'm almost certain he is catching on and that is a touch terrifying.   He gave me and my sister a group hug a while back after he made a joke about dysphoria and said "At least  you guys were born in the right body", then looked me square in the eyes and said... "right ~name I hate~"  and held my gaze until I broke looked at the floor and gave the weakest "yea...".   Awkward!   I may just be paranoid but if anyone is going to see through me...

[Hannah Renee]

I started E last June, and within a relatively short time, my wife informed me that our 19-year-old daughter thought I had breasts. (Saw a picture of me, though I can't imagine where.) The only change I had experienced at that point was that my nipples were (still are) perpetually hard, as in poking through two layers of fabric. I have, I think, on the plus side of an A cup, and that issue is more obvious than ever. I decided I should warn my wife, since she doesn't want me "prancing around her community) as a woman. Hey, still get visitation with our youngest, and I pick him up from school occasionally. I just thought she should be prepared for the fact that I wear a bra for modesty's sake. Her response was, "You just want to brag about having breasts." As for people who know me who don't know, that would just be a few people at two different schools with whom I rarely interact in person. My daughter who lives with me will be telling those in her school in the next couple of months.

@Ticket For EpicI confess I'm curious about your sister. Would it not be safe to be able to confide in her, at least? Help ease your stress? Especially after "the hug."

[Ticket For Epic]

58 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

I confess I'm curious about your sister. Would it not be safe to be able to confide in her, at least?

Just reading the put my heart in my throat and stomach on the floor...  genuinely nauseated!!!! 

 

Biggest reason?...  self doubt.  I'm 42 and my egg suddenly, violently and unexpectedly exploded 8 months ago.  To the point I started taking that "rapid onset" bull-shirt seriously for a minute (for the record...  I don't).  I keep flip-flopping between "how could I have been so blind, all the signs where there?" To "This is crazy, where is all this coming from?". 

 

Wow, I am actively hyperventilating right now!

 

I just thought I was a passionate ally that used to crossdress.  Granted only when costumes were appropriate.  There are a litany of other signs as well but I'm not looking to write a book here. 

 

There was one tiny moment in my mid 20's where I think I was just about to say "hold up" but my girlfriend introduced me to Eddie Izzard and when I heard him say "executive transvestite" that was it...  i grew a beard, clung to "executive transvestite"  like a life preserver and never for second looked back. 

 

I had my one and only "purge" 15 years ago but never let go of the transvestite label and would wouldn't hesitate to admit to if the topic arose.

 

I was extraordinarily effeminate as teen and young adult (my early childhood is a blank aside from a flash here or there,until about 12) and I was told by everyone in the queer(I was dubbed "honorary gay" more times than I can count) community that they couldn't wait for me to come out of the closet...  so I've been waiting for the gay, even tried a couple times... couldn't rise to the occasion, lol(so sorry, could help myself) 

 

I don't know...  it think I've been conflating gender and sexuality all my life.  I wonder if I were attracted to men if I would have realized sooner? 

 

I think I just need to see a gender psychologist a few times and hear a professional tell me I'm not crazy, it's not in my head. 

 

For the record, (I don't think I have ever admitted to this in my life)  I am not okay.  I'm not in danger of self harm or anything (gave that up in my 20's) but I am slowly drowning not quite meeting my obligations but failing to the point it's raising red flags to others, just quietly slipping away.

 

Well that dark aaaaaaaand I'm out before I lose the nerve to hit send.

 

 

 

[Ticket For Epic]

3 minutes ago, Ticket For Epic said:

obligations but failing to the point it's raising red flags to others,

*obligations but NOT failing*  (that's contextually important! )   we need an edit feature

[DeeDee]

30 minutes ago, Ticket For Epic said:

I think I just need to see a gender psychologist a few times and hear a professional tell me I'm not crazy, it's not in my head. 

Honestly @Ticket For Epic my egg cracked spectacularly just as I hit my 40th Birthday and I had many of the same worries. I spent ages wondering how much was in my head and how much was me just hiding from my problems. Talking out loud with a counsellor helped a lot, and once I had spoken to someone out loud it made telling others so much easier, just start with people that you know are affirming. HRT has helped with the mental background noise so I could start thinking about day to day things again.

[Ticket For Epic]

29 minutes ago, DeeDee said:

my egg cracked spectacularly just as I hit my 40th Birthday and I had many of the same worries.

You have no idea (or perhaps you do!)  How much I needed to read that! 

 

Everytime I turn around I hear about or come across someone who told their mom when they we're 4 or some crap like that. 

[Michelle_Anne]

On 5/29/2022 at 12:34 PM, DeeDee said:

Honestly @Ticket For Epic my egg cracked spectacularly just as I hit my 40th Birthday and I had many of the same worries. I spent ages wondering how much was in my head and how much was me just hiding from my problems. Talking out loud with a counsellor helped a lot, and once I had spoken to someone out loud it made telling others so much easier, just start with people that you know are affirming. HRT has helped with the mental background noise so I could start thinking about day to day things again.

Dee you’re right about talking out loud to someone. Since my first therapist appointment last Thursday all I’ve wanted to do was talk to people more 

[miz miranda]

2 hours ago, Limitededition said:

I spent ages wondering how much was in my head and how much was me just hiding from my problems. Talking out loud with a counsellor helped a lot, and once I had spoken to someone out loud it made telling others so much easier, just start with people that you know are affirming.

My moment of truth came at 67, your description exactly describes my mental gymnastics to insist what I'm feeling is not real just in my head. Once you acknowledge it even a little bit so much of that noise fades away.